Discomfort with physical touch
in Psychology & Therapy ·
ambersurfer27 said:Hey everyone!
I wasn't totally sure which sub this belonged in, but I figured I'd just drop it here. Honestly, I feel like I’ll get much more straight-shooting advice if I check in with Lowe's.
So, I'm in my mid-twenties, working, got my friends, my family, my health—all good. For the most part, I'm actually pretty happy with how things are going. But while I'm just out here living my life, some guy always seems to pop up thinking we could make something work, whether it's a fling or something serious. Here's the thing: I've realized I just prefer being on my own. I don't even feel the need for anyone else. I have zero interest in dumping my thoughts or feelings on someone else, and I definitely don't want to waste my emotional energy, my money, or my physical effort on something that's basically a gamble and won't last. Marriage? Not happening. Ever.
And there's something else. I can't stand physical touch or any of that "affectionate" stuff from guys. Every single time, I just feel this massive urge to reclaim my personal space. My whole body literally tenses up and goes into survival mode when they try to touch me, hug me, or go for a kiss. It's intense. And it goes both ways—I'm not interested in touching them unless it's strictly a friendly pat on the back or something. I just can't handle that much stress. I find myself needing to bail on those situations immediately. Is anyone else dealing with this? How have you all handled it as you've gotten older?
Why do you feel like a relationship couldn't last?
Is the attention from men unwanted, making you wonder how to avoid the discomfort, or would you actually want to work on overcoming that awkwardness to connect with the opposite sex?
I can partially relate to what you're going through. I also experience massive stress at the thought of physical contact or emotional intimacy developing. That sense of inappropriateness and unease feels similar to something from my childhood, when a parent shamed me for exploring my own sexuality at a very young age. That probably isn't the only reason, but it definitely played a role in making me the person I am today. I also can't stand that level of discomfort, so I have to withdraw. It doesn't help that I don't expect men to be understanding about how I act.
I wish I could just live a peaceful life without all this weight, but it's hard to accept that I don't function quite like a "normal" adult.
Unfortunately, guessing the cause hasn't helped fix the problem. I don't know how to solve it on my own (I don't think it's impossible, I just don't know how), and I've never sought help because I imagine this is a difficult thing to work through. I'm also not sure how educated or interested therapists in America are regarding issues like this, since it isn't exactly common and doesn't follow a standard template.