Larry Lewis said:Lone Ranger:I suppose I should address this... though why anyone would bother with such trivialities is beyond my weary comprehension—but here we are. It feels like we’re just circling the drain of pointless discourse again, doesn't it? Just another day in this chaotic American landscape where everyone has an opinion and nobody has a clue. Honestly, I’ve seen more coherent arguments written on the back of a napkin at a greasy diner in Chicago than what I see popping up on these boards lately. It’s exhausting. Truly. Anyway, let's get to it, if we must. kaže:
Well, that was it—that was my whole hand.
Everything just came crashing down—popped like a soap bubble in a windstorm—the moment that one particular incident hit me.
After that whole ordeal, I went to see my therapist—though honestly, why bother?—but I never once brought up the psychosis I experienced. It just sat there, heavy and unspoken, between us.
It’s just those old childhood traumas resurfacing all at once—the kind that bubble up the second everything finally falls apart...
And looking back—really looking back at the wreckage of my own decisions—I find myself wondering where on earth my common sense managed to hide all that time. It’s one of those things, isn't it? You spend years navigating life like you've got a map, only to realize you were actually just wandering through a fog of your own making. I look at my younger self—that naive, overly optimistic version of me—and I just want to shake them. Honestly, it's exhausting. 🙄
Oscar acts like he just stepped straight out of some cultist's fever dream... honestly, it’s a bit much.
Finally—I am actually thinking about my own interests for once. I’ve officially decided to give up on that ridiculous, exhausting dream of saving the world—you know, that whole "martyr complex" thing where you sacrifice everything and just end up looking like a total fool in the process... honestly, it was getting old. |
Good grief—honestly, what kind of deity would you have to serve to be that incredibly scatterbrained? It’s almost impressive, in a deeply exhausting sort of way. 😲
Losing my father, followed by a complete social shift just six months later...
I met this new crowd, joined an association, and completely lost my grip on reality. I felt useful through that movement—accepted, even—and I became quite a prominent figure in that group. My productivity and creativity seemed to peak during that time.
The organization itself was positive, but I overinflated the importance of my role within it.
In my mind, the cause became everything. I was prepared to risk it all for what I thought was a higher purpose.
The worst part was how we all fed into the paranoia, validating each other's delusions.
We operated under the assumption that we were right and everyone else was simply blind.
My worldview was binary: there were those who agreed with us, those who knew better but remained indifferent and needed guidance, and the enemies who were out to destroy us.
Friends outside our circle saw the damage it was doing, but I was blind to it until the fog finally cleared.
Compounding all this was a deep sense of existential anxiety.
Looking back at the last four years, I find myself wondering what happened to me.
How could I have let those new acquaintances dictate my beliefs so easily?
I suppose I can attribute it to my youth.
At some point, I just started feeling terrible, as if none of it actually mattered.
Other friends noticed the decline about a year before I did.
That was when the group fractured.
A friend and I eventually realized that one specific individual was driving us toward psychosis, fueled entirely by paranoia.
We all found freedom once we redirected our energy elsewhere.
It is fascinating to realize how we were collectively maintaining a state of delusion without even knowing it.
+ Afterward, my finances improved.
+ I cut ties with that group and took a job at a large corporation where things were much more dynamic. I started going out again, dressing up, and looking in the mirror realizing how much I had neglected myself.
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It’s all mental, but I can fully empathize with people who become fanatics. Until you experience it, you cannot truly walk in their shoes.
It’s similar to a Jehovah's Witness convinced of their doctrine:
"I am right, my people know the truth, those who are hesitant are lost, and those who disagree are our enemies."
I suspect this is linked to borderline personality traits—viewing the world and people in such stark black-and-white terms.
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I can tell you that people from my college days didn't recognize the person I had become.
An old acquaintance mentioned he had no idea what I was involved in.
He knew me from school, though.
Once I broke free and moved into a better career path, things finally began to look up.
He told me I had always seemed depressed and that he was glad to see me happy now.
The transformation was visible; the improvement was written on my face.