Support for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses (Part II)

Emily Martinez61 said:I'm getting ready to start chemo and I really need some quick advice here... does anyone know if there's actually any difference between the beta glucan from Eurovita in Canada versus the Yasenka stuff from Vukovar, or is it basically the same thing? Also, what else should I be taking before my chemo sessions to make them a little easier to handle? I heard there are things you can take for the nausea too...
Thanks for the help!

So, my Dad was given beta glucan during his chemo along with an anti-nausea med—either Kytril or Reglan—and it worked wonders for him! He didn't have any huge side effects, just a bit of light nausea, but nothing involving vomiting, mostly just around the second day after chemo
Basically, doctors use antiemetics that they usually recommend taking right before you go in for the chemo...
Wishing you all the best!

Rachel Williams said:I'm signing on to every single word of that... if I had the chance to do it all over again, I’d be reaching out to some family support group immediately, and honestly, I think sooner or later I'll end up looking into some kind of psychotherapy too.
In the middle of that emotional whirlwind, my health just went straight down the drain along with everything else, and even now that things have finally started to settle down, I'm still dealing with the fallout, knowing some of it might stick with me forever...

It feels so much like what I went through
Looking back now that I know better, I would absolutely seek out some kind of help right away

Keith Sanders6, my husband is taking Reglan, and it really helps manage his nausea.

Honestly, I feel like I should have reached out for professional help a few days ago—I’m starting to feel like I’m at my absolute breaking point just because of this feeling of helplessness and all this constant uncertainty... I have three kids, and they've gone through their fair share of rough patches and pain, but I have never, ever felt this level of helplessness before with my husband's illness.

Emily Martinez61 said:I’m getting ready to start chemo, so I really need some quick advice here: does anyone know if there's actually any difference between the beta glucan from Eurovita in Canada versus the stuff from Yasenka in Vukovar, or is it basically the same thing? Also, what else should I be taking before the chemo hits so I can handle it a bit better? I've heard there are specific things you can take for the nausea—is that true?
Thanks for the help!

I was given Kytril first off, and then right after my first IV bag and before the actual chemo bag, they gave me something else specifically for the nausea, but honestly, I can't remember the name of it...
For back at home, my doctor prescribed Reglan, and man, that stuff really did the trick for me..
Good luck!

So, Torecan is back on the market here in the States in suppository form.
The big plus is definitely that even if someone starts throwing up, this version can still get to work, which usually means skipping that whole frantic trip to the ER. Anyone who’s ever had to drive someone to the hospital in the middle of the night knows how much of a grind it is—if you don't meet those high-priority triage criteria, you're just sitting there waiting forever, and honestly, watching someone who's already feeling miserable wait in a crowded waiting room is just exhausting for everyone involved.

It kind of gives you a sense of autonomy and convenience, you know? Just being able to handle things without everything turning into a massive ordeal...

I never imagined I’d be the one posting in this thread, but life really has a way of slapping you in the face when you least expect it. Just last week, Dad seemed perfectly fine. And even now, he still looks healthy on the surface, but the reality of the situation is just so much heavier than it appears... For now, I’ll mostly just be lurking and reading—hoping I can find even a tiny glimmer of hope in here.

I have to admit, I truly admire everyone who actually knows how to handle facing a devastating illness like this... I try my best to "keep it together," but honestly, I’m struggling; I feel like I'm starting to fall apart. The crying spells are becoming more frequent, my head is constantly filled with these horrific scenarios about death, and the insomnia and fear—it's just constant. I catch myself wondering if it would have been better for my husband if he had stayed with his ex, who is living in Germany now—maybe they would be together, and perhaps even his medical care would be better off there. This is all just terrifying. I jump at every single groan he makes; he’s naturally a high-strung person, and until now, I could usually tune out his nervous outbursts, but lately, everything gets to me. It’s just too much... If I could, I’d just pack up and leave so I wouldn't have to witness all the agony he's going through.
I know I sound terrible, but this is simply how I feel right now.

ruggedfox11 said:I have to admit, I truly admire anyone who can actually manage to cope with this kind of heavy illness. I try to "hold it together," but it just doesn't come naturally to me; I feel like I’m starting to fall apart. The crying spells are getting more frequent, my head is filled with horrific scenarios about death, the insomnia, the fear... I find myself wondering if it would have been better for my husband to stay with his ex—she's living in Germany now—maybe he would be there with her and perhaps his treatment would even be better. This is terrifying. I jump at every groan he makes; he’s naturally high-strung, and until now, I could tune out his nervous outbursts, but now they grate on me. Honestly... part of me just wants to pack up and leave so I don't have to witness all the agony he's going through.
I know I sound terrible, but that’s simply how I feel.

For you all, this is still fresh and new, but those of us who "know" how to deal with this have been in the thick of it for a long time. My mother faced cancer for the first time when I wasn't even twelve
years old. Back then, she went through surgery, six cycles of chemo, and over 30 radiation sessions. For the next five years, life was just one medical report after another until the story was officially over and everything was clear. I had to grow up very fast back then because I was my mother's sole caregiver, forced to grasp and accept things that children really shouldn't have to deal with.
When she was diagnosed with lung cancer two and a half years ago, I couldn't even sleep during that first month, even with the help of Normaban. Now that I am an adult—unlike that first time—and I have a husband for support, it was just a different kind of struggle, trying to face it all again and accept it. Sadly, even at 31, my friends constantly turn to me if someone they know has cancer, because they know I understand this more than anyone who isn't even in the medical field.
Personally, it took me about six months to stop falling apart on a daily basis and reach a point where I only break down occasionally. I was in the States for three weeks visiting Mom, and I don't think I managed to sleep more than two or three times before dawn. All night long, I just lay there listening, waiting to see if everything was okay, even though Mom is currently in a good phase...

You just have to let time take its course, and until then, preserve your own health as much as possible. As for wondering "what if"—there is absolutely no use in that. The situation is what it is, and strength needs to be directed toward the things we can actually influence, rather than wasting it on regrets...

ruggedfox11 said:I have to say, I truly admire everyone who can actually handle dealing with such a heavy diagnosis... I’m trying my best to "stay strong," but honestly, it’s just not working for me; I feel like I’m literally falling apart; the crying is happening way more often now, my head is constantly spinning with these horrific death scenarios, the insomnia, the pure terror... I even find myself wondering if it would've been better for my husband if he’d stayed with his ex—she's living in Germany now—maybe they'd both be better off and the medical care would be easier there too... This is all just so terrifying, I jump at every single groan he makes, and since he’s naturally high-strung, I used to just tune out his outbursts, but now everything just gets under my skin, it’s just... I wish I could just pack up and run away so I wouldn't have to witness all this agony he's going through
I know I sound awful, I really do, but it’s just how I’m feeling right now

Everything you’re feeling right now—the fear, the panic, the sheer dread—it is totally normal. It's all still so raw, and that fear is what really paralyzes you...
When my Dad first got his diagnosis, I was basically breaking down on a daily basis, like multiple times a day, just constant insomnia, crying, and total hysteria, until eventually I just had to pull myself together somehow to keep my own sanity and stay sane for the rest of the family...
And look, I know I wasn't exactly the pillar of support he needed in that state either, and I couldn't let myself feel guilty or take away his hope and will to fight by just giving up on him

You’ve really got to find some kind of balance and grab onto anything that makes the situation a little easier to bear, so if that means venting here, then let it be venting here...
You guys still have lives to live!
Even the healthiest person on the planet doesn't know how much time they have left or what kind of struggles lie ahead, because in medicine, two plus two definitely doesn't always equal four...
Panicking like this won't help him, and it certainly won't help you...
The situation is what it is; you can't turn back the clock or just erase the illness with an eraser, but instead, you try to do everything within your power to squeeze out one more day, make the absolute most of it, focus on the day-to-day life, and create these little rituals that just keep you all held together...
For example, Dad and I used to watch *Criminal Minds* together every single day, sometimes without saying a word, but it was our time, and it brought us even closer together... just a silly little ritual that meant the world to us
And honestly, your mental state plays such a huge role in how the illness progresses, so arm yourselves with everything you've got—strength, energy, positivity—against this beast, because it is such a massive battle...
We don't get to choose how or when we pass away, but we do get to choose how we spend the time we have left before then

I’m trying, I really am... but it just won't come out..
When I look at my little girl—she’s only 1.5 years old—every single time I see her, this crushing thought flashes through my mind about how we might end up all alone.
Then I look at him, and my head fills with these terrifying images of how cancer will suffocate him, or just consume him entirely; I find myself daydreaming about being somewhere else—somewhere far away where there is no sickness and nothing to remind me of any of this..
I’ve tried sitting down to write it all out in a journal, but there is such a tornado of thoughts swirling in my brain that my hand simply refuses to move. Lately, it’s always the same loop of thoughts: "It would be better if he stayed with her," "How will I manage on my own?" "Why him of all people?" "Please, just let him not suffer."

I know, I sound terrible—I really do—but I just can't seem to shake these thoughts from my mind..

I find myself snapping at the little one, losing my temper, or just not being able to play with her. I don't even want to leave the house because I'm terrified of what might happen if I leave him by himself—and then I worry about what might happen to me if I step foot outside with this attitude..

I don't even know who I am anymore.. For what it's worth, despite all the schooling and education I have

I haven't had a chance to read through this entire thread yet, but I have a few questions and am really looking for some advice. Is it actually possible to get a second opinion just by providing the medical records? I’m trying to avoid putting my Dad through the wringer again with a whole new battery of tests he’s already completed.
We're dealing with lung cancer—it isn't small cell, at least that's what I gathered, though I'm not entirely sure of the specific type they mentioned—and it has spread to the liver.
I’m under no illusions about the prognosis being grim, but at the same time, I need to know for myself that I’ve exhausted every single available option.
I have absolutely zero experience with cancer, so I honestly don't even know where to begin. This all hit us out of nowhere because it was caught by accident, and we are all still in complete shock. That said, I am fully prepared to pay for a consultation or treatment through a private specialist if necessary; I just have no idea which doctor or facility to turn to.

Robin Diaz4 said:I haven't read through this entire thread yet, but I have a few questions—or rather, I’m asking for advice. Is it actually possible to get a second opinion just by providing the medical paperwork? I really don't want to put my Dad through all those grueling tests again if he's already done them.
It's lung cancer (not small cell, or so I heard, though I'm not entirely sure which specific type they meant) and it has spread to the liver.
I realize the prognosis isn't great, but I need to be certain that I've exhausted every single option available to us.
I have zero experience dealing with cancer. I don't even know where to begin. This all happened so suddenly—it was discovered by accident—and we are all still in total shock. Of course, I am willing to pay for a consultation or treatment with a private specialist if necessary; I just don't know which one to turn to.

If you happen to be in the Washington, D.C. area, I highly recommend Dr. Cepulica. We went to see him ourselves—my mother is also battling lung cancer—and we were truly satisfied with his approach and everything else.

Rachel Williams said:I second everything said here, word for word. If I had the chance right now, I would immediately reach out to a support group for families dealing with this, and I honestly think I’ll end up seeking psychotherapy sooner or later.
In the middle of that emotional whirlwind, my health just went straight down the drain. Even now that things have—let's say—settled down a bit, I’m still dealing with the fallout, and I suspect some of these effects might be permanent.

Rachel Williams, if you don't mind sharing, could you describe how your health took such a hit?
Because for me, over the last ten days, my heart has been racing terribly, I’m struggling to catch my breath, and I keep feeling like I’m going to faint. I think seeing my dad end up in the hospital due to an embolism just completely broke me.

I just want to find some stability, to calm down and accept this reality; I don't want to permanently destroy myself. How can I protect my mental health? When these symptoms start hitting me, I feel like I’m actually going to lose my mind.

Grace Ross20 said:Rachel Williams, if you don't mind me asking, could you walk me through how your health completely spiraled?
Because for the last ten days, my heart has been racing like crazy, I can barely catch my breath, and I feel like I'm going to pass out. Honestly, seeing my dad end up in the hospital with an embolism just totally wrecked me.

I'm trying to find some way to stabilize, to calm down and just accept things—I don't want to permanently destroy myself here. How do you protect your mental health? When these episodes start hitting, I feel like I'm actually losing my mind.

What you’re describing sounds exactly like a panic attack. You have to focus entirely on your breathing and mentally shut down every single intrusive thought the second it starts happening.

Rachel Williams said:If you're located in New York City, I highly recommend Dr. Cepulica. We went to see him ourselves—my mother is actually fighting lung cancer right now—and we were incredibly impressed with his approach and everything else.

Thanks for the recommendation. We’ve already started hitting complications; my dad ran a fever, so they’ve had to postpone his chemo indefinitely. Honestly, I feel like a total wreck. Somehow, miraculously, we went from complete ignorance to a full diagnosis in just one week. Chemo was supposed to start immediately, and I truly held onto this sliver of hope that it would just work and heal him. I was still feeling positive just yesterday, but today? It's nothing but despair...
I simply wasn't prepared for all of this, and frankly, I'm still not.

Robin Diaz4 said:Thank you for the advice. We’ve already started running into complications—my dad developed a fever, so his chemo has been pushed back indefinitely. I feel so helpless right now. Somehow, we went from knowing nothing to having a full diagnosis in just one week, and the plan was for him to start treatment immediately. I really held onto this hope that things would just work out and heal, and honestly, I was still feeling positive just yesterday... today, it's just pure despair.
I simply wasn't ready for any of this—and truthfully, I'm still not.

I know exactly how you feel.

Sometimes I can't help but think that it might be easier to prepare oneself and manage expectations when it involves someone much older.

sent with my iPhone using Reddit

Robin Diaz4 said:Thanks so much for the advice. Things have already started getting complicated on our end, my dad caught a fever so they've had to push back his chemo for now. I feel like such a mess... somehow we went from having no clue what was happening to getting a full diagnosis in just one week, and chemo was supposed to start right away, so I really had this hope that things would just get better, I was still feeling positive just yesterday, but today it's just total despair...
I just wasn't ready for any of this, and honestly, I'm still not.

Man, I know exactly how you're feeling right now
It always seems to catch us totally off guard, and then it feels like we're just plummeting straight into the abyss...
You've just gotta try to keep a level head through it all. Since it's peak flu and cold season here in the States, a fever isn't even that unusual at this time of year, so hopefully it passes quickly.
At this point, it is what it is, once the fever breaks, you can just take things one little step at a time.
Maybe focus on boosting his immune system a bit before the chemo starts, assuming the fever clears up first...

Did the doctors give you the specific diagnosis yet? Like the exact type and stage of the cancer?

Question,

Now that he’s finished his second round of chemo—following that first session—he's started breaking out in these little bumps, mostly across his back. They look a lot like acne, which is strange because he never really dealt with skin issues like that before...

Is this something we should consider normal, or is it cause for concern?

sent with my iPhone

ruggedfox11 said:Question,

He’s finished his first round and just wrapped up the second chemo session, and now he’s breaking out in these little bumps—mostly across his back—that look just like acne, even though he never really dealt with skin issues before.

Is this totally normal, or should we be worried?

sent with my iPhone

It's a side effect. It happens.

Robin Diaz4 said:Thanks for the advice. Complications have already started hitting us; Dad ran a fever, so his chemo has been pushed back indefinitely. I feel completely pathetic. Somehow, miraculously, we went from total cluelessness to a full diagnosis in just one week. Chemo was supposed to start immediately, and I actually had this sliver of hope that things would just resolve themselves. Yesterday, I was still staying positive, but today? It's pure despair...
I just wasn't ready for any of this, and honestly, I'm still not.

Look, you need to pull yourself together and stop making yourself an additional problem just because you don't know how to handle the weight of it all. Nobody is ever "ready" for life's most brutal hits, and nobody finds this easy to deal with. Listen, if you want to be his rock—if you want to come out on the other side of this sane—you have to face reality by accepting it first, because there is no Plan B. You have to realize deep down that this is primarily happening to him, not you. You are caught in the crossfire. He’s the one living with the diagnosis; he’s the one whose chemo is delayed; he’s the one facing an uncertain future while carrying the crushing guilt of how this affects the whole family. He is the one in the eye of the storm.
Stop turning your own reaction into a secondary crisis and stop making things harder for him. Get your head straight. Don't overanalyze or spiral into "what ifs"—just deal with the situation as it unfolds right in front of you.
So, the chemo is delayed because he's likely fighting an infection. Fine. Let's focus on clearing that up so he can get back on track with treatment as soon as possible.

Yeah, it sucks. But nobody promised it wouldn't. It is incredibly hard, and people deal with this kind of hell every single day, and you will find a way too.

Keep your chin up and find that inner strength!