Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

brightangler18 said:Thanks for the link. Does anyone here actually have firsthand experience dealing with this illness?

Angela Wright said:There’s a forum over on the "For a New Day" Association site where some folks have posted—not exactly seeing huge traffic there, though. Maybe try sending an inquiry? Might actually get someone to reach out with some real-deal firsthand experience.

Angela Wright said:Believe me, you don't get to choose how life unfolds. There isn't really a "good" or "bad" version of it. We are all small and fragile, but those who are truly good understand that. It’s just much harder on us when our loved ones pass away. That’s why it hurts so deeply.
For me, finding peace after my mother passed came from knowing she had a short but meaningful life. She was loved, and she knew it. Even though her illness lasted a while, she didn't suffer the way others with her diagnosis might have, and she passed away at home, right in our arms. For anyone facing mortality, that is a massive blessing, and I am grateful for it.
Dear, since that was her path, shouldn't we be thankful her final moments weren't prolonged? She lived life to the fullest until her very last breath. Let that serve as an inspiration to live every single day just like she did.
Stay strong. You will find your footing again, and even if you're changed by this, you will be okay.

brisksurfer said:I am so sorry, dear... please accept my deepest condolences. 😢

Maybe there is comfort in knowing she didn't suffer too much, and that she's likely in a much better place now. 😘

Sophia Ross53 said:Thanks. I've been following your story closely. It’s the exact same terrible diagnosis. They're both at peace now.

slywalker4 said:Hey to everyone staying active on this thread...

If I’d known this community existed even two years ago, my life would have been so much easier.
Basically, about nineteen months ago, my mom lost her fight against a Grade 3 oligodendroglioma brain tumor after battling it for eleven months. It all happened with terrifying speed—one day she was perfectly healthy, and the next, she was terminally ill. She actually went into her first brain surgery with a smile on her face, only to wake up the next day paralyzed and struggling to speak because of a medical error at the hospital.
I had to stay strong through all of it, refusing to break, trying to remain positive and optimistic... mostly for her sake, and then for my dad's... even though I was falling apart inside.

Kudos to you all; we need spaces like this where you can just vent everything weighing on your heart and find a little comfort...even if it won't change the outcome for your sick family member, it really helps those of us left standing behind them.

slywalker4 said:Hello to everyone active on this thread...

If only I had known about this group two years ago... life certainly would have been a little less heavy...
To explain, my mother lost her battle with a Grade 3 oligodendroglioma brain tumor one year and seven months ago, after an eleven-month struggle. Everything happened with such suddenness; one day she was perfectly healthy, and the next, she was terminally ill. She headed into her first brain surgery with a smile, only to be left paralyzed and struggling with speech the very next day due to a medical error at the hospital...
And through all of it, I had to stay brave, refuse to break, and maintain a sense of positivity and optimism... primarily for her sake, and then for my father's... even while I was falling apart inside...

Kudos to you all; there truly needs to be a place where you can pour out everything weighing on your soul and receive a comforting word... even if it won't help the sick family member, it helps those of us left behind...

Dana Wilson33 said:Respect to everyone... my sincere condolences to all who have lost loved ones..

I don't really know who to turn to, but I need some help! Two weeks ago, my mom had an ultrasound—it might have been a biopsy, I can't quite remember myself—and today she had to rush back in for a breast biopsy..
I looked at the report, but I forgot to write down exactly what it said. She needs to rest today. What does this mean?? Does this point toward breast cancer?
They took something out, I think they cut into it..

She’s been healthy all year (she goes for her mammograms regularly), but ever since my sister moved in with us and the kids.. she's constantly on edge and stressed out.. clearly, that stress has manifested as illness..
I'm really hoping it isn't the worst-case scenario because I honestly don't know how I'll handle it. I'll be there for her, but she's going to be constantly agitated, blaming all of us for this situation.. she was crying when she got home from the hospital.. I get why..
She even said one day during an argument with my sister that this would drive her straight into the grave..
I feel helpless and incredibly sad, but also angry because they let that older daughter get away with everything, and now she's just stressing everyone out. Every single fight we have is because of her..

I'm terrified of what happens when the results come in; they're supposed to call her. I think she mentioned January 8th.

I'm just as scared as she is, because I have no idea what's coming.. 😢

Dana Wilson33 said:Thanks for those comforting words, Angela Wright.
Even though Mom goes for her mammograms regularly, she can't help but worry about the absolute worst-case scenario happening.

I'll post an update here once we get the results back and know what we're dealing with..
Thanks again for the support.

Angela Wright said:They clearly found some suspicious growth and now they want to perform a biopsy just to figure out what they're dealing with.
There is absolutely no reason to panic or live in fear. A biopsy is performed precisely so that if something—God forbid—is wrong, you can react in time. One ought to remain realistic, rational, and simply wait patiently until the results are finalized. Only then will you see what steps are necessary, assuming any are needed at all...
Man's own mind is often his greatest enemy when it comes to stress, because we tend to manufacture anxiety unnecessarily far in advance. In life, one must face obstacles and solve problems only as they arise. There is no benefit to ruminating ahead of time, other than inducing stress, which is hardly healthy. Life provides enough trouble on its own without our active participation...

Nancy Hernandez43 said:I’ll say it again for the people in the back... A person's greatest enemy is their own fear (Churchill)..

Dana Wilson33... take a deep breath. Pull yourself together and talk things through with your mother. Then, breathe again and lean on your sister—don't hold back. It doesn't matter if it feels like she’s adding more stress; what matters right now is that you are all together. You’re adults, not children anymore, and you can resolve things through honest conversation.

The biopsy itself, like Jane mentioned, might just be an extra precaution. Get those dark thoughts out of your head immediately. No diagnosis is so heavy that a person can't find the strength to look it in the eye and say, "I'm going to fight this with everything I've got."

Today is the last day of the year. There is still a massive amount of time before any calls come in. They aren't going to call you on January 8th because that's a Saturday. Don't sit there waiting for the phone to ring with dread in your stomach. Instead, try to view it as a routine call that will simply arrive and bring a new chapter to your life.

Dana Wilson33 said:Thanks for saying that... maybe I got my dates mixed up, so the results might actually be coming in on January 10th. Everything is just a complete blur right now. She was crying today while talking to some lady about it... it’s just devastating.
I think she’s heading back to the hospital on the 11th, and now her only real "job" is figuring out what to do with her sister's kids—her grandkids. I can't take them, and when she actually said, "If I have to, they're coming to the hospital with me," I honestly wanted to scream from pure frustration. She’s constantly putting her kids ahead of herself, and honestly, that's exactly why things ended up this way. Her daughter couldn't care less about anything; she just shows up when everything is already cooked, cleaned, and laid out on a silver platter. Meanwhile, Mom does nothing but sit there and whine about them. 😢

Angela Wright;30847562 said:It is clearly a matter of Mom's own choosing. What you can actually do is sit down with your sister and have a real conversation about how Mom needs her own space right now to focus on herself, and how life simply needs to be reorganized. Honestly, I believe people ultimately do what they want to do, and it is quite rare that anyone can be coerced into doing something against their will.[/QUOTE]

I find myself in agreement...
The most grueling part is admitting to yourself that you are facing a fight... then comes the difficulty of accepting that struggle, until all that remains is the quiet, heavy question of "what now, and how do we move forward?"

Perhaps it is time to reach out to your sister and leave the tears behind... weeping won't provide any assistance, nor has it ever... what you require is courage and a genuine will to prevail... to remain composed while awaiting the lab results—regardless of what they may reveal—because there is always some way through...

We received an official statement from the "American Association Friend of the Hospice," which I've included below. If you have any questions regarding their operations, suggestions, or critiques, please reach out to them directly via the contact info provided.

Quote:

Dear forum members, The American Association Friend of the Hospice is a non-profit organization. Like all such associations within the United States, we are primarily funded through domestic donations and private contributions. Our core mission—alongside providing continuous education for anyone interested—is providing hospice home visits for patients in the terminal stages of life resulting from progressive malignant diseases. Here is how the process works: If someone requires a hospice team—for instance, a medical team consisting of a doctor and nurses, though we also have psychologists, social workers, and clergy available—the caregivers should contact the Association. We hold a brief initial conversation to exchange necessary details (the nature of the malignancy, current medications, whether existing treatments are managing pain effectively, and the patient's general condition, including nutrition and bodily functions). Following these initial touchpoints, a home visit is scheduled. It is only during this visit that we can assess the true state of the patient and work alongside family members to improve their quality of life. At this stage, we request copies of medical records so the physician can be fully informed about the patient's history. It is important to note that while a patient is undergoing active hospital treatment, the Association does not intervene; we can only provide necessary information and consultations. In America, palliative care is designed to act as an extension of the existing healthcare system, stepping in when the medical system has reached its limit in terms of curative treatment and intensive care. Regarding the approval of aid: that does not fall within our scope of work. All our services are free of charge and based entirely on volunteerism, depending solely on the availability of our volunteers. There is no requirement to become a member of the Association to receive any form of cooperation or support. Decisions regarding the approval of supplies (diapers, pads, incontinence products, oxygen concentrators, etc.) are handled by the healthcare system, specifically the CHIF. Any issues regarding nursing supplies or home assistance equipment (walkers, etc.) should primarily be resolved with the primary care physician, who can provide guidance on what rights and benefits can be exercised. Any materials or resources held by the Association are acquired through donations. When we have items in stock—such as diapers or specialized waste bags—we provide them to patients in need. The same applies to walkers, beds, or mattresses; if we have them, we lend them out. If we don't have them, we simply cannot conjure them out of thin air, regardless of how much the family caring for a terminal patient might need them. I hope this provides enough basic information to clear up any misconceptions or misinformation regarding the American Association Friend of the Hospice. I remain available for any further questions or clarifications. Tihomir Bukvic, Medical Technician AmericanAssociationFriendofHospice@newyork.com

Angela Wright said:As promised, I am posting their official response here:

Angela Wright said:Because life gets incredibly heavy—not just for those fighting the illness, but for their families and everyone close to them—and because our society doesn't always provide the psychological support or the specialized care we actually need, I decided to start this forum. Having been right in the thick of it myself, I wanted to create a space where those of us who have been there, or are currently navigating these waters, can lean on one another for advice and genuine support.

Please, feel free to leave a post here; I'll always make sure to write back, whether it’s to offer some advice or just to sit with you in the quiet moments when things feel overwhelming—sometimes it feels like the weight on the caregivers is even heavier than the battle itself.

Personally, I've walked through hell and I'm still finding my way out of it, and honestly, I don't think anyone should ever have to face this kind of struggle alone.

Sending big hugs to everyone.