Posts by Jonathan Barnes7

Tyler Myers5 said:And I suppose this hasn't exactly been an eye-opener for you.

When you actually care about someone, you want to be with them—even if you aren't exactly the party animal type who enjoys long nights out. You would rather wait for them to ring in the New Year than spend the night with your mother and your brother-in-law.🙄

He doesn't love you, or perhaps not enough.
He's looking for someone else.

I forgot to mention we were fighting for two or three weeks straight... basically, I told him I didn't even want to see his face or talk to him. That was right around Christmas and New Year's. After that, he got pissed at me because I was shutting him out, but I meant what I said. I was spiraling into a depression and didn't have the energy for anything, 😢 let alone him. So, he isn't the bad guy here. He didn't want to be around my friends either.

It’s not that he’s hiding me or anything. It’s just that going out isn't really his thing. He spent New Year's Eve at home... just hanging out with my brother-in-law.

If he heads out to grab a drink with one or two friends right in his own neighborhood, that's about it. He isn't the clubbing type or someone who hits up big bars. It’s always just a local spot or hanging at a friend's place. I’ve met a few of his buddies and he talks about them, but we haven't all hung out together yet...

I don't plan on dwelling on this forever. Honestly, I've been thinking about leaving for good because I can't take it anymore. There's no way out of this mess. Plus, there's this guy who has started making serious moves toward me. He made his intentions clear, and I'm actually considering giving him a shot. I'm terrified, though—I tend to feel things too deeply. Everything I've ever wanted, I found in him, regardless of the fact that our relationship isn't "public." I'm scared I'll never be able to open up to anyone else like this again. I want to wait a little longer, but I feel like I've waited too long already. I'm worried it'll lead nowhere. It doesn't feel like he's leading me on, even if it looks that way, but my patience is officially gone. I have no idea how to deal with all the baggage from his past.😢

He gets exactly what he wants! Every single time I try to walk away and tell him it's over, he won't let me go. He can't function without me, and honestly, he doesn't want anyone else. It’s not like there aren't plenty of other girls circling him for a casual hookup, so clearly, the issue is that he still isn't ready for a real commitment—even though I am. I went through my own rough patch, dealt with it on my own, and moved forward. Sure, I still have traumas, and I always will, but they're in the background now and I handle them perfectly fine. At the end of the day, I've been alone much longer than he has; my wounds aren't nearly as fresh. There are moments when I lose my cool and just unload everything on him... moments where I think I'm never speaking to him again. But then... my intuition is sharp. I know things, I sense things, I predict things. And regarding this specific situation, I don't have a bad feeling, but I have no idea what's coming next. Every time we fight, whether it's face-to-face or over text, I knew it would be okay. I knew he wouldn't just kick me to the curb. Yet, here we are, stuck in neutral while he stays in this mental rut. I don't know if I should keep putting up with this. He won't let me help him because he insists he has to deal with his issues solo. And honestly, how could I even help? Aside from telling him I'll be right there by his side if he lets me in—and promising I won't bail on him just because I get a bad feeling, which is exactly what happened to his ex—there isn't much else. Based on bits and pieces I've managed to squeeze out of him, I can't get him to actually talk about what happened. He hits a wall every time the topic comes up. He just deflects, starts messing around, playing with my hair like some little kid... it's either a complete shutdown or he turns it into a joke to avoid the conversation!! 😢 I've always been able to reach people. I can pull the truth out of anyone and help them through things just by talking. It's no wonder my career path is leaning toward psychology; I have a knack for people, and that's exactly what helped me survive the crisis from my last toxic relationship and the breakup after that!!! But with him? I hit a brick wall every single time!! 😢 This has never happened to me before. I had a couple of guys in the past I was willing to commit to, but one told me straight up before we even started that he didn't want a relationship. With the other, we went out a few times and he said he couldn't do commitment either... he wasn't leading me on. I actually ended things with the first guy because I wanted more than just sex, and we stayed in that limbo for a few months. I knew where I stood; it was the same thing—he was just dealing with baggage from an ex. But with this guy, I really don't know. You can see he cares. Sex isn't just sex here; there's way more to it. But he's just not ready for a serious relationship... and it's starting to kill me. I constantly wonder if I'm wasting my time. I told him I was leaving, and his solution was to suggest an open relationship, which I absolutely refuse. It's all or nothing with me. He even said he couldn't do an open thing, quoting himself saying he only suggested it "because of those stupid things I said when I threatened to leave"... even though sometimes it feels like things are actually improving...

And then he drops that question on me... it completely froze me because I couldn't tell what he meant. It didn't sound negative, though. He knows there's zero chance of me getting pregnant, so for a split second, it sounded like he actually *wanted* it to happen—like he thought it would force him to man up because he knows he's drifting. He hasn't mentioned marriage or anything like that. He only mentioned once, a while back, that he wants a huge future with me, but he's scared of screwing it up, so we should take it slow. He basically said, "Now you tell me," implying that when he says he wants a lot more with me, he means it.

Anyone got some more advice?

granitefalcon26 said:Maybe he’s just terrified of getting hurt again. Some wounds take a long time to heal, you know? If he’s completely shutting down whenever his ex comes up, those scars are probably still pretty raw.
If you were just some casual hookup to him, he wouldn't care who you were hanging out with when he wasn't around.

That’s exactly what I’m saying. If I were just a casual fling, he wouldn't care. But he cares. He actually got visibly upset finding out other guys were circling me. On top of that, he can't let me go, and honestly, neither can I. I'm his, and nobody else matters to him as long as he's in the picture—even if we haven't put a label on this mess yet.

It's obvious he struggles to move past his old baggage. He dropped a few hints that made me realize his life hasn't been easy since everything went down with her. Whenever the topic of a "relationship" comes up, he hits a wall. But the second I try to walk away? He does whatever it takes to make me stay. It's like he thinks there isn't anyone else out there for him.

Everything between us feels like a real relationship. We fight like an actual couple whenever third parties get mentioned, and otherwise, we click perfectly. We're totally open with each other. Neither of us is willing to let the other one slip away. In fact, I was the one who suggested we just go our separate ways at one point, since there are plenty of other girls interested in him, but he won't have it. In the end, I'm always the one he turns to for affection, a hug, or comfort. We laugh, we fight, we sleep together... it's all there. It's a full-blown relationship in every sense except for that one specific word: "commitment."

It’s not just about the sex. There is way more at stake than that. I honestly thought it was just physical too, but after everything we've been through, I realized it goes much deeper. It isn't just some casual hookup where you split ways afterward; there's a massive emotional layer here. He can't bring himself to say the words, but he shows it during those intimate moments.

The wounds are still pretty raw, even if it hasn't been that long. But he gets incredibly tense every single time I bring up his ex or try to clear the air with him. He either dodges the subject, pivots to something else, or just shuts down completely.

I have to point out that he has never once finished inside me—regardless of the fact that I’m on the pill and he knows damn well that I am!

So, I don't get what happened or why he's even asking that question in the middle of sex. There is zero reason to worry about pregnancy because there is absolutely no chance of that happening. It hasn't happened before, and it won't now, especially since we use both the pull-out method and the pill!!

And yeah, our situation is still a mess right now. He just can't bring himself to fully commit or let go because of the trauma from his last long-term relationship. This has been dragging on for months. On the surface, it feels like a real relationship, except we don't go out with friends or anything; it's always just the two of us. It's like he's terrified of the actual word "relationship." As soon as things get serious, he hits the brakes. I believe him, and we've been honest with each other since day one, but he refuses to talk about what happened (and honestly, I don't want to know the details either). He's insecure and feels like he can't be in a defined relationship with me, yet he doesn't want me with anyone else and he won't let me go... but he isn't seeing anyone else either!

I've been seeing this guy for a while now. Our situation is a little complicated if I'm being honest, but that's just how it is. He knows I'm on the pill—there isn't any other birth control involved here. We trust each other, but even so, he hasn't finished inside me yet, which honestly works for both of us.

But during sex the last time, he dropped this incredibly weird question on me and I have no clue how to take it. So I'm asking you all—how would you interpret this?

Right in the middle of things—he stops—and asks me, "Are you still on the pill?" I insisted he tell me why he was even asking, but he wouldn't. Instead, he just gave me this smug, joking look and said, "Haha, don't try to trap me." He's got all sorts of weird quirks, so I wasn't totally shocked, okay? It was clearly meant as a joke. But once we were done and he hugged me, I was genuinely offended by what he said and the fact that he'd even ask that mid-act. I asked him again what he meant by that. He didn't give me a straight answer; he just held me and told me not to take it personally because he didn't mean anything bad by it. He gave me this playful look right before... so yeah, someone please tell me how I'm supposed to feel about this.

It wasn't meant to be negative, aside from that annoying little jab he made. I reacted pretty strongly, telling him I'm not stupid enough to try and trap him like that, if that's even possible. I mean, he's with me. He's older. We're both at an age where things matter. I'm finishing up college, and honestly, he's long past the age of rushing to get married. But we haven't talked about that kind of stuff because we haven't even officially defined what this is. Our relationship is... vague. He's still afraid of commitment, so we're taking it slow. We aren't seeing anyone else, but we aren't "public" yet either.

One question!

I’ve been with my current partner for a while now, and I’ve been on Diane 35 for five months. I used birth control before too, maybe six or seven years ago, switching brands here and there. My local clinic doctor told me it’s totally normal to have some discharge while on the pill. Back when I was with my long-term ex, I used vaginal suppositories a couple of times.

I've been under a lot of stress lately. I take my pills consistently, but yesterday I noticed this weird discharge. It doesn't hurt or anything, but it looks like spotting—kind of discolored compared to usual. Honestly, I can't remember if this happened before and I just didn't notice, or what. It actually happened a few years ago during birth control too. So, I'm wondering—has anyone else dealt with this "discolored" discharge? Should I go see a gynecologist, or can I just handle it myself with those suppositories they recommended before? Or could it be some untreated __ hm, I don't know the exact name, V-Gard...?! Something like that. Maybe you guys know better. Aside from this, I don't have any other issues, though this did pop up at the very start of my last relationship... I used the suppositories as often as my doctor suggested, but my partner didn't use them, and we don't use condoms—help!!!