Schizophrenia - General Discussion

placidheron7 said:I honestly thought I was surrounded by demons... like, I felt like God had tossed me into this hellscape of pure evil just because of my own sins. I was talking to Him through the Bible, obviously, trying to figure out where I went wrong and what I needed to fix. During that whole stretch, I actually completely overhauled how I function—turned things around for the better. I was just waiting for Jesus to pull me back into the real world, back to people, but the demons wouldn't leave me alone. They were talking to me through voices in my head, showing me stuff, and I could hear others whispering about me and harassing me constantly. I didn't bother telling anyone because they weren't actual people, they were demons... and what’s the point in talking to them when only God can get me out of that place? Honestly, I was more than functional. I was getting things done because He was giving me tasks, and nothing felt too heavy since I wasn't alone while He was guiding me. That’s why I say I was "functional." It all made sense to me at the time—that everything was a message, that everyone was talking about me... I mean, if you're a demon, it's not like it's hard to get inside your 😛. When it first hit me that maybe this wasn't real life and that I might actually be sick, I went to see my doctor. I laid it all out for her and told her straight up: I don't want to take meds because I don't see proof they actually work, but I'll consider it if my own way of treating myself doesn't kick in. She was cool with it. So, through talking to someone close to me, doing constant self-analysis, and just grinding through every single hour of that world, I started moving from hour-by-hour to every half day, then every day, then every two days... then total chaos... and then little by little over these 7 months, I've finally reached these lucid days. I never thought I'd see them. And then there's the delusions, which are much milder now, so everything feels okay again. The delusions follow the same pattern, but talking always helps, and the progress has been huge. I figured, if I could survive a year of living through literal hell, there's no way I couldn't teach my brain how to be rational and feed it objectivity instead of just nonsense. I don't know... I think it's a mental illness often triggered by trauma, but I still don't believe in the pills when I can see that my own method is working. I don't drink or smoke weed anymore, period. I'm curious though... what's the actual difference between me and someone with schizophrenia? My doctor didn't give me a diagnosis because she didn't want to label me. But why do others get labeled? To her, I seemed totally normal, and she was just surprised by how much I analyze everything, but I didn't even seem weird to other people, even while I was hearing voices and having my delusions. I can express myself perfectly fine, and I analyze things because that's just who I am—I used to solve problems through analysis before all this happened, so it's just natural for me. My awareness of everything else is totally intact; it's just that one part—the part where I perceive the demons—that's crazy. Lol

You were in a psychosis—a real, absolute one. Even I haven't experienced anything like that. In my opinion, you should have been hospitalized.

Whether you get a specific diagnosis or not is entirely up to the doctor's clinical judgment.

I’d strongly suggest you give the medication a shot.

At first, I was really hesitant about the meds. It felt like nobody actually knew what triggers psychosis for sure, and honestly, seeing how those episodes can just come rushing back even while you're on them—plus all the side effects... and I want to have a baby, you know? So, I figured I’d try my own way first. I truly believed it was the right path, thinking if things got worse or if I wasn't making progress, then I'd cave and go the medication route. But here's the thing... I'm feeling better and better and better. It's been this slow, steady climb upward, and there is zero chance I'm turning back to drugs now. I need my brain intact and my willpower for this fight, and my results? They've been 100% effective. There were definitely moments early on where I just thought, "Screw it, if this is how life is gonna be, I'll just crash and burn." And man, am I glad I didn't. If things take a massive dive later in life and this system of mine stops working despite my best efforts, then fine, I'll deal with the meds. But until then, I'm sticking with my way and I'm happy about it.

placidheron7 said:At first, I was really hesitant about the meds. It felt like nobody actually knew what triggers psychosis for sure, and honestly, seeing how those episodes can just come rushing back even while you're on them—plus all the side effects... and I want to have a baby, you know? So, I figured I’d try my own way first. I truly believed it was the right path, thinking if things got worse or if I wasn't making progress, then I'd cave and go the medication route. But here's the thing... I'm feeling better and better and better. It's been this slow, steady climb upward, and there is zero chance I'm turning back to drugs now. I need my brain intact and my willpower for this fight, and my results? They've been 100% effective. There were definitely moments early on where I just thought, "Screw it, if this is how life is gonna be, I'll just crash and burn." And man, am I glad I didn't. If things take a massive dive later in life and this system of mine stops working despite my best efforts, then fine, I'll deal with the meds. But until then, I'm sticking with my way and I'm happy about it.

Nobody just jumps straight into medication right away.

I don't even know why you're posting here if you're so perfectly content.

And if I may be so bold—your attitude toward medication is exactly the kind of nonsense you hear from the local idiots hanging out at the dive bar down the street. Just go find someone in the States to start a family with instead.

Look, I don't really get how you can be so sure what you felt was "unreal." Usually, when someone’s actually hitting a psychotic break, they aren't even aware of it. I highly doubt a doctor wouldn't catch it—it’s way too obvious to miss.

Larry Lewis, I already explained why I even started this thread... I just want to know if there's actually a difference between my experience and someone living with schizophrenia, because my doctors haven't explained a damn thing to me. And look, sorry if my saying "popping pills" pissed you off, I didn't mean it as an insult—it’s just how people talk, you know? Just because I feel okay doesn't mean I don't have issues, but honestly, I'm not digging your tone. No need to belittle me. Yeah, I want kids someday, and yeah, if I have to be on meds, I'll try to wait as long as possible to minimize the damage to my body. What's the big deal? As for the medication talk, you're talking to someone who is actually sick here, not some random guy from the neighborhood who thinks schizophrenics are just serial killers and nothing more... so please, don't start looking down on me before you even know me.

Henry Garcia9, when I was in the middle of a full-blown psychosis, I had no clue it was happening... I genuinely thought everything was real. The demons were people, everyone around me... and when I was alone, the demons were right there, just draining the life out of me. Every single day. It wasn't until I was trying to settle some final matters—things that felt like they were standing in the way of reaching perfection and letting Jesus come for me—that I finally thought: Wait, what if this isn't actually true? So I Googled "sch." and told the one person I actually trust. Now, no matter how convinced I am in the moment that the psychosis is real, there's always this tiny part of me that knows I have a problem. Even when the delusions feel 100% real, that healthy part of me reaches out to whoever I'm talking to and we just push through together. These episodes... they're getting shorter now, less intense. And about the doctors... I feel like they should be able to spot everything, but by the time I reached out, I was already aware I was sick, so maybe they just saw it as something that had already passed. Honestly, I really don't know...

placidheron7 said:Larry Lewis, I already explained why I even started this thread... I just want to know if there's actually a difference between my experience and someone living with schizophrenia, because my doctors haven't explained a damn thing to me. And look, sorry if my saying "popping pills" pissed you off, I didn't mean it as an insult—it’s just how people talk, you know? Just because I feel okay doesn't mean I don't have issues, but honestly, I'm not digging your tone. No need to belittle me. Yeah, I want kids someday, and yeah, if I have to be on meds, I'll try to wait as long as possible to minimize the damage to my body. What's the big deal? As for the medication talk, you're talking to someone who is actually sick here, not some random guy from the neighborhood who thinks schizophrenics are just serial killers and nothing more... so please, don't start looking down on me before you even know me.

Henry Garcia9, when I was in the middle of a full-blown psychosis, I had no clue it was happening... I genuinely thought everything was real. The demons were people, everyone around me... and when I was alone, the demons were right there, just draining the life out of me. Every single day. It wasn't until I was trying to settle some final matters—things that felt like they were standing in the way of reaching perfection and letting Jesus come for me—that I finally thought: Wait, what if this isn't actually true? So I Googled "sch." and told the one person I actually trust. Now, no matter how convinced I am in the moment that the psychosis is real, there's always this tiny part of me that knows I have a problem. Even when the delusions feel 100% real, that healthy part of me reaches out to whoever I'm talking to and we just push through together. These episodes... they're getting shorter now, less intense. And about the doctors... I feel like they should be able to spot everything, but by the time I reached out, I was already aware I was sick, so maybe they just saw it as something that had already passed. Honestly, I really don't know...

Look, I'm telling you this almost as a friend: I strongly suggest you seek treatment the way these conditions are actually meant to be treated.

Thanks for the advice, really, but I just can't bring myself to do that right now... there's zero motivation when I don't even see the point. Even my doctor didn't push me on it. Honestly, I'm just trying to wrap my head around what makes my situation different from anyone else's... just trying to get a better grip on why this is happening to me.

placidheron7 said:Thanks for the advice, really, but I just can't bring myself to do that right now... there's zero motivation when I don't even see the point. Even my doctor didn't push me on it. Honestly, I'm just trying to wrap my head around what makes my situation different from anyone else's... just trying to get a better grip on why this is happening to me.

It’s pretty obvious you’ve got more grit than most people dealing with schizophrenia or psychosis.

placidheron7 said:Thanks for the advice, really, but I just can't bring myself to do that right now... there's zero motivation when I don't even see the point. Even my doctor didn't push me on it. Honestly, I'm just trying to wrap my head around what makes my situation different from anyone else's... just trying to get a better grip on why this is happening to me.

I felt the exact same way about my medication; I couldn't see the point in taking them at first.
But once I actually started the regimen, it didn't take long before it became incredibly obvious why they were insisting on it. 😉

peace 🙂

Look, I’m fully aware that everyone in this group is on some kind of meds, and honestly, I’m not even trying to start a massive debate about it because let’s face it... it’s a losing battle from the jump. But fine, whatever. Thanks for trying to help, I guess.

placidheron7 said:I honestly thought I was surrounded by demons... like, I felt like God had tossed me into this hellscape of pure evil just because of my own sins. I was talking to Him through the Bible, obviously, trying to figure out where I went wrong and what I needed to fix. During that whole stretch, I actually completely overhauled how I function—turned things around for the better. I was just waiting for Jesus to pull me back into the real world, back to people, but the demons wouldn't leave me alone. They were talking to me through voices in my head, showing me stuff, and I could hear others whispering about me and harassing me constantly. I didn't bother telling anyone because they weren't actual people, they were demons... and what’s the point in talking to them when only God can get me out of that place? Honestly, I was more than functional. I was getting things done because He was giving me tasks, and nothing felt too heavy since I wasn't alone while He was guiding me. That’s why I say I was "functional." It all made sense to me at the time—that everything was a message, that everyone was talking about me... I mean, if you're a demon, it's not like it's hard to get inside your 😛. When it first hit me that maybe this wasn't real life and that I might actually be sick, I went to see my doctor. I laid it all out for her and told her straight up: I don't want to take meds because I don't see proof they actually work, but I'll consider it if my own way of treating myself doesn't kick in. She was cool with it. So, through talking to someone close to me, doing constant self-analysis, and just grinding through every single hour of that world, I started moving from hour-by-hour to every half day, then every day, then every two days... then total chaos... and then little by little over these 7 months, I've finally reached these lucid days. I never thought I'd see them. And then there's the delusions, which are much milder now, so everything feels okay again. The delusions follow the same pattern, but talking always helps, and the progress has been huge. I figured, if I could survive a year of living through literal hell, there's no way I couldn't teach my brain how to be rational and feed it objectivity instead of just nonsense. I don't know... I think it's a mental illness often triggered by trauma, but I still don't believe in the pills when I can see that my own method is working. I don't drink or smoke weed anymore, period. I'm curious though... what's the actual difference between me and someone with schizophrenia? My doctor didn't give me a diagnosis because she didn't want to label me. But why do others get labeled? To her, I seemed totally normal, and she was just surprised by how much I analyze everything, but I didn't even seem weird to other people, even while I was hearing voices and having my delusions. I can express myself perfectly fine, and I analyze things because that's just who I am—I used to solve problems through analysis before all this happened, so it's just natural for me. My awareness of everything else is totally intact; it's just that one part—the part where I perceive the demons—that's crazy. Lol

Reading through what you’ve shared, I have to say, I think you're incredibly brave for opening up to us like this. I truly hope you have a speedy recovery, and I'm genuinely glad to see you fighting your way out of that headspace... If you ever find yourself needing someone to talk to, some company, or just a friend to lean on, please don't hesitate to reach out... Best of luck. 😉

Thanks, man, that’s seriously kind of you 🙂

Has anyone else completely snapped lately and lost their damn mind? ☕ Look, I’m the proud owner of what I consider the absolute worst diagnosis on the planet—and honestly, it’s been a blessing because now I see the world for what it truly is. I still feel a twinge of sadness when I see someone scavenging through a dumpster, but when I see people wading through their own filth, well, that just brings me a certain kind of satisfaction. I’ve cursed this world—I love it, despite everything—but my resentment isn't aimed at my illness; it's aimed at you... all of you little insignificant people who can't see the forest for the trees. And yeah, call me crazy—call me the craziest person you've ever met—but the only thing that actually kicked off this entire pathetic thread about a disease that doesn't even exist was some mindless nonsense posted in this godforsaken discussion!

I haven't quite lost my mind just yet, but I can feel a nasty bout of depression creeping up on me from around the corner.

It stems from the futility of my job hunt, my worsening vision, and the sheer shallowness of the people surrounding me.

If I had my way, I would herd those I deem most superficial into a concentration camp—not because they lack intellect, but because they are blinded by ignorance and an utter failure to know themselves, coupled with a stubborn refusal to change even a fraction of an inch.

It reminds me of that novel by Veljko Barbieri about Voice and Camp. Have you ever read it, or perhaps heard it discussed on NPR?

Hey everyone!

I could really use some advice here: my brother was just declared totally disabled today, and they’ll be sending the paperwork over to Medicare in about three weeks. The reason given is that his condition isn't in remission, plus he's got these bad tremors in his hands—they've been shaking pretty badly for a while now, though nobody knows why. I honestly think the "not in remission" part is what sealed the deal on him being declared unfit for work.
My biggest worry is the medical side of things... what does this mean for his health coverage through Medicare now that he's officially considered disabled? Is his insurance going to be cut off? How is he supposed to get his treatment moving forward?

Harold Harris20 said:Hey everyone!

I could really use some advice here: my brother was just declared totally disabled today, and they’ll be sending the paperwork over to Medicare in about three weeks. The reason given is that his condition isn't in remission, plus he's got these bad tremors in his hands—they've been shaking pretty badly for a while now, though nobody knows why. I honestly think the "not in remission" part is what sealed the deal on him being declared unfit for work.
My biggest worry is the medical side of things... what does this mean for his health coverage through Medicare now that he's officially considered disabled? Is his insurance going to be cut off? How is he supposed to get his treatment moving forward?

Nick, you're being a total nightmare... is your brother a maniac, or are you the one losing it, or is he schizo and you're the maniac? I can't even follow your logic.

As for everything else, try using Google—have you ever actually heard of it?

Hey everyone. I figured I’d jump in here since this seems to be the most active thread regarding schizophrenia. I'm looking for some perspective or maybe just some advice.
So, for about a year now, insomnia has been my shadow. It takes me anywhere from two to three hours just to drift off. I’ve tried the whole "exhaust yourself" routine at the local Gold's Gym, sat through sessions with a psychologist, and even tried taking some Xanax for a bit, but nothing sticks. Back in the summer, when I was running on total fumes, I’d pass out pretty quick. Now? I’m getting maybe five to seven hours, and I’m waking up constantly in the middle of the night. I spend the next day looking like a zombie with dark circles under my eyes, though weirdly enough, I don't feel physically drained.
The insomnia comes with a side of mental noise. When I finally hit the pillow and close my eyes, desperate to pass out, my brain just starts racing. And I don't mean "thinking about my to-do list" racing—it's different. These aren't thoughts I'm consciously projecting. It’s more like words and sentences just... dropping into my head. They don't connect to anything. I can actually hear them in my mind. I’d break them down into three buckets:
1. Random words that just pop in, totally out of nowhere and without any rhyme or reason.
2. Strings of words or disjointed sentences that float by right before I manage to fall asleep. These get particularly intense if I wake up in the middle of the night, but they always seem to subside enough for me to drift off again.
3. Sentences or thoughts that feel like they’re being spoken by people I actually know—like a coworker using their specific inflection to say, "That's how you do it!" Or, it's like hearing a snippet of dialogue from a TV show or pulling a single sentence out of a book without the context. Just a fragment hanging there.
Honestly, the thoughts aren't terrifying in themselves. If it's just a few sentences, I usually ride the wave and fall asleep. But if it's just those random words, I stay wide awake.
The sensation when this happens is similar to being in a trance or a semi-dream state, except it feels like one part of my consciousness is generating these thoughts while another part is just standing there, watching them happen in parallel.
I am fully aware that these aren't real. They only happen late at night right before bed or first thing in the morning when I wake up; during the day, everything is quiet. Still, it’s messing with my head.
A few months ago, my psychiatrist told me these are hypnagogic hallucinations—stuff that happens right on the edge of sleep. Apparently, not everyone experiences them, but I'm worried because they seem to be getting more intense lately.
The hardest part is trying to explain what they actually sound like.
While it's happening, I feel like I'm dreaming while still being awake. Part of my mind tracks the thoughts, and then once they pass, I snap back to full awareness and start analyzing them—which makes me wonder how I even thought of them in the first place. Then I forget them and try to go back to sleep, and the whole cycle repeats until I finally crash.
For instance, while trying to drift off, the word "pride" just flashed in my mind. Or, I’ll clearly hear a friend's voice saying, "Look at these stairs."
I've already booked another appointment with my doctor because I'm genuinely spooked.
Can anyone tell me if this is a symptom of schizophrenia? It's starting to really scare me.
Thanks for listening. 🙂

Look, what you're describing doesn't sound like schizophrenia to me at all... it just sounds like a logical side effect of sleep deprivation. Plus, it’s actually pretty common for most people to experience this right before they drift off. You get these random, disjointed, totally weird thoughts, and then you finally sink into sleep. It’s probably just some pre-sleep processing stage. Just look at your dreams—they’re usually just as bizarre and scattered 😁 Since you’re struggling with insomnia, it’s hitting you way harder because those two things just feed into each other. Honestly, I think those messy, nonsensical thoughts happen to everyone... I know the most chill, normal person on the planet and even they deal with it. I’m a bit of a mess myself, so I won't go into my own specific examples, but Ellen DeGeneres had this great stand-up bit where she describes exactly that—how she’ll be thinking and suddenly there's a giant mushroom, and she's just like, "Wait, where did a mushroom come from?" 😁 Look, I'm not a doctor or anything, this is just my take on what you're going through. And honestly? I think you're overthinking and stressing about your inability to sleep too much, which just makes the whole thing worse. It's like when a woman is trying to get pregnant and she stresses out so much that it actually prevents her from conceiving... or when your period is late (:claps hands🙂 then you freak out and it ends up being even later. Or like when I wake up in the middle of the night and tell myself, "Great, now you're never gonna fall back asleep," and then I just get pissed at myself for even saying it. And that thing where you wake up in the night and your brain starts racing? That happens all the time. I don't know the technical term, but I remember reading about it... it's that weird limbo between sleeping and being fully awake. You know, like when an alarm goes off and for five minutes you have no clue where you are or who you're talking to. But hey, maybe I'm completely wrong 🙂. Anyway, I'm gonna stop typing before my back starts aching, blah blah blah.

placidheron7, how are things holding up?
Are you actually feeling any symptoms yet?