Posts by quietraven0

casualrider21,
thanks for the kind wishes and all the good vibes. honestly, we could all use a little more of that right now.🙂

Emily Fox15, please accept my deepest condolences.
She has reached the end of her earthly journey, and now you have to find the courage to keep moving forward. Stay strong; her love is with you, and it will live in your heart forever.

Amanda Martinez28
I am so incredibly sorry; please accept my deepest, most heartfelt condolences.

You truly gave everything you had, and I know for a fact he recognized that—he was so grateful for you. You were his rock and his biggest support system, which is why he always leaned on you.
I truly believe your father is so proud of the brave, determined woman you've become, and I feel like he’s still watching over you with so much love.
Hang in there and stay strong.

Amanda Martinez28
I’m almost afraid to ask, but I have to—how is everyone doing? How is your dad holding up?

Laura Scott48
Take my condolences, I guess it had to be this way. Stay strong and don't let yourself sink.

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Nancy Hernandez43 said:Don't worry, your mother's hair will grow back, just like it has for everyone else who has gone through chemo and recovery. I just really hope this is the last time we have to deal with this and that our mothers can return to being the bright, vibrant people they were before getting sick.

I truly wish that for you too. Every single victory against this nasty disease feels like a win for all of us. It gives us strength and keeps us moving forward. I’m staying hopeful that we’ll start seeing more and more good news coming out of the medical community.

feralridge3 said:I shave my entire head once a month. It’s been a full year since I finished radiation. In the spots where my hair didn't fall out entirely, it's just flat, though at the edges where the radiation was lighter, it actually grew back thicker and curlier. But where the radiation hit hardest? It's thin and patchy. 😢 Can anyone even imagine what that looks like? 🙄
I keep holding out hope that it'll all grow back, but lately, I've started thinking about getting a wig.
Then again, I've gotten pretty used to wearing scarves and just being hairless.
And honestly, there's a certain practicality to having no hair. 😁 Before my tumor was discovered, I had hair that reached halfway down my back. Think of all the time, shampoo, conditioner, and all those other products I used. Now? I don't need any of that—just some baby shampoo. 😍

feralridge3, I am so glad you were willing to be this honest.
I can't even begin to picture what it looks like. I'd guess that after radiation, it might take a bit longer for things to grow back compared to after chemo, but it eventually happens. From what I can tell, losing your hair hasn't crushed your spirit, and honestly, that's what matters most. 👍
How have you been doing lately, anyway? Is everything under control?

Nancy Hernandez43 said:During my second round of chemo, I decided to just go for it and shaved my head down to about half an inch. Today, my hair has finally grown back to that exact same length. Honestly, I think it makes things a little easier on my daughter when she sees me right there alongside her, going through the same thing. Right now, we’re both just letting our hair grow out naturally, though we do have to trim the ends every once in a while so we don't end up looking like total witches. Every time we do, my husband lets out this huge groan and goes, "Are you kidding me? Again?"🤣

Nancy Hernandez43, hats off to you. Respect.
And here I was thinking I was being such a saint, just because I finally bit the bullet and chopped my long hair off to shoulder length.🙄 Hmm.
It honestly strikes me as weird that both of your wigs didn't even last through a full season. My mom only pulls hers out when she’s heading somewhere special or if we have guests over, so she isn't wearing it every single day. At this rate, I'd expect hers to actually hold up longer than three months.
Honestly, I’m just really glad to hear that your mom already has an inch of thick hair growing back.👍

Here’s a quick update on how things went today:
After Mom got her head shaved at the salon, we headed over to that boutique shop in Downtown to pick out a wig. Honestly, their selection was impressive. She tried on a few different styles, and this one short one she tried last turned out to be the winner—it actually matched her natural hair color almost perfectly. And by some stroke of luck, it was also the cheapest one in the bunch.😁 The lady working there even told us we wouldn't need to pay a cent more because everything is covered under the insurance plan.
We also picked up a versatile scarf and a hat for the evenings.

Oh, I almost forgot—we also grabbed all the specialized maintenance products for the wig:
shampoo (200ml) - $19
conditioner (200ml) - $21
hairspray - $20
and a foam mannequin head to keep the wig's shape intact - $18

Mom is happy with it, and I am too, of course. We’ll see how it holds up in practice once we get used to it. For now, while we're just hanging out at home, she’s either going bare or wearing a scarf; she hasn't quite gotten used to being without anything yet, jokingly saying she looks like an egg. But she really does have a lovely head shape, so I think it'll be totally fine once she settles in after a few days.

Angela Wright,
thanks so much for getting back to me so quickly.
we're heading straight to that shop in Downtown tomorrow, so I'll let you know how everything goes.

Angela Wright said:Her hair would end up way thicker and stronger, and there's even a chance it might get some natural curls.

That would be amazing😉

Angela Wright,
We just got some paperwork back, but since we were seeing a substitute GP—they didn't really know much beyond saying it was some kind of discount form. Is this what you were talking about, or am I looking at something else entirely?

feralridge3,
Thanks for the advice. We’re actually heading to the salon tomorrow to just shave it all off—might as well get it over with. Her birthday is coming up in about ten days, and we’ll have people over who don't know she's sick, along with some relatives she hasn't seen in ages. I'm also going to look into getting her a wig; she already mentioned she'd like one. I'm not sure what kind of coverage or discounts insurance might provide for that, so I'm meeting with a specialist tomorrow to figure it out.

By the way, how's your hair situation coming along? Has it started growing back yet?
I know some people think this is trivial—arguing about hair when there are much bigger things at stake—but honestly, if I were in her shoes, I'd find this incredibly difficult. Even if there isn't physical pain involved, the psychological toll can be absolutely crushing. But we'll adapt. Every cloud has a silver lining, so that's the mindset we're trying to maintain.

My mom started losing her hair this morning. Even though we’d talked about it and mentally braced ourselves for this, seeing it actually happen was still such a massive shock. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty lost right now—maybe it’s best if we just shave it all off immediately, but I don't know, I can't make a smart call on this. I'm planning on getting her a wig, so does anyone have any advice on what to look for when shopping? What should we be paying attention to, and what kind of price range are we looking at?

Susan Diaz91,
please accept my deepest condolences.
If there’s any comfort to be found, it’s that you actually made it to her side. You were able to find closure, embrace her, and share those final kind words. I’m sure that meant the world to her, and it allowed her to pass in peace.

Nancy Gomez10 said:When my grandfather was battling cancer, it was absolutely devastating to deal with. However, I leaned on some principles I learned during my clinical training. What really helped me was shifting my mindset—I realized there was almost zero benefit in just sitting around wallowing or complaining (I mean, sure, you need to vent sometimes, but not constantly). It was much better to give it everything I had, even going at 120% if necessary, just to do whatever I could. That’s how I handled things while he was sick—whether it was helping him walk, assisting with bathing, feeding him, reading the news to him, or practicing breathing techniques. I did the absolute most I could, and that was it. I focused my energy on what I actually had control over (even if that meant being a total pest to the doctors). As for the things beyond my control, I just had to trust that everything would work out—for better or worse—and eventually settle where it needed to be. Not because I was forcing it or wishing it into existence, but because things happen when they happen. My grandfather was in a lot of pain, and sometimes medicine just wasn't enough, but having that support—knowing I was giving my all and staying right by his side while he fought—made a difference. You have to try to stay as calm as possible, because if you stay composed, your mother will stay calmer too. Just take it slow, stay steady, and have patience. One step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time... that’s how you can truly help both yourself and her. That feeling of helplessness can be overwhelming, but it can also be temporary... especially if you rely on what your head tells you to do, specifically the STOP-THINK-DO method. When those feelings hit, that technique is a lifesaver. Stop, take a deep breath, think about what you actually want in that moment, why you're feeling this way, what the core issue is, what you want to do, what you *can* or *must* do, how to achieve it, and honestly, whether doing it is actually good for you or others, and what the ultimate goal is. Give yourself time... if what you "must" or "can" do is spend three hours ironing, staring out the window, or just crying, then go ahead and do that. Having support from friends and your community is also vital. Even just a hug without saying a single word, or sitting together in silence, can help. Just knowing, "Aha, they are here by my side, and even if they don't fully understand, they are trying, they are here, I am not alone," makes all the difference.

I know how hard it is to watch someone suffer like that because I went through those hellish eight months myself, but in any situation like this, the person who is ill is the priority. We, as the family, are important, but we aren't the ones directly carrying the weight of that suffering on our own skin. We aren't the ones experiencing the physical agony or the existential fear of facing death. That's why we have to try to pull ourselves together in these moments and act rationally so we can ease the burden on our loved ones and help them fight the illness and everything else that comes with it.

I hope this helps a little bit. :-)

Also, to everyone on the forum who has lost someone: I am so incredibly sorry. I understand what you're going through, and I truly hope you find healing from your loss and regain the strength for whatever battles lie ahead.
Big hugs and best wishes to everyone!!!
Hang in there!!!

007JasonBourne,
It’s so kind of you to put so much effort into such a long post. Advice from someone who has actually been in the trenches in a similar situation always hits home.
The STOP-THINK-DO method really does work.

Kate Reed63 said:I'm just praying to God that I find the strength to get through this, and I'm keeping you in my prayers too... stay strong.

Kate Reed63,
even if you don't have some magic "trick," what you just wrote really means a lot to me. Thank you for that.

Last night was absolutely brutal, and I honestly can't quite put my finger on why.
Maybe it’s because I wasn't prepared for how intense Mom's symptoms would be—specifically the pain—right after that very first chemo session. I managed to pick up some Zaldiar for her, but it barely made a dent in what she's feeling.
I don't know if it's something else; some people swear by the full moon theory, but I don't really buy into that stuff. Whatever the cause was, it just completely tanked my optimism. I felt this overwhelming sense of exhaustion washing over me.
When I'm dealing with all the stress that builds up during the day, my go-to move is usually cleaning the house. I’ll scrub and tidy until everything is spotless, and once the place is actually shining, I feel exhausted, sure, but also somewhat satisfied.
But the nights... man, some nights are just hard. I wish I were the type of person who could just have a good cry to let it all out, but unfortunately, that's just not how I'm wired.
How are the rest of you handling this? Do you have any tricks for getting through those especially heavy moments?

Sam Murphy33 said:She just went... thank you all... she didn't fight it, she just let go...

Sam Murphy33,
please accept my condolences.
I know how much this hurts, and I know you did absolutely everything in your power to help her,
but sometimes people just feel like their time has come, and there isn't anything more anyone can do.
Hang in there and try to remember the good times; her love stays with you.