Posts by Zachary Howard2

I truly feel for you, Gary Barrett40.

Thanks again, everyone.

The discharge summary mentions his blood pressure started dropping; he wasn't quite himself and was in quite a bit of pain. At least he passed away peacefully, having had the chance to say goodbye to his wife and son. His daughter didn't make it in time.

Thank you.
Well, we lost yet another battle, but at least the suffering has finally come to an end. Now, I just have to navigate the long days leading up to the funeral and get through the service itself.

I wish the rest of you nothing but strength in your own ongoing struggles.

It’s official. My father-in-law passed away about an hour and a half ago. :-(

I drove my husband and father-in-law over to his dad's place today. I didn't go inside the hospital myself; I just stayed out in the car.
My father-in-law isn't doing well at all. He can't speak, he’s struggling to catch his breath, and his wife keeps mentioning how cold his feet feel. Honestly, it feels like we’re just counting down the days.
The only thing on his mind is his daughter. It seems like he won't be able to pass away in peace until he sees her, but she can't make the trip right now because she's stuck in Sweden with a three-week-old baby and simply can't travel.

I just want this whole ordeal to reach its conclusion so we can finally move forward.

I’ve made an agreement with my husband that I won’t be heading back to the hospital for now; the baby is our absolute priority right now, and honestly, there isn't much I can do for my father-in-law anyway.
He's doing poorly—he told my mom over the phone that he can't even swallow, and I just don't know how much longer he can hold out.
I'm praying to God that He takes him home soon, just so he doesn't have to suffer through this anymore.

Just another quick question for the group; a friend just mentioned that visiting hospitals while pregnant isn't exactly the best idea—especially places like palliative care units, where you might pick up some nasty infection or something similar.
To be honest, I had the same thought this past Saturday; it doesn't feel particularly healthy. They’re planning on going again next weekend, so I’m debating whether my husband should just go with his mother instead. I really don't want to risk anything, and frankly, I'm worried about the baby. As much as I adore my father-in-law, my child comes first, period.

My mother-in-law and I visited my father-in-law this past Saturday, and honestly, it was pretty grim. He’s struggling to swallow anything, coughing constantly, and having bouts of shortness of breath. I don't think he even fully realizes how close to the end he actually is.
He admitted himself that things aren't looking great.
Watching him try to take a sip of water is heartbreaking; it just ends up coming out of his nose. They can't even put in a feeding tube because his esophagus is completely blocked.
We had a talk with the doctor, and he wanted us to be the ones to break the news—not necessarily by saying "you're dying," but by making sure he understands just how critical the situation has become.
Since this hospital has a very religious atmosphere, they don't believe in being dishonest with their patients.
I did ask if the psychologists or psychiatrists on staff could handle the actual conversation, just so they could deliver the news with a bit more gentleness and tact.
On top of that, the doctor explained that since my father-in-law isn't really eating or drinking on his own anymore, relying on IV fluids won't offer any long-term solution; his body is simply starting to shut down.
The hospital itself is... well, it's a typical geriatric ward. It looks newly renovated, but man, the smell is awful. It's that unmistakable scent of urine and everything else; it's terrible. Everything seems clean enough, but I suppose when you have people working in such close quarters, those odors just linger.
The doctor was fine, though—calm, polite, and straightforward about everything.

Nancy Hernandez43 said:It honestly feels like our doctors and nurses spend their entire shifts practicing how to be as dismissive as possible. It’s almost impressive, really—as if they wake up every morning specifically honing their ability to be rude. Finding even a shred of genuine empathy in those hallways seems to be an impossible task. 😠

I was reading an article the other day about how to break the news to someone that they’ve been diagnosed with a serious illness and what their road ahead looks like. It turns out there's actually some science behind it. According to several studies, patients tend to process the news much better when the doctor takes a moment to build a foundation first. Instead of just dropping a bombshell immediately, the physician should start with an introduction, walk the patient through the tests that have already been completed, and explain what upcoming diagnostics to expect. Only after about thirty or forty minutes of establishing that context and rapport does the doctor finally get to the core of the matter.

My mother is practically gagging every single time she tries to speak, and she won't even settle down unless she’s been handed a basin to throw up in. To make matters worse, my sister is actually getting annoyed with us just for asking where the damn basin is! Is this standard procedure at every hospital in the country, or have we just hit a special kind of jackpot here? 🤔

Mom hasn't even started her antibiotics yet. The doctor instructed her to take them in capsule form, but she can't keep anything down without vomiting. To make matters worse, they haven't even started her on any IV nutrition, despite Aviano suggesting it would be the best move.

I’m feeling a bit on edge, honestly. It’s been just a year since we went through this exact same ordeal, and here we are again, fighting the same uphill battles just to make things even a little bit easier for our loved ones. It’s exhausting.

Go straight to the head nurse, demand to see the clinic director, and start threatening to call the local news and TV stations. That is exactly what my sister-in-law did when they basically ignored my father-in-law right after his surgery. The second she made a scene, everyone suddenly found their motivation, stepped up, and he finally got the care he actually deserved.
He wasn't even in any condition to eat or drink.

Angela Wright said:Look, you can just be blunt with him: "You have this condition, and here is where the complications lie." There’s no need to tell someone they're dying; instead, explain that we're going to do everything possible to help them recover, that they'll receive care that simply isn't feasible at home, and that our goal is to improve their quality of life—it just requires some patience and time.
All of that can be communicated in a way that is perfectly normal and easy for everyone to digest.

Fair enough. I can live with that approach. I'll tell my mother-in-law that before we even head over to see my father-in-law, we should sit down and talk with the doctor first. I truly hope they aren't so tactless that they decide to just drop the hammer on him without any warning.
The nurse mentioned he's having trouble with a cough, but of course he is—he has lung metastases and fluid buildup, and he’s far too weak to actually clear his lungs, which leaves him suffocating.
He hasn't had a decent meal in days.
We'll see what happens regarding the feeding tube. I'm hoping they can get it implanted, but honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if they just wait around for the inevitable or, worse, try to discharge him to go home.

Our healthcare system is a complete joke.

I was absolutely terrified just now. I got a call from the hospital in Cliffside, and I honestly thought they were calling to tell me it was all over. But, by some stroke of luck, my sister called to ask if anyone from the family wanted to come in to sit down with the doctor and get a clear picture of what’s actually happening. It seems they want the patient to have some level of understanding regarding his condition, though I couldn't help but think it's incredibly inhumane to withhold the truth when someone is essentially dying.
For the moment, they've "packaged" the news to sound like he'll be heading into surgery once he recovers a bit—which I suppose provides him with a shred of hope. If they were to tell him the blunt truth, I genuinely believe he would just give up and let go.
Do they even have the right to say things like that to a patient, even if they try to sugarcoat it?

And how am I supposed to handle all this stress on Saturday while being pregnant? I'm terrified that the anxiety might cause me to go into preterm labor, God forbid, or that I'll end up putting both my baby and my pregnancy at risk.

Benjamin Grant6, fight for that medication—shout, demand, do whatever you have to do. Your mother’s life is what matters most, and I truly hope you manage to secure it.
It's actually better that she's under hospital supervision; at least they can react quickly if things take a turn for the worse.

I spoke with my mother-in-law yesterday, and honestly, things are looking even bleaker than I had imagined. My husband was woken up in the middle of the night by his father's coughing—just constant gasping and moaning. He woke my wife up, and they called 911, which ended up rushing him to the hospital in Springfield. The poor man was struggling just to breathe through all that congestion.
The doctor also gave them the grim news: they need to prepare for the worst, because there isn't much more they can do.
He's currently at Cliffside. I'm driving my mother-in-law there this Saturday, though I'm dreading the whole thing. It brings back such heavy memories of my own mother, and my father-in-law has always been like a second father to me.
I'm also worried about exposing my baby to this much stress—which I know I really shouldn't be doing—but I suppose I'm just wired to show up for people when they need help.
My husband will be heading back to NYC on Saturday for work; otherwise, he would be the one driving her.
We’re all feeling pretty helpless right now, just waiting for the inevitable. :-(

My father-in-law is heading out to Strmac today. I spent half of yesterday playing logistics coordinator because the local hospital doesn't have its own transport, and Strmac only provides it for discharges. Since the local clinic only handles pickups from home, we finally managed to track down a dispatcher over in Bjelovar, and I had to call them again this morning just to make sure everything was still on track.

Yesterday, my husband and mother-in-law took all those papers over to the hospital in Pakrac, essentially trying to "sweeten the deal" so my father-in-law would swallow the fact that he's being moved to Strmac.

We'll just have to wait and see how things unfold from here and what happens next.

Nancy Hernandez43 said:I truly hope you all see a full recovery! 🙂

Has anyone dealt with a patient who vomits or gets diarrhea regardless of what they eat or drink? My mother claims she's hungry, yet she’s been throwing everything up for seven days straight now. She managed to keep down a little Coca-Cola today, which is a start, I suppose, but we both know that isn't a sustainable solution.

Just please be vigilant about potential bowel obstructions. If she starts experiencing intense pain, don't ignore it—that's a serious complication. It happened with my own mother, and if they hadn't performed surgery on her immediately, things could have taken a very dark turn within three days.

I asked if someone could drive my father-in-law to the hospital in Pakrac today, and he ended up staying there. He’s been coughing quite a bit and having a hard time breathing. They're planning to transfer him to Strmac from there.
My husband mentioned that his mother was a bit too blunt with him yesterday—she basically went from zero to sixty and hit him where it hurts (though she's clearly reached her breaking point with him, too). My husband thought he might still be able to make it home, but today proved that life had other plans.
The palliative care coordinator called me today to say they'll be accepting him at Strmac, so he’ll be moving there either later today or, at the very latest, next week—God willing.

At least now I know he’s under medical supervision. They’ll do everything possible to take care of him and ensure he can pass with dignity.

I received a call today from the palliative care team over in Pakrac, and honestly, I’m at a loss for words regarding how incredibly grateful I am for their effort and coordination.
They’re arranging placement for my father-in-law at the facility near Strmac, which is a specialized hospice designed specifically for these end-of-life situations. He’ll finally get the level of care he deserves, including the installation of a feeding tube so he can actually stay hydrated and nourished, ensuring he's properly looked after.
They’ve already touched base with his surgeon and the local medical coordinators to get everything squared away.
I’ve already prepared my mother-in-law for this transition; she even knows the facility quite well since she visited someone there recently.

But now, my husband is calling me saying that my father-in-law is refusing to go. My husband thinks maybe we should just wait a little longer, thinking that since he can still swallow a bit—even if it's a struggle—we should hold off.
What exactly am I supposed to say? Should I tell him to "wait" and risk him choking on food?
I told my husband that he needs to talk to his mother and they need to reach a consensus. I don't want to end up being cast as the "evil daughter-in-law" who is trying to shove him into geriatric care just to be rid of him. I refuse to interfere in their final decision, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life living with regret, knowing I didn't do everything in my power.

It feels like history is repeating itself; it was the exact same dynamic when I was arranging care for my mother back in Dug Resa.

It always seems like whenever you try to help, you somehow end up making things worse.😵.

wanderingtinker81 As follows:
I am truly sorry to hear about your mother. 😢

Thank you. I’ve been reading up on the surgeries he’s proposing, and honestly, they sound pretty radical. I'm not entirely sure how she would react to such an intense approach, so I'll need to sit down and have a real conversation with her about it.

If anyone else happens to have any advice or recommendations, please feel free to share them.

It’s easy to fall into that trap of thinking these kinds of tragedies only happen to other people, but eventually, you realize that nobody is truly immune. My mother is only fifty, and even though there wasn't any specific genetic predisposition involved, life still found a way to throw this at us.

Thank you.

Unfortunately, illness doesn't play favorites; it strikes people of all ages and genders alike. Cancer has truly become one of the great scourges of our modern era.
It honestly baffles me. We live in an era where scientists have actually managed to engineer artificial organs—literally coaxing a cluster of cells to beat just like a real human heart. Yet, despite that level of biological mastery, we still haven't stumbled upon an adequate way to treat cancer. At its core, cancer is just a matter of cellular behavior, specifically the uncontrolled multiplication of cells. It seems fundamentally strange that we can successfully cultivate entirely new ones from scratch, yet we remain unable to stop existing ones from multiplying uncontrollably within the body. 🙄.

I just got a call from the palliative care team over in Pakrac. They were asking for a contact number for my father-in-law's primary care physician; they plan to reach out to him directly and then get back to me regarding what kind of assistance they can offer and how we might move forward.

Does anyone happen to know if a primary care physician is able to prescribe medical oxygen? My father-in-law is struggling quite a bit with shortness of breath and is really gasping for air.
Also, does a feeding tube need to be ordered by both a surgeon and his primary doctor, and where is the actual procedure performed? I'm assuming it would be at a hospital.

Please forgive me if I'm asking any obvious or foolish questions—I think I’ve officially lost my mind dealing with all of this.

Angela Wright said:Fiza, home health aides aren't supposed to administer IV infusions on their own—that's strictly for an LOM, but maybe try reaching an agreement with the field nurse. Perhaps she could let Mom handle it under her own responsibility if needed, provided the nurse shows her exactly how it's done.
Also, you should definitely check with that hospice volunteer group to see if they have medical teams operating in the area who can step in when things get difficult.
Honestly, if I were you, I’d start looking for some kind of caregiver to assist Mom and perhaps look into inpatient facilities, because she isn't going to be able to manage this alone, as you well know. 😢
I am truly sorry; life really can be incredibly unfair.

I managed to find some volunteer care services in the local area; I've sent over an inquiry and am just waiting to hear back.
I also did some digging online and found that certain county hospitals (I'm looking at the ones near Bjelovar, Virovitica, and Požega) offer palliative care beds, though I'm not entirely sure how that actually works in practice or what the availability is like.
I still need to research the costs and requirements for inpatient care, and whether there's anything near Daruvar that won't completely break the bank. I have more surfing to do.

My mother-in-law is completely dependent on others; she doesn't drive, and she doesn't even know how to use an ATM, so I'm quite worried about how she'll manage on her own. My husband is heading out toward Daruvar after work tomorrow to take her shopping and pick up everything she needs.

wanderingtinker81 said:My mother is battling ovarian cancer with metastases. She’s currently mid-way through her second round of chemotherapy and will be heading in for a follow-up PET scan soon, so I think it’s the right time to start looking for a second opinion.

Could anyone recommend a specific doctor? We're open to seeing someone privately if necessary. We live out in the Midwest, but traveling to a major hub like Chicago or wherever else is absolutely no issue.
I suspect some of this might have been mentioned on previous pages, but honestly, reading through everything right now is just too much to handle.

Thanks in advance, and hang in there—keep fighting for yourselves and your loved ones!

You might want to look into Dr. Majerović at the Mayo Clinic. He handled my mother's surgery during her terminal stage, and if it weren't for her body being able to take the hit, I truly believe she would have had several more years left.
She was dealing with the exact same type of cancer.