It’s just not accurate how parents react to grades and then pass that anxiety down to their kids.. By first grade, children are already little individuals with their own distinct personalities and temperaments.. some handle a bad grade without blinking, while others struggle.. It’s actually on the teacher to frame lower marks in a way that’s constructive and easy for them to digest... In that first year, kids listen to their teachers far more than they do their parents..
I have two kids in school right now—one in 4th grade and one in 1st—and they couldn't be more different when it comes to grades and the whole idea of "success".. My 4th grader has never cared about her report card; it was completely irrelevant to her, and her philosophy was that she didn't mind if a grade was lower.. her grades were always all over the place. Meanwhile, my 1st grader just got her first B, and it was a total meltdown.. She was crying at school, then came home looking absolutely devastated—even though I’ve never pushed for straight As, and she’s seen her older sister handle mediocre grades just fine..
Harold Cook2 said:Man, things have changed so much around here. This year at my school, we’ve only got like 17 kids per class. It feels empty. Back when I was starting out at this same school, it was a totally different story—we had nearly 30 students in every single classroom, and they actually had four separate sections running. I ended up getting stuck in that last one, Section D. Total chaos compared to now.😁
Over in my neighborhood, things are looking pretty different...
Two schools just a few blocks apart from each other—both are absolutely packed. They’re running four classes per grade with over 26 students in each one. There isn't even any room for after-school programs; they can only accommodate them for first graders.
My kid turns six in three months, and I’m considering waiting until she’s 6.5 before starting school...
She’s mature, calm, stays focused on tasks, and can already read and write simple things—numbers up to 30, colors, directions, word synthesis, analysis, spelling, etc. Emotionally, she’s right where she needs to be.
I have an older daughter who’s currently in third grade... and the gap between them is massive in every way—maturity, knowledge, focus...
The only real issue is her pronunciation of certain sounds.
We saw a psychologist and a speech therapist at Savannah, and now she’s started regular sessions with a speech therapist there.
The psychologist’s take is that her concentration and maturity levels are more like those of a seven-year-old (even though she’s only 5.5), but they still advised delaying enrollment because she’s right on the edge—plus the speech issues. However, she also pointed out that every psychologist is going to recommend delaying; it seems to be their standard stance that starting later is always the safer bet.
To be honest, I never even considered delaying for my younger one because she’s just so ready.
But given how much struggle and effort I had to put in with my older girl during first grade—she didn't start until she was a full seven—I’m wondering if I should push for a delay anyway. My oldest had constant issues with word synthesis, analysis, and spelling, and needed speech therapy too.
I'm thinking about heading back to the psychologist in three months to get a fresh evaluation at Savannah.
Though, part of me worries she'll be bored out of her mind in first grade. She’ll basically be a double preschooler, and she already knows half of what they teach in the first grade curriculum.
Preschool is honestly the best—zero pressure, just play and having fun. Plus, you don't have to deal with those endless summer break dilemmas where you're stuck wondering where to take the kid, essentially paying a fortune just to ensure they aren't sitting at home all day.
Between the mountain of responsibilities, homework, studying, and drills... kids aren't even capable of handling their own schoolwork yet. It all falls squarely on the parents—especially if there isn't an after-school program available.🤔
And don't even get me started on the costs. You've got preschool tuition $50 and that’s basically it—just a few little extras you need to pack
Benjamin Nelson8 said:I’ve had two different experiences here- My oldest was born on April 7th. He practically begged to start school early because he was already bored out of his mind in preschool; he could already read and write, though he absolutely hated coloring. He breezed through all the assessments, but the teachers advised against it, suggesting he should just keep playing for a bit.. That ended up causing issues once he actually started school, mainly because he would get frustrated having to write lists of five animals or repetitive vocabulary over and over again (since he’d basically spent two years doing "school" work in preschool). Either he knew everything instantly and finished his work way too fast because it was mindless, or he’d just end up distracting the rest of the class. 😁 Now, toward the end of second grade, things have finally leveled out because the curriculum has actually become challenging enough to pique his interest.
My younger one is a completely different kid temperamentally—much more patient and level-headed. We are currently looking into early enrollment for him (born May 6th). He handled the Tetsov assessments brilliantly. His focus is actually better than his older brother's, and so is his persistence. He has this real sense of responsibility; he remembers and tracks everything that happens to him (something his older brother still occasionally struggles with)..
The oldest is still playing most of the time; the only real obligation he takes seriously is his reading assignments. Honestly, I don't think he'll lose anything by starting this year. There's zero challenge for him in preschool; they mostly just play board games like Sorry! 😁 and he finds it incredibly boring....
I actually find managing a school-aged child much easier than a preschooler (even though I thought it would be the exact opposite). We drop him off in the morning since it's on our way to work, and he just comes home on his own to grab a snack. You don't need to write a formal apology for being absent for a couple of days. I just jot a note in the parent communication log explaining why he wasn't there and clarify that we didn't visit a doctor. In the lower grades, missing a few days for travel isn't even an issue (some friends were just away for 12 days in Thailand, and my boy didn't miss anything significant at all)..
Personally, I would never enroll a child early. There is always time for school, and once they start, they're in—but problems often only surface once they're actually sitting in a first-grade classroom. For me, it's easier dealing with a preschooler; daycare is always open, and there aren't huge breaks or holidays... but maybe it's easier for you because they stay home alone and you don't deal with the logistical headaches I do. I always have to find someone to watch them, and even with after-school care at the school, it was only available during first grade.
Based on my own experience, I’d strongly suggest holding off—even if you have a young child who would be turning 6.5 when they hit first grade...
Speech development and clear pronunciation of all sounds are absolutely critical for first grade; otherwise, you run into a domino effect of other issues. Reading and writing become significantly harder to master if the kid can't distinguish certain sounds or recognize them properly. You really need to see a speech therapist—ideally twice a week... Without those skills, word analysis and synthesis—which are vital before starting school—just won't happen.
I dealt with this exact issue with my daughter. We struggled through the entire first grade; we were working with her every single day, she was in after-school programs, and it wasn't until the very end of the year—thanks to constant speech therapy sessions—that she finally reached a normal level.
And that's despite the fact that she was officially assessed as "mature and ready" for school and had even seen a specialist before enrollment...
Those pre-enrollment assessments aren't reliable or accurate. No one can sit down for ten minutes and decide if your child is truly ready or not—parents are the ones who know best.
A friend of mine had a child who was already seven, but given what happened, she would have waited until the child turned eight to enroll. It was nothing but stress, exhaustion, and endless tears throughout first grade. It wasn't until second grade that everything finally clicked and she was actually ready for school. A single year makes a massive difference.
I don't understand why anyone would push a child into something they aren't prepared for. There is plenty of time to go to school, and honestly, it doesn't matter at all whether they start a little earlier or a little later.
Daniel Reed68 said:At Stenjevec Elementary School, they only offer after-school care for first graders. They’ve been talking about expanding the building for nearly a decade now, but honestly, it feels like nothing ever actually happens.
I'm pretty sure our kids are stuck in the same class.🙂
velvetcobra65 said:$267 for after-school care? Honestly, sounds like a sweet deal. I’m living in the States right now, and between daycare and after-school programs, we end up paying about $300 total including meals. But it really depends on what you pull in—if someone is just scraping by on minimum wage, they might only drop $100. My kid absolutely loves his after-school program. The staff is great, the lunch is decent, and they always throw in a little dessert. Plus, they have different activities like art or tennis, and when he has sports practice, the sitters actually walk him over to the gym since it’s a bit of a trek, which saves us from having to hike all the way there just to drop him off. By law here, kids under 11 aren't supposed to be left unsupervised for long stretches—like five hours or whatever. As for private sitters, you're looking at maybe $10 an hour if you're doing things off the books.
It’s a good setup, sure, but it’s also really the only affordable option if you don't have school-based childcare available. Hiring someone to stay home with a kid for a few hours would cost me way more... this way, I don't have to stress about homework or studying, which is a massive relief. Even now, with the schools closed due to the strike, it's working out perfectly—we can just coordinate with them whenever it suits my schedule...
rowdypanther12 said:Wow, I was just looking at our future elementary school's website, and it looks like they’re starting after-school programs for second graders this year too!!
No, that's not right. It's only first grade, and they aren't ever going to expand to second grade because they don't have the capacity—they can barely scrape by with the space they have as it is.
rowdypanther12 said:From what I understand, there are basically two types of after-school programs over here. In cities like Chicago, it's either an all-day program where they stay on campus, or just a standard afternoon session. Staff is usually on duty starting at 7:00 AM. As for religious education classes, it really depends on the specific school district, so you’ll definitely want to check with yours directly. You might want to be prepared to pick them up early if they don't have a spot reserved for them during those classes.😁
At Stenjevec Elementary School, only first graders get after-school care... my daughter is in second grade now, so she goes to a private program at Bazinga. I pay $267 a month, and honestly, it's the only organized option in the western suburbs. On top of that, I still pay for her lunch at the school since they don't provide it there... they actually pick her up from the school and drop her off if there's an afternoon session... there are only two kids in the group, so they focus on homework and prepping for tests and stuff.
But everyone here seems to operate under this naive assumption that their kid is going to breeze through first grade without a single hiccup—that they’ll just magically be mature enough and capable enough for everything thrown at them...
But what if that isn't the case? What happens when the teacher pulls you aside during a parent-teacher conference to warn you that your child is struggling? That they need way more work at home because they can't grasp reading or writing, or they're making constant mistakes? (And I'm not just talking about my own kid—there are plenty of students who aren't hitting those "average" benchmarks right from the start of elementary school.) Basically, there are a lot of kids who aren't developmentally ready to be fully independent from day one, and they need a long adjustment period—but the teacher can't provide that intensive one-on-one support because the class size is just too large.
At the end of the day, there is a massive gap between what parents expect and what a child is actually capable of doing...
During the initial parent-teacher meeting, my daughter's teacher told me she was having trouble with reading and writing—which caught me completely off guard since I hadn't even thought to check her progress on that. She even started tossing around terms like dyslexia and dysgraphia—total nonsense, if you ask me. It honestly set me off, seeing them jump straight to diagnoses when the kid has barely even started school. She insisted we needed to do much more work at home because schoolwork alone wasn't cutting it. My response? There is no diagnosis; she's just a little behind her age group and needs more time to adjust and catch up. I know my child better than anyone, and I knew she'd get there eventually. And she did. But obviously, I still took this seriously. Every single day after daycare, I spent an extra thirty minutes to an hour practicing reading and writing with her. It was exhausting for both of us, but it paid off. Now, in the second half of the year, she isn't struggling at all...
Honestly, it bugs me that grading isn't even realistic in first grade... In my little one's class, it’s nothing but straight A's and B's right now... The teacher explained that she won't hand out any bad grades yet—she doesn't want to crush their spirits right at the start of their schooling. Apparently, they're too emotionally sensitive, and such a massive shift would be too much for them to handle early on...
In practice, this means if they bomb a spelling test or a quiz, she doesn't actually record a failing grade; instead, she just keeps having them retake it until they get it right, and only then does she finally grade it...
The kids end up with zero clue how they're actually performing. They're going to hit a massive wall in second grade when the grades actually reflect reality—I just hope they're prepared for the shock.
Look, you can't exactly expect a first grader to be fully independent—it’s just not realistic. They need time to adjust to the routine and find their footing... In my house, my kid still asks for help when a problem doesn't make sense. If I see she’s made a mistake, I'll step in, point out the error, and explain the reasoning behind it. Plus, let's be honest—teachers aren't always checking every single assignment they hand out anyway.
Personally, I love that they don't have to lug their backpacks home if they’re staying for after-school care... everything gets done there—homework included—so there's zero point in hauling that bag back and forth. If she needs extra practice in the evening, it's just reading a book or some worksheets I print out from the web. Then, over the weekend, I just check her backpack, books, and notebooks to stay on top of what she's learning and how she's progressing.
I think you're conflating two different groups here—kids in after-school programs versus those who aren't. In our program, all the work is handled on-site. Once next year rolls around and she isn't enrolled in the program anymore, she'll be bringing her bag home and doing homework independently—though, of course, I'll be right there to supervise and help whenever necessary.
You even mentioned yourself that parents tend to see where a child is falling behind long before the teacher does.
If they actually care to look..😁
The types of people who act like starting school is just a matter of "well, they're someone else's responsibility now" and claim that their "job as a parent was finished long ago"🙄, they certainly aren't going to go out of their way to consistently monitor how their child is doing alongside the teacher. They won't. Instead, they'll just show up at the school at the very end of the semester to start making a scene about it.☕
I second all of this. You have to follow your kids through their education—support them, help them when things get rough, and be their backbone. You can't just expect teachers to carry everything; it’s impossible. In a standard American classroom with 25 to 30 students, a teacher simply cannot give every single child the one-on-one attention they might need. That’s where parents have to step up...
Teachers need to provide consistent feedback and flag issues in specific subjects early on—especially in first grade. That's when kids are still adjusting to the school routine and parents are navigating this whole new world for the first time if they have a first-grader. It’s also vital to track parental involvement regarding a child's successes and struggles, including regular reviews of notebooks, grades, and progress reports.
I have a first grader, and during the first semester, we hit some real roadblocks with reading and writing because my kid lacked the necessary foundational skills. It was a struggle for both the teacher and us. I’m honestly just glad I stayed on top of the parent-teacher conferences; the teacher was very upfront about the difficulties and pointed out exactly where we needed to double down at home, noting that what happens during school hours and after-school programs simply isn't enough.
So, I made sure to practice reading and writing with them every single day. Now, in the second semester, they are doing great and have overcome those hurdles—but that only happened because of the combined effort from the teacher, the parents, and the student. These days, I don't hover quite as much; I'm trying to foster some independence, though I still keep an eye on things and step in if they get stuck.
rowdypanther12 said:What if they don't assign the same teacher for after-school care as the one in her actual classroom? Mine starts at Stenjevec Elementary School in 2016, and she'll probably end up in a class with German language electives.
Just be my little informant, okay? 😘
Look, I don't know which after-school group she'll be in—that much is true—but you actually get some say in the matter...
During the orientation meeting, they ask you about language preferences, if you have a specific teacher in mind, or even if you want your child placed with friends from preschool.
Not every school does this—they try to accommodate parents when they can.