Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Gerald Parker3 said:Someone else.
I remember one time I called them myself—it was after I’d been off my meds for seven months while staying with my mother-in-law, and I was basically suffocating her, so I called 911.
I haven't ended up in a psych ward since then.
I mean, let's just say there were times I was ready to grab some scissors and tear through a calendar.
But look, I have a history; I was admitted to a mental hospital for the first time when I was eighteen, so in people's eyes, I'll always be "crazy."
Personally, I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

Why on earth were you choking her? Was she getting on your nerves? Or maybe she was just too ugly?! 😎
Why didn't she call 911 or the police?

I'm not sure why, but I have this feeling you'd fall for a placebo. And quite easily, too. 😉

Noah Sanchez7 said:I'm not sure why, but I have this feeling you'd fall for a placebo. And quite easily, too. 😉

Noah Sanchez7, cut the crap, you have no idea what you're talking about.

There’s a massive difference between being "normal" versus being a "lunatic" just because you're different from the crowd, and being actually insane to the point where you can't function. Plus, you've got people with mental illnesses who act perfectly "normal" most of the time.
So yeah, one doesn't necessarily lead to the other.

And when I talked about my psychoses feeling like "dying inside," I didn't mean you could just snap out of them without meds and be "reborn." If you don't get help, you just end up stuck in some weird limbo. Basically, you're screwed. Psychosis is a massive shock to the system, and you don't need constant trauma hitting you, or worse, one continuous earthquake lasting your whole life, because you'll just fall apart.
I'm pretty sure I won't be on meds forever, but right now? I need them as much as Gerald Parker3 needs air. Without them, I'd be in total shit; I wouldn't be able to move forward at all. Those first two psychotic breaks were clearly necessary for me to survive, but eventually, you have to pull yourself out of that hole, otherwise you really can't function in any capacity—work, creativity, emotions, social life, whatever. Once you've survived a psychosis, you don't need another one to achieve "incarnation." After that experience, you can evolve and "incarnate" without needing a breakdown because you've learned how the mechanism works. Even Buddhists don't just dive into those kinds of experiences uncontrollably, and by definition, psychosis is destructive.

Look, if the meds exist, I'd be a complete idiot not to use them. Your problem is that you've just had bad experiences with chemicals.

Noah Sanchez7 said:I'm not sure why, but I have this feeling you'd fall for a placebo. And quite easily, too. 😉

Also, one more thing:
Asylums are packed with people who convinced themselves they don't need their meds anymore. They stop taking them and then—boom—everything goes to hell. They crash hard. It’s pathetic to watch. I've seen it firsthand with folks from support groups when there's nothing left to help them. It’s gut-wrenching and frankly disgusting, so don't talk such nonsense. They aren't "cool" or whatever romanticized image you have in your head. They are totally lost. When you hear what they actually say, it's clear their brains are disconnected from reality: people getting hit by lasers, staring at people with their eyes, trying to part the Red Sea, drawing ears because they think they're Van Gogh, thinking they're being talked about on TV, thinking the psychiatrist wants to assault them, or believing their roommate is Satan... just a few examples.
Twilight Brain

If you were actually out there, you wouldn't be acting so tough.

And another thing,
Antipsychotics or lithium don't work like recreational drugs or even things like Xanax or Valium. They operate on a completely different principle altogether.

stormylynx23 said:Also, one more thing:
Asylums are packed with people who convinced themselves they don't need their meds anymore. They stop taking them and then—boom—everything goes to hell. They crash hard. It’s pathetic to watch. I've seen it firsthand with folks from support groups when there's nothing left to help them. It’s gut-wrenching and frankly disgusting, so don't talk such nonsense. They aren't "cool" or whatever romanticized image you have in your head. They are totally lost. When you hear what they actually say, it's clear their brains are disconnected from reality: people getting hit by lasers, staring at people with their eyes, trying to part the Red Sea, drawing ears because they think they're Van Gogh, thinking they're being talked about on TV, thinking the psychiatrist wants to assault them, or believing their roommate is Satan... just a few examples.
Twilight Brain

If you were actually out there, you wouldn't be acting so tough.

And another thing,
Antipsychotics or lithium don't work like recreational drugs or even things like Xanax or Valium. They operate on a completely different principle altogether.

This is all pretty weird, isn't it? I mean, I don't know if they were nice to me, but I never experienced anything like this red during my entire stay—which, all things considered, was only about a year in the psych ward.

Here are some of my strangest experiences: old women who pray constantly and would basically rather sleep with the doctors or kill everyone and tear the place apart (predictably), while the female patients mostly engage sexually with other patients.

Still, Noah Sanchez7 is right about one thing: those crazy old ladies are way more normal than the messed-up nurses who scream at them.

stormylynx23 said:Also, one more thing:
Asylums are packed with people who convinced themselves they don't need their meds anymore. They stop taking them and then—boom—everything goes to hell. They crash hard. It’s pathetic to watch. I've seen it firsthand with folks from support groups when there's nothing left to help them. It’s gut-wrenching and frankly disgusting, so don't talk such nonsense. They aren't "cool" or whatever romanticized image you have in your head. They are totally lost. When you hear what they actually say, it's clear their brains are disconnected from reality: people getting hit by lasers, staring at people with their eyes, trying to part the Red Sea, drawing ears because they think they're Van Gogh, thinking they're being talked about on TV, thinking the psychiatrist wants to assault them, or believing their roommate is Satan... just a few examples.
Twilight Brain

If you were actually out there, you wouldn't be acting so tough.

And another thing,
Antipsychotics or lithium don't work like recreational drugs or even things like Xanax or Valium. They operate on a completely different principle altogether.

What the hell is your problem? Why are you grouping everything together? Look, first off, don't go thinking I have any prejudices against "real crazy people." Second, I'm not acting like some big shot, and I definitely don't think I'm special just because I used drugs; I wasn't an addict just to feel superior. For me, it was just a life experience, nothing more. And I can tell you, I learned quite a bit from it.

Of course, there are people who seem to lack any sense of self, but I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about those who *do* have a sense of self, which is how I'm putting you and Gerald Parker3 in the same category.

As for medication, to me, it's a drug just as much as heroin is. You have no idea how much easier things were when I was on it; I didn't feel any pain, and more importantly, I didn't have a single issue in my head. I knew exactly who I was, and I just drifted through life like that.
I quit the heroin, but I still don't know who I am, nor will I ever, and I couldn't care less about the things a regular person cares about (paychecks, loans, a new car, a new TV, a PlayStation...).
So what now? Am I an idiot for not taking it anymore, or am I fine for now, but would become an idiot if they legalized it?

Gerald Parker3 said:This is all pretty weird, isn't it? I mean, I don't know if they were nice to me, but I never experienced anything like this red during my entire stay—which, all things considered, was only about a year in the psych ward.

Here are some of my strangest experiences: old women who pray constantly and would basically rather sleep with the doctors or kill everyone and tear the place apart (predictably), while the female patients mostly engage sexually with other patients.

Still, Noah Sanchez7 is right about one thing: those crazy old ladies are way more normal than the messed-up nurses who scream at them.

This part is crucial. You have schizophrenia, yet you didn't experience the kind of "trips" that stormylynx23 described. So, what exactly is causing your illness?

Let's dig a bit deeper into the nature of your hallucinations. Did you actually see the women praying, or did they just seem religious, leading your brain to imagine them in prayer?
Secondly, regarding the sex, did you witness it directly, or was it more of a feeling—like you were watching the female patients interact with male patients and picking up on subtle cues that it was happening?

Please respond.

Noah Sanchez7 said:This part is crucial. You have schizophrenia, yet you didn't experience the kind of "trips" that stormylynx23 described. So, what exactly is causing your illness?

Let's dig a bit deeper into the nature of your hallucinations. Did you actually see the women praying, or did they just seem religious, leading your brain to imagine them in prayer?
Secondly, regarding the sex, did you witness it directly, or was it more of a feeling—like you were watching the female patients interact with male patients and picking up on subtle cues that it was happening?

Please respond.

It's crazy—they have these little pictures and they're praying to the Virgin Mary, Jesus, Lourdes, and all that.

In San Quentin, there isn't really a place where you can just go hook up, male or female.

And when a hot doctor walks by, the patients start commenting on how much they'd want to sleep with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The whole chaos just made me realize I’d never actually be able to live up to what being an adult is supposed to look like.
Honestly, I just wanted to stay a kid—to have a life where I didn't have to worry about a single thing.

Gerald Parker3 said:The whole chaos just made me realize I’d never actually be able to live up to what being an adult is supposed to look like.
Honestly, I just wanted to stay a kid—to have a life where I didn't have to worry about a single thing.

That makes perfect sense.

The real question here, and it's a big one, is whether you didn't want to or simply weren't able to meet the expectations everyone places on us.

Take some time to think about it, then let me know.

Noah Sanchez7, knock it off. Indonesia has been hospitalized ten times already, and you’re out here acting like she needs an eleventh round.
You're overstepping. So many people have tried to wean patients off antipsychotics—especially those religious fanatics—and they ended up making a massive mess of things.
Nobody actually enjoys being on antipsychotics. You spend your whole life just praying for the day you can finally get off them.

Look, it's great that you're trying to help Indonesia, really, I get it. But please, let her tapering off medication be the very last thing on the agenda, not the first.

And let's be real: you've never actually been in a psychosis. What you described isn't even in the same ballpark. So don't sit there acting like you "conquered" this. You're full of it.

When I was actually in a psychotic break, I thought I was Jesus and Hitler at the same time. I'd pick up the newspaper and see my name in an article from start to finish, and suddenly I’m convinced the cops are tailing me, that they're tracking my phone, that I have telekinetic powers, or that some random celebrity is talking about me on CNN... you get the idea.

stormylynx23 said:Noah Sanchez7, knock it off. Indonesia has been hospitalized ten times already, and you’re out here acting like she needs an eleventh round.
You're overstepping. So many people have tried to wean patients off antipsychotics—especially those religious fanatics—and they ended up making a massive mess of things.
Nobody actually enjoys being on antipsychotics. You spend your whole life just praying for the day you can finally get off them.

Look, it's great that you're trying to help Indonesia, really, I get it. But please, let her tapering off medication be the very last thing on the agenda, not the first.

And let's be real: you've never actually been in a psychosis. What you described isn't even in the same ballpark. So don't sit there acting like you "conquered" this. You're full of it.

When I was actually in a psychotic break, I thought I was Jesus and Hitler at the same time. I'd pick up the newspaper and see my name in an article from start to finish, and suddenly I’m convinced the cops are tailing me, that they're tracking my phone, that I have telekinetic powers, or that some random celebrity is talking about me on CNN... you get the idea.

Same question for you: was it that you didn't want to, or weren't able to, meet the expectations placed on us as responsible individuals?

What do you mean, Jesus and Hitler? Elaborate a bit. Describe Jesus's psychosis to me. I honestly don't know what more I could want to learn from that.

Don't get upset, but you're coming off a little simplistic. I don't have any bad intentions toward you. Quite the opposite.
If you don't understand collective consciousness, you wouldn't even be considered "crazy." But then again, you aren't considering the collective UNCONSCIOUSNESS either. That's the issue. Based on that theory, mental illness (essentially) DOESN'T EXIST. It only exists in relation to what society accepts or rejects as behavior, which isn't a valid basis for labeling someone insane.
I just want us to look together at the factors that lead to psychosis. Meaning, what path does our mind take to arrive at psychosis, so we can examine the cause of that thought process. This goes pretty deep, but if you're up for it, you'll hear it!

I have experienced psychosis, don't doubt that. What you mentioned are pure symptoms of paranoia, which I am familiar with. Let's try to find the line where you cross from paranoia into schizophrenia (a deeper psychosis).

One hallucination I had (during my psychotic episode): I live in a house that has a garage next to it. In that garage sits my late great-grandmother's cabinet with all her belongings. One night, I headed out to a convenience store for some cigarettes. I decided to take the bike that was sitting in the garage.
I went outside and walked around the house toward the garage. Since I don't have a direct view of the garage, I had to walk around the house to the corner where I could finally see it.
It was dark, and as I approached the corner, I started feeling this slight sense of dread. When I reached the garage, this was the scene: my late great-grandmother was sitting on top of the garage with a headscarf on, swinging her legs, silent and without a clear facial expression. Terrified, I ducked into the garage, grabbed the bike, and slowly moved toward the gate. I took one more glance, and she was standing on the garage now, with her back turned to me.

Man, I spent a whole year living in fear because of situations like that. Read my first thread and my very first post on this forum.
But I realized one thing: you can hallucinate whatever you want, the darkest horror imaginable, but always remain aware that none of it is real. Those hallucinations are just products of your imagination and your thoughts. Realizing that was enough to set me free. It just requires constant vigilance and composure (at least in the beginning).

But most importantly, don't believe in the literal reality of the illness ([mental health issues]).

So don't give me that crap about me talking nonsense!

From what I can tell, the only thing separating you guys (you and Indonesia) from me is that my whole journey started with drugs. I used to smoke way too much weed—my hands would actually shake if I stopped—but I kept at it, and eventually, the heavy amphetamine use just completely wrecked my mental health.

But that doesn't change the reality of things!

Looks like you’re well on your way to snagging a Nobel Prize in Medicine for figuring out a whole new way to treat schizophrenia. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

stormylynx23 said:Looks like you’re well on your way to snagging a Nobel Prize in Medicine for figuring out a whole new way to treat schizophrenia. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

Thanks for the fingers crossed.

Anyway, answer me this one thing.

Yeah, sure, you kicked the drugs so now you don't have any hallucinations, but when I quit my tablet, the hallucinations hit me hard

You get the difference????

what kind of question

stormylynx23 said:what kind of question

Was it a matter of choice, or were you simply unable to meet the expectations placed upon us as responsible individuals?

stormylynx23 said:Yeah, sure, you kicked the drugs so now you don't have any hallucinations, but when I quit my tablet, the hallucinations hit me hard

You get the difference????

I get it. Let's make a deal. For both our sakes, let's try to break down the schizophrenia and what causes it—just please don't stop your therapy.

I wanted to do it myself, honestly, but I just didn't have the know-how or the means