Posts by Daniel Foster86

Lately, I’ve been getting maybe 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night, and honestly, I feel totally fine. I don't feel like I need more, even though I’ll lie there in bed in the morning just staring at the ceiling while my brain refuses to shut down. But, I have to admit, I’m getting a little anxious about the health implications. Every doctor I’ve ever heard tell me that hitting that 8-hour mark is non-negotiable for staying healthy. Then, I go online to do a bit of digging, and suddenly the information is all over the place. Some articles claim 6 hours is perfectly sufficient as long as you aren't feeling sluggish, while other sources—which seem just as authoritative—argue that sleeping only 6 hours a day creates this massive cumulative deficit, leaving you feeling like a complete zombie after just two weeks. It's infuriating because both sides present such flimsy arguments! I can't make heads or tails of it. So, I wanted to get your take: realistically, how many hours of sleep do we actually need to function properly without wrecking our bodies?

redcanyon93 said:I was catching up with a friend the other day, and they mentioned that quite a few people they know see me as someone who is much better off flying solo. To be perfectly honest, I find myself falling squarely into that same category as well.

What is your take on people like this? Is it simply a matter of finding comfort in one's own company, or does it stem from some sort of emotional incapacity? Are we all just becoming increasingly comfortable being alone... perhaps too much so?

Let me elaborate on why being alone is actually far less taxing for me than being in a relationship. When I am by myself, I don't feel the absence of anyone; I’m not waiting on anyone, nor am I constantly preoccupied with whether someone else is okay or if something has gone wrong in their life...

However, once I am with someone else, I become painfully aware of my own solitude, and that realization starts to weigh heavily on me—it's significantly harder to bear than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every moment that person is absent begins to ache; every smile they offer to another woman feels like a sting, and every harsh word cuts deep... yet, when I am solo, I don't even get the impression that anything is missing at all. I can't tell if this is entirely sane, but the truth is I am genuinely HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... and apparently, that isn't supposed to be "normal," is it?

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve spiraled into these thoughts. To be honest, both dating and being single have their pros and cons. Sure, it’s wonderful to have someone to share your triumphs with or a shoulder to lean on when life gets messy, but a relationship isn't just a highlight reel. It carries baggage and restrictions that I personally refuse to swallow. Since you shared your experience, I'll lay mine out too. I absolutely love the rush of falling in love and the warmth of being in a partnership, but those downsides you listed—plus a few others you didn't even mention—drive me absolutely crazy. They bother me so much that I find myself feeling exactly like you: I'd gladly "sacrifice" all those beautiful romantic moments just to reclaim my peace and my freedom. Beyond what you touched on, the negatives for me include this stifling lack of autonomy and this exhausting feeling of being halved. My energy feels split in two because I can't give 100% of my focus to myself; I'm always preoccupied with my partner. Even if I'm having the best day ever, I can't be fully happy if they are sick, depressed, or just acting out. Recently, I met a woman who told me she had completely checked out of the dating scene. She said she’s perfectly fine on her own and has zero intention of getting back into a relationship. Honestly? It spooked me. It terrified me because I feel like I'm already heading down that exact path. I don't even know why that realization scared me so much—maybe someone here can guess why, since I'm stumped. I keep asking myself: should we just embrace this solitary lifestyle if it feels this good? Or should we be working on ourselves so that we aren't so easily wounded by things we can't control—like where our partner looks, what they're passionate about, or how they spend their time when they aren't with us?

I have a question for all the ENT specialists out there—and honestly, anyone who isn't a pro but might know more from sheer lived experience. I need to know: if a cholesteatoma isn't showing any classic red flags (like ear drainage or anything obvious) and it’s relatively small, can its mere presence still cause damage to the surrounding bone and structures? Or is it the case that a cholesteatoma only starts doing real damage once it grows large enough to cause discharge? Because, look, I’ve been reading up on this, and apparently, a cholesteatoma destroys surrounding tissue through enzymatic processes. So, logically, it feels like even when it's tiny—even if it’s basically invisible to doctors through an otoscope because of a perforated eardrum—it could still be causing damage and potentially leading to complications like headaches, abscesses, or even death... even at a small size. Or am I totally off base here??? Please, I really need someone to explain this to me; I’ve been spiraling trying to make sense of it, and it’s weighing heavily on me. Lately, I’ve been getting these headaches right above my operated ear, and I just *feel* like something is wrong in there. My hearing has also dropped, yet my doctor looks at me through the otoscope every two months during follow-ups and insists everything is perfectly fine. But I just don't buy it...

I’m not sure how much this will actually help anyone, but personally, I refuse to drink anything unless I get it straight from the source. Out here in Canada, there are plenty of springs that aren't tucked away behind private property, so every single week, I hop in my car and drive a few miles up toward the mountains to fill up my jugs at a local spring. Honestly? Compared to that, the tap water is just revolting. It sits heavy in my stomach, and there’s this unmistakable aftertaste—which is ridiculous, because by definition, water is supposed to be colorless, odorless, and tasteless. If you have access to any natural springs nearby, do yourselves a favor and start collecting your own.

It just hit me—we are basically the ones setting our own limits. Think back to when you were kids, maybe even in elementary school. What did you actually want to be? What was the dream? For me, throughout my education, I had this deep, genuine love for music. I wanted to make a career out of it, and honestly, I still would if I could. But then the voices start creeping in. All that subtle persuasion and nagging, like "there's no money in that," or "what are you going to do with a degree in that?" or "you need to find something serious." Blah, blah, blah. So, here I am, working as a teacher in a public school. I don't enjoy this job one bit. It’s a cycle: "Don't do that, it's not a real career"; "Don't act like this, it's not appropriate"; "Get married, John Stewart9, because that's what's expected of you." And just like that, we lose ourselves. We end up mistaking other people's expectations for our own desires, and then we feel miserable. I truly believe those twenties—that identity crisis everyone hits—is meant to be a period of self-reflection. We all go through it. But if we fail that internal evaluation, it feels like we almost *want* to fail, so we can point fingers at the world and blame society for molding us into who we are. Sure, maybe society is partially to blame for planting those false seeds of expectation, but the crucial thing is realizing that we still have agency. We can stomp all over those fake expectations and choose to chase what we actually want. I'll say it again—it isn't easy. But courage isn't really courage unless you face your fears head-on, and effort isn't true effort if you aren't willing to put in the actual work.

John Martin16 said:Sure, maybe you can suppress emotions, but that doesn't mean they won't eventually explode... let's be real.
It is impossible to control every single level. They manifest whenever they want, wherever they want. We aren't machines. You might be an exception, but most people aren't. 🤷

John Martin16, look, I'm not talking about exceptions here. We aren't just two people debating how to suppress feelings on some superficial level. I'm not claiming that if you master your emotions the way I'm describing, you'll magically never get annoyed again or never shed a tear for the rest of your life. Of course you will! You'll cry, and yeah, you'll probably lose your temper in the moment, but you won't allow those outbursts to hijack your entire existence or dictate how you move forward in life. This whole "mastering thoughts and emotions" thing is more about achieving harmony within your body and brain—I'm talking deep-seated internal balance, not just reacting to some negative bullshit that anyone would react to.

@ John Stewart9—I honestly can't bring myself to complain that certain women I lost interest in were lacking the qualities you mentioned. For some of them, sure, that was the issue, but let's be real, those were just fleeting flings anyway. But on the flip side, what about the ones who had plenty of intellect and plenty of sex appeal, yet I still found myself losing interest? I don't think it's just those two specific traits that determine whether a relationship lasts, unfortunately.

Exactly. It all boils down to discipline—nothing more, nothing less. And look, nobody ever promised this would be easy. You need discipline to quit smoking, to get out of bed at 5 AM for work, or to stick to a workout routine; none of that is fun, but you find a way to make it a habit. That’s exactly what we’re doing here: we have to force ourselves to build the habit of positive thinking. I truly believe the hardest part is just getting started, but eventually, it starts to feel natural. I want to offer one small bit of comfort to the OP—and I’m not saying this as someone who has had everything handed to them on a silver platter. I’m saying this as someone currently, for the first time in my life, actually fighting for my own well-being. I’ve been in that dark place before—struggling with suicidal ideation, though I never acted on it. It wasn't because some massive tragedy struck; it was just that life felt utterly meaningless. Back then, I thought I’d never climb out of that hole. I kept looking for happiness in all the wrong places—chasing after a partner, gambling, or drowning my problems in beer. Now, I’m finally learning that the answer has to come from within. I'm working to tear down the mental barriers I let society build in my head. I’m still a work in progress, honestly, but I can already feel things shifting. I just hope I have the grit to see this through to the end and completely conquer that crushing sense of helplessness—that feeling where it seems like every force in the universe 🙂 is conspiring against me.

I honestly feel like we’re all just burning through way too much mental energy obsessing over things that drain us, when we really ought to be redirecting that focus toward something productive and actually useful. Look, everyone knows that in theory, right? But here’s the real kicker: how the hell are we supposed to actually do it? It feels like half the time, that internal pull is just stronger than our own willpower. You find yourself getting sucked back into the problem, spiraling, instead of focusing on something positive. It’s exhausting. Personally, I think we might need to look into things like autogenic training—there’s actually a thread about that on this forum if you care to look—or even leaning into autosuggestion to try and rewire these behavioral patterns.

Rachel Bennett5 said:Everything’s fine as long as you actually have some hope and stay positive. But things don't just fix themselves. The hardest part is realizing you're basically on your own. I'm stuck in that exact headspace right now—just finished my degree and I can't seem to get any momentum. Honestly, I'm even questioning if picking Law was a massive mistake... though maybe it's too late to bail now. Or am I just being biased? Who knows. It feels wrong to quit even though I'm definitely not some genius student. My dating life hasn't been much better, mostly just dealing with total losers, except for my last guy, but there’s never been a period where I wasn't seeing someone. Weird, I know. I feel like I need some space, but I can't just dump my long-term boyfriend out of nowhere; I know he cares way more about this than I do. Basically, everything is a mess right now, and I keep trying to ignore it, which sucks because avoiding stuff just builds up stress. You gotta find a way to face what's ACTUALLY eating at you and deal with it. Otherwise, you're just sitting around waiting for a lucky break that might never come.

I honestly don't think that's true. Look, if you're going to sit there and obsess over a problem—and I mean *actually* thinking about how to solve it and then actually taking action—then fine. But otherwise? It's useless. If the thinking isn't constructive, it's just destructive. I'm talking about that endless loop where you tell yourself, "Ugh, I feel terrible, this relationship is a disaster, but I can't leave them, so I guess I'll just stay stuck right here," and then you repeat those exact same thoughts every single day, reaching the same dead end every time. If we were actually being productive about solving our problems, we probably wouldn't be having these constant crises we're all venting about here. So, in my opinion, the fact that we're even posting on this forum proves that our thoughts aren't exactly "superfluous."

Alright, I’ll weigh in too 🙂. I’m 27—and no, don't give me that "you're just young and everything is a crisis" attitude. I definitely experience some of these same "symptoms," though there's a catch: I’ve always been in serious relationships, or at least some kind of committed partnership. So, how does this crisis actually play out for me? It’s like this—two years ago, I went through the exact same thing regarding college. It was that whole "look at everyone else, they're all landing jobs while I'm stuck here" spiral. As for marriage, I don't spend much time obsessing over it because, let's face it, same-sex marriage isn't legal here in the States, so at least that's one less thing to lose sleep over 😁. But I can certainly draw a parallel to your "question" about marriage and commitment. Like I said, I’ve only ever done serious stuff; it's not foreign territory to me. I’ve been in a relationship for two years now, and before that, it was a 3.5-year stint. Basically, my real fear is losing that capacity for deep happiness and fulfillment through these long-term commitments. That’s how I might end up mirroring your lack of interest in women. I start off interested, but then... the spark just dies.
Anyway, those specific triggers—like the college stress—have mostly settled down, but the underlying struggle remains: searching for purpose and trying to find the least painful way to navigate life moving forward. Right now, I’m trying not to dwell on it and attempting to stay positive, but if you were to peer into the depths of my soul or my brain, you'd still find those nagging questions. How am I supposed to survive a serious relationship if I don't even believe I *can* survive one? How do I steer my life onto the right path so that one day, when I'm old, I'm not looking back and asking myself where my youth went, or regretting things only once it's far too late to change them? 😕