Rachel Ruiz39 said:schizophrenia is actually a really fascinating phenomenon—or maybe it’s better described as a specific state of consciousness rather than just an illness. If I were a psychiatrist, I’d take a group of people living with schizophrenia and have them read this book... why? Simply because I’m curious about how they would process it, how much they would understand, and if it would change their perspective...
By the way, the author is a psychologist who eventually went through a massive spiritual transformation and dedicated his entire life to being a Jesuit. He’s quite famous globally, though he isn't as widely discussed here in the States...
If you find some free time, give it a read...
Anyway, I’ve been reflecting on this for a while now, and I can't help but feel there must be a reason behind it. Why am I experiencing this? I don't think it's a coincidence that God put this in my path. Am I doing the right thing? Honestly, I don't know. I know for a fact that no country is going to accept me for immigration, not even Zimbabwe,☕ And at least I don't have a legal guardian. It's like knowing how to plow a field perfectly, but having no idea how to fly a plane.
All those people mean well when they say, "Just push through it, you can overcome this with willpower." But after ten years of dealing with this, I know firsthand that it doesn't work that way.
Rachel Ruiz39 said:Schizophrenia is actually a fascinating phenomenon—or perhaps more accurately, a unique state of consciousness rather than just an illness. If I were a psychiatrist, I’d take a group of people living with schizophrenia and hand them this book... Why? Simply because I'm curious how they would perceive it, how much they would truly grasp, and whether reading it would shift their perspective...
By the way, the author is a psychologist who eventually underwent a massive spiritual transformation and dedicated his entire life to being a Jesuit. He's quite famous globally, though he isn't talked about as much here in the States...
If you have some free time, give it a read...
Thanks so much. It really is compelling. One day you're doing great, the next you're a total wreck, the third you're at your breaking point, and by the fourth, you're busy getting everything ready for New Year's Day.☕
swiftsurfer27 said:You seem like an interesting person... from what I can tell... your aura must be pretty intense. Well, look on the bright side—at least they’re engaging with you. People just love to play games, don't they? As long as you let them.😁
They really managed to convince me that I can't function without medication, yet after trying ten different times, I just can't find the willpower to stop taking them.
I just hope my aura isn't gray. If it's colorful with a few holes in it, I think I can handle that.
electricpanther4 said:So, what actually happened that they had to physically carry you into the hospital?
Well, first off, I wasn't about to go by myself—that's just how it goes sometimes. I ended up getting lost in my neighborhood twice, and I'd been hosting these late-night house parties all week. There were five of us staying at the house back then, and with the music playing until 4 AM, sleep just wasn't happening. Here’s what my discharge summary actually said:
Patient was admitted via emergency services due to psychotic decompensation, characterized by restlessness, insomnia, inappropriate behavior, disorganization, pressured speech, and verbal aggression. Also noted: F20.0.
You’re absolutely right. Honestly, nobody in my circle has anything like that. People might be a bit eccentric, sure, but they aren't sick. I don't even want to have kids because I wouldn't want them to inherit whatever I'm carrying.
Love is really just a biological trick designed to ensure we reproduce and keep the human race going it's essentially just an instinctual drive toward companionship and survival
I am. I finally realized I was being carried into the ER on a stretcher back in 1997. Just three months until the big 19!
It was during that second phase—once I finally realized that I actually had to keep going, and if I’m going to live, I might as well live well—that things really started to click. That's exactly where the help came in. Jealousy toward friends can be such a heavy thing to carry, can't it? I’ve been trying my absolute best to pull myself together and navigate through those feelings, doing everything in my power to stay balanced. I mean, isn't it a bit much when they aren't even taking two, three, or four different types of medication?
Personally, I’m inclined to believe we're looking at a neurological issue, even if the sensation feels like it's coming from somewhere deeper, like the soul.
I'm lying to myself. I knew this all along, but I just keep pushing it down. Why is it so incredibly hard to finally face the truth? In the end, I ended up heading over to some terrible psychiatrist at the psychiatric clinic in downtown Chicago all on my own. Maybe it was just karma catching up with me, or maybe deep down, I actually wanted this to happen? Who knows.
It all started just before my 18th birthday. I had always been the type to live for the music, the parties, being out on the town—a total dancer at heart. But suddenly, I felt this overwhelming urge to change everything, almost like I wanted to turn back the clock. For about a month, I practically lived in one spot, just staring blankly at books for hours on end. Then, at my 18th birthday bash, I had my first martini. Ugh, looking back, yuck.
Ever since then... It sounds strange, though maybe it doesn't after everything that's happened. Now, when I wake up, I don't have those calm, easygoing thoughts like my dad used to have, such as: "What a beautiful sunny day." Instead, it's more like: "Alright, let's get moving, no excuses!"
Jason Sanchez3 said:My brother has been struggling with this too, for about seven years now... that's why I was asking.
You can be absolutely certain that he's having a hard time. It’s just like how you felt when your boyfriend broke up with you, except for him, every single day feels that way.
It's also a bit tricky to say if these medications actually change someone's personality—but in what way, exactly??
The doctor basically told me: "Look, we don't know the exact mechanics of how it works, but it clearly does, so you have to take it."
Plus, everyone has a different temperament; we don't all handle things the same way, right?
Personally, I find the people on Xanax and Paxil to be a little ridiculous, if you'll excuse my honesty.
I had the exact same experience when I was put on Risperdal; it just didn't sit right with me. It’s one of those newer medications, whereas I personally seem to respond much better to Haldol.. If you end up having to stay on medication, isn't it true that you'll eventually just have to find a way to manage certain side effects?
🎉 I mean, let’s be honest, we’re all a little bit crazy, aren't we? Check out this conspiracy theory I've got for you: Imagine if I actually called up ABC News to film a segment on schizophrenia. They show up, they set up the cameras, we grab a coffee. But here's the catch. The producers would probably insist on filming me with a blurred face and a distorted voice. Can you imagine? It would be way too shocking for people to see my actual face, and honestly, it could really mess with my life.🙂 So, I guess I'll just stick to the fringes of science for now.
Well, I’ve started sharing a bit about myself, but a huge welcome to all my fellow schizophrenics out there!
I’m especially thinking of those who take Zyprexa, Risperdal, or Sulpiride, yet try to convince themselves they're just dealing with neurosis when they're actually on antipsychotics.
As for NASA and Amer—ah, what a beautiful truth you're searching for, wishing this stinky world was something more than just what we "know."😁
I honestly can't say what it looks like from an outsider's perspective; That sudden surge of energy feels great at first, but once you've been hit by the crash, it’s pretty much over. It's also true that when I'm stuck in a depressive phase at home, my body actually aches. And if I'm not fully psychotic but feeling slightly manic, my libido just skyrockets.
I feel like I have to share this: I'll never forget the time after receiving electroshock therapy on my Rib, I woke up, started walking down the hallway, and ended up having a bathroom accident right there while the nurse was yelling: "Go wash up!"
Sometimes, when you're transitioning from one medication to another, the depression is purely a side effect of the meds. My diagnosis was recently updated to F25, which seems accurate—it's essentially a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar symptoms. When I'm at work, I prefer not to get too emotionally close to my coworkers; I find I much rather just lose myself in my paperwork.
On the days when I'm doing well, I'm wonderful company, and I know I'm feeling good, so I always think: I hope this lasts.😲
As for hallucinations, I'm aware they aren't "normal," so I usually just keep quiet and don't bring them up out loud.
It’s really important to highlight how MIT works. It involves things like people actively hiding truths from you by claiming you’re just "crazy"—so you stop trusting your own perception. They also try to shield you from heavy topics under the guise of protecting you from stress. Everyone, from close friends to distant acquaintances, starts hovering and questioning your mental state, acting as if even the most random person on the street knows more than you do simply because they don't have schizophrenia.😛
To be honest, when I stop taking my medication, there's a predictable pattern: first comes a manic phase lasting about a week, then a week of total insomnia, and finally an ER visit involving two paramedics, a doctor, and occasionally the police. I’ve been hospitalized 11 times in total—mostly at Cedars-Sinai or UCLA Medical Center. Fortunately, I haven't had to go back in over two years. When I'm in a good headspace, I'm working, I'm married, and I'm flying all over Europe; I even drive a car, and I certainly won't be the only "crazy" person behind the wheel.
As for hallucinations: I used to imagine I was Audrey Hepburn, and most of my other experiences were erotic or romantic in nature.
This condition is honestly so overwhelming that even doctors hesitate to officially write down an F20 diagnosis on your medical records. I personally can't wrap my head around what exactly makes my experience so "abnormal," and truthfully, I don't even want to find out since it's a lifelong journey. I've been dealing with this for ten years now. People often compare managing it to living with diabetes. It’s such a heavy burden that you'll occasionally run into someone offering "alternative" cures just to get their foot in the door. A doctor friend of mine once explained that it's sometimes referred to as "cancer of the soul." As for me, I don't really have any desire to fully embrace that "reality." That's all for now! 👏 Would you actually want to have a close friend or a family member living with schizophrenia?