Posts by Nancy Cook17

I'm basically on a mission to find an old friend I totally lost touch with about 20 years ago.
His name is Vladimir, he's living in Washington, D.C. (around Central Park if I remember right), originally from Venice, works in IT, and was born in the early 70s
around this timeframe.

Paul Howard9 said:I realize I skipped over your questions.
I'm looking for honesty in a friendship.
As I mentioned before, the era of being exploited ended when I started college.
The intolerance specifically refers to the example you gave—that sort of baseless conservatism.
Am I taking action? That's a fair question. As I noted, I don't really take active steps, other than carefully observing the people who approach me. If there's a chance for a genuine connection, I'm open to it, but most of the time it's difficult—my job keeps me constantly moving from place to place. But the people I get along with and can communicate with openly are very sincere and transparent; unfortunately, they are quite far away. It makes things hard. Especially with this Easter lockdown, I can't even visit them during my time off. We're talking about a distance of roughly 622 miles miles.

That is absolutely true; everything you listed is a compensatory mechanism, which is actually quite satisfying in its own way, provided the individual finds meaning in it.

Honestly, that’s the core of it right there. It means your "tribe" is out there and you know who they are, it's just that life has put them out of reach for now.

I don't know how old you are or what stage of life you're cruising through, but speaking from my own heart: I'm in the exact same boat with my people. Even though I'm constantly surrounded by folks on the outside, I still feel totally alone.

But lately, I’ve been trying to just embrace it. Like, okay, this is just one of those heavy truths about life, and it’s definitely not just me. Instead of fighting it, I’m learning to just sit with that sadness—let it come in, let it do its thing, and then let it pass. Anyway, catch ya later.

It’s such a bummer we don't have live chat rooms anymore, like back in the day with AOL and stuff. I really miss those real-time digital coffee breaks. That's usually how we find our people and swap those little "gifts" of connection.

Donna Sanchez5 said:Honestly? Because I'm terrified.
The idea of taking something scares me—mostly because of how wildly different people's experiences are. You hear about people for whom it was a lifesaver, and then you hear about those for whom it made everything significantly worse.
My whole life is built on science... hard, exact science. From my perspective, taking these drugs feels like playing Russian roulette. We are talking about medications where, even today, there isn't a crystal-clear definition of the exact mechanism by which they treat the illness. They work—somehow—but we don't know exactly *how* with 100% certainty. And God knows what else they are doing to the body.
A simple example—why do so many people gain weight? It's because the drugs directly block certain biological processes; the weight gain is just a consequence. I'm not worried about the scale personally, I'm just using it as a practical illustration.

And I'm even more hesitant about the possibility of masking an underlying physical ailment with antidepressants.

I have studied depression extensively. As of today, we still don't truly understand why it occurs...
Is it an autoimmune disorder of the brain?
Is it a metabolic disease?
Is it a genetic condition that flares up due to epigenetic triggers?
We don't know...
Just because a psychiatrist suggests something doesn't mean I take it as gospel. Look—there was a time when psychiatrists were actually recommending lobotomies to patients. That doesn't mean someone won't look back at today's treatments fifty years from now with a smirk. 🙂
I get that I might be overthinking it, but this isn't simple—and that's why I'm uncertain.

Look, there will always be folks for whom something works wonders and others for whom it does absolutely nothing—or even backfires. It's like any medicine, even a basic Advil, they all come with a long list of "what-ifs."

SSRIs are a whole family of meds, and they aren't all the same either. It often happens that the first one you try doesn't click, so you have to pivot and try something else.

Nobody can give you a "for sure" answer. Science and medical experts have limits, too; our understanding is constantly evolving. That’s just how it is, plain and simple.

If you don't take a risk and try to change your current situation, you're just spinning your wheels. You end up consuming more and more info, which honestly just feeds the anxiety and leaves you feeling super lost.

Donna Sanchez5 said:Honestly? Because I'm terrified.
The idea of taking something scares me—mostly because of how wildly different people's experiences are. You hear about people for whom it was a lifesaver, and then you hear about those for whom it made everything significantly worse.
My whole life is built on science... hard, exact science. From my perspective, taking these drugs feels like playing Russian roulette. We are talking about medications where, even today, there isn't a crystal-clear definition of the exact mechanism by which they treat the illness. They work—somehow—but we don't know exactly *how* with 100% certainty. And God knows what else they are doing to the body.
A simple example—why do so many people gain weight? It's because the drugs directly block certain biological processes; the weight gain is just a consequence. I'm not worried about the scale personally, I'm just using it as a practical illustration.

And I'm even more hesitant about the possibility of masking an underlying physical ailment with antidepressants.

I have studied depression extensively. As of today, we still don't truly understand why it occurs...
Is it an autoimmune disorder of the brain?
Is it a metabolic disease?
Is it a genetic condition that flares up due to epigenetic triggers?
We don't know...
Just because a psychiatrist suggests something doesn't mean I take it as gospel. Look—there was a time when psychiatrists were actually recommending lobotomies to patients. That doesn't mean someone won't look back at today's treatments fifty years from now with a smirk. 🙂
I get that I might be overthinking it, but this isn't simple—and that's why I'm uncertain.

Are you some kind of expert in neuropsychology or that specific medical field?

There is no such thing as 100% certainty. In life, everything is basically trial and error.

Fear is eating you alive. It's the kind of thing that just destroys you. Just have a little faith and a little guts to take that first step toward some kind of solution—even if it's just a *try*. Give your brain a chance to breathe. Once you're in a calmer headspace, you can rationally make a plan for what comes next. Like, what other tests or options do you want to look into?

Donna Sanchez5 said:Honestly? Because I'm terrified.
The idea of taking something scares me—mostly because of how wildly different people's experiences are. You hear about people for whom it was a lifesaver, and then you hear about those for whom it made everything significantly worse.
My whole life is built on science... hard, exact science. From my perspective, taking these drugs feels like playing Russian roulette. We are talking about medications where, even today, there isn't a crystal-clear definition of the exact mechanism by which they treat the illness. They work—somehow—but we don't know exactly *how* with 100% certainty. And God knows what else they are doing to the body.
A simple example—why do so many people gain weight? It's because the drugs directly block certain biological processes; the weight gain is just a consequence. I'm not worried about the scale personally, I'm just using it as a practical illustration.

And I'm even more hesitant about the possibility of masking an underlying physical ailment with antidepressants.

I have studied depression extensively. As of today, we still don't truly understand why it occurs...
Is it an autoimmune disorder of the brain?
Is it a metabolic disease?
Is it a genetic condition that flares up due to epigenetic triggers?
We don't know...
Just because a psychiatrist suggests something doesn't mean I take it as gospel. Look—there was a time when psychiatrists were actually recommending lobotomies to patients. That doesn't mean someone won't look back at today's treatments fifty years from now with a smirk. 🙂
I get that I might be overthinking it, but this isn't simple—and that's why I'm uncertain.

So, what’s the move here? You looking to actually fix things, or just dive down the rabbit hole to find an answer for every single one of those questions above?
I mean, does it even matter right now why depression happens or where it comes from... or is the real priority just tackling your current state of anxiety and depression head-on?

Man, you are totally lost in the weeds right now. Seriously, stop spinning your wheels. Take three steps back. Just take a huge breath and decide what your absolute top priority is, then go for it. Everything else can wait. One thing at a time. If you're a visual person, grab some paper, map out a roadmap, and tape it right to your wall. It'll help keep you centered and focused on one task at a time. When you're stuck in a massive mind-map like a spiderweb, you’re never gonna get moving.

You got this!

I don't really have any similar stories to share, but man, your post totally caught my eye! Honestly, what you’re going through probably isn't as weird as it sounds to me—it's just that I haven't run into anyone with a story quite like yours before.

Did you have any buddies growing up, like, even before you started school?
What was the vibe like for you in elementary or high school when it came to making friends? Any struggles there?
And seriously, did you really not stay in touch with *anyone* from college?
Do you have work buddies or maybe some hobby groups where you meet people who actually get you?
Like, people with similar interests?

Do you ever feel like you're just wired differently than the people around you?
Got any quirky talents, or maybe things like being super sensitive to loud noises or bright lights? Or even stuff like clothing tags driving you crazy?

If none of that hits the mark, could you throw some other examples my way that you haven't mentioned yet?

Donna Sanchez5 said:How long were you dealing with these issues before starting medication?
And if you don't mind me asking, are you still on the meds, and did the symptoms return once you stopped?

Was it strictly physical symptoms, or did you feel them emotionally too?

I’ve had a full thyroid workup—hormones, ultrasound, the whole nine yards—and everything looks fine.
As for anemia, my iron levels were borderline low a few months ago (all these symptoms were already present then)—I was told that was due to gastritis.
Calcium is at the very top end of the range, but still within normal limits.
PSA and prostate ultrasound are both fine.
My hemoglobin is right at the bottom edge of normal.

The issue I'm wrestling with is that even if I start an SSRI or SNRI, they might dull the pain through their mechanism, but that doesn't actually solve the underlying physical problem if one exists.

Actually, SSRIs don't touch the pain itself.

driftingdrifter4 said:To me, your symptoms point toward an orthopedic or neurological issue rather than anything psychological. Aside from the fatigue and stomach issues, everything else doesn't quite fit. Mental health struggles usually manifest through more vague, subtle symptoms than what you're describing. I suspect there might be something physically occurring in your lower spine.

My advice is to visit your primary care physician and describe your symptoms—specifically the pain in your lumbar region and your feet—exactly as you have laid them out here. Tell them the pain has intensified and that you are experiencing new sensations that haven't occurred before. Crucially, do not lead with or suggest that this is related to depression. Doctors in the US are incredibly overworked; they often have less than five minutes per patient and are frequently eager to dismiss patients who attempt to self-diagnose their issues as stress or depression. If you suggest it's psychological, the doctor will likely just chalk it up to stress to wrap up the appointment quickly, rather than asking follow-up questions or ordering blood work.

Furthermore, exhaustion without an obvious external cause (other than depression) can sometimes indicate hypothyroidism, anemia, or hypocalcemia. Lower back pain can stem from various sources, such as herniated discs or spinal degeneration, but it can also be linked to prostate issues (do you experience frequent nighttime urination or any issues with ejaculation?).

Vague bone pain can also be a symptom of hypo- or hypercalcemia. Hypocalcemia, specifically, is characterized by a triad of symptoms: exhaustion, paresthesia (tingling sensations), and anxiety.

Therefore, my recommendation is to present your physical symptoms to your doctor clearly, without attributing them to mental health or stress. Request a full blood panel that includes thyroid hormones, hemoglobin, calcium levels, and a PSA test. A follow-up X-ray or CT scan of your spine would also be prudent. Only if all those clinical indicators come back normal should you consider the possibility that it is purely psychological.

Same here.

Donna Sanchez5 said:Hi everyone,

I’ve been in therapy for five years now—I don't have a formal diagnosis, but that doesn't mean my head isn't a chaotic place. On the contrary. For a long time, I've dealt with persistent anxiety and depressive symptoms.

Things took a turn for the worse during the COVID lockdowns—likely due to the general isolation—and my symptoms flared up significantly. On top of all that, I struggle with health anxiety, which is really what I want to focus on right now...

Here’s the situation: I have existing health issues (primarily spinal issues) that cause chronic pain, which I believe heavily impacts my mood and depression. However, lately, I've been experiencing pains in that same area that feel fundamentally different from anything I've felt before. My psychiatrist believes these pains—and my overall mood—are being driven by a massive spike in depression, and he's suggesting medication. I’ve never taken anything before, so I'm feeling very cautious—skeptical, even—about whether I should start this path.

The biggest mental block for me is simply not being able to wrap my head around the idea that depression could actually cause this kind of physical pain. The depression is a certainty, but I'm stuck in a "chicken or the egg" loop. I'm terrified that there's an underlying physical issue—maybe something like an autoimmune disorder—causing the pain, which then triggers the depression, rather than the other way around.
Has anyone else dealt with this?
Specifically, those with significant physical symptoms: constant aches similar to rheumatoid arthritis, tingling, stomach issues, etc.

Look, I can't say for sure if your mental and physical symptoms are linked or not, but if I were you, I’d try to tackle them as two separate battles at first. Just test out different things for each side independently.

I’ve been on meds for anxiety and depression for several years now, and honestly? I am all about it. For years, I tried to white-knuckle it through everything without help. I went through tons of talk therapy—which I totally swear by, by the way. I don't go every single week, but every once in a while, I need a few hours or a couple of months of it. It works wonders.

But the medication? It saved me. It leveled me out and kept me balanced. It’s basically my life jacket keeping my head above water. That doesn't mean I don't have bad days or panic attacks every now and then—life still happens and personal trauma still hits hard—but the difference between being on pills versus being off them is night and day. Everything feels so much lighter.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! Keep us posted.