Posts by briskjackal5

DreamGirl said:Thanks again for the sweet wishes, BUT... we really are making progress!🙂
SO many conversations (without all the hysteria or ultimatums—just focusing on cause, effect, and how we actually feel...) plus this one specific thing that happened that made him really stop and think about us (it was like some outside force stepped in)—the result: 🙂 😘 🙂 🙂
I know I'm totally rambling! I just love my mr. dream!.. We're traveling somewhere tomorrow—I have no clue where! He wants to surprise me! Isn't that just so romantic?🙂

Oh man, I am seriously so happy for you guys! 👍 😁 😁

- briskjackal5 -

cro Fag said:I mean, what man doesn't enjoy watching porn?
😕
Maybe it just crossed your mind that the issue might actually be you?

And besides,
watching adult films isn't really voyeurism
it honestly has nothing to do with being a voyeur

Hey, cro Fag, maybe try actually reading the thread here instead of just talking out of turn. 😁

It’s not even like there's some "issue" with her, because if there were, we'd be looking at a problem with like 95% of women whose partners are into that stuff. Plus, I don't think you're really hitting the mark when you say her specific situation "has nothing to do with voyeurism."
You should probably give the whole discussion a read.

- briskjackal5 -

John Price said:Alright, fine, then tell me from a guy's perspective—why bother with solo stuff if a woman wants to have sex?
How would you actually feel if the person you love was right next to you, just going wild with a vibrator while casually mentioning, "Oh, I'd really love it if this guy or that guy treated me right"?
I mean, I guess it might turn you on at first, but just think about how often that would happen... wouldn't you start feeling pretty pathetic after a while?

That's just life, I guess... and since you've got more life experience under your belt, you'll probably see how much variety there is out there. Your situation is just one in a hundred different stories.

I personally know people who live lives that most of the women on this forum couldn't even imagine. I know folks who regularly do exactly what you described in this post, people who truly enjoy it, who love swapping partners... they're totally normal, everyday Americans, but that's just their story.

John Price, I just wanted to share how I think things look from his side of things. He was being honest and open with you. You're being honest and open with him. But, I guess that honesty just led you both to hit these massive differences. And I don't mean differences like which color towels you prefer in the bathroom.
Your differences go straight to the core of who you are as people.
He isn't going to change his habits because he genuinely enjoys them. He doesn't see it as a problem—because, honestly, to him, it isn't one. He loves watching, he loves the self-pleasure aspect.

You're more of a... romantic type, I suppose. You want an exclusive kind of love. You don't really think about other people when you're in a relationship. To you, intimacy is a deep connection between just the two of you, without anyone else hovering around. I totally get why you feel this way. You see all those girls, all his other women, as intruders in your space, like they're invading your privacy. Like they're people you can't call "yours"—you don't want them there, but he keeps bringing them into your private world. They feel unnecessary, like they're just getting in the way of the bond between you and him. That kind of connection is what would make you feel fulfilled and happy. That's what you're craving, and that's when you'd feel truly loved.
That's when you'd finally feel everything you want to feel and share with someone.

I honestly don't think he's the kind of guy a girl like you can build that with.
I suspect that, eventually, you'll just move on and look for another man.

I truly wish you nothing but the best.

- Joe -

Duckie said:I honestly can't believe some people are out here claiming everything is being blown out of proportion and that there isn't actually a problem. I mean, this thread wouldn't even be blowing up if there wasn't something real going on here.

lol
Look, ladies, just take a second to look at who is actually backing up whom in here if you want to wrap your heads around one simple thing.
Women supporting women, right?

But then you have one woman who’s genuinely concerned, and another one chiming in with, "Oh, it can't be a real issue if you're just overthinking it!" (like, yeah, HE definitely has an issue because SHE is worried enough to make a post about it 😁), and it's like... don't you get that men and women just process things differently? Our natural instincts are different, but sure, let's just keep whining and crying about it instead.

Maybe give that collective hive mind a little breathing room and try listening to some fresh, new perspectives for once. For example, when we're talking about guys, maybe try actually believing what a man tells you.
I feel like such a jerk even posting this, but I'm truly doing it for your own good! And instead of a thank you, I just get called "immature" because I'm pointing out the obvious fact that men, well, handle things more frequently than the five of you on this thread.😁

- Joe -

Susan Booth10 said:Joe definitely doesn't have a leg to stand on. Especially when he says: You think your boyfriend is the only guy watching porn? That’s just totally standard. Every normal man does it .

Yeah, uh, totally.
I guess I kind of spiraled there.
It wasn't really right of me to say that everyone does it and that it's just "normal," because, well, if 98% of people are doing it, that actually isn't normal at all, is it?

Quincy:

Whether those guys are "normal" is probably not something you need to worry about, but saying *everyone* is like that? That's just not true. Joe is clearly showing how immature he is here. It seems pretty obvious your boyfriend has some issues, and honestly, I see a silver lining in the fact that at least you realize that. Maybe he'll realize it too. If he doesn't, and if this is clearly bothering you, then please don't feel like you have to force yourself to accept this as "normal." You should really think about whether he's the right person for you. I think you'd find it even harder to deal with in a marriage—which is actually a good thing, because I believe (call me conservative, old-fashioned, or whatever you want to call it) that using porn or stuff like that somehow undermines marital fidelity. Again, just my two cents. 🙂

If you ask me, I think you're the one who's being immature.

You haven't really explored your own persona or your partner's persona at all.

- Joe -

Almorah said:Like I was saying, I really think you're being totally biased in this whole thing!

So, basically, she’s feeling totally unwanted or just flat-out humiliated because her guy is out there checking out other girls. That’s really the heart of the whole issue right there. She needs someone who isn't taking sides—just someone neutral—to sit her down and explain that this kind of thing happens way more often than people admit. I mean, maybe if she insists on finding some guy who doesn't have those kinds of habits, she might actually end up pushing people away instead. It's a tough spot to be in, I guess! 😁
Thank God I’m here to chime in, because honestly? This idea that he’s doing all this just to get some attention is like... I don't even know, it's probably the wildest reason I've ever heard. Like, seriously, how did you even dig that up? I guess maybe you have some similar story or something? Or like, an experience that makes you think that? I mean, I'm just wondering!

So, about him fooling around on the job... I mean, honestly, that’s just an extra thing to deal with, right? It definitely can't be pleasant, I guess. But really, her main issue is exactly what I was saying earlier...

And of course, the guy just keeps picking at his wife—who, let’s be real, clearly can't stand him because of how he acts—and honestly, he’s just making everything ten times worse!

So... I was just sitting here thinking, and honestly? I feel like I've been having some seriously bizarre ideas lately. Like, really out there. Maybe it’s just me, or maybe I’ve just had way too much caffeine today, but my brain is definitely running on some strange tracks right now! I guess I just wanted to throw that out there and see if anyone else gets those weird, random sparks of inspiration that make absolutely zero sense at first glance. It's kind of fun, though, don't you think? Just letting the mind wander into the totally unexpected! 👎
Look, you’ve gotta try to realize that he isn't doing all that just for her... I mean, maybe he thinks he is? But honestly, it feels more like he's just doing it for himself and his own little ego trip. He's just chasing his own vibe, I guess.
I mean, honestly? It’s really not that complicated. I guess you could say it's actually pretty straightforward! 😁

briskjackal5

Maybe I’m just seeing things, or maybe I'm totally blind here, but I think this lady has some seriously bizarre experiences going on if she can look at something and somehow link his self-gratification to a malicious plot to ruin someone's life or just a desperate cry for attention.

- briskjackal5 -

John Price said:Raymond Baker58: 👍
You totally hit the nail on the head regarding that feeling of humiliation—it really is—it’s just SO demeaning!
It’s that exact same sensation, like I’m just not enough for him! Like, maybe I’m some kind of cold, lifeless robot, and if I actually 🥳 or 🙂 then he wouldn't be complaining—he'd have to find a way to satisfy those needs somehow! I'm starting to realize the issue isn't actually me, even though some people commented (and he said it himself) that in his head, those things are completely separate categories, but man, it still weighs on me.

Look, see, now you're finally heading toward something that actually makes sense.
He’s just doing what he likes. Some women love ice cream (or chocolate) and they'll devour tons of it every single day. It’s the same thing here; he loves masturbating and (or) voyeurism, so that's why he does it all the time.
It has nothing to do with you. You nailed that part! That's just something that brings him joy—they are totally separate things, and honestly, it seems kind of silly to let it get to you. Just come to terms with the fact that guys masturbate even when they're in a relationship. Just accept it. Accept that sex with you is one world, and this stuff he's talking about is another. If you can just wrap your head around the idea that they're separate, things might actually be great between you two. And hey, be happy that he's being open with you and that you actually know what's going on. He isn't hiding it; he's being honest, and you're in the loop. That's how he chose to share it with you.

- Steve -

Raymond Baker58 said:Look, if he can actually manage to get himself into a therapist's office, maybe there's some hope for him. I mean, I honestly think this kind of behavior is just plain stupid, and the root causes go way deeper than what we see on the surface. And hey, you've gotta watch out—don't let him convince you he's kicked the habit when he’s really just doing it behind your back. That would be even more disgusting. Though, I guess he probably won't, because that's kind of the whole point, right? He wants to stay front and center by doing exactly this. It keeps you on edge, constantly worrying, feeling miserable... it's classic. There are so many ways to make a partner's life a living hell, and he just picked this one. He could have been cheating, staying out all night with his buddies, being aggressive, drinking too much, or getting hooked on drugs... those are all options, but really, it's all just different ways to act like a toddler who needs constant attention. It's pretty obvious the real issue is buried somewhere deep under all this stuff...

Joe

Joe, seriously, Joe. Just... wow.
The guy is basically doing this just to grab attention and make things difficult for his partner.
But man, you sound pretty shaken up here.
😁 😁 😁

- briskjackal5 -

John Price said:🤣 🤣 🤣 I think I just finally wrapped my head around it, even though the video looks pretty decent to me😁

Yeah, totally 😁

- Steve -

John Price said:It "hurts" me!

Man, I don't know, look, he’s just, like, addicted, right? And that addiction is definitely the issue here, but honestly, his addiction isn't really hurting him—it's hurting you.😁 😁

- Steve -

Honestly, the part that really gets me is when people say, "he doesn't even realize he's addicted."
Like, what does that actually mean in practice? Are you supposed to be the one to step in and draw the line for him? Or are you guys just sitting there judging whether he’s an addict or not? I don't get the big deal—what's the actual issue with slapping that "addiction" label on someone??

I mean, my take is this: if it isn't hurting him, and it isn't hurting her—meaning she's perfectly happy with the situation—then everything is fine just the way it is. I say just let them be and stop breathing down their necks.😁

- Joe -

jadetinker85 said:Man, that guy you're talking about is seriously out there. But honestly, if he doesn't actually want to quit on his own, there isn't a prayer of it happening.

But why would he even want to stop?
I mean, compared to smoking, that seems way more harmless, I guess.

If it were me, I know exactly which one I'd pick between a girl who's a total sex addict and a girl who can't stop smoking cigarettes...😁

- Steve -

John Price said:It’s not even about the actual sex all the time, it’s more about the porn aspect.
In my last relationship, I used to daydream about trying out new, exciting spots, but honestly, everything just ended up being in the bedroom. He is the complete opposite! He actually makes all those fantasies happen—elevators, parks, the beach... I love sex just as much as he does, but what really gets to me is this endless, insatiable craving he has for pornography...

Maybe you could film yourself, or even a video of the two of you? Let him enjoy it. I guess everyone has that one thing they can't get enough of.
Just, you know, be super careful that those videos stay with you so they don't leak out somewhere.😁

- Joe -

John Price said:A few months ago, when he actually had internet in his room, he’d basically occupy the connection all day long. I honestly don't know exactly how many hours we're talking about, but it was constant. Maybe crimsongull20 was laughing at us because we couldn't use the Wi-Fi in the rest of the house, but hey, it was kind of the only way to keep things under control!
So now that the internet is gone, he's heading down to the local public library just to stay "up to date"???

Look, instead of making life difficult for him, why not just let him connect to the Wi-Fi from home? 😁

- Joe -

Sarah Davis7 said:hey Joe, how would you feel if your girlfriend started watching porn and masturbating after you left? like, would that turn you on... especially if she just absolutely loves sex...

lol.............
What a ridiculous question!
I mean, I don't think I've heard anything stupider in a long time! 😁

- Joe -

John Price said:He’ll take every single chance he gets!

Look, if you actually want to stay with him—and you think he wants to stay with you too—and you really mean what you're saying here, just ask yourself one thing: would *you* be into having sex out in the middle of nowhere, or maybe in an elevator, just because he's looking for "any chance he can get"?
Some girls are just built that way, and some aren't. Some totally love that spontaneity, some only like it once in a while, and some don't want anything to do with it at all. If that's not your vibe, or if you're more of a "let's stay in bed" kind of person, then that's just how it is.

But honestly, two grown women acting all shocked that a guy might want to hook up whenever the opportunity arises? Seriously? What, are you guys living in a convent or something? Did you somehow manage to go your whole lives without meeting a single man until you were twenty-five? Are you really that terrified of the basic truth that men actually enjoy sex?? 😁

- Stipe -

John Price said:So, this is my first post here, and I really hope you guys can help me out.
I don't know much about psychology, but I'm guessing addiction falls under that umbrella, right?😕
My boyfriend is actually a really great guy—super polite, kind, just a total sweetheart... I've known him for 8 years, and we've been together for 2. There isn't anything else about him that bothers me as much as his porn habit.😠
He confessed to me early on in our relationship that he used to be a voyeur, which honestly shocked me. We talked about it a lot, and he did manage to break that specific habit...
I'm wondering what you all think—is he a sex addict? He always watches porn when he masturbates. The issue isn't a lack of sex, because we have it almost every day (we live together). I don't even know why it gets to me so much. Maybe the problem is me? Like, maybe it's a lack of self-confidence or something like that???
His habit just triggers these awful feelings in me. I feel neglected, like I'm second best, or unattractive... He knows how I feel, but somehow it's not enough for him to make any changes... Do you have any advice for me?

I've got some advice for you.

First off, don't listen to what Jerry Moore2 is telling you.
I remember that thread where she was talking about her relationship with her boyfriend. It was such a sad read, seeing her story and how everyone basically tore her apart over it. I mean, I think everyone has a right to their own tastes and preferences, so I respect hers. But, Jerry Moore2 wasn't willing to stand up for herself against her then-boyfriend either. She didn't respect his stuff. To her, he was "disturbed" or "not normal" just because he was into anal sex. Even though I think people reacted way too harshly toward her, I also think it's not her place to come on here and dictate what is or isn't "normal." Her views are stuck in this super conservative mindset, where there's this general idea that certain things are okay, but everything else is weird or perverse and shouldn't happen.😁

Secondly, you've gotta realize that people just have different levels of sexual drive.
I don't get why it shocks you that someone was a voyeur. You find that strange and crazy??? Man, something as mindless as Big Brother, where I can just flip on the TV and see people scrolling through a Walmart website for ten minutes just picking out... one cucumber... or a bag of chips... or maybe we want some snacks, yeah, let's go with snacks... etc., is the most watched show in the country. Why? Because people are such voyeurs that even something that boring is interesting to watch. So how could it not be interesting when it comes to sex?
You think your boyfriend is the only one hitting it to porn? That is totally normal. Kids as young as 14 or 15 in my sports club are literally glued to their phones right after practice, scrolling through stuff online.😁
It's completely normal. It's a healthy interest. If that truly is the extent of it—if he loves having sex with you, but also likes watching porn—then you can totally relax. Most normal guys are like that.😉 Plus, having a high drive is perfectly normal. Honestly, it’s a positive thing. It's something you women usually brag about to each other!
Just get used to the fact that your boyfriend has a strong sex drive, and you'll have a great time with him.🙂

- Stipe -

Once a week, obviously. Not every single day.

- briskjackal5 -

Megan White4 said:$67 there might be some kind of average monthly price, so I guess it could be more or maybe less...

But honestly, I think the bigger question is how many sessions you're actually doing every week. If you're just going twice a week for 90 minutes $67 then I suppose that's sort of okay ($8.25 per session). Now, $300 would already feel like a lot, and $400 is definitely way too much ($17 per session)... It’s all pretty simple math, really.

🤔

Well, I don't really know many gyms that don't have training at least three times a day.
Twice a week just feels a bit low, I guess.
And from the clubs I know, I don't think a single one has a monthly fee lower than $67 that amount.

- briskjackal5 -