Posts by mellowwalker59

Honestly, just hearing a diagnosis of schizophrenia can be terrifying... It’s more than just a medical condition, though—it feels like a sentence. When people want to hurt someone, they wish a schizophrenia diagnosis on them. Someone carrying that label often faces a harder life than someone behind bars. But look, schizophrenia isn't an absence of emotion, or some kind of "evil" state, or a void where nothing exists. It usually shows up as a reaction—kind of a trigger response to the world around us. It tends to surface after trauma, injustice, or abuse. People living with this aren't stupid, and they aren't malicious or dangerous to others. If anything, they are most dangerous to themselves... They tend to withdraw because they feel unnecessary or misunderstood, and they're painfully aware of their diagnosis and how everyone else perceives them. People jump to conclusions about everything based on that label, but once you have it, you're stuck with it forever, even if the psychotic episodes don't happen again. These folks are suffering twice over. Is it truly their fault they ended up sick?
And if I could say one thing to anyone who's received this diagnosis: many of you didn't deserve to have that on your record. Just be certain that, eventually, it will be used against you. A friend tells a best friend, and suddenly the whole country knows. Anyway, thanks to the admin for at least looking out for us by banning those hateful comments and the stigma...

Olivia Smith2 said:I’ve been talking about this for days with a few friends—people who haven't dealt with mental health struggles and can't quite grasp what I'm going through right now. That’s why I’m turning to you all; I’m hoping for some constructive advice, and maybe—if I’m being honest—just a little bit of support.

For those who missed my previous posts here, here is the situation: about two years ago, I went through a psychotic episode. I was on heavy medication at first, then gradually tapered down until I reached a somewhat stable state. However, alongside that past episode, I developed generalized anxiety disorder, which—it feels to me—is actually causing more damage.

Right now, I find myself in a really difficult chapter of my life. The psychosis hit shortly after I graduated from college. During my studies, there were so many opportunities on the table—everything from grad school scholarships to high-level career paths. In short, a real career was within reach. But the psychosis stalled everything. My father—who has always been incredibly supportive and was planning to help me financially so I could build a solid foundation for my career—was understanding about it all. He even found me a job, though I specifically asked for something with very light professional demands and reduced hours. I had already essentially written off my career prospects, just trying to scrape by because of the cognitive deficits I was feeling. It’s been like this for several years.

After work, I just lie in bed. I don't really have hobbies; I occasionally see someone, but my emotions feel totally numbed out. I spend my time idling and making vague plans for some distant future when "everything finally falls into place." Essentially, I'm just stuck. A few months ago, I started having these recurring dreams about getting older—about life passing me by while I remain completely stationary. Those dreams were the breaking point; I'm starting to feel this internal drive to move, especially since I've been living in chronic poverty and total hopelessness.

I've been speaking with my psychiatrist, who encourages me by saying I'm intellectually very strong, and my boss, who told me he’s "finally glad to see me snap out of it and stop wasting my talent." Suddenly, overnight, I’m starting to receive offers that most people would kill for—opportunities they’ve spent years working toward. They’re practically being served to me on a silver platter because I made such a great impression during my time in school and early work. The problem is, I feel like I don't even have the strength to pick up the plate.

I am being offered a great job along with a scholarship for further education. Ever since the offer came in, I haven't been able to sleep properly. The moment I heard the news, my ears felt clogged, my thoughts turned into complete chaos, and my concentration plummeted to the point where I can barely read a few sentences. It feels like my own body is sabotaging itself, and I honestly don't know what to do.

I'm glad that I'm finally motivated and that I actually *want* to get out of bed, but I’m haunted by massive questions: CAN I ACTUALLY HANDLE THESE NEW AND SERIOUS CHALLENGES, AND WILL I DESTROY MY HEALTH BY TRYING?

I'm paralyzed. I'm being handed opportunities that any "normal" person would grab in a heartbeat, but I'm not normal. I'm struggling with intense anxiety.

People tell me that, in the end, I have nothing to lose—that I should just go for it because they don't see any "glitch" in me that would hold me back. But I feel that glitch deep inside. I am terrified of failing and of letting these opportunities slip away.

Does anyone have any advice? I'll take anything. Are there any general trends or statistics regarding people with psychological struggles when it comes to handling complex tasks and advanced learning?

Ever since this career wind was blown in my direction, I've lost all sense of time. I'm completely frazzled, spiraling through hundreds of different scenarios in my head—some of them truly irrational. What should I do?

HELP!

For the professionals: I'm currently taking 1x 150 mg Quetiapine SR, 2x 0.5 Klonopin, and 1x 75 mg Pregabalin.

Back during college, I went through this massive shock—total trauma—and I basically spiraled from being this super ambitious, driven, pretty girl straight into psychosis.
My friends just... they all bailed.
With these heavy meds, honestly, I have no idea how I’m even managing to graduate with honors. And the psychosis? It's always there, lurking in the back of my mind, messing with my thoughts and exams... It’s constant. I tried being vulnerable and opening up to some classmates about what I was going through, but instead of support, I just got mocked, gossiped about, and looked down on. It was brutal. I don't even know how I'll land a job... the psychosis simmers while I work, and a few times it's escalated quite badly. But then, suddenly—out of nowhere—this huge opportunity comes along with all the right connections and just enough luck to trigger this massive intellectual breakthrough of mine. I've been pulling in over $10,000$0.00 between my main job and freelance gigs, sometimes even more... I'm buying real estate, handling everything with ease, and really moving forward in life. My last IQ score on a psych evaluation was a 94, which isn't bad at all—actually pretty solid and well above average. Shoot me a DM if you want to chat

Anyone up for a chat? About pretty much anything... though honestly, I’d prefer if you weren't too "normal" about it—feel free to shoot me a DM with your number,
I feel like crying, but my tear ducts have basically run dry at this point...
I'm getting older, so I guess time is just relative anyway...☕

Sarah Sanders2 said:The only reason I’m struggling is because the lockdown actually worked for me. Now that life is getting back to "normal," I'm not really feeling it. And no, it's not even about being scared of the virus lol.

Heyyy,,, well, looks like we're in the same boat here. I don't want to go back either. And honestly? I can't, because I'm dealing with another horrible illness on top of everything else.... I don't even know who I am anymore... I mean, okay, I know my name and my face, but I have no clue who is actually hiding under my skin with a disorder like this. It's one of those things they describe in medical books as being super scary, and then they just toss you in with the people you used to be afraid of. You end up in this community where nobody really gets it, and you can't even follow the rules because you always end up failing... Just alone and in pain, totally Unknown...

Eating straight out of the pot?
Honestly, it all depends on who’s doing the grabbing...
I used to absolutely hate it when my mom, my dad, my ex-husband, or even my mother-in-law would sneak a taste—it just felt wrong—but if I'm the one sneaking a bite when nobody's looking? Well, then I'm totally fine with it. My kids think it's hilarious too...🙂
Fast forward to now, though—I'm with a new partner, and for the first time in my life, I can actually share a bite from the same plate as someone else without it feeling weird at all.☕

I’ve been dealing with this whole overeating struggle my entire life—and no, I’m not saying I’m overweight right now, I’m just hitting that half-century mark and standing at about 5'6" and under 130 lbs. Honestly, if I actually let myself go for even two weeks, I’d probably pack on another 45 pounds easy.
Right now, I don’t have aetit, otherwise things would just spiral totally out of control...
The truth is, I just can't seem to stop once I start eating.
Is it a lack of self-confidence?
Not really... I'd say it's more like having these gaps in my emotional life, some unfulfilled desires... just certain voids in life, I guess...
All my coworkers are younger than me and carry more weight, but I definitely wouldn't say they lack confidence.
The only time I ever actually lose weight is when I get sick and completely lose my appetite...

It’s been about two weeks since I ended up in the neurology ward because these headaches were just getting out of hand... honestly, they were terrifying. On top of a diagnosis that really shook me, I can't even handle music anymore—I can't even hold my phone up to my ear without it being too much. Every little noise is a struggle, whether it's the TV, the radio, or even just sounds coming from the neighbors' yard... it all feels way too loud. Even the songs I used to love just feel like they're slamming into my head. My ears are aching on both sides, too, and I've kind of stopped trying to explain it to people lately... it feels like I'm just bothering everyone, and it's not even the first time I've felt this way. Does anyone have any advice on what to do?

Honestly, every single time I’ve fallen for one of those "must-have" gadgets, I end up totally regretting it. It feels like a straight-up rip-off... You barely even get through the payments before you realize you don't even use the thing! It’s always too bulky, takes up way too much counter space, just sits there collecting dust, and then—get this—you can't even sell it to anyone else because it's so niche. It’s never nearly as useful as the late-night commercials make it out to be. Actually, it's worse than that—it starts to really annoy you after a while, seeing how it's just cluttering up your life under the guise of "helping" you. The price tag is absolutely ridiculous for what you actually get out of it. And yeah, that goes for those fancy massage guns and all those other overpriced home gadgets too...

I know exactly how this all started... back when I was just a little girl, my parents were always pushing me to "eat everything in sight," telling me I was way too skinny. So, I did what any kid would do—I started overeating. I wasn't even particularly unattractive or anything, I was just really, really unhappy, and I ended up using food as my escape. I’d spend all my time in the kitchen whipping up homemade biscuits and cookies, and then—well, I’d end up eating them all myself. That phase eventually passed, though. I tried dieting a few times and actually saw some progress, but the weight would just rush back within a couple of days. My mornings used to start with me scouring the entire house, hunting specifically for something sweet...
Eventually, I dropped quite a bit of weight, but honestly? It wasn't because of some incredible feat of willpower. It was more about losing my appetite entirely—just a series of life events combined with certain medications that basically shut everything down. I went from 165 pounds down to about 120. And look, I don't think exercise, strict diets, or pure self-discipline can truly fix this long-term. They might help temporarily, sure. But man, it felt so good to finally fit into a size 4 or 6 again.
I have to say, I really do feel for women who are struggling with their weight... because as long as that hunger is driving the bus, you're never going to win. No amount of willpower is strong enough to fight against true binge eating.
Everything just feels better—even the hard stuff, the money troubles, all of it—when I'm wearing a smaller clothing size. Unfortunately, for me, it’s just not something you can force through discipline alone...