Posts by Olivia Rivera77

wearycobra36 said:I agree; inertia is a major symptom for me as well. It really hampers my day-to-day life because it feels like it takes an eternity just to get moving, which inevitably kills my productivity. That lack of progress then feeds directly into my dissatisfaction and low mood, creating this exhausting cycle that's hard to break.

For me, perfectionism and emotional volatility are two other symptoms that drive me absolutely crazy. I find the latter particularly draining, as I tend to feel wounded quite easily, causing my feelings toward certain people to swing wildly. This leads right back into that sense of depression, and the whole loop starts all over again... it's quite a struggle to manage.

On a lighter note, I really appreciate the doses of humor some of you are throwing into the mix here... 👍

I totally feel you on that... I used to be just as sensitive, and my entire vibe toward someone could flip in a heartbeat. It makes me feel like I don't actually have any real friends, which is kind of hilarious when I really sit down and think about it, because let’s be honest—I’ve definitely hurt people in the past, too. There was this whole phase where I kept telling myself, "Okay, I’m going to be tough now. I’m going to be cold and unapologetic." I tried to act like a total jerk on purpose, but that’s just not who I am deep down, so the act always falls apart pretty quickly and I end up back to my old self. The real issue is that I’m intimidated by people with stronger personalities. Mentally, I just freeze up. When someone calls me out on something I don't like—and usually, they're right—I just stand there speechless. It makes me feel so stupid. I start thinking, "I'm not an idiot, I'm not actually this clueless, so why is this happening to me?" I wasn't always like this. It feels like I lost my sense of self somewhere along the line and I honestly have no clue who I am anymore. If anyone actually asked me to describe myself right now, I wouldn't even know where to start, because my moods and my feelings are shifting constantly from one day to the next.

wearycobra36 said:I am genuinely happy for you, Sherlock Holmes! I hope we all see this kind of breakthrough soon.
I actually have my first appointment scheduled with a psychiatrist in about two weeks. I'm really hoping it provides the relief I need. Best wishes to everyone!👋

Thanks, man. I'm honestly hoping things turn around for everyone... and I really hope this doctor ends up being a game-changer for you. Good luck, and please, definitely check back in and let us know how it went...🙂

Samuel Davis16 said:Yeah, honestly, it works for me because I’m a bit of a neat freak. There are just those specific days where I'm completely wiped out and have zero motivation, but I can't even close my eyes to sleep unless everything is perfectly in its place.

Just how I'm wired.

Don't take this the wrong way, but looking at what you're describing... it doesn't actually seem that bad to me. No offense intended, just being real. Cheers.👍

Carl Anderson76 said:So, you mentioned your doctor explained those sudden shifts in mood were mostly due to the massive life changes that come with expecting a baby, but you also said you were feeling this way even before the pregnancy—mostly regarding how things felt with your husband...
I’m curious, though, what does that actually look like for you? Like, what triggers it? Does he do something specific that sets it off, or is it more of a general feeling where you just feel dissatisfied with everything in life during those moments?

Honestly, I was miserable because my self-esteem was basically non-existent. I was too embarrassed to even open my mouth because I was terrified of sounding stupid. So, whenever someone said something to me or did something out of line, I just sat there and took it. I think that’s when things felt the most intense—because I grew up with that whole "don't be rude, just be polite" mentality drilled into me... which is total BS if you ask me. Look where that got me. I’ve had a manager at work treating me like garbage for three years, and all I did was shut up and swallow it...

Carl Anderson76 said:So, what’s actually going on with you? Honestly, I’m having a bit of a hard time following everything here, which is probably why I went totally ballistic when you mentioned your little one earlier. I didn't mean to snap, I just got overwhelmed. Is it that constant feeling that something bad is about to happen to you or the people closest to you? Like, is that what we're dealing with?

It all started with these intrusive thoughts just looping in my head: like, "I hope someone just drops dead." It wasn't directed at anyone specific, it was just this constant, million-times-a-day mental glitch. I was terrified that just by thinking it, I might somehow cause harm, which sounds crazy, right? I even went to see a counselor, but they didn't really seem to grasp the gravity of it. Then I tried fighting the thoughts, which honestly just made everything ten times worse. Eventually, the thoughts turned toward my husband—just wishing he'd pass away, over and over again. After I had the baby, the pattern shifted to: "I wish I had never even gone through with this..." Maybe that sounds dark or even ridiculous to some people, but for me, it was an absolute nightmare because those aren't *my* actual thoughts... they're just these uninvited intruders you can't stop no matter how hard you try. I was terrified of being alone with my child, not because I wanted to hurt her, but because I felt like such a failure as a mother for even having these thoughts about the tiny human I love more than anything in the world. My doctor eventually explained that it's because having a baby is a massive life upheaval, and since I have to be "on" for her 24/7, my anxiety just manifests this way. Since I started taking my antidepressants and just learned to let those thoughts drift by without panicking that I'll actually hurt someone, things have gotten so much easier. It's almost like the thoughts aren't even there anymore.

Patrick Morris7 said:It doesn't hit me every single day... not with the OCD or the intrusive thoughts. It happens sometimes, just every once in a while, and there's definitely a gap of time between those thoughts coming up, but when they do show up, they totally catch me off guard and just frustrate me.
It's also like, when I'm trying to drift off right before sleep or when I'm first waking up (in that sort of half-conscious, groggy state), these images and thoughts just fly through my head that have absolutely nothing to do with anything.
And they aren't even like, dark or inappropriate thoughts or anything, just random thoughts that line up one after another without any connection to reality.
It stays like that until I fully wake up and become conscious, or until I finally crash into a deep sleep.
It doesn't happen every day either, I've noticed it mostly happens when I'm stressed out, or unhappy about something, or just when something's weighing on me—but still, it happens too often.
I know you get how I felt back before I had any clue what was going on or how to describe it—I honestly thought I was losing my mind. It scared me just thinking about it, but I did a little digging and saw that a lot of people deal with the exact same symptoms and there's an actual medical term for it, so it doesn't mean I'm crazy or anything.
That realization alone helped me a bit, seeing that I don't actually *am* those thoughts and that they're kind of forced on me because of some chemical imbalance.
Anyway, I try to use logic to suppress them (and I think I've been pretty successful with the OCD part).
But yeah, I know, I really should talk to a psychologist, but I can only get to one through my primary care doctor with a referral, and since I live in this small town and have had the same doctor since I was a kid, it feels kind of awkward to go to him. I'm worried he might judge me or label me as being crazy.

I get the exact same thing whenever I hear bad news or start spiraling over something. Usually, if I'm worked up, it just gets worse no matter how hard I try to block it out. I eventually realized that trying to fight the thoughts only makes them more frequent; once I started just letting them pass through without engaging, it got a lot better. Before bed, my brain always goes into overdrive with "what if" scenarios—like what if something happens to me, or even worse, what if something happens to my family? I'll see these vivid, awful images in my head, but even that has calmed down lately. I also went through that phase of thinking I was losing it, and it was miserable until I connected with other people facing the same struggle. I thought I was the only one, and I had no idea why this was happening or how to stop the cycle. Going to a psychiatrist felt super embarrassing at first, but over time I've gotten used to it and realized so many people are doing the same thing. My town isn't exactly a metropolis, but honestly, I don't care anymore if someone spots my car outside the clinic. If anyone asks, I'll just tell them I'm there for postpartum depression or whatever. Don't suffer in silence—just go see a professional. They can actually help you.👍

brightmason80 said:Why on earth did I have to run into such a clueless doctor 🙂🙂

Honestly, I’m not even sure how to respond to that. I went through my insurance provider, so I’m pretty happy with how things turned out. Maybe the reason it worked out for me is because my doctor specializes specifically in pediatrics, teens, and late adolescence...🤷which means they actually have some patience. At the end of the day, a good doctor is all about competence. Did you go through your insurance or did you pay out of pocket for a private visit?😉

Patrick Morris7 said:I know exactly what you mean... I get those same terrifying thoughts racing through my head, too. Of course, I don't want them, and I'd never actually do anything like that, so I just sit there wondering where they even come from. I've kind of landed on the idea that my own mind is basically bullying itself—it's like I'm the one causing my own suffering—mostly because I don't really love myself, I guess.
But I don't identify with the thoughts themselves, though. It's more like there's this part of me that's actively trying to torture and destroy another part of me.
It sounds a little crazy, but it makes sense to me. I've been thinking about seeing a therapist for a while now, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to actually do it.

That feeling is absolutely brutal. I spent years fighting that same battle until I hit a wall and realized I couldn't take it anymore... so I finally went and got help. I can tell you right now, I feel so much better. I actually learned how to love myself, my confidence shot up, and I stopped living in fear. The worst parts—the tics and those intrusive thoughts—they haven't vanished completely, but there are days now where they don't cross my mind once. I’d recommend seeing a professional to anyone dealing with this, though obviously, you have to find the right fit because not every doctor is a winner. Luckily, I found a great one at a local community clinic who really helped me turn things around. And that whole thing about counting or repetitive rituals? I was doing that stuff back in middle school, tapping on desks and praying everything would go okay, thinking if I didn't do it, something terrible would happen. It's a heavy cycle to be in. Hang in there.👍

Look, if it didn't work out the first time, it’s probably not going to happen if you keep doing the exact same thing. You've gotta wipe the tears away, shake it off, and just grit your teeth and move forward. I get it—it sucks, and it’s heavy, but honestly? That’s just how life works. It doesn't care about your feelings. 🤷

[QUOTE=Carl Anderson76;17892497]aha sad shvaćam...onako izolirano kad čitam zvuči strašno....držite se i ti i bebica🙂[/QUOTE
thanks a lot ....cheers...[/QUOTE]

Donna Wood52 said:Olivia Rivera77, maybe you just love that kid a little too much—and this whole fixation on their death... it feels more like an irrational fear
than anything else. You're just terrified
that something might actually happen to them.

To be honest, I went through the exact same thing with my husband back before I had kids. He was my entire world, my everything. But now that I have a child, they’ve taken that top spot in my heart, and I guess that shift in focus plays a role in how these fears hit me. I don't know, honestly. I'm not even sure myself anymore. I've been seeing a therapist for ages now, and it's actually helping things along...

Carl Anderson76 said:So, in those exact moments, you actually want your kid to die??? You don't feel like you're a danger to them during those times...??? I mean, I honestly have no clue what's going on here. I'm not saying you're some kind of potential killer or anything, but what does a psychiatrist actually say about a feeling like yours?

No, you’re totally missing the point. It's not that I *want* my kid to die—hell no, she’s my whole world. This happened because I was stuck in a massive depression for ages and didn't seek help, so eventually, it just spiraled into intense anxiety. When you combine deep depression with high-functioning anxiety, things get messy. Once everything hit a breaking point, I finally went to see a doctor. And look, I am absolutely not a danger to anyone; it’s just how my anxiety manifests itself through these intrusive thoughts or whatever. It is the polar opposite of who I actually am as a person. I started taking Lexapro, and thank God, everything is fine now.

Honestly, ever since I started my antidepressants, it’s like someone finally organized the chaos in my brain. Everything feels structured now. Take my house, for example—everything has to be in its exact right spot. Before this, I didn't have the energy to lift a finger; my home was a total disaster zone, mirroring the absolute mess inside my head. But the real struggle isn't the physical stuff; it's the intrusive thoughts. I don't mean to sound like I'm judging anyone, but if your only issue is keeping up with laundry or cleaning, you should honestly be celebrating. Dealing with the mental side of things is a different beast entirely. Imagine having a million terrifying thoughts racing through your mind every single day—dark, irrational stuff, like worrying about something horrible happening to your kid. Of course, I don't actually want any of that to happen, which is exactly why it's such a massive problem. Thankfully, since starting the meds, things have finally calmed down. I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind.🤷

brighttinker48 said:I’ve got something pretty similar going on myself... 🙂
Basically, it’s a little harder to put into words—but it doesn't really mess with my day-to-day life.
I count my steps in patterns: 1, 1, 2, 1, then back to 1, 1, 2, 1, and just keep looping it like that.
But when I'm walking down a street with a lot of "patches"—you know, those old potholes that got filled in with asphalt but left these distinct bumps—it gets tricky.🙂
I have to time it so my foot lands outside the patch first, then I take two steps (that's the 1, 2 part) right on the patch, and then my fourth step (that final 1) has to land back outside on the smooth stuff.😁
Sounds a bit weird, I know, and honestly, I don't even know how else to explain it unless I actually filmed myself doing it.😁
Sometimes I’ll even start shortening my stride just so I can nail that 1, 1, 2, 1 rhythm while crossing a patch. ;D
It works with cars, too—like near the front wheel it's a 1, between the front and back wheels it's 1, 2, and then by the back wheel, it’s that finishing 1.
I do the same thing with those pavers people have in their driveways.
Or if I'm at a crosswalk, I'll only step on the white stripes of the zebra crossing—sometimes I'll only step on the black parts instead.

I’m only just realizing how often I actually do this.🙂
But, I don't know, there's a weird sense of satisfaction when I manage to get all the way across a street or a crosswalk perfectly.😁

Mind you, I can't really do this when I'm out on my bike—even though I love riding.
So it’s not an issue when I have to go somewhere where I won't be able to "count or group" things.

In my opinion, if it isn't interfering with your daily routine, then it's probably nothing to worry about... everyone has their own little "quirks," after all. Cheers from Olivia Rivera77...🙄

Richard Fisher13 said:I’ve just got one question on my mind. How do you actually help someone living with OCD? I care about this person deeply, so I'm trying to figure out if just offering constant support and love is enough, or if there's something more tangible I can do to make a difference.🙂

Look, at the end of the day, support and love are everything. Having a partner who actually gets what you're going through makes a massive difference to me—I honestly don't know where I'd be if my husband didn't understand me. Beyond that, we really need to be pushing people to go out and get professional help. OCD isn't a life sentence; it's something you can actually recover from if you take the right steps.

coastalskipper92 said:Is inertia considered one of the symptoms? For me, that's easily the most painful part.

I suppose I'm just an "indigo" type, and OCD just isn't built for people like us...

It feels impossible to truly get rid of this—the depression and everything else—because it all just piles up on top of the OCD. We are essentially made of it. Perhaps there's a way to ease the burden, though.

Hypochondriac

You have no idea how well I can
play the part, or how deeply I can love
you don't realize how quickly I change
you'll never know what I have in store
depression is nothing new to me
it runs in the family, from my mother

So be kind, be careful
be good to me
because I am a Hypochondriac

chorus 2x
Your love is what keeps me alive
let me drink you in
at seven, at twelve, at five
your love is what keeps me alive
love is the only cure

You don't realize how quickly I change
you'll never know what I have in store
depression is nothing new to me
it runs in the family, from my mother

chorus 2x

My head aches, my soul aches
oh, I could sleep forever

chorus 2x

Love is the only cure
(3x)

Hey, what's up. Yeah, inertia is definitely a symptom. At least, it certainly was for me.

brightmason80 said:Does anything work better than that for you, or is it just a total wash? 😉

The thing is, the symptoms haven't totally vanished, but they've dialed way down, and honestly, I feel a lot stronger. The depression has pretty much cleared out. When I talk about symptoms, I'm mostly referring to those physical tics...

Frank Jackson5 said:My OCD is finally almost completely gone with the help of the AD. Finally!

Wait, how? And what exactly do you mean by "AD"? I'm currently on Zoloft...🤷

fadedbear92 said:Get out of there immediately! That sounds terrifying—if she doesn't even know what she's doing, maybe she just got her credentials through some shady grading scandal like those professors caught in the recent Ivy League admissions scandal?! Absolute disaster!😠😲😲😲

I honestly can’t wrap my head around how someone with an actual medical degree can even open their mouth and say something like that. Seriously, give me a break... I’m speechless. Anyway, Merry Christmas to everyone.😂

brightmason80 said:Heading to the kitchen to bake some cookies... honestly, if I could just loop this feeling and do it all over again about 800 times, I would 😂
🙂

Welcome to the club, fellow compulsive obsessive... sending you lots of love. 🙂🙂👋