What are your expectations?

Why are we all so stuck on this idea of "evil," and why can't we just stop expecting anything from anyone other than ourselves?

briskgull27 said:Why are we all so stuck on this idea of "evil," and why can't we just stop expecting anything from anyone other than ourselves?

It's basically the same thing as OPTIMISM.
If you don't expect anything, you won't do anything. We wouldn't have any motivation, and honestly, we wouldn't even have anything to look forward to. We wouldn't really be living.

I think I know what you're actually asking: why do we enter relationships with expectations?
Let's put it this way:

Do you expect your child to be healthy, get good grades, finish school, and be happy in life? Probably. It probably matters to you.
Do you expect to be healthy and happy in your own life? Yes.
Do you expect your partner to love you rather than treat you like a doormat? You do.
Do you expect the sun to rise tomorrow? Definitely.

So, when my wife sends me texts saying how much she cares about me and how many things we have in common... I suppose I expect her to feel a certain way about me. I think that's the point.

People usually listen to that cliché about entering dating without any expectations. Sure. But then everyone just keeps their expectations secret, hiding them from the other person.
I met one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen recently. Exactly my type. She does exactly what I do and loves everything I love.
And she claimed she expected nothing. I warned her that I wasn't Jim Morrison. But once we met, suddenly that wasn't the case, and she'd rather break everything apart than ADAPT to that tiny difference. BECAUSE SHE had expectations. I didn't!

Douglas Brown4 said:It's basically the same thing as OPTIMISM.
If you don't expect anything, you won't do anything. We wouldn't have any motivation, and honestly, we wouldn't even have anything to look forward to. We wouldn't really be living.

I think I know what you're actually asking: why do we enter relationships with expectations?
Let's put it this way:

Do you expect your child to be healthy, get good grades, finish school, and be happy in life? Probably. It probably matters to you.
Do you expect to be healthy and happy in your own life? Yes.
Do you expect your partner to love you rather than treat you like a doormat? You do.
Do you expect the sun to rise tomorrow? Definitely.

So, when my wife sends me texts saying how much she cares about me and how many things we have in common... I suppose I expect her to feel a certain way about me. I think that's the point.

People usually listen to that cliché about entering dating without any expectations. Sure. But then everyone just keeps their expectations secret, hiding them from the other person.
I met one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen recently. Exactly my type. She does exactly what I do and loves everything I love.
And she claimed she expected nothing. I warned her that I wasn't Jim Morrison. But once we met, suddenly that wasn't the case, and she'd rather break everything apart than ADAPT to that tiny difference. BECAUSE SHE had expectations. I didn't!

Well then, you’re either Sajeta or some big-shot CEO😁

Richard Murphy6 said:Well then, you’re either Sajeta or some big-shot CEO😁

Actually, no. I'll send over a photo so you can see for yourself.

But honestly, when you set your expectations high, you’re just asking to be let down.

On the other hand, if you expect absolutely nothing, then every little win feels like a massive victory.

So, does that mean I should just stop expecting anything at all to avoid the disappointment?

so, you're expecting 🙄
again?

briskgull27 said:But honestly, when you set your expectations high, you’re just asking to be let down.

On the other hand, if you expect absolutely nothing, then every little win feels like a massive victory.

So, does that mean I should just stop expecting anything at all to avoid the disappointment?

If you aren't expecting success, you’re basically expecting failure. That sounds like pessimism to me.
If you're just indifferent, though, you can't really gear up for action. You end up just sitting there, leaving everything to fate.

Douglas Brown4 said:If you aren't expecting success, you’re basically expecting failure. That sounds like pessimism to me.
If you're just indifferent, though, you can't really gear up for action. You end up just sitting there, leaving everything to fate.

So, shouldn't we be prepared to expect success, just so we have the mental framework to react when things inevitably go sideways?🙂
Is that actually considered a positive mindset?

hollowbadger17 said:So, shouldn't we be prepared to expect success, just so we have the mental framework to react when things inevitably go sideways?🙂
Is that actually considered a positive mindset?

I think of it as feedback. It’s like driving a car. You expect it to stay on the road and handle corners correctly. If it doesn't, you turn the wheel or adjust the gas to manage the skid.
It's the same deal with all cybernetic systems.
A system without a feedback loop—what we call an open-loop system—has a set path. If something goes wrong, the system has no way to respond or fix itself. That makes it rigid; it just follows its programming no matter what happens. Fingers crossed, I guess!

hollowbadger17 said:So, shouldn't we be prepared to expect success, just so we have the mental framework to react when things inevitably go sideways?🙂
Is that actually considered a positive mindset?

I mean, sure, the attitude might seem upbeat on the surface, but honestly, it usually just leads to a massive amount of frustration... because if you're walking around expecting everything to go perfectly and then life hits you with a curveball, you're left feeling totally crushed, right? But if you're bracing for the worst and things actually turn out great, isn't that a much better feeling? So, if I'm being real, maybe the best move is to just expect absolutely nothing at all, because then there's zero chance of disappointment... just letting things play out naturally and watching how they unfold, then adjusting on the fly as needed. Of course, that’s easier said than done since humans are basically hardwired to have expectations, which is the tricky part... so I guess the real solution lies in how we choose to react when things do or don't go according to plan. And that's where we actually have some control over things...

rustymaker5 said:I mean, sure, the attitude might seem upbeat on the surface, but honestly, it usually just leads to a massive amount of frustration... because if you're walking around expecting everything to go perfectly and then life hits you with a curveball, you're left feeling totally crushed, right? But if you're bracing for the worst and things actually turn out great, isn't that a much better feeling? So, if I'm being real, maybe the best move is to just expect absolutely nothing at all, because then there's zero chance of disappointment... just letting things play out naturally and watching how they unfold, then adjusting on the fly as needed. Of course, that’s easier said than done since humans are basically hardwired to have expectations, which is the tricky part... so I guess the real solution lies in how we choose to react when things do or don't go according to plan. And that's where we actually have some control over things...

I suppose when you go into a job interview, it makes sense to have some expectations. If things fall through, maybe that disappointment just serves as motivation to move on. I don't think I could handle a job if I went in expecting absolutely nothing.
True: Depeche Mode has a lyric: "Always knows the prospects learnt to expect nothing," but in the real world, I guess we all tend to expect something.
Don't you expect a salary for your work?

Quincy:

But if you expect the worst and things turn out great, isn't that better? So, maybe the best way is to expect nothing at all, because then there's no disappointment. Just let things happen naturally and adapt as they come.

Sorry. I'm not a robot. I'm a sensitive person.

Quincy:

Well, that isn't easy, since expectation seems almost hardwired into humans. So, I guess the solution lies in how we react to what does or doesn't happen. And that's where we actually have a choice.

I think I'll stick with being vulnerable and sensitive. I'll leave the lack of feeling to those macho types, and I'll leave women who don't like me to them.

rustymaker5 said:I mean, sure, the attitude might seem upbeat on the surface, but honestly, it usually just leads to a massive amount of frustration... because if you're walking around expecting everything to go perfectly and then life hits you with a curveball, you're left feeling totally crushed, right? But if you're bracing for the worst and things actually turn out great, isn't that a much better feeling? So, if I'm being real, maybe the best move is to just expect absolutely nothing at all, because then there's zero chance of disappointment... just letting things play out naturally and watching how they unfold, then adjusting on the fly as needed. Of course, that’s easier said than done since humans are basically hardwired to have expectations, which is the tricky part... so I guess the real solution lies in how we choose to react when things do or don't go according to plan. And that's where we actually have some control over things...

Honestly, that feels a bit like a child's way of looking at the world. Look at it this way: life throws enough curveballs our way that we can't afford to simply deny the bad stuff exists. You have to accept the reality that nothing is ever a sure thing. But if you fall into the trap of seeing everything in strictly black and white, you miss out on so much nuance, and you'll end up feeling like you're spiraling toward rock bottom—which just breeds despair.
I think the goal is to find some kind of equilibrium. Don't get me wrong, I haven't quite mastered it myself, but I'm certainly trying.🙂

Douglas Brown4 said:I suppose when you go into a job interview, it makes sense to have some expectations. If things fall through, maybe that disappointment just serves as motivation to move on. I don't think I could handle a job if I went in expecting absolutely nothing.
True: Depeche Mode has a lyric: "Always knows the prospects learnt to expect nothing," but in the real world, I guess we all tend to expect something.
Don't you expect a salary for your work?

Quincy:

But if you expect the worst and things turn out great, isn't that better? So, maybe the best way is to expect nothing at all, because then there's no disappointment. Just let things happen naturally and adapt as they come.

Sorry. I'm not a robot. I'm a sensitive person.

Quincy:

Well, that isn't easy, since expectation seems almost hardwired into humans. So, I guess the solution lies in how we react to what does or doesn't happen. And that's where we actually have a choice.

I think I'll stick with being vulnerable and sensitive. I'll leave the lack of feeling to those macho types, and I'll leave women who don't like me to them.

You honestly seem like the textbook definition of someone who just loves playing the victim... And you know how those people work? They subtly manipulate everyone else by trying to trigger a massive guilt trip, acting all like, "Oh, look at how deep and sensitive and delicate I am... and look at how cruel you're being to me." 😁

Those macho types and the women who aren't interested in you aren't necessarily sociopaths, maybe they just saw right through you... 😬

hollowbadger17 said:Honestly, that feels a bit like a child's way of looking at the world. Look at it this way: life throws enough curveballs our way that we can't afford to simply deny the bad stuff exists. You have to accept the reality that nothing is ever a sure thing. But if you fall into the trap of seeing everything in strictly black and white, you miss out on so much nuance, and you'll end up feeling like you're spiraling toward rock bottom—which just breeds despair.
I think the goal is to find some kind of equilibrium. Don't get me wrong, I haven't quite mastered it myself, but I'm certainly trying.🙂

Was I really not making sense in my previous post?

rustymaker5 said:You honestly seem like the textbook definition of someone who just loves playing the victim... And you know how those people work? They subtly manipulate everyone else by trying to trigger a massive guilt trip, acting all like, "Oh, look at how deep and sensitive and delicate I am... and look at how cruel you're being to me." 😁

Those macho types and the women who aren't interested in you aren't necessarily sociopaths, maybe they just saw right through you... 😬

I am not a victim. I never have been, nor do I seek that role. It's actually quite the opposite. When someone tries to hurt me, I tend to push back pretty hard. I suppose you'll find that out soon enough.

Arrogant guys and women who don't like you aren't necessarily heartless; maybe they just see right through you. 😬

Like you, for instance. You're probably too dim to read even a billboard.

rustymaker5 said:Was I really not making sense in my previous post?

You clearly just enjoy arguing. You're attacking a woman.
Oh, look at that. An expert has arrived to lecture us all.
Well, maybe we could actually discuss your motives for a bit.
It seems like everything we write hits a nerve with you, so I guess you're pretty bothered.

Douglas Brown4 said:I am not a victim. I never have been, nor do I seek that role. It's actually quite the opposite. When someone tries to hurt me, I tend to push back pretty hard. I suppose you'll find that out soon enough.

Arrogant guys and women who don't like you aren't necessarily heartless; maybe they just see right through you. 😬

Like you, for instance. You're probably too dim to read even a billboard.

Unbelievable, really! 😕 I have absolutely no intention of hurting you, so I don't get why you're making this all about you... and now you're actually threatening me? Seriously? 😲

Douglas Brown4 said:I am not a victim. I never have been, nor do I seek that role. It's actually quite the opposite. When someone tries to hurt me, I tend to push back pretty hard. I suppose you'll find that out soon enough.

Arrogant guys and women who don't like you aren't necessarily heartless; maybe they just see right through you. 😬

Like you, for instance. You're probably too dim to read even a billboard.

What on earth makes you think I'm "too ugly"? And honestly, is that even a thing people can be... just existing? 😕

Douglas Brown4 said:You clearly just enjoy arguing. You're attacking a woman.
Oh, look at that. An expert has arrived to lecture us all.
Well, maybe we could actually discuss your motives for a bit.
It seems like everything we write hits a nerve with you, so I guess you're pretty bothered.

Look, I'm really not looking for a confrontation here. ☕

The only reason I even show up in your threads is because you seemed interesting enough to follow, but if my presence is actually bothering you, then just say so...

rustymaker5 said:Look, I'm really not looking for a confrontation here. ☕

The only reason I even show up in your threads is because you seemed interesting enough to follow, but if my presence is actually bothering you, then just say so...

Fine. In that case, just stick to the topic and leave me out of it. Whether I'm a victim or not doesn't really matter. I'm not the point here. I'm using Lucy as an example, not you.
If you'd rather spend your time analyzing me instead, then you're just going ad hominem. I can't really serve as an example for you since you don't actually know me.

I'm coming over to your posts because you seemed interesting to me. If that bothers you, just say so.

It doesn't bother me. Just try not to give vultures fuel to start fires that end up being impossible to put out.
Let's just discuss the issues themselves, rather than focusing on who we are as people.

We really need to focus more on the actual work itself rather than obsessing over the end goal. Every single action naturally leads to a result—so if we just do things the right way from the start, our attention should stay on the task at hand instead of worrying about what happens next. Honestly, people spend way too much time dwelling on the past or chasing things they haven't achieved yet—and that’s how you lose the only thing that actually matters: the present moment.
Just do the work, give it everything you've got, and try not to get hung up on the outcome. That’s basically the whole point of karma yoga 🙂

otherwise, frustration is pretty much inevitable...

It’s way better to find joy in the process itself than to live in this fantasy where happiness is some prize waiting for you at the finish line... because that finish line never actually arrives—it's a total trap 😉