Schizophrenia - General Discussion

wanderingmoose13, you’re asking if I exercise... Well, I’ve gone through quite a lot of physical therapy over the years, sometimes with assistance and sometimes on my own. I spent many months confined to a wheelchair. Since undergoing venous therapy, things have improved slightly; I can walk using a cane, though it's slow and repetitive.
The MS makes me feel constantly exhausted. Some days are better than others, but there are those brutal days where you can't even make it to the bathroom—you're basically just vegetating.
Most patients living with MS also struggle with severe depression and mood swings. For me, those issues were intense at the beginning, but they've leveled out. Now, it's more of a deep sadness whenever I can't get up. I feel far too young for this. My whole life was supposed to be ahead of me.

This disease is incredibly deceptive. It’ll throw you a curveball where you suddenly feel better and think, "Okay, maybe things are finally stabilizing," only to drag you right back down to rock bottom.

I've actually decided to stop taking the medications for now. I can't handle the side effects anymore, and I reached the maximum dosage a long time ago.

I don't know what the path to someone's heart looks like...
All I know is that people won't stop staring, and it is incredibly irritating. It's just like how they assume I'm much younger than I actually am; I realize that might sound strange to some, but...

My appearance has granted me certain privileges, sure, but more often than not, it has just caused problems in my life. Even now, while dealing with an illness, I'm attending psychotherapy sessions at the hospital, and all the psychiatrist sees is my physical appearance. They have no interest in how I actually feel or what I'm going through internally...

Google it, Rebecca Rivera3. Just do the work. When someone’s been stuck in this kind of... I don't even know how to put it... lethargy for a while, they should just Google it. It means they aren't exactly feeling motivated to deal with anything else right now.

I know MS is a total nightmare. I’ve honestly suspected I might have it myself, but I haven't actually gone through the full diagnostic battery—just did basic bloodwork and a urine test, nothing conclusive.

The reason I suspected it is because I sleep way too much, my vision is acting up, my bones feel weird, and all that. Plus, I get these occasional—what's the word?—twitches, tingling, and random bouts of weakness.

I know people living with MS, and believe me, it’s a hell of a disease. Honestly, it's worse than schizophrenia.

Unfortunately, with everything going on lately—between the meds and just life in general—I think I might actually be dealing with schizophrenia now.

I don't really know what to tell you, other than to fight it as hard as you can, if that's even possible. Hopefully, they'll stumble upon some new treatments that make things a little more bearable for us. Hang in there.

Hi everyone!
I had my follow-up appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday. For some reason, I ended up acting like a total brat—just messing around the whole time. I suppose it’s just my defense mechanisms kicking in, right? 🤣

Anyway, I have about a year and three months left on my Trevicta injections. My doctor is actually going to cut my dosage in half now because I’ve been complaining about my lack of focus, poor concentration, and feeling mentally scattered—not to mention the hit to my imagination and creativity.

So, I’m really curious about something... I can't tell if this state I'm in is a side effect of the meds or just the illness itself. What worries me most is this shift in perception. It’s not that I’m hallucinating or losing my mind—at least, I don't think I am—but everything feels... off. The world looks like it's colored differently, and everything feels slower, as if my brain isn't processing data fast enough. I get fatigued more easily and my memory isn't what it used to be. The hardest part is that my sense of reality feels strange—distinctly different than it was before. Honestly, I can't even find the right words for it, other than "weird." It’s actually pretty scary; I often find myself retreating to bed just to escape "reality" for a while. I haven't found anything similar online—usually, people talk about hallucinations or lethargy, but nothing about this specific shift in perceiving reality following (my first) psychotic episode.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? How do you deal with it?

Honestly, it’s all about how the meds work. Based on the current hypothesis, these drugs basically block certain receptors, which helps dial down those positive symptoms—you know, things like hallucinations or losing touch with reality.

The whole dopamine hypothesis suggests that schizophrenia involves overactive dopamine levels. This idea is backed up by the fact that every effective antipsychotic out there works by blocking dopamine receptors, and their effectiveness really comes down to how strongly they bind to the
D2 (DRD2) receptors in the brain.

Since antipsychotics act as
receptor blockers, they actually vary quite a bit based on a few specific factors:
1) How intensely they block those dopamine D2 receptors
2) How quickly the drug detaches from the D2 receptor
3) Their affinity for other systems, like serotonin, histamine, or cholinergic ones
Following the dopamine theory of schizophrenia, all the antipsychotics currently used in American clinical practice are D2 receptor antagonists. {This was established back in the '70s, and over the last 20 years, it’s been reinforced by both PET and SPECT imaging studies
(Howes et al., 2009). The general consensus is that an excess of dopamine release in subcortical areas—specifically the striatum—or just heightened dopamine activity is responsible for psychotic symptoms, but also for things like mania, aggression, and tics (Correll, 2010). When looking at untreated patients with schizophrenia, they show higher dopamine levels in the synapses, meaning their striatal D2 receptors are much more occupied by dopamine compared to healthy individuals (Abi-Dargham et al., 2000). Antipsychotics essentially "cancel out" this surplus. Every antipsychotic we know of acts as a D2 receptor blocker, even if they do it at different percentages. It's thought that you won't get any antipsychotic effect if the D2 receptor occupancy is below 50%. So, when doctors are deciding on the right type and dosage, they have to account for how much the drug blocks those D2 receptors, because that's what drives the therapeutic effect, but also side effects .

Laura Castillo6 said:Honestly, it’s all about how the meds work. Based on the current hypothesis, these drugs basically block certain receptors, which helps dial down those positive symptoms—you know, things like hallucinations or losing touch with reality.

The whole dopamine hypothesis suggests that schizophrenia involves overactive dopamine levels. This idea is backed up by the fact that every effective antipsychotic out there works by blocking dopamine receptors, and their effectiveness really comes down to how strongly they bind to the
D2 (DRD2) receptors in the brain.

Since antipsychotics act as
receptor blockers, they actually vary quite a bit based on a few specific factors:
1) How intensely they block those dopamine D2 receptors
2) How quickly the drug detaches from the D2 receptor
3) Their affinity for other systems, like serotonin, histamine, or cholinergic ones
Following the dopamine theory of schizophrenia, all the antipsychotics currently used in American clinical practice are D2 receptor antagonists. {This was established back in the '70s, and over the last 20 years, it’s been reinforced by both PET and SPECT imaging studies
(Howes et al., 2009). The general consensus is that an excess of dopamine release in subcortical areas—specifically the striatum—or just heightened dopamine activity is responsible for psychotic symptoms, but also for things like mania, aggression, and tics (Correll, 2010). When looking at untreated patients with schizophrenia, they show higher dopamine levels in the synapses, meaning their striatal D2 receptors are much more occupied by dopamine compared to healthy individuals (Abi-Dargham et al., 2000). Antipsychotics essentially "cancel out" this surplus. Every antipsychotic we know of acts as a D2 receptor blocker, even if they do it at different percentages. It's thought that you won't get any antipsychotic effect if the D2 receptor occupancy is below 50%. So, when doctors are deciding on the right type and dosage, they have to account for how much the drug blocks those D2 receptors, because that's what drives the therapeutic effect, but also side effects .

Honestly, I'm holding onto hope that it really is the medication. If I'm being truthful, I feel like my concentration and memory are starting to come back, too. It feels strange that the recovery is taking this long, though—I'm still bouncing back even after being in the hospital nearly nine months ago.

My psychiatrist couldn't give me a definitive answer on whether the meds are the cause, but logic tells me this: since I'm actually aware that my perception is off—that everything feels slower and my focus is weaker—doesn't that mean I'm lucid enough to realize it? Otherwise, wouldn't I be totally unaware? Also, I'll admit—stupidly enough—that I had a little run-in with some cocaine a few months back which actually sharpened my cognition; I definitely wouldn't have been able to experience that if my brain were totally fried. So, we agreed to taper my treatment. Instead of 350mg of Trevicta, I'll be moving to 175mg once every three months.

I'm terrified that I'll spend the rest of my life living with "tunnel vision" and won't be able to pursue the career I've built. I truly hope this is my first and last psychotic episode—and that everything eventually settles back into place. As for the woman who triggered all this stress in the first place? Screw her. 🤣

Exactly. Just vent all those emotions and that rage toward her in a private message, because usually, something just ends up being a trigger, unfortunately.
Look, my psychiatrist practically convinced me I was schizophrenic—then they threw in psychosis, then schizoid personality traits... honestly, give me a break. They drugged me into taking Lexapro and basically insisted I was insane. I ended up being institutionalized three different times. On top of that, this psychologist and my boyfriend would sit there lecturing me about how much I was "suffering" from this supposed illness, telling me how hard things were for *them* because of me and how everything was my fault. I felt like absolute garbage. No matter what I did or didn't do, it was never right. They always found something wrong with me. They made me feel crazy.

It’s true, I wasn't exactly the most typical person, but I never meant harm to anyone. And I don't know what else I could have done to avoid being drugged and locked up in a psych ward. I was suffering immensely from stupors, paralysis, exhaustion, vision issues, confusion, and sometimes depression... not to mention all the other things I won't even list.

Meanwhile, I am actually physically ill, dealing with brain lesions and a confirmed diagnosis of MS from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

So what am I supposed to do? I feel like killing that guy; the hatred I feel every single day is intense. And the anger toward all those doctors is just as bad.

I just want to run away somewhere and scream at the top of my lungs. I'm boiling with rage and frustration.

I still feel like an object. Like a picture on a wall. Nothing more.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:wanderingmoose13, you’re asking if I exercise... Well, I’ve gone through quite a lot of physical therapy over the years, sometimes with assistance and sometimes on my own. I spent many months confined to a wheelchair. Since undergoing venous therapy, things have improved slightly; I can walk using a cane, though it's slow and repetitive.
The MS makes me feel constantly exhausted. Some days are better than others, but there are those brutal days where you can't even make it to the bathroom—you're basically just vegetating.
Most patients living with MS also struggle with severe depression and mood swings. For me, those issues were intense at the beginning, but they've leveled out. Now, it's more of a deep sadness whenever I can't get up. I feel far too young for this. My whole life was supposed to be ahead of me.

This disease is incredibly deceptive. It’ll throw you a curveball where you suddenly feel better and think, "Okay, maybe things are finally stabilizing," only to drag you right back down to rock bottom.

I've actually decided to stop taking the medications for now. I can't handle the side effects anymore, and I reached the maximum dosage a long time ago.

Do you have any help? I really hope you aren't trying to tackle this all on your own.
Please, don't turn your back on therapy. Seriously, just give it a chance.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:I don't know what the path to someone's heart looks like...
All I know is that people won't stop staring, and it is incredibly irritating. It's just like how they assume I'm much younger than I actually am; I realize that might sound strange to some, but...

My appearance has granted me certain privileges, sure, but more often than not, it has just caused problems in my life. Even now, while dealing with an illness, I'm attending psychotherapy sessions at the hospital, and all the psychiatrist sees is my physical appearance. They have no interest in how I actually feel or what I'm going through internally...

You mentioned that your psychiatrist actually noted how complex and interesting you are. Honestly, that’s such a good sign—it means they’re actually listening to you and truly engaging with what you have to say!

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Exactly. Just vent all those emotions and that rage toward her in a private message, because usually, something just ends up being a trigger, unfortunately.
Look, my psychiatrist practically convinced me I was schizophrenic—then they threw in psychosis, then schizoid personality traits... honestly, give me a break. They drugged me into taking Lexapro and basically insisted I was insane. I ended up being institutionalized three different times. On top of that, this psychologist and my boyfriend would sit there lecturing me about how much I was "suffering" from this supposed illness, telling me how hard things were for *them* because of me and how everything was my fault. I felt like absolute garbage. No matter what I did or didn't do, it was never right. They always found something wrong with me. They made me feel crazy.

It’s true, I wasn't exactly the most typical person, but I never meant harm to anyone. And I don't know what else I could have done to avoid being drugged and locked up in a psych ward. I was suffering immensely from stupors, paralysis, exhaustion, vision issues, confusion, and sometimes depression... not to mention all the other things I won't even list.

Meanwhile, I am actually physically ill, dealing with brain lesions and a confirmed diagnosis of MS from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

So what am I supposed to do? I feel like killing that guy; the hatred I feel every single day is intense. And the anger toward all those doctors is just as bad.

I just want to run away somewhere and scream at the top of my lungs. I'm boiling with rage and frustration.

I still feel like an object. Like a picture on a wall. Nothing more.

They were trying to do the best they could for you. At the end of the day, doctors aren't gods.
They did everything within their power.
You really need to find a way to let go of this anger. Instead of draining your energy and wasting precious time being furious, try focusing on anything that might actually improve your current situation. Holding onto this is only hurting you.

Regarding the meds—in my experience, that sluggishness feeling usually hits right when you finally get discharged from the hospital. It can drag on for a while if they haven't quite nailed down the right therapy yet. It’s weird, because while you're actually stuck in the hospital, everything feels more intense, but somehow that "slow" feeling isn't really there. Maybe it's just because there are more people around keeping you active, or maybe it's just the sheer stress of everything blowing up at once.

It’s been a full year since my last stay at the psych ward, and honestly? I still don't think my therapy is dialed in. They have me on Azolar, but man, trying to split those pills is a nightmare. I end up hunting for 5 or 10 mg versions because splitting the 15 mg ones I'm currently getting is such a hassle. And don't even get me started on the Xanax. It's totally off. They give me 5 mg, but I'm sleeping way too much—like, 12+ hours a day. Honestly, I sleep that much even when I forget to take it. When I'm on 2 or 2.5 mg, I don't know... I guess I sleep worse, not necessarily less, but I'm tossing and turning all night so it's low quality. But with 5 mg? It's overkill; I can barely wake up. It’s a shame they don't make a 3 mg version.

I get hit with that slow, foggy feeling every now and then, though part of me wonders if it's actually the meds or if it's just me. Then again, it might be the meds. I've still got my creativity, I've still got ideas and stuff, but after years of being on this cocktail, I feel like I've actually developed schizophrenia. Like, I'm terrified that the drugs themselves made my condition—both physically and mentally—so much worse that I've actually crossed the line into schizophrenia, and now I'm just scared I'm going to have a total breakdown.

Rebecca Rivera3, hang in there. I know things are brutal because, as I've said before, MS is a hell of a thing. If you can manage it, try looking into some wellness retreats or hot spring spas. I know people here dealing with MS who found that those types of places helped enough to at least improve their mobility and stuff.

wanderingmoose13 said:Do you have any help? I really hope you aren't trying to tackle this all on your own.
Please, don't turn your back on therapy. Seriously, just give it a chance.

You mentioned that your psychiatrist actually noted how complex and interesting you are. Honestly, that’s such a good sign—it means they’re actually listening to you and truly engaging with what you have to say!

They were trying to do the best they could for you. At the end of the day, doctors aren't gods.
They did everything within their power.
You really need to find a way to let go of this anger. Instead of draining your energy and wasting precious time being furious, try focusing on anything that might actually improve your current situation. Holding onto this is only hurting you.

The problem is they don't know much—and honestly, they don't seem to care that much about actually helping. Once someone snaps, they just want to patch you up, get you off their hands, and move on to the next one. Like an assembly line. And they barely listen to the patients at all.

When I mentioned having floaters and stuff, my psychiatrist basically brushed it off as some psychological thing. 😵

Then the internal medicine guys just washed their hands of me and shipped me off to psychiatry because I told them my hormones were crashing and that I was seeing red blood cells—basically, they thought I was some kind of freak.

I get it, I was being difficult, but they still should have finished the full lab work. They shouldn't have just done half-measures every single time—especially since even those partial results weren't great to begin with.

And none of those psychiatrists ever bothered to ask why I was breaking down in the first place. They have zero clue about my actual life situation, my health struggles, or any of that.

How long does it take for you all to reach a point where you can discuss your conditions with this much objectivity? Honestly, I’m feeling pretty scattered and out of sorts—a bit lost for words, really. Since I don't feel heard at home, I figured I'd vent here—maybe someone else is walking a similar path?

The main thing weighing on me is this sense of instability. Even now, just thinking about my ex and everything that went down triggers this lingering unease. I actually ended up in the hospital because I was convinced I was being played—like she and her circle were pulling some kind of elaborate scheme to control me—and I saw her as this almost mythical figure. It feels like the infatuation has faded, but these strange, unsettling sensations still wash over me when she crosses my mind. I'm not a fan, to say the least. I haven't mentioned it to my psychiatrist, though—I figured I could manage it myself. Was that a mistake? I know she's just a regular person, but the sensation remains so surreal.

Also, regarding that "loss of self" and the feeling that the world is muffled—that brain fog everyone talks about—I stumbled upon this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clouding_of_consciousness. If anyone finds this relevant or feels seen by it, feel free to take a look.

What really gets under my skin is how everyone around me assumes I'm perfectly fine. Even my doctor seems to think so—it's frustrating when no one acknowledges that my perception of myself and the world has fundamentally shifted. Because of that disconnect, I find myself constantly pushing against the boundaries of what's considered "normal" just to cope with how unsettling this all is. It's exhausting.

wanderingmoose13 said:Do you have any help? I really hope you aren't trying to tackle this all on your own.
Please, don't turn your back on therapy. Seriously, just give it a chance.

You mentioned that your psychiatrist actually noted how complex and interesting you are. Honestly, that’s such a good sign—it means they’re actually listening to you and truly engaging with what you have to say!

They were trying to do the best they could for you. At the end of the day, doctors aren't gods.
They did everything within their power.
You really need to find a way to let go of this anger. Instead of draining your energy and wasting precious time being furious, try focusing on anything that might actually improve your current situation. Holding onto this is only hurting you.

Those compliments don't mean much to me—none of it does. My therapist told me I had a streak of genius, basically called me a genius—but what good is that when I'm just a neutered genius?!

Jason Kim6 said:Those compliments don't mean much to me—none of it does. My therapist told me I had a streak of genius, basically called me a genius—but what good is that when I'm just a neutered genius?!

Why on earth would you view those as mere compliments? And why wouldn't you be able to claim that title?
When you say castrated, what do you mean by that? Are we talking emotional...??

wanderingmoose13 said:Why on earth would you view those as mere compliments? And why wouldn't you be able to claim that title?
When you say castrated, what do you mean by that? Are we talking emotional...??

Why do I think they're compliments? If someone tells you that you're an interesting person, that's—I guess—a compliment. Being interesting is fine. But what does being interesting actually matter if your life isn't going well? It might be better to just be totally ordinary and uninteresting—just average—but have luck (health) and actual satisfaction in life.
As for why I couldn't be a genius—it's because I haven't actually invented anything (that doesn't mean I haven't had ideas that I can't execute—like, say, building a machine to read thoughts, since thoughts are basically silent speech and physical movements of the speech apparatus—if you could record that, you could read minds; or how we'll eventually watch movies in newspapers and things like that).
Castrated in what sense? That’s a long story. Anyway—someone might think I'm stupid just because I'm not social, or because I express myself too simply. "If intelligence is beautiful, then I want to be beautiful: the new Mr. Complex Sentence." Intelligence doesn't necessarily have to be beautiful; it can be quite destructive. And there are different types of intelligence. For instance, I try to avoid complex sentences. But does that mean someone who uses complicated sentences—clumsily, barely finishing a thought—is intellectually superior to me? Or are they just muddled? Castration literally means removing external organs—removing testicles. But it also means destroying their function. So, a man could still be castrated even if he technically has them. There is also a metaphorical sense to it. Incapacity. I am prevented from everything. (There are other things I might mention later)...

Olivia Smith2 said:How long does it take for you all to reach a point where you can discuss your conditions with this much objectivity? Honestly, I’m feeling pretty scattered and out of sorts—a bit lost for words, really. Since I don't feel heard at home, I figured I'd vent here—maybe someone else is walking a similar path?

The main thing weighing on me is this sense of instability. Even now, just thinking about my ex and everything that went down triggers this lingering unease. I actually ended up in the hospital because I was convinced I was being played—like she and her circle were pulling some kind of elaborate scheme to control me—and I saw her as this almost mythical figure. It feels like the infatuation has faded, but these strange, unsettling sensations still wash over me when she crosses my mind. I'm not a fan, to say the least. I haven't mentioned it to my psychiatrist, though—I figured I could manage it myself. Was that a mistake? I know she's just a regular person, but the sensation remains so surreal.

Also, regarding that "loss of self" and the feeling that the world is muffled—that brain fog everyone talks about—I stumbled upon this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clouding_of_consciousness. If anyone finds this relevant or feels seen by it, feel free to take a look.

What really gets under my skin is how everyone around me assumes I'm perfectly fine. Even my doctor seems to think so—it's frustrating when no one acknowledges that my perception of myself and the world has fundamentally shifted. Because of that disconnect, I find myself constantly pushing against the boundaries of what's considered "normal" just to cope with how unsettling this all is. It's exhausting.

It’s been six years—though honestly, I’ve probably had some mild version of autism or schizophrenia, or something along those lines, since I was a kid. I get where you're coming from. People keep telling me I'm perfectly fine even though I'm constantly trying to explain that I'm really not. As for my awareness or how I perceive things, it feels like nothing has changed, at least to me. Beyond that, I don't really know what else to tell you.

Jason Kim6 said:Why do I think they're compliments? If someone tells you that you're an interesting person, that's—I guess—a compliment. Being interesting is fine. But what does being interesting actually matter if your life isn't going well? It might be better to just be totally ordinary and uninteresting—just average—but have luck (health) and actual satisfaction in life.
As for why I couldn't be a genius—it's because I haven't actually invented anything (that doesn't mean I haven't had ideas that I can't execute—like, say, building a machine to read thoughts, since thoughts are basically silent speech and physical movements of the speech apparatus—if you could record that, you could read minds; or how we'll eventually watch movies in newspapers and things like that).
Castrated in what sense? That’s a long story. Anyway—someone might think I'm stupid just because I'm not social, or because I express myself too simply. "If intelligence is beautiful, then I want to be beautiful: the new Mr. Complex Sentence." Intelligence doesn't necessarily have to be beautiful; it can be quite destructive. And there are different types of intelligence. For instance, I try to avoid complex sentences. But does that mean someone who uses complicated sentences—clumsily, barely finishing a thought—is intellectually superior to me? Or are they just muddled? Castration literally means removing external organs—removing testicles. But it also means destroying their function. So, a man could still be castrated even if he technically has them. There is also a metaphorical sense to it. Incapacity. I am prevented from everything. (There are other things I might mention later)...

I get what a compliment is. But I had the impression you felt like those "compliments" weren't actually earned.
Why do you feel they aren't earned? Just because you haven't invented something concrete? Genius doesn't have to reinvent the wheel to be valid.
Maybe by being original yourself, you're actually sparking ideas in other people.

Jason Kim6 said:Why do I think they're compliments? If someone tells you that you're an interesting person, that's—I guess—a compliment. Being interesting is fine. But what does being interesting actually matter if your life isn't going well? It might be better to just be totally ordinary and uninteresting—just average—but have luck (health) and actual satisfaction in life.
As for why I couldn't be a genius—it's because I haven't actually invented anything (that doesn't mean I haven't had ideas that I can't execute—like, say, building a machine to read thoughts, since thoughts are basically silent speech and physical movements of the speech apparatus—if you could record that, you could read minds; or how we'll eventually watch movies in newspapers and things like that).
Castrated in what sense? That’s a long story. Anyway—someone might think I'm stupid just because I'm not social, or because I express myself too simply. "If intelligence is beautiful, then I want to be beautiful: the new Mr. Complex Sentence." Intelligence doesn't necessarily have to be beautiful; it can be quite destructive. And there are different types of intelligence. For instance, I try to avoid complex sentences. But does that mean someone who uses complicated sentences—clumsily, barely finishing a thought—is intellectually superior to me? Or are they just muddled? Castration literally means removing external organs—removing testicles. But it also means destroying their function. So, a man could still be castrated even if he technically has them. There is also a metaphorical sense to it. Incapacity. I am prevented from everything. (There are other things I might mention later)...

Communication style shouldn't be the yardstick for intelligence. Communication is just a skill you can practice.
I don't see why a fancy, complicated way of speaking would be more valuable than being straightforward. I think you're spot on.
Intelligence can definitely be destructive. It all depends on the psychological stability and the moral compass of the person using it.

Jason Kim6 said:Why do I think they're compliments? If someone tells you that you're an interesting person, that's—I guess—a compliment. Being interesting is fine. But what does being interesting actually matter if your life isn't going well? It might be better to just be totally ordinary and uninteresting—just average—but have luck (health) and actual satisfaction in life.
As for why I couldn't be a genius—it's because I haven't actually invented anything (that doesn't mean I haven't had ideas that I can't execute—like, say, building a machine to read thoughts, since thoughts are basically silent speech and physical movements of the speech apparatus—if you could record that, you could read minds; or how we'll eventually watch movies in newspapers and things like that).
Castrated in what sense? That’s a long story. Anyway—someone might think I'm stupid just because I'm not social, or because I express myself too simply. "If intelligence is beautiful, then I want to be beautiful: the new Mr. Complex Sentence." Intelligence doesn't necessarily have to be beautiful; it can be quite destructive. And there are different types of intelligence. For instance, I try to avoid complex sentences. But does that mean someone who uses complicated sentences—clumsily, barely finishing a thought—is intellectually superior to me? Or are they just muddled? Castration literally means removing external organs—removing testicles. But it also means destroying their function. So, a man could still be castrated even if he technically has them. There is also a metaphorical sense to it. Incapacity. I am prevented from everything. (There are other things I might mention later)...

I thought you were talking about metaphorical castration.
That feeling of total paralysis or being blocked is something you can work on. Liberation is also a skill you can practice. One sentence, one thought, or one action at a time... consciously ignoring the thoughts that try to hold us back.
It's human to mess up; mistakes are just part of the learning process.

wanderingmoose13 said:Do you have any help? I really hope you aren't trying to tackle this all on your own.
Please, don't turn your back on therapy. Seriously, just give it a chance.

You mentioned that your psychiatrist actually noted how complex and interesting you are. Honestly, that’s such a good sign—it means they’re actually listening to you and truly engaging with what you have to say!

They were trying to do the best they could for you. At the end of the day, doctors aren't gods.
They did everything within their power.
You really need to find a way to let go of this anger. Instead of draining your energy and wasting precious time being furious, try focusing on anything that might actually improve your current situation. Holding onto this is only hurting you.

That’s where you're wrong; that's exactly my issue—forgiving and making excuses for everyone... saying they didn't know or couldn't help. But they never look at themselves and admit they messed up, and it wasn't your fault. You have every right to be angry. Express your rage. You deserve that.

Jason Kim6 said:Why do I think they're compliments? If someone tells you that you're an interesting person, that's—I guess—a compliment. Being interesting is fine. But what does being interesting actually matter if your life isn't going well? It might be better to just be totally ordinary and uninteresting—just average—but have luck (health) and actual satisfaction in life.
As for why I couldn't be a genius—it's because I haven't actually invented anything (that doesn't mean I haven't had ideas that I can't execute—like, say, building a machine to read thoughts, since thoughts are basically silent speech and physical movements of the speech apparatus—if you could record that, you could read minds; or how we'll eventually watch movies in newspapers and things like that).
Castrated in what sense? That’s a long story. Anyway—someone might think I'm stupid just because I'm not social, or because I express myself too simply. "If intelligence is beautiful, then I want to be beautiful: the new Mr. Complex Sentence." Intelligence doesn't necessarily have to be beautiful; it can be quite destructive. And there are different types of intelligence. For instance, I try to avoid complex sentences. But does that mean someone who uses complicated sentences—clumsily, barely finishing a thought—is intellectually superior to me? Or are they just muddled? Castration literally means removing external organs—removing testicles. But it also means destroying their function. So, a man could still be castrated even if he technically has them. There is also a metaphorical sense to it. Incapacity. I am prevented from everything. (There are other things I might mention later)...

Sure, let's have the genius, the complexity, the interest, and the beauty... sure, let's have artistic expression through words... sure, let's have it all... when at the end of the day, we're all just sick. Maybe being average is just another word for being normal.

Hey everyone. I’ve scrolled through so many pages here, but I still haven't found the specific answer I need, so I figured I'd just ask. My mom struggles with schizophrenia and has had some really intense episodes involving hospitalizations and everything else. She has good stretches, but she hasn't been okay for about a year now. It got so bad she even ended up in the ICU after taking her meds. Now, she’s spent the last six months building this whole "conspiracy theory" world around her—she’s kicked everyone out and even physically attacked family, friends, neighbors... and me. To be totally honest, after dealing with her for decades (from elementary school all the way through high school), I finally escaped and built a normal life far away from her, but her issues still follow me. I can't take her in; she would absolutely destroy my life, and I’d end up right there in a psych ward alongside her. What I'm wondering is, does anyone have advice on where the best place would be to put her? Maybe somewhere like Key West or a long-term care facility? She might end up on the streets because she refuses to rent an apartment or anything—claiming "everyone is against her" and that she’s the one paying the bills. I don't have the money to cover thousands of dollars in debt for her. Getting her hospitalized is tough because hospitals have strict protocols on who they admit, and she acts perfectly fine whenever doctors are around, so you can't even tell them what's actually happening. What do I do? Has anyone dealt with something similar? You can judge me all you want, but for the sake of my own health and recovering from the trauma she caused, I'd rather see her in a homeless shelter than let her keep destroying me. I just can't risk her trying to throw me out a window again like she did when I was twelve.

Robert Torres2 said:Hey everyone. I’ve scrolled through so many pages here, but I still haven't found the specific answer I need, so I figured I'd just ask. My mom struggles with schizophrenia and has had some really intense episodes involving hospitalizations and everything else. She has good stretches, but she hasn't been okay for about a year now. It got so bad she even ended up in the ICU after taking her meds. Now, she’s spent the last six months building this whole "conspiracy theory" world around her—she’s kicked everyone out and even physically attacked family, friends, neighbors... and me. To be totally honest, after dealing with her for decades (from elementary school all the way through high school), I finally escaped and built a normal life far away from her, but her issues still follow me. I can't take her in; she would absolutely destroy my life, and I’d end up right there in a psych ward alongside her. What I'm wondering is, does anyone have advice on where the best place would be to put her? Maybe somewhere like Key West or a long-term care facility? She might end up on the streets because she refuses to rent an apartment or anything—claiming "everyone is against her" and that she’s the one paying the bills. I don't have the money to cover thousands of dollars in debt for her. Getting her hospitalized is tough because hospitals have strict protocols on who they admit, and she acts perfectly fine whenever doctors are around, so you can't even tell them what's actually happening. What do I do? Has anyone dealt with something similar? You can judge me all you want, but for the sake of my own health and recovering from the trauma she caused, I'd rather see her in a homeless shelter than let her keep destroying me. I just can't risk her trying to throw me out a window again like she did when I was twelve.

In a situation like this, I think a residential treatment center for adults with mental illness is likely the most viable option. There are several throughout the US, though I believe Key West is more focused on acute psychiatric hospital care rather than long-term residential living. The catch, of course, is that she has to agree to go, and those facilities aren't cheap—though that’s still better than letting her rack up a mountain of debt from unpaid utilities and other expenses.
My mother also struggles with schizophrenia, though her situation isn't quite as extreme as what you're describing.