What a joke.

fear/anxiety and motivation/desire are really just two fundamental drivers, you know? like, these core energy sources. they’re actually just two sides of the same coin—dopamine—linked to libido (which I guess explains why treating anxiety is such a nightmare, because the neurotransmitter you’re trying to tweak is the exact same one used for motivation and basically any goal-oriented action). I mean, if you really think about it, wanting something is practically the same thing as *not* wanting something. not wanting something just means you want something else instead. it’s the same scale, the same currency, just a different direction.

some people mostly do things because they're driven by desire. other people are driven by fear.

for me, personally, I feel like I’m pretty much controlled by this pervasive, twisted fear of shame. I don't know if it was ingrained in me during my childhood or if my brain biology just makes me, how should I put this, dopamine-reactive.
it’s not like this sharp, obvious fear of shame that you can consciously pinpoint. it’s more like this deep-seated layer, this filter that just runs automatically in the background—constantly. like, when I’m playing pickup basketball, I get this fear that I’ll make a bad pass, this fear of the shame I’ll feel when I mess up. it gets so intense that my brain starts panicking as the ball is approaching, and it leaves zero room for the actual processing needed to play well. and of course, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy—because I'm panicking about the pass, it's so hard to actually notice where my teammates are moving or where I need to throw it. this filter I operate through has just felt like part of who I am my whole life. I thought it was normal, but really, deep down, it's like there's this constant underlying thought that 'thank God I have all these defense mechanisms, otherwise everyone would see what I really am'... and yeah, over the years I’ve picked up all these habits that just piled into this "secret cargo hold" that nobody is allowed to see... and now what? the cargo hold is already there, the defenses are up... what's stopping me from just loading more stuff into it?

even though I’ve stepped back a bit from researching meds, I can’t help but notice that the level at which I desire things is just as abnormally high as my anxiety levels. since we established they're two sides of the same coin, my situation feels logical, I guess. when I want to build a video game, I'm capable of programming for five days straight without stopping. when I *don't* want to look like an idiot, I end up... overthinking so much that I eventually end up looking like an idiot anyway. unfortunately, those situations where we want to avoid shame usually don't wait for us to figure out a solution—there's a tight deadline, pressure. and that pressure just kills focus and paralyzes the mind. it's fight-or-flight. and you were supposed to just come up with a witty comeback. and you probably would have, if your subconscious hadn't kicked you into fight-or-flight mode and stripped away your ability to react naturally.

anyway, yeah, just some comments, thoughts, ramblings... does anyone else relate to this or whatever?

P.S. from some other research, I concluded I should try Memantine, and this is actually the second time I'm starting it. and once again, I'm noticing the same things that motivated me to look into this topic in the first place.

one of the most obvious examples of this "anxiety/shame/guilt filter" is in sex. it’s not even feelings anymore, it's more like instinctive compulsions. somewhere deep inside, sex feels shameful (maybe because of some weird fetishes or stuff from when I was a kid). the idea of a woman being intimate, or me shaming her, or me feeling ashamed myself—I don't even know, whatever—it mostly just causes me to lose focus... it's literally become an instinct rather than a feeling I can analyze. just an instinct/blockage. I look at a naked body, but the image doesn't hit me emotionally; it just looks like a picture stripped of any sexuality... my eyes constantly dart away, my brain literally tries to escape the sight. when I get a little more into it, when there's more touch, darkness, or support, it slowly fades, but the visual part is what hits me hardest... it's some kind of conflict with watching porn when I was young, god knows what.

basically, Memantine limits that effect from the very first pill. it literally restricts it; I can feel it's still there, but functionally, it isn't. now I can actually look at the image, my eyes don't dart away, my brain doesn't run from what it sees, and I can—more or less—get the emotions and the sexuality from the image. so that's it, that was the constant symptom, my whole life, always, except when I was under the influence of something. Memantine, from the first pill to the last, 100% prevents it, at least to the extent I just described.

Do you actually think being in this kind of spot is dragging your whole life down?

I mean, there are moments where I feel totally paralyzed by it—it’s embarrassing, honestly—but then again, who gives a damn? This is just me, this is my reality, and I've finally reached that point where I'm just okay with being exactly who I am.

Brian Hayes43, you’ve perfectly articulated the exact hurdles that have been holding me back as well. Or rather, they *were* holding me back, because I’ve finally made up my mind to stop being such a mess. I know that paralyzing fear all too well—that tendency to label everything as a "defense mechanism" while overthinking every little thing, retreating into lines of code for five days straight, or dealing with intimacy issues for one reason or another.

But honestly? None of it matters in the grand scheme of things. Just shake it off and seize the day. You don't even need a prescription to find your way out of the woods. I’ve been stuck in a hole so deep it's hard to describe, but I have no doubt that in six months, I’ll feel like a brand-new person. You just have to be incredibly stubborn about it. You have to identify exactly what’s missing from your life and then pursue it relentlessly. That is the only true path to happiness; there isn't some magic pill for it.

Whether this stems from how your brain processes dopamine or if it's purely a product of how you were raised is ultimately irrelevant once the situation becomes unbearable. Personally, I've always leaned toward the idea that development is shaped by a 90:10 split between genetics and upbringing.

If you ever dive deeper into whether depression is tied to genetic predispositions regarding dopamine receptors, please let me know, as I find the subject fascinating. Though, perhaps it’s better to leave it alone; people tend to overcomplicate things with theories when they should just toss those doubts aside and take whatever steps are necessary to get better.

Brian Hayes43 said:Brian Hayes43, you’ve perfectly articulated the exact hurdles that have been holding me back as well. Or rather, they *were* holding me back, because I’ve finally made up my mind to stop being such a mess. I know that paralyzing fear all too well—that tendency to label everything as a "defense mechanism" while overthinking every little thing, retreating into lines of code for five days straight, or dealing with intimacy issues for one reason or another.

But honestly? None of it matters in the grand scheme of things. Just shake it off and seize the day. You don't even need a prescription to find your way out of the woods. I’ve been stuck in a hole so deep it's hard to describe, but I have no doubt that in six months, I’ll feel like a brand-new person. You just have to be incredibly stubborn about it. You have to identify exactly what’s missing from your life and then pursue it relentlessly. That is the only true path to happiness; there isn't some magic pill for it.

Whether this stems from how your brain processes dopamine or if it's purely a product of how you were raised is ultimately irrelevant once the situation becomes unbearable. Personally, I've always leaned toward the idea that development is shaped by a 90:10 split between genetics and upbringing.

If you ever dive deeper into whether depression is tied to genetic predispositions regarding dopamine receptors, please let me know, as I find the subject fascinating. Though, perhaps it’s better to leave it alone; people tend to overcomplicate things with theories when they should just toss those doubts aside and take whatever steps are necessary to get better.

Spot on

I've always been a huge believer in behavioral psychology—realistically, the only way we actually change is through action, you know? Like, if you want a different life, you have to actually target and shift how you behave in the real world.

David Vaughn75 said:Spot on

I've always been a huge believer in behavioral psychology—realistically, the only way we actually change is through action, you know? Like, if you want a different life, you have to actually target and shift how you behave in the real world.

+1

😉

Shame is a powerful thing, truly...
Don't you wish everyone was so decent and polite that they actually felt a little embarrassment? Isn't that how it should be!?
I’ve lived in massive metropolitan hubs, but lately, I find myself missing the politeness I experienced back in my tiny hometown.

But let’s get to the point: I basically killed off any sense of shame I had back in high school.
Joshua Adams41, one point for me.
Joshua Adams41, one point.
By the third high school I attended:
Joshua Adams41, one point—that feeling is officially dead and gone...

The fact remains: shame exists. It’s what pushes us toward being shameless. In our society, whether we're talking about morality or anything else, the biggest disgrace is actually having no shame at all..
There is no greater sin...,,, It’s ridiculous. You see some girl who gets high on a few substances, parties hard with whoever she can find, and then shows up to Sunday service acting like a total saint...
But lacking that inner compass? That’s the unforgivable sin...
Then you have those "good boys"—they grab a couple of drinks, act out a bit, and suddenly they're the life of the party at a local dive bar.
Why don't they feel an ounce of shame while I'm supposed to be carrying the weight of it?
And now I look at people like you: just some promiscuous socialite whose husband’s family bought her way through life, while your husband pulls some dead-end job at $1333 working some garbage position..

So, what am I supposed to feel ashamed of when facing people like you? Because you're intellectually superior!?
This is why I can't stand living in the middle of nowhere.🙂

And when I try to explain this to people in big cities like New York or Chicago, they don't even believe me..
I mean, seriously, no.🙂

Jessica Fowler4 said:fear/anxiety and motivation/desire are really just two fundamental drivers, you know? like, these core energy sources. they’re actually just two sides of the same coin—dopamine—linked to libido (which I guess explains why treating anxiety is such a nightmare, because the neurotransmitter you’re trying to tweak is the exact same one used for motivation and basically any goal-oriented action). I mean, if you really think about it, wanting something is practically the same thing as *not* wanting something. not wanting something just means you want something else instead. it’s the same scale, the same currency, just a different direction.

some people mostly do things because they're driven by desire. other people are driven by fear.

for me, personally, I feel like I’m pretty much controlled by this pervasive, twisted fear of shame. I don't know if it was ingrained in me during my childhood or if my brain biology just makes me, how should I put this, dopamine-reactive.
it’s not like this sharp, obvious fear of shame that you can consciously pinpoint. it’s more like this deep-seated layer, this filter that just runs automatically in the background—constantly. like, when I’m playing pickup basketball, I get this fear that I’ll make a bad pass, this fear of the shame I’ll feel when I mess up. it gets so intense that my brain starts panicking as the ball is approaching, and it leaves zero room for the actual processing needed to play well. and of course, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy—because I'm panicking about the pass, it's so hard to actually notice where my teammates are moving or where I need to throw it. this filter I operate through has just felt like part of who I am my whole life. I thought it was normal, but really, deep down, it's like there's this constant underlying thought that 'thank God I have all these defense mechanisms, otherwise everyone would see what I really am'... and yeah, over the years I’ve picked up all these habits that just piled into this "secret cargo hold" that nobody is allowed to see... and now what? the cargo hold is already there, the defenses are up... what's stopping me from just loading more stuff into it?

even though I’ve stepped back a bit from researching meds, I can’t help but notice that the level at which I desire things is just as abnormally high as my anxiety levels. since we established they're two sides of the same coin, my situation feels logical, I guess. when I want to build a video game, I'm capable of programming for five days straight without stopping. when I *don't* want to look like an idiot, I end up... overthinking so much that I eventually end up looking like an idiot anyway. unfortunately, those situations where we want to avoid shame usually don't wait for us to figure out a solution—there's a tight deadline, pressure. and that pressure just kills focus and paralyzes the mind. it's fight-or-flight. and you were supposed to just come up with a witty comeback. and you probably would have, if your subconscious hadn't kicked you into fight-or-flight mode and stripped away your ability to react naturally.

anyway, yeah, just some comments, thoughts, ramblings... does anyone else relate to this or whatever?

P.S. from some other research, I concluded I should try Memantine, and this is actually the second time I'm starting it. and once again, I'm noticing the same things that motivated me to look into this topic in the first place.

one of the most obvious examples of this "anxiety/shame/guilt filter" is in sex. it’s not even feelings anymore, it's more like instinctive compulsions. somewhere deep inside, sex feels shameful (maybe because of some weird fetishes or stuff from when I was a kid). the idea of a woman being intimate, or me shaming her, or me feeling ashamed myself—I don't even know, whatever—it mostly just causes me to lose focus... it's literally become an instinct rather than a feeling I can analyze. just an instinct/blockage. I look at a naked body, but the image doesn't hit me emotionally; it just looks like a picture stripped of any sexuality... my eyes constantly dart away, my brain literally tries to escape the sight. when I get a little more into it, when there's more touch, darkness, or support, it slowly fades, but the visual part is what hits me hardest... it's some kind of conflict with watching porn when I was young, god knows what.

basically, Memantine limits that effect from the very first pill. it literally restricts it; I can feel it's still there, but functionally, it isn't. now I can actually look at the image, my eyes don't dart away, my brain doesn't run from what it sees, and I can—more or less—get the emotions and the sexuality from the image. so that's it, that was the constant symptom, my whole life, always, except when I was under the influence of something. Memantine, from the first pill to the last, 100% prevents it, at least to the extent I just described.

Okay, if that's how it works, then I think I see the solution—the real key here. If we're dealing with the same neurotransmitter, let's just train it to lean toward motivation instead of anxiety! 🤷