Posts by Roger Hall15

Linda Peterson37 said:When I look at it all laid out like this and really sit with the thought—well, who else do I actually need? It’s true, I don't need anyone else or anything more, other than, obviously, for my dad to get better. But I'm only human, and certain things just get under my skin; it's hard to stay totally indifferent to it all. I'm mostly talking about those people in our extended family circles who haven't even bothered to call my mom in months to check in, or the ones who finally do call but don't even bother asking how my dad is doing. Then there are the people who show up after ages just to lecture my mom on what she should or shouldn't be doing, or the folks you run into at the grocery store acting all curious and concerned when they never actually pick up the phone or stop by. Or the ones telling my mom she ought to reach out to certain relatives despite those family ties having been severed years ago, and so on, and so forth.
And the more I dwell on it, the sadder I feel...
sending my best to everyone.

Dear Linda Peterson37, you aren't alone in dealing with this kind of thing. 🙂
I have to be honest—and it’s probably high time I admitted it—that many people in my inner circle have essentially turned into mere objects to me. I'm not angry at anyone, and I don't hold any bitterness; I just realize I have this opportunity now in life to "test out" everything I've ever read or wondered about, and for that, I am endlessly grateful. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, I'm coming out ahead here because God blessed me with a mother who drives me absolutely crazy. I've managed to pull out strengths from within myself that I never dreamed I possessed. I can joke about it, I can laugh at her little outbursts, and later on, I can laugh at myself. That's honestly the best part.😁
Don't let it make you sad. 🙂

I believe those people are simply doing the best they can. They just aren't capable anymore, whether that's due to selfishness, fear, or who knows what else. We are the ones who have been given the chance to put this to the test, and we are passing. We are moving right past those people. Maybe some of them catch up to us, maybe they pass us quickly, maybe they don't.
I've realized that by getting upset over it, I'm just standing still. I'm wasting my time. Sure, occasionally I lose my mind, but it's brief; I just process it through my system and move on without looking back. If I mess up, I mess up.
In the end, I almost feel bad for them because I've realized that those jerks have actually helped me more by doing nothing concrete or useful, but by simply staying away. They are providing the raw building materials while I build myself up.

Amanda Miller69 said:Hey everyone,
I just wanted to drop in and share some incredible news—it turns out my mom's cancer is actually operable. She’s still in surgery right now, but I managed to get a quick call from the anesthesiologist. She’s going to have to deal with a colostomy bag afterward, but honestly, that feels like such a small price to pay for more time. Just yesterday, Dr. Majerović told me we were looking at terminal stage, basically saying this was just about squeezing out maybe three more years. But even that is a huge win. He mentioned a patient who had a much tougher case than my mom is already fully recovered. I have to head back to his office tomorrow to go over all the specifics of what they did and figure out the next steps. Sending so much love to you all, I am just so incredibly happy.🙂

😍 That’s amazing! 👍

Donna Hernandez21 said:I’ve been putting off posting this for a week now... almost as if doing so would actually change anything about the situation...
My dad (he's 55) was diagnosed with lung cancer last week. Based on what we know so far, there's a chance it might be linked to melanoma or hepatocellular carcinoma.
He’s scheduled for a transthoracic needle biopsy this Thursday, so we still don't have a definitive answer on the exact "type" of cancer we're dealing with.

I honestly just don't know what to think...
Someone suggested that if he's in good enough shape for surgery, he should really try to get it done at the Mayo Clinic. Does anyone have any recommendations for specific doctors there?
We're originally from somewhere out west, like Portland...

I don't know... I have a hundred questions swirling around, but I can't seem to form a single coherent one... it's like my brain has just gone completely numb...

Thanks, everyone..

My mom is currently receiving treatment at the Mayo Clinic, though she has a different kind—small cell carcinoma. I can't quite recall how the initial referral process worked, or if there was anything specific we had to hunt down ourselves. She was originally diagnosed at a different hospital and then transferred over to the Mayo Clinic, where they pinned down the exact type during her tests. Now, after nearly a year of this, all I remember is that I pick up a new referral for her from our primary care doctor at least once a month.

I don't have anything bad to say (well, nothing too harsh) 😁 about the doctors, and honestly, the nursing staff has been wonderful. 👍 The unit where my mom is staying was undergoing some renovations (I think they're wrapping that up around now), and we're just waiting on her next follow-up. It's mostly just coordination; we always have the paperwork ready to go. We drive her up there, and since we can't really leave her unsupervised anymore, we just take it day by day. Sometimes they send her home right after the exam, and then we head back to the doctor once the results are in. The discharge papers always specify when the next check-up or treatment session is scheduled. After being in this for so long, you develop a different perspective on everything. I remember that initial feeling of pure panic, but even that feels distant now.

Once they nail down the specific type of cancer, they'll propose a treatment plan. That's when you'll really see the path forward.
Until then, just hang in there, and once you finally know exactly who your "enemy" is, you can dive into the fight with everything you've got.

Hey there to all the regulars and the newcomers alike, sending 🙂 my best to everyone here.

We’re still pushing through—it hasn't been easy, especially since Mom can barely get around these days—but we aren't backing down. Things feel a bit up in the air right now, though I suppose uncertainty isn't the worst thing we could be dealing with. I'll post a more detailed update once I've managed to catch my breath.

Hang in there, everyone. 👍

I'm really crossing my fingers that you're able to find enough blood donors. I happen to be O+ myself, and I know firsthand how much of a difference that makes.

Jerry Smith11 said:Once those test results actually come back, what’s the move? Are we just supposed to hand everything over to the doctors and leave it in God's hands, or is there more to it than that?

May God be with you all. Hang in there. 🙂

Angela Wright said:Look, girl, I know you don't mean anything by it and you might actually get annoyed with me, but honestly, your posts and all those stories about your mom always have me laughing until I cry. You two are just such a handful😍
I really hope your nerves hold up, because I seriously admire how you deal with all of this.🙏

Why on earth would I be mad? Are you out of your mind? 😘
I was hoping to spend some time over on the Association's forum, but I haven't had the chance yet. While I was poking around there, I stumbled upon a link in one of the threads to a group specifically dedicated to microcellular carcinoma. Some of the posts there felt like they were written about my life.

Sending love to everyone. 🙂

brisktinker7 said:And thirdly, which is actually what matters most to me, is where to go for treatment, advice, or anything else, because while medical care here might be okay, the actual treatment protocols feel a bit shaky....
We want a second, third, eighth, even a fifteenth opinion just to make sure we've exhausted every single possibility....I should mention that my dad (who this is about) is in a pretty good headspace, he's determined to beat this, he has a lot of support around him, and nobody has spiraled into depression (not even sadness in front of him)......
..I'm rambling again....I really wanted to ask where all those politicians and wealthy, ordinary people go for treatment abroad?....We don't have the money, but I’ll turn everything upside down to find them...right now, though, it's harder just finding the addresses of institutions that even deal with this stuff..
..please help.....

Hello everyone, old friends and new. 🙂

People get treated poorly abroad too; diagnoses get botched, therapies end up being insufficient... I don't think they're some kind of miracle workers over there, just like I don't think people here are totally clueless and incapable. For us, traveling wasn't an option, not just because we probably couldn't afford it, but because Mom was—and still is—in too bad of a state to travel anywhere. I've been digging through the internet, following groups, reading, talking to people (mostly listening, actually, and very little talking myself). The necessary information eventually found its way to me; I just let it select itself.

I just want to say, I'm crossing my fingers for you. 🙂
I know it isn't concrete help, but—keep searching, keep searching, and keep searching, and everything will be fine. That's all, just support.

Amanda Nelson54 said:Hey everyone!

Just wanted to share some good news—the results from the second biopsy are CLEAR! There's no new tumor! It turned out to be just an inflammatory process in the sinus. They'll repeat the biopsy in a month just to be 100% sure, but for now, everything is okay.
I can't even tell you how happy I am...

Otherwise, Dad isn't doing great; he's had the flu for 10 days now. His fever has dropped to 99, but he's weak as a wet noodle, barely able to stand on his feet. But, I hope he'll bounce back soon, especially now that he knows the results are good. If anyone has any good suggestions on how to get him back to normal faster, please let me know...

Greetings to all!

Bravo. 👍

It makes me happy to read such good news, and I'm happy for all of you who bring hope to this place. And hoping that we can endure the fight is also a form of hope.

Dad will get stronger, but don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen overnight. Just persist and persist, and it will be okay. 🙂
I can recommend native propolis, and my mother also takes royal jelly from the same producer. Quality nutrition is just as important. For supplements, she takes B-complex and magnesium. Everything else is taken by the spoonful or fork, or sipped from a cup. Medications are a different story, but I think we've narrowed them down to a minimum, and what he's taking now is it. For now.

Meanwhile, within the family circle—and I don't have much of a family tree to speak of—there are two other cases of cancer popping up.🙄

Mom managed to kill the goldfish in the meantime.😁
The thing is, she had this mutant little gold fish that had somehow lived for what feels like an eternity, and she’d been filling the aquarium almost to the very brim. It's hard to keep tabs on every single detail.
Even though there was a mesh cover on it, slightly frayed at the edges, the fish must have just slipped out and landed on the floor. She didn't even realize it was gone. She kept insisting to me that it was still in there and asking why I couldn't see it, right up until I actually picked it up off the ground.
She’s gone and built up another stash of forbidden pills. She goes for walks with her housekeeper—the one who comes by three hours a day—and sends her over to CVS while she heads to the pharmacy, which are basically next door to each other. Naturally, the lady gave in, and Mom ended up buying a whole haul of sedatives and painkillers. When she started snoring loudly in front of the TV, and then it happened again the next day, I realized something was off and did a bit of a sweep. Today, my suspicions are rising again, but I can't really prove anything to her.😁
I can't even explain to her how much it froze my blood, because my first thought was that her sodium levels were dropping again, which would mean the cancer had flared up. She doesn't grasp that, and I don't even try to tell her anymore; she just can't understand how certain moments affect us. Well, if there's one thing she knows for sure, it's that Ljubičić won. 😁
She absolutely loves tennis, and sports in general. ESPN is one of her favorite channels.😕

She’s in college now and messages her cousin who lives abroad every single day. Since I’ve been oversleeping at her place more and more lately, I told her that if her professors wake her up tomorrow—since they all seem to send emails in the crack of dawn—she should imagine the notifications just flying past her. She agreed to silence her phone, but now she's worried she might miss an important email if everything is muted.😛

- "Are you coming home soon?"
- "Why's that?"😁
- "I'm just getting a little hungry." 🎉

It’s been forever since I last heard her say something like that. 👍

I suppose this should be seen as a good sign, but honestly, I feel like I’m cracking a bit more now, and I’m actually feeling more terrified than I did when we first got my mom's diagnosis from the doctors at the Mayo Clinic.
I'm being so irrational.👎

I'm going to go feed her, then I'll hop back on later tonight to write a few more things down.

brightgardener8 said:😁 it’s not like I don't understand you...
It’s pretty much the same story over here in the States. My mom’s condition has taken a real turn for the worse lately; I actually thought about moving in with her, but because of some ridiculous series of events—plus her apartment is on the complete opposite side of town from my job, whereas mine is just a ten-minute walk away, and my sister lives right near me—we decided it made more sense to move Mom into my place instead. Joy.
I honestly have no clue how this is going to work out, but we have to give it a shot. We don't really have any other choice. My sister and I are just going to try to tag-team everything so we can maintain at least a shred of our own sanity.
My biggest fear is the nighttime and the lack of sleep, because Mom starts getting up several times a night and gets into all sorts of mischief... mostly involving the bathroom and the area around it...

You mentioned you have a lady who watches her while you're working. Who was with her during the afternoon???

Joy, I see.
Hang in there. 🙂

We have help, but only for three hours. Luckily, my husband can step in mid-day so Mom is only alone for a few hours before the caregiver arrives and after she leaves.
I’m hoping we can keep things running like this, because there is absolutely no way Mom can be left alone all day, and we honestly wouldn't be able to afford full-time care anyway. My brother and I split the costs so we can manage, and he often covers more than his share, for which I am endlessly grateful. 🙏
On top of that, my sister helps out three times a week.

If Mom starts losing it completely, I haven't the slightest idea what we'll do, but I refuse to even think about it because I feel like I could just end my life right then and there. She’s also wandering around at night, so I'm constantly on edge. I think I'm most afraid of myself.😁

Mom is terrified of wetting the bed, so aside from these massive incontinence pads that could probably soak up an elephant's worth of urine, she insists on having a little washcloth too. She stuffs it into her underwear all folded up.
In the morning, I find the washcloth sitting on the radiator, and Mom swears up and down that nothing "escaped" and that she just rinsed it off and put it there to dry. She hasn't had a bowel movement in a few days, so she’s been drinking this herbal tea (her doctor says it’s way too strong for her, but she’s stubborn about it), and it makes her pee even more, but nothing else beyond that. Poor little washcloth.😁

Linda Campbell 👍 🙂
That makes me so happy.

Nancy Hernandez43, I find myself reading your posts constantly. Everything has changed for us too. I mean, there was a time when I couldn't even imagine living in the same house as my mother. Even being in the same room together used to be a struggle. 😁 The mother-daughter dynamic can be incredibly complicated. We’ve been through everything—it was very turbulent, God forbid—but we’ve managed to clear the air between us. There were moments where my brother and I thought we might actually kill each other, but looking back, it was just a storm that cleared the atmosphere, a sudden surge that washed away all the built-up debris.

It's true, in all of this, there is something vital for all of us.

Melissa Kim45, just keep swimming. You'll make it to shore, believe me, but for now—just keep swimming. 🙂

Hello to the newcomers, hugs to the old-timers, and may God bless you all. 🙂

Hey there. 🙂 Honestly, the reason I haven’t been posting much is because I am, well, in a bit of a whirlwind right now. I’m exhausted, just completely burnt out by work and all the constant chaos of everything. My mom’s dog passed away recently—just old age, really. Even now, I catch myself getting confused and calling my own little pup by her name. Of course, ever since Mom got sick, both dogs have ended up under my care, and I spent a good while just trying to figure out who gets fed when or which dog needs to go for a walk in which apartment. Mom is hanging in there somehow, though she’s quite frail. When I was helping bathe her, I thought I noticed a tiny layer of fat, 😁 but she’s still incredibly thin and weak. She gets dizzy often, her circulation isn't great, and she's always feeling cold; the doctor says it’s all side effects from the chemotherapy. 🙄

She developed some kind of urinary tract infection, which makes sense given how little fluid she was taking in—though they’ve finally told her she can drink a bit more now. It took her a while to realize she shouldn't just try to soothe a cough with water or drink uncontrollably, but she was being so stubborn about it that she barely drank anything at all. I suspect that’s how things started to spiral.

We had another checkup in the meantime, and the results were okay; the next one should be in about three weeks.

On top of all this, it looks like I’m going to be moving in with her. 🙂 😁 Do I even need to tell you how much of a gut punch that feels? 😁
I’ve lived on my own for over twenty years. My parents used to live just a few minutes away on foot—close enough to help, but far enough that they wouldn't notice every time I came or went, or if I was actually home, so I could just jump in whenever they needed something. We looked out for each other. Then life sort of shifted, but it was always a steady arrangement. I suppose life just throws these challenges at you and there's no running away from them. Might as well just take it calmly 😁 as it comes. I still have more to write, but I have to go give the lady her pills, then her son is calling me, then I need to get her tucked into bed, walk the dog, and after that, I’ll probably just collapse.

The One!, please accept my sincerest condolences.

I won't get into a whole list here, but I'm keeping all my fingers crossed for everyone—stay strong. 😘

Linda Campbell said:FOR IV

So, I managed to dig up something else for you (I've basically been buried under herbal remedy books lately)
"RED CLOVER TEA is frequently used to jumpstart liver and gallbladder function, especially during acute or chronic congestion (Melissa Kim45 - give this a shot for Mom)
as well as to help stimulate appetite. In certain cultures, red clover tea is taken when someone experiences weight loss following major surgeries—PARTICULARLY STOMACH SURGERIES—leaving the patient weak and lacking any desire to eat."

How to use it: prepare an infusion using the flowering parts of the plant without the stems, or just use the flower heads themselves; use 2 teaspoons per cup, let it steep for about 10 minutes, and drink 2 to 3 cups a day, either plain or with a bit of honey
(IV, just a heads up, Dad can only handle a very tiny amount of honey)

Thanks. 😘
I think I might start drinking this myself, too, since I've been dealing with this nagging pain on my right side for a while now—it hits so hard sometimes I can barely catch my breath; it's brief, but it feels like it's been going on for a year. It often feels like some kind of intense cramp that lingers for hours.
At least she’ll find it easier to drink if she sees me having it too.😁

That stress is definitely leaving its mark on us, and I suppose it just hits us where we're already vulnerable.

Having frayed nerves is pretty much par for the course these days.😁

The results look good. Next checkup is in a month. 🙏
She didn't end up having that second bronchoscopy, so hopefully everything is fine. For now, at least. 🙏
The doctor was really pleased and called her "main" physician right away—who wasn't even there—just to share the news. No more chemotherapy. 🙏

Otherwise, man, she’s just... wandering. She gets dizzy, walks unsteady, and seems weak. It’s always worse before an appointment because she’s just exhausted from surviving it all. And then she’ll give me a call out of nowhere, acting like it's an emergency, telling me to come over so she can show me something. So I show up, and what do I see? She found these ridiculous slippers with massive soles—honestly, who knows when or where she got them—with like a two-inch sole and maybe a four-inch heel. And she struts around in them all proud. 😲
And what was she trying to do? She was reaching up to hang a calendar—she has three in the apartment, plus another one in the hallway. I asked her why on earth she needs so many calendars. "I need them," she says. This one she likes, this one has to stay, and the third one is a Catholic one and "has names on it." I just hope she doesn't start calling people around town to congratulate them on their name days. 😁

I honestly can't gauge the situation anymore. When she first got sick, back in, what, the year before last? Back when we thought it was something else entirely, I started staying closer to her and spending much more time by her side, so I began seeing things I had no clue about.
Like how she’d mess with her food, or THROW food on the floor while eating—she’d spit it out of her mouth, and the dog would be standing guard ready to make it disappear instantly. 😁
It actually surprised me how neglected the apartment has become. For instance, she had absolutely no idea the bathroom sink had cracked.
Under my firm hand, 😁 a lot of things have improved. But then she gives me that look—that senile expression, that slack lower lip—and it just hits me. Yet, sometimes she’s totally fine and has a completely different demeanor. Then, out of nowhere, she’ll say something completely nonsensical. The other day, I’m at work, we’re on the phone, and she tells me, "I won't be able to wave to you because it's so cold outside." 😲
Wave to me? I’ve been at work for three hours; I left home ages ago. 😲
She just brushes past it and hangs up on me, leaving me sitting there feeling utterly bewildered. 🤷

I’m torn on whether to let her just rest for a while—whatever that means, let it play out—or if we should push for a neurological exam to figure out what's causing this mental fog, and find a decent neuropsychiatrist who will actually examine her properly instead of just drugging her into becoming a zombie. If her condition doesn't significantly worsen, maybe it's better not to bother her.

Angela Wright said:So, for you and anyone else looking to jump on board, if you head over to the association's website at www.zanovidan.hr, there's a link right on the homepage for the PDF application form and our bank account details.
As soon as we get about thirty people together, we’ll arrange a meetup somewhere so we can all actually meet face-to-face and figure out how to divvy up responsibilities based on what everyone is good at. The association really needs to establish local chapters in other cities and towns across the country too, because honestly, the need for this kind of support is even greater in those smaller communities. We’re planning to hit up some media outlets in the next few days, which will probably help boost the response a bit.
Let's go, folks, this is a fight for everyone!👍

@administrators and moderators:
would it be alright if I added the link to the association's website in my signature?

I just paid my membership dues via online banking, and I'll fill out the entry form and mail it off tomorrow.

Regarding the link, I think Polly mentioned it could work as For a New Day where it's just a "click on the link" situation.
I don't know why I'm being such a pain. 🙄

As for everything else, I'm not sure how much I'll be able to write before Friday when I have my checkup. Maybe I'll just end up venting because I'm losing my mind. I look at the people around me—at work and everywhere else—and they seem so deaf and blind, so selfish and fearful, and as long as things stay that way, of course the number of these kinds of horrors is going to keep growing. And others, too. 👎 Everything about it just fills me with resentment.👎

Charles Newman said:I want to thank you all so much for everything up to this point, but unfortunately, my mother passed away early this morning. I wish everyone else a much happier ending.

Please accept my sincere condolences.

Grace Fowler said:Hey everyone!
I’m checking in one last time before I head out, since tomorrow is the big day—I've got my surgical residency interview scheduled...
Just checking in with a few updates...
Grace Fowler, hang in there!

Hang in there, Grace Fowler! 🙂

mellowcanyon36 said:Hey everyone!
I’m brand new here, and honestly, after spending the last two days scrolling through every single post on this board, I feel like I know all of you better than some people I actually hang out with in real life. It’s a strange feeling, but whenever I hit one of those posts where someone has passed away, I get this heavy, sinking sensation right in the pit of my stomach. My heart goes out to everyone here, and I truly hope you all find the strength to keep moving forward.

I’ve got a story of my own to share. It all started with my dad just a few weeks ago, right around the time we were getting ready for Christmas. 😢 So, he was diagnosed with throat cancer, specifically right at the base of the tongue. At first, they were all telling us it was just some minor issue, maybe just the very beginning of something, mostly because he’s been having such a hard time swallowing, but they were dead wrong about that. It turns out the situation is much more serious than they initially let on, especially since his neck is already full of metastases on the right side. 😢 He’s heading in for surgery this Monday, January 21st, at the hospital over in Cleveland, and honestly, we’re all just sitting here trying to figure out what to expect. There's this complication with some old metal fillings in his mouth, and apparently, that hardware messes with the CT scans so much that the doctors can't get a clear enough look at the outlines to tell if the cancer has already started creeping toward his throat. I won't even try to hide it—I am absolutely terrified, especially after seeing how many people lose their battle just a few short months after getting diagnosed. But I’m still doing the reading and trying to stay informed because I want everything to go smoothly, and once Dad is finally back home in a month, I want us to be ready to hit the ground running with everything we've got.
He’s a remarkably strong person, really, but when it comes to illness, he’s terrified—absolutely petrified, actually. He’s got this deep-seated fear of sickness that honestly worries me, mostly because I’m concerned it might mess with his headspace during the recovery process. He’ll be turning 54 in about a month, and physically, he’s in great shape; he’s been eating like there’s no tomorrow since he knows there will be a period where he won't be able to, and seeing him put on a little weight is actually a pretty reassuring sign to me.
I’m looking for some guidance from anyone here who has dealt with cancer in that specific area, and I’d especially love to hear from MOREMAL, since she mentioned her father actually made a full recovery.

Beatrix

Beatrix, just keep fighting. You’re facing one of those massive life trials right now, a real heavy lesson, but you've got this. When things finally settle down—and I mean when you actually let yourself accept that—just come back here, because there will always be someone waiting for you. Honestly, you’re already carrying a full set of combat gear inside you; you already possess the most important tools for the fight. 🙂

My mom has been living with this diagnosis for about seven or eight months now, though the real trouble actually started around fifteen months ago, back when we were all just wandering around in the dark thinking it was some kind of neurological issue. Things didn't get any better, and by the time she was hospitalized the second time, they found a tumor in her bronchus that simply wasn't operable. It was pretty grim; there were moments where we honestly weren't sure if she’d even make it to her next round of chemotherapy because things were just that bad. She's already seventeen years older than your dad, too. And yet, despite everything, she's still here. 🙂
She polished off a whole bowl of thick soup for dinner—lots of mixed veggies, buckwheat, and millet—and now she’s just settling in to watch some game show. It’s one of those new ones featuring Tarik.😁
She’s asking for makeup, heading off to get her toes done, and her hair is starting to grow back again. It’s not quite full coverage yet, though—it's giving me more of a Mavrović vibe.😁

Sometimes I honestly can't pin down what I'm feeling; it’s hard to make sense of how everything is unfolding when the ground keeps shifting under your feet. There are moments where I don't think about the future at all and I feel totally chill, but then other times I'm just wound up tight, incredibly on edge, and bordering on a full-blown panic.

I had a bit of breathing room to process things too, if I understood you correctly, since she ended up staying in the hospital for a few weeks after the diagnosis. Once she finally made it home, we managed to get organized, and some pieces of the puzzle just seemed to fall into place. It’s exhausting, obviously, but we're making it work somehow.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the surgery goes smoothly and that she handles the follow-up treatment well. Wishing you the best. 🙂

And to everyone else here, I just hope you stay strong and hang in there. None of us really know when we’ll be the ones walking through the door with bad news. The main thing is that we aren't doing this alone. And we aren't. 🙂

I feel just terrible about everything, truly awful. Sometimes the future feels pretty daunting, though it isn't quite as frightening when I'm hearing news this heavy—like losing both parents within a few months, much like what happened to User123.😢
It hits me harder that way, so I suppose in those specific moments I’m not actually afraid, but rather when everything seems fine, wondering how much peace can actually last. I'll wake up in the morning feeling completely disconnected from myself while everything else looks perfectly normal. I find myself scrolling through psychology forums on support threads, reading about how people end up feeling so incredibly guilty.
I get that feeling sometimes too, just totally numb and out of it while the world carries on as if nothing is wrong. But nothing is okay. I don't know. My doctor says people tend to avoid these kinds of conversations because they're just too scared to face them.
Maybe she has a point.

My mom is doing alright for now. At one point, her weight dropped down to about 82 pounds, which apparently spooked her enough that she started eating more and looking for something to help her appetite. Chemotherapy is on hold for the moment; she just goes in for checkups every two weeks, gets her blood work done, and heads home. They can tell exactly what the situation is just by looking at the labs, and the last time she had a full workup—you know, the whole routine with the imaging and the swabs and all that—everything came back clear.
The way chemotherapy ravages a person is honestly terrifying; you wouldn't even recognize them. And I just don't understand these strange pains, nor do I understand how a single dose of Voltaren or a couple of Tylenols is supposed to touch intense pain in the "kidneys," or the "stomach," or "chest."
And yet, they can still smoke.🙄

On another note, it's become a major issue because she went through more daytime cream than nighttime cream, and she was dealing with such bad irritation that she calls me at work asking if it's okay to use some calendula ointment. Then, two hours later, she’s applying something else entirely, not the calendula, but some kind of aloe vera gel.
I really don't want to dwell on exactly where she's applying all this stuff.😲
The reason she was so irritated is that she was having such bad digestive issues—basically passing stones—which caught her off guard while she was at her pedicure appointment. Yes, the lady is being chauffeured to the nail salon.😁
People probably still laugh today because she "had to go," which resulted in those sounds... well, you know, just a long, low, rumbling noise.😁

This whole fight requires every ounce of strength we have, the kind of strength we didn't even realize lived inside us.
When one of our own passes away, we all just keep going, just using different tools and finding different ways to carry on. Take care of yourselves. 🙂

I don't talk about this stuff nearly as much with anyone in my real life as I do with all of you. Actually, looking back, I'm almost grateful for the people who never call or ask if I need anything. They're the ones who made me stronger. 👍
But I don't love them the way I love you guys. 🙂

Laura Kelly91 said:Hey everyone,
I’ve been away for a while, and unfortunately, things have been pretty grim. My dad passed away on January 10th after struggling with some terrible pain for a few days. Everything just took such a sudden, sharp turn for the worse... it was devastating, and honestly, it still feels that way. He left us just eight months after my mom, who fought cancer for twenty days before she lost her battle. They diagnosed him with a tumor about three and a half months ago... at least they're together now, even though I'm feeling an endless kind of sadness—or maybe more like I've just gone completely numb.
But now, I want to be here to support you all in your fight. Despite everything I've been through, I truly believe that winning this battle is possible; you really have to try everything, especially since there are so many inspiring success stories out there. So please, just keep pushing and keep fighting, because you can never give up.

Please accept my deepest condolences. 🙂

Laura Kelly91, may the Divine give you all the strength you need. I honestly don't know what to tell you. It’s just so incredibly hard.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

This isn't really a thread for celebrations, but I have to say that over the last six or seven months, this place has meant the world to me and helped me more than I can say. Through your advice, your answers, your outlook, your sheer presence, and the way you all fight alongside your loved ones—your courage proves that a human being is carried by something truly miraculous, and if there is any grace to be found in suffering, perhaps it's that this miracle reveals itself through the pain. Some people aren't here anymore, but they are never truly gone. With everything I am, I know they've just stepped out of this visible reality for a moment.
I wish you nothing but the very best in the New Year and every year that follows.

My mom isn't doing so great mentally right now. She’s restless, waking me up in the middle of the night. She’s constantly trying to go somewhere, complaining about aches, saying she needs to walk so she just paces around the apartment. I don't want to knock her out with pills, but I'm at a loss for how to make her comfortable. She eats, but she doesn't gain an ounce. She deals with constipation, but once she has her tea, she clears out massive amounts. Her lab results were good, so now I'm terrified that it was just a temporary lull before things get worse. Her follow-up appointment is in about two weeks, and apparently, she might need another round of chemo. Yebem. We'll see once the doctor gets back. This weather is just miserable—all this wind and winter chill makes it impossible to go outside. Maybe she should try stepping out for even just ten minutes. I really have no idea what to do.
Some people link this kind of behavior to sodium levels dropping, and if that’s the case, then whatever else is happening probably isn't good either, though I won't even go there.

Oh, and the stool is brown. She showed me. 😁😁
That's one weight off my shoulders.

Humans are strange creatures, aren't they? 🙂