Schizophrenia - General Discussion

driftinggull21 said:The point isn't about "escaping" from an open ward. As you noted, being in an open unit means you're improving—your symptoms are under control and stabilized. You’re there by choice, and you can leave if you decide treatment isn't necessary for you.
If someone manages to flee from a locked psychiatric unit, the police are called to bring them back. This results in involuntary commitment—meaning at least 30 days in a high-security ward where you can't even step out for a coffee or walk around the campus, let alone go home for the weekend. Ultimately, they end up stuck in the hospital much longer than they otherwise would have been.

Back when I was at my unit in New York City, you couldn't even leave on your own terms if you felt you were recovered; everything required a doctor's sign-off. I remember this one guy—he wanted out so badly—but they called in a court-appointed evaluator who, predictably, decided he wasn't fit to leave, so he was forced to stay put.

Larry Lewis said:What kind of things are you actually hearing on a daily basis? I know this one girl who deals with constant auditory hallucinations, and honestly, my heart just breaks for her. As for me—well, as I mentioned before—I only experienced it for about thirty minutes, and even that brief window was more than enough for me to last a lifetime.

As for me, I was dealing with auditory hallucinations every single day until I finally started my medication; now, the only time they creep back in is when I turn my music up too loud, which is incredibly frustrating.

driftinggull21 said:The point isn't about "escaping" from an open ward. As you noted, being in an open unit means you're improving—your symptoms are under control and stabilized. You’re there by choice, and you can leave if you decide treatment isn't necessary for you.
If someone manages to flee from a locked psychiatric unit, the police are called to bring them back. This results in involuntary commitment—meaning at least 30 days in a high-security ward where you can't even step out for a coffee or walk around the campus, let alone go home for the weekend. Ultimately, they end up stuck in the hospital much longer than they otherwise would have been.

Honestly, in places like New York City or maybe a smaller suburb, you usually only end up in one of those facilities if you pull some massive stunt—which I haven't done yet and hopefully won't, though I'm not entirely sure anyone could force me into treatment if I didn't want it, since I'd just vanish and they'd never find me again. =)
So, what's the actual difference between a local clinic and a major city hospital?

I honestly can't say what the differences are—I’ve only ever been to a facility in New York City. I ended up there by my own choice, really, because I had completely lost my grip on reality; I hadn't slept or eaten in what felt like forever, though everything is still a bit of a blur now. My parents were out on vacation at the coast and had absolutely no clue what was happening until I called them from the hospital. Those first two weeks in the ward were easily the hardest part—it felt like a total systemic collapse, as if my very sense of self had just evaporated (it's hard to put into words, honestly)—just constant fear and intrusive thoughts. It was an absolute nightmare. But, looking back, it was a turning point in my life, and now that the dust has settled, I'm doing significantly better than I was in the years leading up to being hospitalized.

I wanted to tell you, Taylor Swift, that I used to think a psychiatric ward was the worst place on earth, too, but it isn't—at least not based on my experience. I actually had a crew there... we'd hang out... grab coffee... laugh. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by some genuinely decent people during my stay. Honestly, if things ever take a turn for the worse again, I wouldn't hesitate to head back there.

p.s. I totally get what you mean about the voices—those thirty minutes when I was hearing them, I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Larry Lewis said:I honestly can't say what the differences are—I’ve only ever been to a facility in New York City. I ended up there by my own choice, really, because I had completely lost my grip on reality; I hadn't slept or eaten in what felt like forever, though everything is still a bit of a blur now. My parents were out on vacation at the coast and had absolutely no clue what was happening until I called them from the hospital. Those first two weeks in the ward were easily the hardest part—it felt like a total systemic collapse, as if my very sense of self had just evaporated (it's hard to put into words, honestly)—just constant fear and intrusive thoughts. It was an absolute nightmare. But, looking back, it was a turning point in my life, and now that the dust has settled, I'm doing significantly better than I was in the years leading up to being hospitalized.

I wanted to tell you, Taylor Swift, that I used to think a psychiatric ward was the worst place on earth, too, but it isn't—at least not based on my experience. I actually had a crew there... we'd hang out... grab coffee... laugh. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by some genuinely decent people during my stay. Honestly, if things ever take a turn for the worse again, I wouldn't hesitate to head back there.

p.s. I totally get what you mean about the voices—those thirty minutes when I was hearing them, I thought I was going to lose my mind.

I had a decent experience with my group at the psych ward, too, but I definitely don't want anyone forcing treatment on me; I value my freedom far too much for that.

Hey, tell me, vividnomad2—do you struggle with depression (even just mild bouts) or mood swings? It’s been absolutely wrecking me lately—every single day—and I can't seem to find any way out of this funk. One minute I feel perfectly fine, just cruising along, and then an hour later? Total crash. It’s constant. Honestly, it’s my biggest hurdle right now; I’m perpetually cycling through different therapies and medications trying to get my head straight, but nothing seems to stick.

I’m currently riding this intense wave of mania rather than feeling depressed, though I can't quite put my finger on why—it’s probably because I haven't been sticking to my medication schedule as strictly as I should, which always brings a bit of a laugh when I think about it later.

vividnomad2 said:I’m currently riding this intense wave of mania rather than feeling depressed, though I can't quite put my finger on why—it’s probably because I haven't been sticking to my medication schedule as strictly as I should, which always brings a bit of a laugh when I think about it later.

Are you out of your mind? Seriously, take your medication properly—unless you want to end up in a psychiatric ward in downtown Chicago, strapped to a bed and losing all control of your basic functions🙂
Just kidding, mostly.🙂

So, what does this mania actually feel like for you? What kind of chaos goes down when you're in that state?

Honestly, maybe it’s just my luck at this point, though I find it hard to even believe myself lol
Mania is that feeling when you're hit with such an intense surge of energy that you feel like you could go out and lift the Empire State Building by yourself =)

Oh, absolutely—it’s like being on a massive dose of Adderall when that mania hits you; you’re just vibrating with pure, unadulterated energy. But I imagine once the crash comes, you’re nothing but a limp banana. I’ve never actually experienced that high—I tend to drift toward the low end of the spectrum instead, mostly because of all this heavy-duty chemical cocktail running through my system. There are nights when I decide to skip my meds and have a few drinks, and I can feel the difference immediately—the next morning feels significantly lighter, more manageable than those mornings after I've followed my prescription to the letter. Still, I’m under no illusions—playing fast and loose with these medications isn't exactly a winning long-term strategy.

And honestly, who even came up with this whole concept of illness in the first place? What a joke.

Honestly, I feel so much more like myself when I’m off the medication, too; back before I started any treatment, I never dealt with these kinds of manic episodes, at least nothing quite this intense, lol

I’ve been wondering lately—what would you say is the most grueling part of dealing with this illness? I mean, what’s the one thing that really gets under your skin more than anything else?

I honestly can't tell if I’m just spiraling into a deep depression or if these intrusive thoughts are finally starting to take the wheel—it’s all becoming a bit of a blur lately. I went to see my doctor, and she put me on an antidepressant to see if we can turn things around; apparently, this specific medication is supposed to help curb those obsessive, unwanted thoughts too. So, here I am, juggling four different pills every single day... and quite frankly, it feels like I'm one step away from a full-blown pharmacy cabinet 🙂

What kind of intrusive thoughts are we talking about here—what’s actually running through your head?

I would tell you that I could explain this clearly enough for you to actually follow—really get what I mean—but honestly, I don't think I can. It’s just... impossible. Even my doctor—and she’s seen plenty of patients over the years—says these aren't your standard intrusive thoughts; she thinks they lean much closer to OCD territory, which is a bit of a problem since she hasn't really dealt with anything quite like this before. Most of the time, they aren't particularly overwhelming, but then out of nowhere, they’ll strike, and suddenly I'm completely thrown off balance.

velvetsailor26 said:What kind of intrusive thoughts are we talking about here—what’s actually running through your head?

I’m right there with him on this one; it’s such an elusive thing to put into words, but for instance, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of profanities that just won't quit until you finally drift off to sleep.

So, Larry Lewis—have you finally come down from that manic high yet? Or did you spend the whole night rearranging every single piece of furniture in your apartment just to feel something?🙂
I’m kidding, mostly.🙂
As for me, I’ve been doing alright today, I guess... though I have this nagging, sinking feeling in my gut that something nasty is brewing on the horizon. It doesn't feel right at all. haha

I heard that Paxil can be a real lifesaver for people dealing with OCD and those intrusive thoughts.🤷

Yeah, I’ve heard the buzz about it—actually sat down and had a drink myself—but honestly? It didn't do much for me at all. Still, I appreciate you pointing it out toward me!

Larry Lewis said:So, Larry Lewis—have you finally come down from that manic high yet? Or did you spend the whole night rearranging every single piece of furniture in your apartment just to feel something?🙂
I’m kidding, mostly.🙂
As for me, I’ve been doing alright today, I guess... though I have this nagging, sinking feeling in my gut that something nasty is brewing on the horizon. It doesn't feel right at all. haha

I haven't quite snapped out of the mania yet, though things are starting to settle down a little bit; I'm actually planning on cleaning up the house today so I can finally feel like I'm getting some actual use out of the place, lol.
Listen, intuition can be a total liar sometimes, but let's just hope everything turns out fine.😍