#3681 ·
I guess it’s my turn to weigh in on the mother-in-law topic...
We Americans can be such strange creatures. Take me, for example—it actually eats at me that I have zero contact with my mother-in-law. My husband and I have been together for five years, and we’ve been married for a year and a half.
Honestly, I envy you guys, even if yours are total witches!
Don't get me wrong, I know exactly what it's like to deal with a CRAZY mother-in-law (my own mom). My grandma never really accepted her because she felt like she "stole" her only son. She plays the part of being obsessed with her, but you can see how she constantly looks for any excuse to take a dig at her. It was always a competition. She used to tell me all this stuff about how my mom was this or that, and I was just a kid, so one day at a family BBQ, I straight-up asked my grandma why she didn't like my mom. At the start of their marriage, she pulled all these stunts just to drive them apart until my dad finally realized what was happening, packed us up, and moved us far away from them. I’ve told my mom a hundred times that I wouldn't have tolerated it, and if it weren't for Dad, I wouldn't even know his parents today—but Mom is the reason I still know and love my crazy grandma. My mom always says, "Well, what can you do? She's mom to your dad and your grandma to you."
As for my husband’s mom, we don't talk. It's not that she's a bad person, per se; we just don't see eye-to-eye on fundamental life stuff. She plays the martyr and caters entirely to her parents and sisters. Everything revolves around her whims. She never truly grew up; she never stood up to her parents, and she suppressed her own kids just to keep her mom and dad happy. She never prioritized the needs of her children or her husband over her parents and siblings... and now, apparently, her nephews! When my husband realized he wanted a life of his own, he walked away from that dynamic and we got married. Her parents took it hard; they had envisioned their grandson living with them and taking care of them. And the second anyone questions her parents? Boom. Total meltdown. They just couldn't accept that we wanted our own lives, separate from them. They said some pretty nasty things to him, insulted him, and that was the end of the communication. Now, we show up for the holidays, we talk about the weather, and that's it. My mother-in-law once told him, you chose this, so I won't interfere in your life and she takes that literally. It makes me feel incredibly sad and lonely. I envy those of you who have at least *some* kind of connection... I have nothing.
She showed up when she found out I was pregnant, and she’ll probably show up again because it’s my birthday these days. She just goes through the motions. It's "duty calls," it's "it's the right thing to do," it's "protocol." Not to mention, last year she didn't even bother with my birthday—not a card, not a text, not a call. The only reason she’s showing interest now is because of the pregnancy. There is no deep bond, just someone going through the motions 😢 superficially, painfully superficially... and it’s so hollow because you don't feel any sense of belonging or connection. Every time she's supposed to visit us, or we go to them, I get anxious. My blood pressure spikes, my heart races, my stomach knots up. 😢 I want everything to be okay, mostly for my husband's sake, because it breaks my heart that he can't find common ground with his mother. But I can't intervene because I don't feel important enough in her life for her to listen to me or even hear me. To her, I am just her son's wife. Once, we actually tried to sit down and talk through our issues (two days before a big family dinner), and it ended in such a massive blowout that I burst into tears and fled the house as fast as my legs could carry me. So now, I just stick to talking about the weather. 😢
Sorry for the novel, and I'm not trying to offend anyone, but I just wanted to say that I would actually prefer a mother-in-law who is involved in my life, even if she's a nagging little witch. 😢 I'd rather we openly know if we love or hate each other, as long as we can tolerate one another for my husband's sake and for our future children. This total ignorance... 😢 I think that's the worst part. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong and I should be grateful I don't have her breathing down my neck, but this doesn't satisfy me. It honestly makes me want to cry.😢
We Americans can be such strange creatures. Take me, for example—it actually eats at me that I have zero contact with my mother-in-law. My husband and I have been together for five years, and we’ve been married for a year and a half.
Honestly, I envy you guys, even if yours are total witches!
Don't get me wrong, I know exactly what it's like to deal with a CRAZY mother-in-law (my own mom). My grandma never really accepted her because she felt like she "stole" her only son. She plays the part of being obsessed with her, but you can see how she constantly looks for any excuse to take a dig at her. It was always a competition. She used to tell me all this stuff about how my mom was this or that, and I was just a kid, so one day at a family BBQ, I straight-up asked my grandma why she didn't like my mom. At the start of their marriage, she pulled all these stunts just to drive them apart until my dad finally realized what was happening, packed us up, and moved us far away from them. I’ve told my mom a hundred times that I wouldn't have tolerated it, and if it weren't for Dad, I wouldn't even know his parents today—but Mom is the reason I still know and love my crazy grandma. My mom always says, "Well, what can you do? She's mom to your dad and your grandma to you."
As for my husband’s mom, we don't talk. It's not that she's a bad person, per se; we just don't see eye-to-eye on fundamental life stuff. She plays the martyr and caters entirely to her parents and sisters. Everything revolves around her whims. She never truly grew up; she never stood up to her parents, and she suppressed her own kids just to keep her mom and dad happy. She never prioritized the needs of her children or her husband over her parents and siblings... and now, apparently, her nephews! When my husband realized he wanted a life of his own, he walked away from that dynamic and we got married. Her parents took it hard; they had envisioned their grandson living with them and taking care of them. And the second anyone questions her parents? Boom. Total meltdown. They just couldn't accept that we wanted our own lives, separate from them. They said some pretty nasty things to him, insulted him, and that was the end of the communication. Now, we show up for the holidays, we talk about the weather, and that's it. My mother-in-law once told him, you chose this, so I won't interfere in your life and she takes that literally. It makes me feel incredibly sad and lonely. I envy those of you who have at least *some* kind of connection... I have nothing.
She showed up when she found out I was pregnant, and she’ll probably show up again because it’s my birthday these days. She just goes through the motions. It's "duty calls," it's "it's the right thing to do," it's "protocol." Not to mention, last year she didn't even bother with my birthday—not a card, not a text, not a call. The only reason she’s showing interest now is because of the pregnancy. There is no deep bond, just someone going through the motions 😢 superficially, painfully superficially... and it’s so hollow because you don't feel any sense of belonging or connection. Every time she's supposed to visit us, or we go to them, I get anxious. My blood pressure spikes, my heart races, my stomach knots up. 😢 I want everything to be okay, mostly for my husband's sake, because it breaks my heart that he can't find common ground with his mother. But I can't intervene because I don't feel important enough in her life for her to listen to me or even hear me. To her, I am just her son's wife. Once, we actually tried to sit down and talk through our issues (two days before a big family dinner), and it ended in such a massive blowout that I burst into tears and fled the house as fast as my legs could carry me. So now, I just stick to talking about the weather. 😢
Sorry for the novel, and I'm not trying to offend anyone, but I just wanted to say that I would actually prefer a mother-in-law who is involved in my life, even if she's a nagging little witch. 😢 I'd rather we openly know if we love or hate each other, as long as we can tolerate one another for my husband's sake and for our future children. This total ignorance... 😢 I think that's the worst part. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong and I should be grateful I don't have her breathing down my neck, but this doesn't satisfy me. It honestly makes me want to cry.😢
