Schizophrenia - General Discussion

And there is another thing—there’s this neighbor living right across from me who struggles with schizophrenia; she keeps her curtains drawn tight all day and never steps foot outside. Honestly, I only feel a sense of relief when I’m out with my friends or my mom—it helps me forget the whole situation. Just to be clear, there is absolutely no history of schizophrenia in my family. What am I supposed to do? When the panic hits, I get these terrifying thoughts that I won't be able to take it anymore—that I'll have to end my own life. What should I do? Is it even possible to see if I have schizophrenia on a CT-heads scan? And... I can't help but feel these overwhelming emotions when I imagine what my parents would look like if I actually went through with it. My eyes just well up and I start crying.

Jose Ward4 said:Hold on, Angela Kim. Are you male or female?

I'm male, obviously. There was a phase where I actually enjoyed wearing makeup and looking feminine, though I'm neither gay nor trans. I just think women are the peak of beauty, which is why I chose this name and handle. I have this subconscious urge to look like a girl while keeping my anatomy as is. I don't know if that's sick; I don't feel right in this body. IS IT SICK? I suspect schizophrenia. I used to refuse treatment because my psychiatrist took issue with my long hair, so I quit my meds and appointments out of spite since I felt threatened. Naturally, things spiraled, and I ended up back in the hospital. They had to cut my hair, which crushed me. It felt like being castrated, and I kept having dreams about my hair. Waking up into that depression was brutal. I'm on Xepilon injections now, but I still fantasize about being a girl making love to her best friend. I AM A LESBIAN TRAPPED IN A MALE BODY. A DOUBLE TRANSFORMATION. I DON'T THINK I HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. AM I RIGHT?

Arthur Scott79 said:Greetings—I stumbled upon this forum quite by chance. To be perfectly honest, I have always had a penchant for macabre tales and horror stories, but this particular incident... well, it truly pushed me over the edge. It all started on Instagram, in a photography group, where there was this image of a Siberian Husky—it was smiling, but with these absolutely demonic eyes—and the caption claimed that simply looking at the photo would drive you insane and lead you to take your own life. I was so utterly terrified that I couldn't sleep for two full days. By the third night, I even tried sleeping in my brother's bed just to feel some sense of security, but sleep eluded me entirely. Then, a sudden, piercing headache struck me so hard I felt physically nauseated. Eventually, I managed to drift off, somehow. However, the following day, I began experiencing this sharp pain on the left side of my head, near the crown. I took some Tylenol and the pain subsided, but then things took a turn for the worse. When I attempted to nap in the afternoon, I would be jolted awake by these violent, full-body spasms—just total convulsions. I've also been suffering from these sudden bouts of panic, where this overwhelming sense of dread just washes over me out of nowhere. My family has noticed that something is clearly wrong. My mother actually decided to stay in the room with me to watch over me; when I walked into the darkened bedroom, I suddenly saw hundreds of tiny, white, flickering sparks dancing before my eyes. As she entered the room wearing a white T-shirt, moving toward the closet, there appeared to be this strange mist hanging in front of and behind her—it looked as though she were frozen in place for about two seconds, even though she was actually walking toward the closet. I blinked, and for a moment, it was as if airplane propellers were spinning right in front of my vision. But again, it passed. Once my mother stayed the night, the fear subsided slightly, yet these panic attacks persist—this sudden, crushing anxiety and nausea. Furthermore, when I see white spots on the wall the next day, they transform into black dots, and when I enter a dark room, white specks appear only to vanish instantly. I should mention that I wear glasses and deal with strabismus. I've read online that this could indicate retinal damage. But more than that, I don't feel like myself anymore—everything feels "off." I haven't had full-blown hallucinations, nor do I feel like I am being watched, but the distress is becoming unbearable; I have found myself thinking about suicide quite frequently. Is there any possibility that I am developing schizophrenia?

I think you're overthinking this and being overly dramatic. You don't have schizophrenia. You likely have mild anxiety (OCD). Get your eyes checked and stop stressing. Hang in there.👍

Thanks a million. Honestly, I spend an absurd amount of time glued to my PC—gaming is practically my full-time job at this point—and my parents are constantly riding my back about it, you know? "Don't ruin your eyesight, son," they say... it’s the same old lecture every single day. But look, I've always had this massive dream of driving a semi-truck professionally one day, so I suppose I really ought to be a bit more careful with my vision now if I want that to actually happen. Anyway, thanks again. 🙂

Arthur Scott79 said:Thanks a million. Honestly, I spend an absurd amount of time glued to my PC—gaming is practically my full-time job at this point—and my parents are constantly riding my back about it, you know? "Don't ruin your eyesight, son," they say... it’s the same old lecture every single day. But look, I've always had this massive dream of driving a semi-truck professionally one day, so I suppose I really ought to be a bit more careful with my vision now if I want that to actually happen. Anyway, thanks again. 🙂

👍 Great. Just listen to your parents and cut back on the screen time. You've overstimulated yourself with internet content, which explains what you're feeling. Don't worry; you're a smart kid. Statistically, people with strabismus tend to be above average in intelligence, and you have a bright future ahead. Just protect your vision and go get it checked out. Don't overthink things or take everything to heart—it would be ridiculous to start worrying about schizophrenia when you clearly don't have it. Good luck. 🙂👍

Arthur Scott79 said:Thanks a million. Honestly, I spend an absurd amount of time glued to my PC—gaming is practically my full-time job at this point—and my parents are constantly riding my back about it, you know? "Don't ruin your eyesight, son," they say... it’s the same old lecture every single day. But look, I've always had this massive dream of driving a semi-truck professionally one day, so I suppose I really ought to be a bit more careful with my vision now if I want that to actually happen. Anyway, thanks again. 🙂

My advice is to stop listening to "experts." You’re new to this and everything feels overwhelming right now. Those flashes you're seeing could just be tiny fragments of glass—I actually went through that myself. It lasted for a while and then cleared up. That’s an eye issue, not a mental one.
As for the suicidal thoughts and panic attacks, that's a different matter entirely and isn't directly caused by the visual issues you described. It might feel like they are linked because one triggered the other, but it could just be a trigger for something deeper. Schizophrenia is a complex condition; no amount of CT-heads or MRIs will confirm a diagnosis. Only psychiatrists can make those calls. If these feelings persist—and it seems like they are quite intense—it might be best to see a psychotherapist to figure out where this is coming from and face it head-on. It could really help you move past this. My suggestion is to consult a trained professional who knows what they're doing. There is absolutely no shame in seeking help. Talk to your family about it; your mom seems very supportive.

You've panicked and immediately jumped to the worst possible diagnosis. There's a difference between neuroses and psychosis, and people often experience temporary setbacks in situations like this. It only becomes a chronic illness if it stays permanent.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Based on my test results, I fall into the schizoid category... though I’m not a fan of that label. It feels a bit too depressing for me.

I honestly can't say... after I had sex, I spiraled into a psychosis. Generally speaking, I struggle with processing emotions—it's hard for me to manage them or even fully grasp what I'm feeling. At its core, my psychological struggles stem from this inability to understand or navigate my own emotional state.

Do any of you deal with similar emotional issues? Do you ever experience a total sense of emotional numbness?

During an orgasm, the left prefrontal cortex—located near the left eye—essentially shuts down; this is the part of the brain responsible for "common sense" and self-evaluation. So, perhaps in your case, it stays offline for too long or shuts down too deeply, leaving you unable to navigate those intense waves of love and pleasure during intimacy.

Nicole Barrett76 said:During an orgasm, the left prefrontal cortex—located near the left eye—essentially shuts down; this is the part of the brain responsible for "common sense" and self-evaluation. So, perhaps in your case, it stays offline for too long or shuts down too deeply, leaving you unable to navigate those intense waves of love and pleasure during intimacy.

I had no idea that actually happened. Do you think that might be what's going on with me? I honestly don't know... but after reading that, it definitely seems like a plausible theory.

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of the image anymore—that fear has just... evaporated, vanished entirely—but I still get this occasional knot in my stomach. It’s that specific kind of nervous tension you get right before a massive final exam at State University, that deep, unsettled anxiety that sits in your gut. But as for the suicidal urges? Those are gone.
Maybe it's just lingering nerves combined with some eye damage. Honestly, prior to that whole incident, I never dealt with panic attacks or any thoughts of self-harm. But once I laid eyes on that picture... man, by the very next day, the terror was so overwhelming I genuinely felt like there was no way out.

What should I do if I’m worried about another decompensation episode? For the last few days, my sleep hasn't been great, I'm having trouble focusing, and I've completely lost my appetite.

I just realized I completely neglected to mention in my previous comment that I actually went ahead and consulted with my psychiatrist—and apparently, my symptoms don't align with anything related to schizophrenia at all.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:I had no idea that actually happened. Do you think that might be what's going on with me? I honestly don't know... but after reading that, it definitely seems like a plausible theory.

N/A, I wasn't even aware of that information myself until just a few days ago. It all started when I happened to stumble upon a search for "orgasm" "amygdala" because, as we know, the amygdala is the part of the brain responsible for our most primal instincts—things like sleep, defense mechanisms, reproduction, hunger, and that whole fight-or-flight response... and so on. Naturally, I assumed the amygdala would also become stimulated during an orgasm, but then I stumbled right into this fascinating data regarding the cortex.

Arthur Scott79 said:I just realized I completely neglected to mention in my previous comment that I actually went ahead and consulted with my psychiatrist—and apparently, my symptoms don't align with anything related to schizophrenia at all.

🙂 Nice. I’m glad you realized it's not there, but more importantly, I'm glad it's actually true. It was wise to consult a specialist as the FBI suggested, but don't ignore your vision either—you need clear sight to be a driver, and from what I can tell, that's your real goal. Just relax. If your eyesight is an issue, don't spiral; it isn't worth the stress. There isn't much to do besides getting professional help. Look at it this way: when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. There will always be career paths you can learn that are similar to what you want. You're smart enough to figure it out.

goldenraven3 said:What should I do if I’m worried about another decompensation episode? For the last few days, my sleep hasn't been great, I'm having trouble focusing, and I've completely lost my appetite.

I am NOT a professional. Don't hold me to my word, but if I felt this, I’d suspect a manic phase. First, I'd prioritize sleep to let the brain reset. Maybe take a sedative, though whether benzodiazepines or antipsychotics are better for you is something to settle with your psychiatrist. I wouldn't advise pushing through this stage; the brain needs sleep to regenerate. Your appetite will likely return once you're sedated, but don't self-medicate. Talk to a specialist. Regards.

What do you do when you lose every ounce of will and motivation to keep going? You stop trusting anyone. You lose your last remaining friend. You don't trust mental health professionals because, based on experience, no doctor has actually helped you. You’re alone, you’re older, and you're dealing with various physical ailments. When life hits this hard, even the smallest daily task feels like an impossible burden. You can't respond to any demand, nor can you even identify your own symptoms, because it feels like you're trapped in a complete spectrum of psychosis, intellectual decline, and social dysfunction—all because these limitations strip away your ability to react. When problems break you so completely that you just collapse into sleep from pure exhaustion and hopelessness, seeing no way out. Every attempt at a solution has been a mere drop in the ocean. When death feels like the final hope for things to get better, and you know it isn't just depression—because just yesterday, when a tiny spark of hope appeared, you fought for it, only to have today's problems bury you under the weight of it all. When there is no association left, no striving, and no hope. Just a desperate craving for a shred of hope, a moment of joy, or some sense of satisfaction.

This is how I feel. I am currently on 150 mg monthly of ChatGPT therapy. I'm not taking anything else, nor do I want to, because other medications just dull my intellect and leave me incapacitated. I've tried them, and I simply want to live. Has anyone here experienced anything similar?

I feel a tiny bit better and actually have a reason to keep going now that the friend I’m pretty sure totally screwed me over just sent me a "goodnight" text.

Thank God for small mercies!

My mood is all over the place. I feel depressed in the morning, then it eases up by evening—though there’s no euphoria, just constant brain fog and struggling to think clearly. I can't tell if this is the illness itself or just the long-term side effects from psychiatric meds. Not a troll, just looking for some insight.

Nicole Barrett76 said:N/A, I wasn't even aware of that information myself until just a few days ago. It all started when I happened to stumble upon a search for "orgasm" "amygdala" because, as we know, the amygdala is the part of the brain responsible for our most primal instincts—things like sleep, defense mechanisms, reproduction, hunger, and that whole fight-or-flight response... and so on. Naturally, I assumed the amygdala would also become stimulated during an orgasm, but then I stumbled right into this fascinating data regarding the cortex.

If you have a link for that, please send it my way...
I was doing relatively well on my medication, but lately, a spike in stress has hit me, and it feels like everything inside has just gone numb—even my most basic needs. I’ve been feeling pretty low and haven't even had the willpower to take a shower... nothing at all. It's like all my instincts have just died inside me.

I don't know, man—I actually tried some placebo-effect nonsense myself. Things are feeling a little easier now, I guess. Look, I’m not exactly the superstitious type or anything, but I figured, why the hell not give it a shot?

It just keeps going... total stagnation... zero signs of life...