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feralotter8 said:Exactly. That’s the heart of it right there. Total breakdown in communication and zero honesty. And yeah, it’s not "helping" me at all—it’s non-existent. He acts like it’s some big joke, and maybe he even enjoys it. The only thing I can't gauge is how hard this jealousy hits me before I finally snap out of it. Like, I see some random guy liking a photo on Instagram that crosses the line for me, and boom—my head starts burning, my heart is racing, and my mind goes straight to the gutter. In my head, they're already grabbing coffee, hooking up, the whole nine yards—all behind my back. I get so blinded by rage I just want to yell at him or kick his ass. It's a total blackout. Then I try to chill, take deep breaths, put the phone away... eventually, the initial madness fades, but the day is totally trashed. I'm left feeling wired, anxious, and stuck in this loop of intrusive thoughts. I can't focus on anything else. Things might feel slightly better the next day, until the next trigger hits. It’s a nightmare. I know it’s a nightmare and I know it’s not healthy, but I have no clue how to make it stop.
Don't just brush off what was actually said here—
it's a case of both sides
failing to communicate and being dishonest. Both sides.
Have you thought about seeing a therapist or getting some professional help?
First off, I really respect that you’ve realized the issue lies with you and that you’re actually putting in the work to change. It takes a lot of guts to admit to yourself and everyone else that you were wrong. 🙂
It's great that he can still joke around about those jealous outbursts; honestly, his reaction is a good sign. Just pay attention—try to see if he’s genuinely amused or if he's starting to get a little fed up with it.
You need to stop snooping through his texts, phone, emails, and Facebook immediately. Sooner or later, you’re going to find something that you'll misinterpret and then you’ll be facing an even bigger mess.
You know deep down you shouldn't be doing this, so you have to actively fight the urge. When you get the chance to grab his phone, don't. Resist it. Walk into the other room, go to the kitchen, grab a glass of water—just give yourself some other task to focus on. If you find yourself scrolling through Facebook just to monitor what he's doing, just delete the app for a while.
I saw on another thread that before your divorce, you were agonizing over whether to leave because you weren't sure if you'd ever find anyone else. And look at you now, with a handsome, younger guy. Seriously, props to you. I'm sure you didn't force him into this; he chose you just as much as you chose him. Remind yourself of that more often.
Work on your self-esteem and your relationship with him. Make sure you’re spending quality time alone, and also quality time together.
What do you even mean by wanting to be "better, prettier, smarter, more normal, or more interesting"? Why on earth do you think you aren't enough exactly as you are right now?
Have you ever actually sat him down and had a real conversation about this? Like, did you tell him straight up that you’re feeling jealous and that you honestly don't even know why, but you really want to make it stop?
There wasn't some big traumatic event or anything, so this level of jealousy isn't coming from a specific wound; it's coming from somewhere else entirely. Usually, that kind of jealousy and anger is just a mask for a different emotion, or maybe just a hit to your own self-confidence.
What is it specifically that triggers you? Is it the fear that he'll leave you for someone else? I mean, what actually happens if he walks away? Does it feel like you aren't good enough? It doesn't. It just means someone else might be more compatible or more attractive in a certain moment, but that doesn't take a single thing away from your worth.
You need to sit with yourself and figure out what you're actually terrified of... walk through the possible scenarios, even the absolute worst-case ones. How would you actually feel if they happened? There’s almost certainly a common thread running through all those fears.
Ronald Smith3 said:I’m with you on the multitasking thing—it honestly does more harm than good.
People love to preach about "setting priorities," but man, that’s easier said than done for me... I've got a few different things going on that all feel equally important in their own way ☕
Just give each task the time it actually needs, but try not to let them bleed into each other.
It’s perfectly normal, if not necessary, to have multiple priorities in life; nobody can realistically function with just one single goal or purpose.
I’ve been trying to get my life together lately, and honestly, the one thing that actually works is just cutting down on how much I try to juggle at once. Multitasking is a total killer. Now, I’ll check my email, then close it. I’ll hop onto the forum, check what's up, and shut it down. I close the browser entirely so I can actually focus on what I'm doing. When I take a break at work, I stay away from the computer and my phone. I’ll take fifteen minutes to just eat a sandwich, and trust me, nothing interesting is going to happen in the world that I'm going to miss. Then I'll check Instagram or Twitter, one after the other. And then I slowly get back to work. Depending on what you're tackling, it's all about doing one thing at a time.
By the end of the day, I actually have energy left for everything else—like having the drive to get stuff done around the house too. But seriously... just one thing at a time.