Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

Thank you so much! This was exactly what I needed to hear. We’re heading to see the oncologist now, and honestly, we aren't leaving until we get answers, even if they try to kick us out of the office. I know deep down I could never forgive myself if I didn't push for this—it would feel like I was just turning my back on her. On another note, regarding Prosure, Mom can't stomach it at all; she simply can't take it. She is still using Megostat, but over the last few days, she's barely eaten anything.

Amanda Martinez28 said:My dad left us on October 5th and was laid to rest on October 6th, right on my birthday.
I don't even know what to say besides that it was horrific, just absolutely terrifying, and I had to witness every single second because he kept calling for me, staying conscious almost until the very end. Watching your closest person struggle to breathe right in front of you while you’re sick yourself, and him basically begging you for help... God, it was devastating. I'll never be able to scrub the image from my mind of the EMT crew bypassing him at first, and then seeing her, all swollen and exhausted, kneeling by his bed trying to find a vein, after the guy from the day before started breaking down in tears looking for a vein too and had to call a partner over just to get through it. But the worst part of all of this is that my father passed away in my mother's arms at 3:15 PM on October 4th, then again in my brother's hands around 6:00 PM, and then around 9:00 PM, somehow coming back to himself because of our screaming and mourning before the doctor arrived. It’s impossible to put into words, but after that second time, I went to the church, lit a candle, and just prayed to Jesus to take him home soon... I just have to hope my father isn't angry, that he knows everything I did, I did for his own good.

To everyone else fighting this evil out there, I truly hope you win your battles, and every victory you claim will be a joy to me, because I'll always be standing right here with you.

Best,

Honey, I just saw this. I am so sorry. Please accept my deepest condolences.
I know exactly what you've been through, and it's honestly incredible how much strength God provides in moments like these. Your father knew how much you loved him and how hard you fought for him.
Believe me, right after my father passed, I would wake up thinking about him, expecting him to call me to come pick him up from the hospital. I could actually feel him sitting there in the living room with me, just listening to him breathe. I was haunted by this crushing guilt and anger, wondering what else I could have done for him when I didn't.
It's only been about three months now, and I'm finally feeling grateful that I was given the grace to care for him while he couldn't move—to feed him, to comfort him, to talk to him when he couldn't speak, to hold his hand and tell him I loved him...
I'm also thankful I got the chance to say goodbye.
Don't worry, sweetie, unfortunately, it just had to be this way and there's nothing we can change. Our fathers are somewhere up there watching over us, acting like guardian angels. That's what I firmly believe. Love, 😘

Melissa Parker37 said:Honey, I just saw this. I am so sorry. Please accept my deepest condolences.
I know everything you've been through, and it’s honestly incredible how much strength God gives us during times like these. Your father knew how much you loved him and how hard you fought for him.
Believe me, right after my dad passed, I’d wake up thinking he was going to call me to come pick him up from the hospital. I could practically feel him sitting there in the living room with me, just listening to him breathe. I was haunted by this guilt and anger, wondering what else I could have done for him when I didn't.
It’s only now, almost three months later, that I’m feeling grateful. Grateful that I had the grace to care for my dad while he couldn't move—to feed him, to comfort him, to talk to him when he couldn't speak, to hold his hand and tell him I loved him...
And I'm so thankful I got the chance to say goodbye.
Don't worry, sweetie. Unfortunately, it just had to be this way, and there's nothing we can change. Our fathers are up there somewhere, watching over us like guardian angels. I truly believe that. Sending kisses. 😘

Thanks Melissa Parker37, and thanks quietraven0. I know Dad is in a better place now, finally free from all the pain and that awful suffocating feeling. But man, how do you make peace with the fact that you'll never see him, hear him, or kiss him again? Ugh, I miss him so much I feel like I'm losing it. It feels heavier every single day.

Amanda Martinez28 said:Thanks Dorja, and thanks to all the quietraven0s out there. I know deep down my dad is in a better place now—that he’s finally free from the pain and that horrible suffocating feeling—but how am I supposed to just accept that I'll never see him, talk to him, or kiss him again? God, I miss him so much it feels like I'm losing my mind, and honestly, it seems to get heavier with every passing day.

Amanda Martinez28, along with everyone else who has recently lost someone close, I want to invite you to join this topic I started after my mom passed away. I realized that venting my grief and my longing here doesn't really help those currently in the fight; if anything, it can be overwhelming or even counterproductive for people trying to stay focused on recovery.
Let's move those conversations over there.

Angela Wright said:Amanda Martinez28, and everyone else who has lost someone recently—I’m inviting you to join this topic I started after losing my mom. I realized that my own grief and how much I miss her won't really help those currently fighting their battles here. It might even be upsetting or counterproductive for them.
Let's talk about that over there.

You're totally right. Sorry to anyone still fighting; I didn't mean to come off as selfish.

Emily Fox15 said:I’m really hoping someone here (maybe someone who’s already dealt with what I’m going through with my mom) can help me out with their own experience, because I honestly don't know if I'm making the right calls. My mom is visibly getting weaker every single day—she’s less mobile, eating less, and she spends most of her time sleeping. I guess it’s just easier for her that way. But when she does wake up, she’s often disoriented, sometimes just rambling nonsense. When I ask her if she wants anything, her go-to answer is usually "I don't know." The hardest part of all this is that she’s asked me several times to take her somewhere—to a hospital, another doctor, whatever—just so she can get help, because she thinks she’s going to die otherwise. I just can't bring myself to crush that last little shred of hope and tell her that hospitals don't really want patients in her condition. On the flip side, it's so hard to look her in the eye and lie to her saying she’ll get better when I know deep down that even she kind of realizes it won't. I feel incredibly helpless and just plain sad because I don't know how to make things easier for her or actually help. It’s not that doing things for her is hard, it’s just that it feels like such a tiny amount compared to what she needs!
She has an appointment scheduled for Saturday, October 24th (her first one since the surgery) with the oncologist. I know the appointment probably doesn't make much sense anymore, and I have no clue how the doctor would even react seeing her in this state, but maybe it would make her feel better just knowing that *something* is being done about her situation.
Please, please share your experiences.
- How do I respond without hurting her or making her miserable?
- Is there any point in putting her through the drive to the oncologist, or is it pointless?

That's tomorrow.
You should definitely take her, even if they probably won't admit her.

And just be by her side as much as you possibly can. Mostly for her sake, but honestly, later on, it's for yours too, because you'll see once the talking is over 😢.....you'll feel better knowing you gave it everything you had.
Every single minute counts during days like these.

Amanda Martinez28 said:My dad left us on October 5th, and we had his funeral on October 6th—right on my birthday.
I don't even know what to say, other than it was horrific. Just absolutely terrifying. And I had to witness all of it because he kept calling for me, and he was lucid almost until the very end. Watching your closest person struggle for breath right in front of you while they're sick—and then having him practically beg you for help? God, it’s just devastating. I'll never be able to shake the image of the EMT crew skipping over him at first, and then seeing her, all swollen and exhausted, kneeling by his bed trying desperately to find a vein. Even the guy from the day before started breaking down, crying and calling for backup just to find a vein. But the hardest part? My dad passed away in my mom's arms around 3:15 PM on the 4th, then again in my brother's arms around 6:00 PM, and then somehow, around 9:00 PM, right before the doctor arrived, he seemed to come back to life just from the sound of us screaming and grieving for him. It's impossible to put into words. After that second time, I just went to church, lit a candle, and asked God to take him home soon. I just have to hope that he isn't angry, and that he knows everything I did, I did for his own good.

To everyone else out there fighting this evil, I truly, deeply hope you win. Every single victory you get is a win for me too, and I'll always be standing right here with you.

Hang in there,

Amanda Martinez28, please accept my sincerest condolences. Your dad is definitely in a better place now, and he knows you did absolutely everything in your power for him.
Stay strong.

Amanda Martinez28 said:My dad passed away on October 5th, and we had his funeral on October 6th—right on my birthday.

Amanda Martinez28, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Your dad is definitely in a better place now, and he knows you did absolutely everything in your power for him.
Hang in there.

Lisa White54 said:Amanda Martinez28, please accept my deepest condolences. I know your father is in a much better place now, watching over you, knowing you did absolutely everything possible for him.
Hang in there.

Thanks so much, Lisa White54.
You and your husband are such an inspiration to so many people.
Wishing you guys nothing but the best.

I’m checking in here for the very first time, and honestly, I just finished reading the last page of this thread, and it’s left me quite emotional. It really brought back memories of my father passing away—though he wasn't fighting cancer—and it just touches on all those deep-seated fears we carry inside.
I wanted to reach out to anyone who has navigated colorectal cancer (since the first post I stumbled upon was specifically about that) to ask what your early symptoms were like, what kind of testing you went through, and anything else you think is important to know.
I hope I’m not overstepping by posting here before I have an official diagnosis, but I’ve dealt with health issues for years that my doctors simply brushed off. Because both my grandmother and great-grandmother passed away from colorectal cancer, that specific fear has always lived in the back of my mind. Recently, my doctors finally started taking my symptoms seriously—especially after I spent several days seeing visible blood in my stool—so they scheduled a colonoscopy. I’ve already had the procedure, though it didn't go smoothly at all. The pain was so intense that they could only examine part of my colon. They did find one large polyp and five tiny ones; they removed them all, and now I'm just waiting on the pathology results.
This morning, exactly one week after the colonoscopy, I woke up with a sudden, urgent need to use the bathroom. It was mostly diarrhea, and there was more blood than anything else.
I realize I’ve rambled on quite a bit! It would mean the world to me to hear from people who have walked this path and have some experience to share.
My nerves are just completely shot right now.

Hey, feralharbor89, I hope you aren't counting those years as a literal sentence, right?
My dad passed away because he just ran out of steam from being so exhausted, but honestly, I wouldn't say anything definitive to you since it might not mean the same thing in your case.

I guess you just have to stay optimistic, because I really think your headspace and your willpower matter more than people admit.
Let me know once your lab results come in, and hang in there!!

Nancy Hernandez43 said:No matter how much it feels like the fight is over, unfortunately, the struggle continues in the form of acceptance. Be brave and truly believe that it’s better that the pain has stopped. My deepest condolences and a virtual hug to you. Hang in there and remember everything he would have wanted for you—how he’d want you to walk through life—because he’ll be right there following your lead..

thanks, it really is like that. this battle isn't finished just yet. I just need a different kind of weapon now. Guided by the love for my children and my husband who need me. And knowing that he loved me... even if it was in his own unique way.....

feralharbor89, those symptoms you mentioned sound pretty heavy, and since you’ve dealt with colon issues yourself, I know you truly get how serious this stuff can be. But honestly, until those lab results actually come back, nobody knows anything for sure... it's all just speculation at this point. I wonder if there's anything you can even do in the meantime, maybe push for some extra testing or something?
What are the blood work numbers looking like?
It’s definitely worrying, but I really don't think it has to be colon cancer.
Even if it turns out to be the worst-case scenario, please don't go comparing your situation to what your grandma or great-grandma went through. Treatment methods and the whole approach to managing this disease have changed so much over the years, and patients—despite all the hurdles they face—actually have way better odds now than they used to. I'm crossing my fingers for you... please let us know once the results are in!

On another note, my mom had surgery for colon cancer about 16 months ago. She's feeling pretty good now... though I’m still sitting here anxiously waiting on her follow-up tests. Her next round of scans isn't for another two months.

My father-in-law is going in for his second surgery today (ten months after the first one). The PET scan showed some suspicious changes, which is scary. Since his blood work and other tests came back fine, we’re desperately hoping the scan was just a false alarm... has anyone here dealt with PET CT scans before? I know it's supposed to be the most detailed imaging out there, but I've heard stories about how it can pick up on random inflammation and give you a bunch of false positives...

Thanks so much for all the encouragement! And actually, I'm not quite that old—I've just hit 50.
I know that medical science is making incredible strides every single day, so I’m staying optimistic, though I have to admit this waiting game is pretty tough to handle. My grandmother didn't even get any real treatment, unfortunately, because by the time her illness was finally caught, it was already too late. Her specialist hadn't recommended any proactive screenings, and I haven't even followed up with my own doctor yet. Thanks again to everyone here!

Emily Fox15 said:I want to apologize for not having the strength or even the time to respond to such beautiful words of comfort until now—words that I truly needed then, and honestly, still need today. Based on everything I’ve been reading here on the forum, I believe my mother has reached what is considered the terminal stage, and the hope for a full recovery seems to have slipped away. We are doing our absolute best to make her final moments as peaceful as possible, though it feels like an uphill battle sometimes. In the midst of all this, I find my true strength through prayer and in God.
Thank you once again, and may the good Lord watch over you all!

It genuinely warms my heart to know I can offer some support to someone else. Please, stay strong; I am sending nothing but my very best wishes your way, even though I know just how heavy this burden feels right now. Warm regards.

It would certainly be ideal if the colonoscopy had been carried out to its full extent, but we have to make the best of the situation at hand. Generally speaking, once doctors remove polyps, they can tell almost immediately whether they're dealing with something benign or something more concerning, and they usually communicate that right away. My husband, for instance, has had polyps removed on several occasions, and every single time his doctor confirmed they were completely harmless. On the other hand, I know an acquaintance whose colonoscopy revealed actual carcinoma, which meant he had to be sent straight into surgery. I think you catch my drift. Because those polyps absolutely must be removed, I’d suggest following up with another colonoscopy regardless of what the pathology report says. I truly hope that offers you at least a little bit of peace of mind.
Best regards,

Donna Chase said:Ideally, the colonoscopy would be thorough, but you have to deal with what happened. Once doctors remove polyps, they usually know right away if they’re looking at something benign or something much more dangerous—they generally tell you immediately. My husband has had polyps removed several times now, and every single time, the doctor confirmed they were harmless. On the other hand, an acquaintance of mine had a colonoscopy where they identified carcinoma, and he was sent straight into surgery. I think you get my point. Polyps absolutely have to be removed, so go ahead and schedule that follow-up colonoscopy regardless of whatever the pathology report says. I hope that helps settle your nerves even just a little bit.
Regards.

I agree. You need regular checkups to monitor everything and ensure any polyps are cleared out. While they are often benign, in over 90% of cases, colon cancer stems from them. Honestly, there is no better way to prevent colorectal cancer than through the consistent removal of polyps. Good luck!

nimbletrucker72 said:thank you, it really is true that this fight isn't over yet. I just need to find my footing again. Let the love for my children and my husband—who truly need me—guide me. And let me hold onto the knowledge that he loved me, even if it was in his own complicated way.....

Facing reality is difficult, but one truly must press on with the same, if not greater, fervor throughout life, even when loss feels impossible to overcome. Stay strong and be brave.

feralharbor89 said:I’m posting here for the very first time. I just read the last page and honestly, I’m struggling to write without tearing up... It really brought back memories of my father passing away—though it wasn't cancer—and, well, it just touches on all those deep-seated fears we carry...
I wanted to reach out to anyone who has dealt with colon cancer (since the first post I stumbled upon was specifically about that)—what were your symptoms? What kind of tests did you go through? Anything else you think is important to know...
I hope I’m not out of place here, since I don't have an official diagnosis yet, but I’ve been dealing with issues for years that doctors just brushed off... And given that both my grandmother and great-grandmother passed away from colon cancer, I've always lived with this constant dread. Recently, though, the doctors finally started taking my symptoms seriously—especially after I spent days seeing visible blood in my stool—and they scheduled a colonoscopy. I had the procedure done, but it didn't exactly go smoothly. The pain was just unbearable, so they could only examine part of my colon. They found one large polyp and five tiny ones. They removed them all, and now I'm just waiting on the biopsy results.
This morning, a full week after the colonoscopy, I woke up with this intense urge to go... and it was just diarrhea—honestly, there was more blood than anything else!
Oh boy, I am rambling way too much! It would mean the world to me if I could hear from people who have actually walked this path.
Because my nerves are just shot!

My mom had surgery for colon cancer last year during her seventh month of pregnancy, and she’s doing great now—fingers crossed it stays that way.🙂

Your symptoms sound serious, but listen—it could all just be from benign polyps. It doesn't necessarily mean it's cancer.
My mom always struggled with bowel issues, so she didn't immediately suspect anything life-threatening either... it probably developed from polyps, so you really did the right thing by getting checked out when you did.🙂

I'm really hoping everything turns out okay. Please keep us posted.🙂

My dear, my one and only, has left me forever. I can only hope that wherever she is, there is no more pain, no more suffering, and no more tears. All that remains is an indescribable emptiness, a heavy grief, and the constant, gnawing question of whether I truly did everything within my power to save her. May the good Lord watch over you all.