Posts by Joseph Rivera75

I feel like I can barely keep track of which players are on which teams anymore with all these mid-season shifts. It seems like everyone is just constantly shuffling pieces around to fix immediate problems. Do you think these kinds of moves actually help long-term stability, or is it just a temporary band-aid?

Honestly, I feel the most empathy for my father-in-law, who fell for someone else.

Before this, I used to think, "What do you mean you fell in love? If your wife wasn't right for you, you chose her yourself."
I mean, everything was set—family was solid, zero drama.
And then, boom, you fall for someone else.
But then it hit me: people change. You shouldn't have to throw your whole life away just because you don't vibe with someone anymore. Life is too short; you gotta make the most of it.
People usually push themselves to the absolute breaking point before they finally call it quits, trying every possible way to fix things first.
By then, the other side usually isn't feeling it anymore, even if they aren't quite ready to walk away yet.
Once it’s over, it’s really over.
Okay, the topic of the day has already drifted toward the initial breakup, so let's move on.
It’s not about cheating or being faithful; if you just don't love someone anymore—even when you feel like you *should*—that's reason enough.
People get hung up on the fact that their partner fell for someone else, thinking there's still hope if that person is technically single.
But look, whether you're single or seeing someone, if the love is gone, it's gone. Period.
The cheating part is irrelevant.
Even if there wasn't a third party involved, that person wouldn't be loving you anyway.
And there's no way to fix things, because the love just isn't there.

If we're talking about that "I cheated because she sat on my lap" excuse... man, then you're just an idiot. Someone with zero self-control—definitely not my type.

Just wanted to clarify—cheating doesn't mean much to me since I wasn't the victim or the cheater. To the person who actually got played, though? It probably means everything.
Being right on paper is one thing, but living it is another story entirely.

Rachel Richardson said:I’ve never been the one left behind; I’ve always been the one walking away.

There is zero logic in loving someone who doesn't return the feeling—it's clear their priorities are completely skewed.🙂😬
That part about falling out of love—that slow fading of affection—is painful, certainly.🕺

There's a massive difference between dumping some girl you've seen for a couple of months versus a wife deciding she's done with you—or vice versa.

Ashley Vaughn79 said:I'm starting to sort through some potential Usovska items, so I figured this one should be first on the list. 😁

Actually, I get the feeling the question in the title is a bit more complicated than it looks at first glance, so... maybe if anyone has anything to add. 😁

The question itself is kind of pointless. Because saying something "shows who someone is"...
In reality, it shows nothing.
Theory is one thing; real life is another.
Life isn't black and white, and neither are decisions or people—nobody is just purely good or purely evil.
At the end of the day, one situation doesn't rule out the other.
Plus, there's a massive gap between actually living through something and just talking about it from the sidelines.

A real question would be: which is harder, being left behind or doing the leaving?
Is it tougher when the person you love doesn't love you back, or when you realize you've stopped loving someone you're supposed to?

And even then, there wouldn't be an answer, because both options suck.

Anthony Martin2 said:Is it just me, or is jealousy actually an expected reaction to infidelity? It’s such a strange mix—lingering love and even a sense of longing for what used to be, all tangled up with betrayal, heartbreak, and pure rage. How can someone take away something that belonged only to us? Ours.It’s just for the two of us. Of course, it's only a passing feeling. It's human, isn't it? I'm not talking about that pathological jealousy that takes over and controls everything.
I suspect there is a complex mix of emotions at play here. Beyond the sting of betrayal, aren't some of those feelings perhaps a bit less than noble?🤔

It isn't a simple question. There are endless ways to deceive others or be deceived, along with countless scenarios of how it all unfolds. Not everyone is equally malicious, after all. I make my own choices regarding what I'll tolerate in my real life, but I refuse to make those decisions for anyone else. Can any outcome truly be considered "better"? It all depends on us and the circumstances at hand. I simply cannot blindly choose the lesser of two evils, whether for myself or for someone else.

The specifics don't even matter.
The main point is that rejecting one option doesn't automatically mean choosing another.
If the OP had asked, "Imagine you're in a relationship where one person cheats and the other gets cheated on—which role would you choose?" that would be a totally different conversation.
I haven't cheated, and I haven't been cheated on.
So, cheating means absolutely nothing to me.

Looking at all the threads on Hazel, the USA, and ZUD, I’m starting to think the people getting scammed don't even realize they haven't actually lost anything of value.

feralranger said:It seems to me that the issue here is quite transparent: you aren't actually polyamorous, you’re simply jealous—which, let’s be honest, puts you in the majority of people who find the idea of sharing their affection with anyone else quite intolerable.

Conversely, when it comes to the realm of platonic friendship, I would argue that most people aren't driven by jealousy, but rather possess a naturally polyamorous capacity for connection.

If one were truly a member of a genuinely non-jealous, polyamorous species, then it would follow logically that sharing love wouldn't feel repulsive at all; instead, one would find genuine happiness in seeing that love expand and multiply.

Don't you get it? You're the only one here who's actually polyamorous.

Alexander Adams94 said:That goes without saying. And at least one separate bank account per person that the other spouse can't touch.

Exactly.
Why would anyone pass up the best part?😲

fadedcobra7 said:👍

Cheating is a betrayal of trust, a breach of agreement, lying, and acting inauthentically. What you’re talking about is something else entirely. Polyamory versus monogamy—regardless of which path people choose, the key is that they agreed to it and both parties consented and committed to those terms. Cheating happens when one person breaks that pact and hides it through deception. It’s pure dishonesty and a betrayal of trust.

Exactly.

And figuring out who is at fault in my book is simple. It's definitely the person who cheated. If they weren't happy in the relationship, they could have just ended it cleanly.

In many cases, cheating stems from a personality disorder—like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A person feels this constant urge to conquer others just to get that "narcissistic supply" from different sources, boosting their own ego and proving to themselves how desirable they are to various partners.

Going back to my original point: it comes down to character, personality, and personal integrity.

Now, if you ask me what's harder to live with—short-term, it's easier to cheat, but long-term, it's much harder to deal with the fact that you cheated and spat on your own integrity. Even if you aren't in that relationship anymore, you still have to recalibrate with yourself and face the reality of being someone capable of breaking their word, regardless of the circumstances. Of course, not everyone cares about their integrity, but for me, it matters deeply.

The double standards here are fascinating.

People walk into a marriage, claim they were miserable and "innocent as a newborn babe," and suddenly they're the victim. Newsflash: you aren't.
Cheating isn't just about the physical act.
I'm not talking to you specifically, but it’s funny how people try to scrub their hands clean. They want all the benefits without any of the mess.

Look, Alexander Adams94, if she falls for someone else, whatever.
But if she just kisses some random guy, suddenly it’s a federal crime?
🤔

Francesca, I'm all for people splitting up if they aren't happy, but let's not redefine reality here.
For some people, breaking every single promise and shared plan is a bigger betrayal than actually sleeping with someone else.

feralmoose32 said:Wait, how exactly is that cheating? 🤔

If you're just unhappy in a relationship and you realize you can't do it anymore, that isn't betrayal...

Now, maybe it would be considered cheating if you were walking away because you already met someone else—you know, leaving one person specifically to jump into the arms of another...

It’s still cheating. You don't sign up for marriage just to bail tomorrow. And honestly, does it even matter if there was someone else involved, or if you were playing the field on the side, or if you slept with someone else?
At the end of the day, it's all the same thing.

Melissa Rivera said:I mean, if things are actually going south, you just sit down with your partner and talk through the issues, right?

You don't just go out and sleep with someone else

Just because "you're struggling" or "feeling misunderstood in your marriage"...

God, why is basic communication such a struggle for people...

I disagree. I've seen cases where someone wasn't spoken to for years... nobody even asked how they were doing until they finally left.

Then, suddenly, they become the ungrateful jerk.

feralmoose32 said:But we aren't talking about breakups, we're talking about infidelity

Look, I'm not trying to validate any excuse for them—seriously, let's move on from that already

To me, cheating is just the ultimate betrayal of trust...

And leaving someone is just what happens when you break a lifelong vow, right?
We can try to wrap everything up under the umbrella of infidelity, but there are plenty of ways to cheat besides just some Sunday afternoon hookup.

Thomas Nelson25
Because it takes two to tango. People who get dumped usually have a blind spot when it comes to their own bullshit.
If he’s cheating, there’s clearly a reason—he obviously wasn't happy with me.
Kuzis?

And we’re right back to square one: people refusing to admit they messed up.
I once watched this couple up close where she was being a total nightmare while playing the victim. She couldn't see how her own behavior drove her husband straight into the arms of someone else—someone who actually had some redeeming qualities.

Thomas Nelson25 said:"If he really loves me, he won't let anyone else touch me."
It's just basic guy logic—and honestly, it's just straight evolution from back in the day.

A woman with a family and a marriage usually sees that as a serious institution—it's a huge part of her life—so if he still loves her (assuming that other woman hasn't stolen his heart), she'll probably just play nice and deal with it diplomatically.

Thomas Nelson25 said:Honestly, yeah. There’s no point in living with the knowledge that he only loves you halfway.
Plus, the whole "other woman" dynamic basically proves it. He gets the passion there, while the wife plays the role of the mother figure. It's a little schizophrenic, honestly.
The second love isn't mutual, it's just one-sided suffering.

🤦

Alexander Adams94 said:I’m avoiding an impossible workload, and I advise others to do the same so management learns where to draw the line. During those specific 20 minutes when I hit a wall and head to the breakroom to grab a snack—yes, my coworkers take a bigger hit in that moment—but I also extend that same right to them. You're essentially arguing that I'm a moral jerk for acting "dirty" just to prevent us all from becoming collective idiots, but I actually grant that same leeway to everyone else. Based on your logic, if I wanted to be morally upright, I should just be completely submissive, bail out my teammates, and hand management everything they need to pile even more work onto our plates.

In the end, that colleague mentioned I'm her favorite coworker, which implies she understands the broader intent behind what I'm doing. According to you, Rosemary, I'm some kind of moral jerk because I step away to eat and leave them struggling for 20 minutes. By your reasoning, none of us should ever take a break, and we should just keep rubbing our hands together so the bosses can dump even more work on us. Just look at the wider context here.

I'm not claiming anything; you're just quoting yourself.

Has anyone else looked at it this way?

If I cheat, it's his fault. If I get cheated on, it's my fault.
Which version is easier to live with? 🤔

Thomas Nelson25

Why would a guy act all high and mighty about forgiving a woman he actually loves, especially when she’s reciprocating?
What's even the difference between genders here?
What reason should a cheated-on woman be "happy" to forgive? That she finally has someone to cook dinner for and clean up after?

Alexander Adams94 said:That’s why I say I’d rather protect my own peace of mind and let the other person deal with the guilt of being a jerk. If they end up being the villain, I'll move past it in a few months. But if *I'm* the one who acted poorly, I'll spend the next 20 years trying to fix it—and since that's impossible, I'll just end up stuck in a cycle of self-punishment, thinking I deserve to live ten years less or some other nonsense.

Someone who lacks the character to not be a jerk isn't suddenly going to develop it overnight. However, you personally can have that capacity and actually work on it. Personally, I think I have that potential; it just depends on how much work and practice I put in to improve. I'll never be a pushover when it comes to morals, but my level of success depends entirely on how much effort I'm willing to invest.

You claim you wouldn't cheat, yet there was another day where you were bragging about dodging your workload and dumping it on a coworker.
🤔

If you can't even stand yourself, there's zero chance you'll actually care about anyone else.

Sure, you can screw people over all you want. Cheating isn't some survival instinct, and it certainly isn't the end of the world.

And I'm not just talking about sex here.
To screw someone over means playing them in any way possible.

But let's be real—life isn't some black-and-white movie.

Thomas Nelson25 said:Not really, though—people sacrifice themselves for total strangers all the time, let alone for someone they actually love.
So, cheating basically boils down to one of two things: either you lack self-control (being "tempted" isn't an excuse) or there just wasn't any real love there to begin with.

They sacrifice themselves because they don't think things through in the moment. They just don't see the danger coming.

This question is pretty mindless, honestly. Being conned or being the con artist isn't some binary choice you can just pick from a menu in a hypothetical scenario.
Besides, even for the most selfless person out there, survival instinct is a thing. At the end of the day, people are wired to look out for number one.
I’d give my left arm—literally—for a mother willing to throw her life away to save her kid.
But for everything else? It’s easy to sit on a soapbox acting all moral and full of love for humanity, but real life works differently. People choose themselves. It’s just easier to live with yourself that way.