Posts by cosmicorca18

rustywolf65 said:The point here isn't about how to handle unpaid bills, or maybe it 🤔
Look, I get what she's saying. She's claiming the girls are traumatized because their dad walked away.
Sure, he pays alimony, but in my book, the damage is already done. All I see here is pure jealousy toward his new wife and her kids.
Not once did she mention the girls actually missing their father; it’s all about his cash and his real estate.
As for the alimony, I'm not even touching that—the court made its call.
Dragging everything through the legal system isn't going to fix the relationship between a father and his daughters.
Even if they strip him of everything in court, the soul-crushing trauma won't just vanish. What disappears is the money in his wallet, which is clearly the real issue here based on her tone.
She’s still living in the shared condo. Real trauma is going to hit when she loses half of it.

It was precisely because of mindsets like yours that I started this thread.

Not only are you projecting, but apparently, you're also psychic.

According to you, my ex is in the right. Sure, paying alimony is easy, but I don't know how you justify him grabbing everything he could, changing the locks on the house, and now acting like some big shot gloating about how he outsmarted me. Does he not realize how much damage he's doing to his own children?
It was a long road from his antics to my lawsuit.

If you actually have experience with a situation like mine and can tell me how it all turned out—and let me remind you, the father doesn't even ask about the kids—then write. If you don't, then just start your own thread so you can vent your opinions on women going through divorces.

wanderingangler13 said:"Deep reasons"... please. That happens every single day—men walking away from their own flesh and blood while taking in someone else's kids. Just look around you. Alimony isn't love, sure, but a man who actually cares about his children doesn't struggle with providing for them; I know plenty of decent, responsible guys who never once complained about meeting their kids' needs. If anyone dragged the children into this conflict, it was the father through his own actions. By the way, it's hard to take you seriously when, after 4,000 posts on this forum, you still haven't bothered to master basic American grammar. You could have at least tried.

Exactly. And if you dare mention it, suddenly you're just a materialistic, jealous ex who's trying to ruin his happiness.

rustywolf65 said:What does a partner have to do with how a father treats his kids?
I know it happens—either parent turns the kids into clones of themselves and flips them against the other side.
Not interested in arguing here, especially not over typos.
This is a song with bad grammar, but my daughter was happier hearing it than if I handed her a stack of cash.

"Listen, honey, some guys brag about their money"
I just ask them if they're joking.
They go on about being loaded
And all I tell my girl is this:

They don't know what really matters in life
People living in poverty can be richer than them.
Real wealth is the kids
And seeing those smiles on their faces.
Wealth is being a dad
When those kids wrap their arms around your neck.
You and your two brothers are my wealth
And I'm the richest dad alive!

That's all well and good, but you can't pay the bills with poems.

What happens next—is your daughter going to carry your lyrics to school instead of her textbooks?

safiru,

That last sentence you wrote is just heartbreaking; honestly, it sums up this whole mess perfectly.

I wasn't trying to push for splits or child support, because I know how much he obsesses over money. His whole logic was that since we have kids, it’s more important for them to have a father present. But now? He isn't emotionally available, and nothing else has changed either.

It wasn't until I realized that the kids weren't just losing a father, but could potentially lose their entire inheritance too, that I finally decided to file the lawsuit.

There is nothing quite as gut-wrenching as catching a glimpse of your own father in passing, only to realize he doesn't even notice you're there...

rustywolf65 said:If they actually gave a damn about someone else, maybe they’d worry about their own skin for once. Something stinks here. Clearly, they weren't treating him like a father—there's no other reason for all this lecturing. Just a little suck-up playing both sides. Your posts make it obvious how much you hate the new woman.
And it's clear you passed that resentment right down to the girls. One of them is obsessed with some expensive hobby and acting traumatized, but let's be real: it's not because Dad won't pay, it's because she's starving for his affection.
I'm not questioning child support, but the whole situation is just creating trauma for you, not the kids. The fact that they're pointing the finger at you says everything we need to know.
You don't have to give me your life story, but you're laying out the facts that matter to you while asking for advice.
If you actually want to get him back, you need to lay out the real issues, and you've been glossing over way too much.

Typical guy move—cherry-picking whatever parts of the context suit his narrative.☕

rustywolf65 said:Divorced, three kids.
I don't let anyone interfere with my relationship with them. You say they had a bad relationship before and it wasn't traumatic, but suddenly they're traumatized now that he stopped paying up? Give me a break.
So what if he calls them or gives them advice? That doesn't change how they feel about their dad.
Now you're back at it again, talking about her and her kids, clearly trying to mess with the daughters' heads.
Everyone deals with disappointment. Some handle it, some look for help.
Money isn't going to erase the fact that a father and his daughters just don't click.
Love isn't measured in dollars. Even if he pays child support, that's an obligation, not love.
It's obvious you've both dragged the kids into this divorce battle. No offense, but I might be right here.

Actually, you're wrong. And frankly, I don't feel like I need to give a full deposition on everything that led to this situation, specifically regarding that woman. You’d actually want a complete stranger to come in and try to lecture you on your relationship with your father, knowing exactly how she approached him and what her agenda is?

As a father, you wouldn't want someone meddling in your bond with your kids, but unfortunately, some dads only look out for themselves.

And as for child support, that's a legal requirement as long as the child is in school, regardless of what your personal opinion on the matter might be.

rustywolf65 said:cosmicorca18
A lot of this story isn't adding up. Why did the relationship between the father and his daughter actually fall apart?
Honestly, sounds like you’re just projecting your own jealousy onto the daughter. If I'm reading this right, everything went south the second the new woman showed up.
Who the hell this new woman is or whose kids she's looking after shouldn't even matter here, yet you keep bringing it up constantly.
I'm not saying your reasoning is right, but there’s definitely a reason he suddenly stopped giving a damn about his kids.

Long story short, I haven't tried to meddle in their business because they're all adults now.
The issues surfaced when their father met this woman on a dating app; he was lonely and wanted someone to take care of him—cook, clean, that sort of thing. But gradually, things shifted. When the daughters would make plans with him, he’d just ghost them because he had to go somewhere with her. Or, if he did show up, she’d be blowing up his phone every hour asking when he'd be home. On top of that, he’d start lecturing the daughters on how they "should" be behaving toward their father...

Her kids are grown, and just like her, they're doing whatever it takes to finally secure the comfortable life they've never had before.

To reiterate: the woman and the money aren't the core issue. I'm asking anyone who has dealt with something similar: how did you get through it? Because even though I'm handling my legal matters, I can't fix the mental clutter and the chaos in my head unless I find a way to process everything internally first.

I noticed everyone here is laser-focused on the assets—how there was a whole pile of stuff, how my father won't let us touch any of it, or how we lived together until the divorce, which was mutual...

Everything was running smoothly enough until about two years ago when this new woman entered the picture...

I appreciate the attempts to help, really, but I wasn't looking for legal advice, nor am I seeking lectures on the fact that my daughters are adults—even if one still needs child support...

What I’m actually asking is: how do you deal with all this disappointment? Has anyone else gone through something similar, and if so, what kind of fallout should I expect?....

Austin Vaughn3 said:Mistyjackal842, that’s low. Read the original post again. The woman didn't say anything about divorce or splitting up. She's simply unsure how to handle a father who thinks he doesn't need to provide financial support for his adult children anymore. When a man divorces his wife, he doesn't divorce his kids, does he?

There's no single answer. No one is in the shoes of the author or her daughter, so nobody knows for sure. Everyone's situation is different.
My suggestion: sit down with the daughters and have a calm, honest conversation. No pressure, no expectations. Compare two scenarios: the first where the father is sued for support, and the second where everything is just ignored and nothing is asked for. Let each person decide which scenario feels better. Then act accordingly.

Neither option is perfect. You pick the one that brings more peace. Some find peace by letting it go; others find it by fighting for what they are owed.

What kind of father thinks he's done providing once they hit 18? Disgraceful. It reminds me of those stories about kids in the foster care system—once they turn 18, they're considered adults and society just cuts them loose, leaving them to fend for themselves. This father is treating his daughters exactly like the state treats foster kids.😢

We've talked about this extensively and decided we need to take action before they lose everything. There's significant wealth involved that was supposed to go to them per a pre-divorce agreement to ensure their security, but apparently, Dad "forgot" about that part of the deal.
The older daughter has graduated and earns money occasionally, while the younger one is still in college with zero income. On top of that, she’s involved in activities that aren't exactly cheap. Since I'm barely scraping by myself, we sometimes fall behind on bills. When that happens, she gets incredibly angry at her father for ignoring them while worrying about someone else's kids. Sometimes, she even turns that frustration on me, acting like it's my fault they're struggling.

That's why, when things like this happen, I feel so much heartache. It's miserable that children have to endure someone else's instability and end up in court just to fight for what belongs to them.

Meanwhile, Dad is out enjoying life with some aunt and her kids, while his own daughter sometimes doesn't even have enough cash for a coffee with her friends. It's just too much trauma for a sensitive girl to go through, and now, for a young woman.

mistyjackal842,
what you just described has absolutely nothing to do with what I actually said; you’ve basically hallucinated an entire argument that doesn't exist. Honestly, I think you're spending way too much energy obsessing over my father's kids from his first marriage. At the end of the day, they're his children just as much as you are—they were around long before you were even a thought. There's just a lot of unnecessary bitterness in your post.

I went through a divorce five years ago. At the time, my daughters were 18 and 14. Their relationship with their father was always strained; he’d barely make an effort to see them, constantly making excuses about how much he was struggling financially—only for us to find out later he was actually living with some woman he refused to mention. They'd meet up occasionally, so we just tried to make things work. He only ever paid child support for my younger daughter; he refused to pay anything for the older one since she was already an adult, and frankly, I didn't want to drag him through the court system just to deal with more unnecessary drama.

The bottom line is that he isn't broke. He kept the business we used to run together before the split (in hospitality), and he has his own apartment. He managed to walk away with all the savings, claiming it was necessary because I stayed in our shared home...

Now we’re facing the biggest issue of all: once my younger daughter turned 18, he stopped paying her support entirely. He found a new woman with a kid of her own, and now he’s focusing all his resources on them. He hasn't even reached out to his own girls in over a year. I pleaded with him and warned him that he couldn't just walk away like this, but nothing worked. Eventually, my younger daughter had to file a lawsuit for the unpaid support because, honestly, I was tired of us just sitting here taking his ego trips.

She actually won the judgment for the back payments and ongoing support, but then he went ahead and appealed it. That really crushed me. Part of me feels terrible that my daughter had to endure yet another humiliation, but on the other hand, we feel like fools. He and his new partner are using everything we built, while our kids are left to
scrounge around and earn money through part-time campus jobs.

I also filed a lawsuit to divide our marital assets. I thought fighting for what’s rightfully ours would make me feel better, but I can't stop thinking that maybe life would have been more peaceful if I had just accepted what we had. Still, for the sake of my daughters, I can't just leave everything to chance.
I don't feel smart doing this. It feels awful to be in this position, and I worry about the long-term impact on my daughters. Suing their own father—especially when he refuses to respect a court order—is devastating, and I can see it's taking a toll on them too. How do you survive all this and stay sane? 🤷

Signature? I say let it stay!😍