Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Steve Jobs, thanks for the advice... yeah, switching up a treatment plan is a nightmare. My head is such a mess right now that I can't even tell which medication is doing what anymore. I can't stay still, and I'm waking up multiple times a night gripped by panic attacks. It’s everything from pure fear to intense anxiety and panic, even physical pain. I have all of that... just nothing else. It’s awful.

Hang in there. It’s probably just a rough patch because of everything going on right now.

I'm curious if anyone here has dealt with withdrawal symptoms—what does the experience actually feel like?

If you listen to the stories, it’s supposed to feel like being a total wreck—you know, like a jittery addict or someone who’s been hitting the booze too hard. Constant nerves and all that mess.

🙂😱 My entire existence has shrunk down to just eating and sleeping... I’m so high right now I’m practically unrecognizable, just wandering around the house carrying tea, coffee, and ashtrays. To be fair, this has only been going on for a day, but it feels absolutely crushing. I don't even know how to begin explaining what's happening or what I'm feeling.
My head feels like a total vacuum; honestly, I’d rather be hallucinating than walking around with this empty void where my brain used to be.
Everything hurts. I'm a 25-year-old female. My mind is completely shut down. I feel slowed to a crawl, and I can't even tell if this is still "me." I remember reading a comment on this thread once where a sister said she actually preferred her brother when he was hallucinating... well, right now I am perfectly drugged out, mute, and totally disorganized. On top of that, I'm dealing with a mountain of physical ailments—maybe the snowstorm is to blame for all this? Just two days ago, I was rushing around the house, cleaning everything, cooking, with the computer, YouTube, and the radio all blasting, and then suddenly, *poof*—nothing. Now I can't do anything except sip tea, pace aimlessly, and struggle to keep my eyes open because my eyelids feel like lead thanks to the Seroquel. I could barely type these few sentences. Is this a psychotic break, deep depression, or both combined? For context, my current meds are: 50mg Seroquel, 10mg Elice, 150mg XL Venlafaxine, and 5mg Azolar.🙂🙂

Sarah James80, I’m sorry you’re having such a rough day... try not to look at it so pessimistically. We all have our ups and downs. You mentioned that just two days ago you were listening to the radio and feeling everything so vividly... that feeling will return. You likely have more good days than bad. Has your medication been adjusted recently? It seems like managing this illness has become even harder for you lately... I know how exhausting it is when you can't tell if you're experiencing psychosis or a depressive phase. If it helps to hear this, I’ve been cycling through various treatments for a long time and most of them haven't quite hit the mark for me yet. In fact, I live my life exactly how you described living just one single day. For me, most days are like that. Often, I don't even go for walks because even that becomes too overwhelming. It’s difficult for me to watch TV or listen to any kind of sound at all. My medications numb me out quite a bit, too. Because of that, I often find it hard to be around myself, and I struggle with suicidal thoughts as well.

Thanks for the reply, Rebecca Rivera3. 🙂 I’m not even feeling suicidal anymore; I’m just absolutely livid at how hopeless this whole situation feels. Without my medication, I’m looking at a total mental breakdown, yet I can’t shake the feeling that these drugs have completely stripped away my actual personality.
As far as my doctors are concerned, my personality "disintegrated" (is that even the right way to put it???) or rather, it fell apart ages ago, and they just used meds to patch me back together—total bullshit. I find myself constantly comparing myself to people who are actually functioning normally, and while I could probably handle the mental struggle, I can't do anything about this physical weakness. 🕺 Things will get better eventually. 🙂

Anger can actually be a positive force for motivation. Personally, I find that when I get angry, it gives me a sense of strength and drive that often works better than sadness ever could. Hang in there.
Medication can strip away your sense of self; I actually resisted taking anything for a long time because of that, but sometimes you just don't have a choice.
We all deal with physical health struggles at some point... it’s really just a matter of scale. Instead of fixating on the illness, try to focus on the positives. These days, so many medical issues are treatable.

Not every single one is fatal, and it’s certainly not something you can just cure—but honestly, I’m still sitting here wondering if we should even call it a disease. 🙂

Finding a purpose in life is essential. The worst thing you can do is surrender to despair and try to medicate your way out of it. It becomes a vicious cycle where you spiral into endless introspection, obsessing over symptoms and hoping a pill will fix everything. Usually, the medication just triggers side effects even worse than the original problem, trapping you in a loop of switching drugs to treat the side effects of the last one. You think you're helping yourself, but you're actually just drifting toward a total breakdown, re-hospitalization, or worse. Benzodiazepines are particularly dangerous; they offer instant relief but leave you hooked. Antipsychotics might stop hallucinations, but they numb your brain so much that you fall into depression, necessitating antidepressants. Eventually, you're just drinking a cocktail that destroys your liver and brain over time. I went through the hell of tapering off xanaks and various other pills; it took forever, and looking back, I realized I hadn't moved an inch forward. I've tried almost every antipsychotic on the market, and none were worth it because the side effects were unbearable. Now, I’m strictly on 150 mg of xepilon via an injection once every 28 days, and nothing else. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that I managed to ditch all that other junk—though I wouldn't even be on this if I hadn't been forced into it. My thirty years of experience tells me one thing: stick to monotherapy and just deal with the side effects.

To me, death feels more like an exit than a disease.
Unfortunately, I'm feeling suicidal today; there's just no drive left in me... nothing at all. I am very close to being hospitalized...
I simply don't want to live anymore.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:To me, death feels more like an exit than a disease.
Unfortunately, I'm feeling suicidal today; there's just no drive left in me... nothing at all. I am very close to being hospitalized...
I simply don't want to live anymore.

Get your priorities straight. Neither death nor a hospital is the answer. There is always Nada! Hang in there, because I'm certain there's still something out there that interests you—but if you have the urge to end it, go to the hospital IMMEDIATELY!

I have this urge to end my life, and it isn’t the first time, but somehow I’m still here. I don't kill myself; I’m always just... here. Surviving. Just dragging myself through this miserable existence. If I could actually feel better or get my thoughts under control, I would, but it just doesn't work that way. I am suicidal, plain and simple. I know that much. I don't want to go to a hospital right now, and I won't. I'll wait for this feeling to pass, but if it keeps going, then I'll go.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:I have this urge to end my life, and it isn’t the first time, but somehow I’m still here. I don't kill myself; I’m always just... here. Surviving. Just dragging myself through this miserable existence. If I could actually feel better or get my thoughts under control, I would, but it just doesn't work that way. I am suicidal, plain and simple. I know that much. I don't want to go to a hospital right now, and I won't. I'll wait for this feeling to pass, but if it keeps going, then I'll go.

Rebecca, if it helps at all, I am right there with you. It’s hard to even find the words to describe how I feel—it’s like I’m stuck in this limbo where I don't really want to live, but I can't quite die either. Every single day, I just wish I could vanish, like I never existed at all. To be honest, these medications have left me feeling so numb that nothing brings me joy anymore. It's been over a year since I was hospitalized, and I still just feel completely hollow inside.

Joseph Fowler33, thanks for the support... it really helps knowing I'm not the only one going through this.
Have you been in treatment for long? Are you able to maintain a normal routine? My ability to function tanked quite a while ago. Lately, I’ve just been living in flannel shirts, haha... if you know what I mean.
Were you hospitalized in New York City? Did it actually help at all?
If you don't mind me asking, which type of schizoid do you fall under?
Life seems to be slipping by right in front of you while you wonder why you're even bothering to live it... and honestly... it would be so nice to just disappear.

Hang in there. Hopefully this whole thing just blows over. It’s probably just a phase.

I’ve been diagnosed with F25. Currently, I’m getting a 50 mg Haldol injection once a month—tablets just don't do anything for me. To be honest, this Haldol has completely gutted my inner world. It feels worse than those years when I was taking 25 mg of Constant every two weeks. I’m depressed, listless, and sleeping constantly... I’ve been a writer for years, but now my imagination is just gone; everything I put down on paper is garbage. My psychiatrist claims the Haldol blocks dopamine—which I suppose makes sense—but I’m really not liking it. Especially since, without the meds, I actually feel okay. I just might not be quite so "agreeable" to everyone else. Anyone have experience with Haldol?

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Joseph Fowler33, thanks for the support... it really helps knowing I'm not the only one going through this.
Have you been in treatment for long? Are you able to maintain a normal routine? My ability to function tanked quite a while ago. Lately, I’ve just been living in flannel shirts, haha... if you know what I mean.
Were you hospitalized in New York City? Did it actually help at all?
If you don't mind me asking, which type of schizoid do you fall under?
Life seems to be slipping by right in front of you while you wonder why you're even bothering to live it... and honestly... it would be so nice to just disappear.

I was diagnosed with F20.0 back in 2006. I was on medication for a tiny bit—just a few months—and things seemed to settle down, but then I had another psychotic episode toward the end of 2016. Now, I’m on regular meds, plus I go in once a month for a 100 mg injection from Accenture. And yeah, I was hospitalized in a big city, and it actually helped, because otherwise, I’d be wandering around looking like a total wreck.😵
I didn't actually need to be admitted during my last stay, but it happened by pure chance. Honestly, just a couple of sleepless nights ended up being the breaking point for me. As for a "functional life," I'm not really sure what you mean by that?

Joseph Fowler33 said:I was diagnosed with F20.0 back in 2006. I was on medication for a tiny bit—just a few months—and things seemed to settle down, but then I had another psychotic episode toward the end of 2016. Now, I’m on regular meds, plus I go in once a month for a 100 mg injection from Accenture. And yeah, I was hospitalized in a big city, and it actually helped, because otherwise, I’d be wandering around looking like a total wreck.😵
I didn't actually need to be admitted during my last stay, but it happened by pure chance. Honestly, just a couple of sleepless nights ended up being the breaking point for me. As for a "functional life," I'm not really sure what you mean by that?

You handled that period without meds quite well.
By functionality, I mean being able to take care of yourself independently, managing all your responsibilities and duties, staying involved in your community, and not having psychological issues disrupt your daily routine. Let's put it that way...

I'm feeling completely worn down... how are you all holding up?