wearycobra36 said:Olivia, I really hope you decide to drop by this forum again to answer me.
I’m also struggling with MTA, and I’ve finally decided to commit to psychotherapy, but the catch is that I have absolutely no leads on a decent psychiatrist or therapist; I’m really looking for someone high-quality.
Ideally, I need a psychotherapist or psychiatrist in the San Francisco area. If you happen to be local to that part of California, please, if you could recommend yours, I’d be so grateful. Even if you aren't from the Bay Area, maybe you could ask your own doctor if they know a reliable colleague in San Francisco who specializes in this specific issue.
Thanks in advance.
Look, I'm actually out in the Midwest, but I'll definitely ask my psychiatrist to see if they can give me a referral for you.☕I usually just go through my insurance provider and honestly, it's been fine—I stumbled upon a good one. It's true that sometimes things get busy and we don't have much time, but whenever I truly need a vent session or something similar, he always makes room for me even if it's out of schedule.🙏I wouldn't trade him for anything since I've been seeing him from day one. I sent you a direct reply to your message, so if there's anything else on your mind, just shoot me a question... all the best.👍
Wait, what even is a psychotherapist...? I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist lately, and honestly, I’m really happy with how things are going. I’ve tried working with a psychologist before too, but at the end of the day, my doctor is the one giving me actual hope—telling me that everything can get back to normal and that those dark thoughts don't have to be part of my life forever.
Honestly, things just went downhill for me after I had my baby. I was haunted by those horrific mental images, but thank God, that part eventually passed. What’s left are these intrusive thoughts and this crushing fear that I might actually hurt someone. Every single time something bad happens to someone close to me, I spiral into wondering if it was somehow my fault... it’s slowly eating me alive. And I can't help but wonder if I’ll ever actually feel okay again. Like you said, all these dark thoughts are the complete opposite of who I really am; I don't want to sound dramatic, but I know deep down I'm a good person. It's just these damn thoughts. I kept it bottled up for so long because of the sheer shame of it all, but once it became impossible to hide, I had to come clean. My family and my husband have been supportive, but even then, I still get the feeling they think I'm just being oversensitive... but I'm telling you, this is killing me. Am I just weak? I don't even have an explanation for any of this. I'm currently on Zoloft 150 mg and Depakote 300...
These thoughts are violent, and honestly, my biggest fear is that I might actually hurt someone. It’s terrifying because there are moments when a thought flashes through my mind like, "I wish they would just die..." or something equally dark. I don't actually feel that way—not even close. In fact, I try to be there for people and help out whenever I possibly can. It’s just that constant, nagging dread that things might spiral out of control. I’m always spiraling into this "what if" loop: what if I lose my grip on reality? I just want to be there for my kid. Thanks for having my back...
I’ve got the tics, sure, but I can hide those pretty easily. It’s these thoughts that are actually tearing me up inside. They’re dark, man... really ugly. This whole thing started hitting me about four years ago. But look, I have to be straight with you—this all stems from being harassed at work by my boss. He was psychologically abusive, pushing for sexual favors and stuff like that. It’s been heavy.
Hey, can someone please reach out if you’re dealing with the same thing I am? I honestly feel like I’m losing my grip on reality... For four years now, I’ve been fighting these intrusive thoughts that are seriously wrecking my daily life. They are absolutely horrific, and frankly, I’m too ashamed to even type out what they’re actually about. 😛I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication for about ten months now, but I haven't seen much of an improvement. If anything, the meds just take the edge off so I can handle them slightly better, but otherwise, I’m just sitting here crying and wondering why this is happening to me. I’m a mom now, and I just want to live a decent, quality life. I’m 25, naturally pretty insecure, and pretty shy... how do I help myself? Please, if anyone is going through this exact same hell, let me know...