Posts by Aaron Allen5

People like that generally have zero interest in actually seeking professional guidance! That’s precisely why I maintain that you should just say no until she decides to pursue expert help on her own terms, rather than letting her manipulate you!

I’ve actually stepped in to help out in a very similar situation before, and believe me, some couples manage to stay together while I ended up looking like the complete fool!

Regarding the member who started this thread... my firm belief is that a parent should act like a parent. A child should be able to lean on their parents for support, rather than having the children serve as the emotional pillars for the adults. My sincere advice to you is to maintain a healthy distance until your mother decides to take the first step herself. If you attempt to intervene without her consent, no matter how well-intentioned you are, you will inevitably end up being cast as the villain.

It feels as though we have reached a point where everything requires some sort of "social validation" just to exist! Whether it is deciding who gets to be the favorite or who is cast aside, the pressure is everywhere—it is happening in real life, on every online forum, on Facebook, on Twitter, you name it. The moment someone shows up being even slightly different from the status quo, they are immediately branded as an outsider!

Dennis Cook78 said:@Aaron Allen5
Everything I’ve been reading lately feels pretty tragic, even if there's truth to it. It seems to me that most people only really start grasping for their "ego" when they have something to complain about—whether they're pointing out flaws, offering unsolicited advice, badmouthing someone, or just being stubborn enough to say no just for the sake of saying no.
People are always going to form cliques, and there isn't much you can do to stop that, but what really bugs me is how these groups are almost constantly at odds because everyone is convinced they hold the high ground. Honestly, having a narrow-minded attitude makes it so much easier for people to fall into those patterns.
As for that woman who’s giving you the cold shoulder, just hang tight for a bit; you'll see soon enough how the very same people she hangs out with start giving her the same treatment.

Well, honestly, you eventually become somewhat "immune" to certain things, but it still gets you thinking. The fact remains that back then, it was all laughter and mockery from the group... and now, they are actively avoiding us just so they can kiss up to the very people who used to laugh at them. This isn't just happening to me; it's happening to all of us. Even my brother notices it more often... they simply walk right past without even a nod!
My mother even told me about how that lady used to come over and cry to her, venting about how they were all making fun of them... and look at us now! We've all moved on, my brother is married... and not a single soul has even stopped by for a cookie!
If there is one thing I am absolutely certain of, it is this: once this gentleman's term is over, I won't even recognize them. Thank God this is his LAST term! He has no more authority over us! Let's look at the big picture... ever since he was first appointed Chief, we have been blacklisted! And I am telling you, when I visit my own people, don't expect a warm welcome from them! I plan to act as if I don't even know them... and if they try to say anything to me, I will certainly give them a piece of my mind!
In the beginning, this behavior truly hurt my feelings because I considered us more than just friends! Today, I am simply immune to them!

I completely agree with ruggedtinker9; it is far easier to lecture others than it is to take a hard look at oneself. Perhaps someone else sees in me exactly what I see in others, but I can guarantee that I have never turned my back on anyone. I got married, yet I still maintain contact with my girlfriends who aren't married; I haven't acted like, "Oh, I'm married now, I'm above them." Even today, if I see an old classmate, I say hello. If I can help people, I will; if not, I'll just say so. Regardless of your job or your education, I don't understand that attitude of acting like someone else isn't on your "level." People forget who they are and where they came from! They forget that, in the end, we all depend on one another! No matter what profession you're in, we rely on each other!

For instance, look at what Hannah's father did; despite the high unemployment rate in his neighborhood, he managed to find jobs for a dozen people! What was wrong with offering a job to someone from his own community? What was wrong with using his connections to pull someone up and get them hired? At the end of the day, we are all part of the same community... at least that's how I see it. Whether someone is from the suburbs or the city, we are all neighbors! I certainly never saw or felt any of that division from her father!

Thanks, everyone. Dennis Cook78, if I may just add my two cents: society has started categorizing people based on absolutely anything, and because of that, these little cliques have started forming everywhere. Everyone loves rewards, praise, and recognition, but honestly, that’s exactly what can break a person's spirit and heart. You lose the desire to do the work that actually brings you satisfaction—whether that’s cooking every single day, working in the garden, or even just walking your dog daily. It’s gone. That genuine hobby you used to pour yourself into? It’s dead. What is the "trend" these days?
Just heading out to a coffee shop and sitting there, sipping one latte for hours on end... and success is defined by whether someone else picks up the tab. And the social etiquette? I’ve been observing this lately. First thing they do is pull out a couple of iPhones, toss their wallet and car keys right onto the table—if they even have them! I should mention, these aren't even working professionals; they aren't employed at all, just driving their dad's SUV, probably using pocket money their mom gave them for a coffee, but hey, they act like they own the place! Not to mention the constant chatter about their lives! Then I watch the scene unfold... a young guy walks in and sits down alone, and those three losers at the next table start snickering at him because he’s a "loner." Why? Because he didn't slam his phone on the table or toss his keys in the middle of the surface.

Another example is my godmother, who is among the heaviest women I have ever met in my life. Now, how would you describe her? She’s heavy, yet she tries to make her clothes fit perfectly... and she has lost count of how many times she took offense when I told her those clothes would look great on me, let alone on her, since she is xxxlll times heavier than I am! But what matters most today? Following the trend. Making sure people see you dressed in the latest fashion so they look at your face and say how "extra" you are. The clothes might be "extra," and I believe people are complimenting the outfit, not the person wearing it!

Categories have formed based on how people think, their idols, their jobs, who they hang out with, their little cliques... even based on what they wear! There are cliques based on employment status and such. People group together simply so they won't be the ones getting mocked by the crowd!

The most tragic part is that you don't just see this among kids in high school; you see it among college students, and I won't even get started on families and working professionals!

Honestly, an entire novel could be written about the types of people who are fundamentally changed by money!

Yesterday, I was sharing a meal from the same plate with Hannah; today, because her father is a high-ranking police chief, she turns her head away with this incredibly condescending attitude!

And when you finally confront them or say anything to them, they all just lift their noses and insist they are their own people, acting so self-important. Take Hannah as the prime example... until yesterday we were eating from the same plate, and today she's rubbing elbows with the very people who used to laugh at her... but fine, whatever. She has changed. If you were to walk up to her now and point it out, she would just completely ignore you!

Why doesn't she tell them the story of how we used to tease them? Maybe she told them that *I* was the one laughing, just to protect herself! But that is clearly the cycle of life nowadays. Trash others just so you can come across as the "good" one! And in the end, it always turns out that nobody actually changes; everyone is just looking out for themselves, and everyone is exactly the same!

Or like when my friend started dressing more modestly, and people began avoiding her because of it. They weren't direct about it, but it was indirect—the invitations to go out just stopped. So, what did she do? She made her life harder and went back to her old way of dressing... and believe me, everything went back to normal as if nothing had ever happened!

THAT WOULD DESTROY ME!

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how you perceive yourself; what truly matters is whether "society" decides to accept you. Whether they want to admit it or not, in order to be "recognized" by this social circle—a group that will never actually do anything for you in your life—you find yourself doing whatever it takes! You dress specifically to be noticed, regardless of whether YOU feel satisfied in those clothes or if they are even comfortable. It’s all about how OTHERS see you! It is vital that when you walk into a crowd, people don't turn their backs on you, but instead shout out, "Hey, look, there goes Aaron Allen5!" or "Hey, there's Dennis Cook78!" They run toward you, they hug you, they greet you... you listen to all their nonsense. But the moment you try to speak your mind or share your own perspective on things, they’ll jokingly ask if you have a fever just to mock your ideas!

You find yourself picking fights with your parents—who might just have different plans for you—simply because you want to fit in with the crowd! For instance, if they suggest you do something, you start an argument because your brain has been so thoroughly conditioned to please "society" that you’ll do anything to ensure they approve of you. It can even reach the point where you're disrespecting your parents right in front of your friends while everyone else just laughs! Not a single one of them has any respect for your parents or your home, even if they claim to respect you!

Picture this: parents let their child stay out until 11:00 PM just to satisfy the peer group, and then the kid stays out until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. Meanwhile, back at home, the parents are absolutely dying of worry!

Dennis Cook78 said:@Aaron Allen5
I really felt what you were saying when you mentioned how people dodge compromise and meaningful dialogue altogether. It’s honestly shameful, but it’s the truth. People steer clear of it because real conversation requires actual effort, and let's be honest—most people will avoid any kind of mental heavy lifting unless it provides them with immediate gratification. It’s much easier to just shut down without checking your own biases or assumptions at the door. Instead, you get these attitudes like, "I've said my piece, deal with it," or "If you don't like it, that's your problem," or even that classic "I'm just looking out for number one" mentality. It all boils down to a certain kind of blatant rudeness.

The thing is, this kind of arrogance is often viewed as an advantage because it falls under a socially acceptable category of aggression. Throughout history, society has built up layers of civilization to suppress our more primal instincts, but those impulses are still there, buzzing just beneath the surface. Since we aren't exactly walking around with weapons in our hands in modern America, people have pivoted to using verbal weapons and psychological traps instead. There’s also this incredibly passive-aggressive form of rudeness where someone will just stay silent or keep talking over you, completely ignoring your points. It’s incredibly sneaky because they exploit the basic etiquette of a polite conversation—letting you speak freely—to create the illusion of a real debate. In reality, the other person becomes a victim of this calculated dismissal without even realizing it, and if they finally snap or lose their cool, they're the ones branded as being "difficult" or "rude."

At the end of the day, this type of bravado, much like any verbal assault, is usually pretty calculated. It’s almost always directed at people perceived as weaker or those who aren't likely to push back hard, all designed specifically to cause maximum damage while maintaining plausible deniability.

That hits the nail on the head!

The masses definitely have a warped perception nowadays regarding fulfillment and what it means to have a "self." I have a cousin currently finishing her third degree—truly, hats off to her—but I’ve gotten the impression she isn't finishing it for herself, but rather just to fuel some vision of whether someone else is JEALOUS of her or not!

Another example is the crowd that views everything through the lens of money. They obsess over status, prestige, or a certain level of wealth they’ve never actually attained, and they suffer because of it. Some people try to satisfy that void in short bursts by hanging out with someone "famous," but the moment they aren't with that person, you can see it clearly—whether they want to admit it or not—that they are spiritually hollow.

I believe this spiritual dissatisfaction is a dangerous ailment. It breeds envy, jealousy, resentment, rage, spite, and at certain moments, these individuals become capable of doing absolutely anything...

Or take Facebook friends as a third example. I laugh at the people who think having 50 friends is enough, while they look up to those "high-level" individuals who have several thousand IDIOTIC FRIENDS. These people know perfectly well that if they actually sat down to count and evaluate them, they wouldn't find a single true friend among those thousands. But hey, who cares, right?

What matters is how OTHERS PERCEIVE YOU. It isn't about how YOU see yourself! In reality, very few people possess a true sense of self today. If you actually have a real, authentic sense of self, you’re considered a weirdo! The crowd avoids you. If you value genuine human qualities or view the world differently than the MAJORITY does, then you are treated like a social outcast. People will laugh at you... why? Because you don't look like a clown, but still... you have a different perspective than them. You aren't part of the herd, and so on...

Your life, your decisions, your goals, and your ultimate fulfillment!

Unfortunately, hardly anyone actually possesses that today. People tend to confuse fleeting whims with actual facts.

The truly exceptional individuals are those who commit to lifelong learning. They never stop absorbing new knowledge...

However, I feel compelled to point out a major flaw in modern logic: the misguided belief that having a "strong sense of self" is synonymous with being rude or snappy. Nowadays, if someone delivers a sharp, disrespectful retort, you’ll see bystanders cheering them on, saying, "Yeah, tell 'em like it is!" It’s quite absurd. We are witnessing a total avoidance of compromise and the simple art of listening. Instead, we’ve created this culture where being abrasive is mistaken for being authentic!

Let’s be perfectly honest here: you see these types of "neurodivergent" individuals in almost every government agency and major corporation, even among people in their 30s and 40s! It’s essentially the same old story where they remain entirely dependent on their parents. And the moment those parents pass away? They’re absolutely lost, just spinning in circles without a clue how to function.

Every single "responsibility" and every perceived "crisis" ends up being handled by the older generation!

John Mendoza13 said:But look, if someone actually lands that dream job they worked so hard for, they end up worrying about a million different things just to stay successful, and if they married, suddenly there's the whole weight of raising kids to deal with...
while kids don't have any of those heavy burdens; their biggest crisis is usually just waiting for their favorite cartoon to come on TV.
The mention of children in impoverished parts of Africa earlier makes me wonder if those kids might actually be happier than half the wealthy people we see here in the States; money isn't the core purpose of life if you're looking for true happiness for a child.

Children need to listen to their parents, eat what is put in front of them, and wear whatever clothes are bought or provided for them. However, once a person is established in their career, living their own life—whether they are single or part of a family—they actually have the power to make choices! 🙂

No matter what flaws one might have, the constant mental checklist remains: "I need to buy firewood," "I need to stock up on coal for the winter," "I have to set aside money for the kids' tuition," "I have to pay the utility bills first," or "I need to grab groceries." But that is precisely where the true essence of life lies! 🙂 If a person didn't have these kinds of "obligations," life would be incredibly dull!

I find that notion to be utter nonsense! Truly, the most fulfilled individual is one who has achieved genuine personal contentment. We are talking about someone who pursued their chosen vocation, married the person they truly loved, secured a career at a company of their choice, and successfully realized their lifelong ambitions. To build a family and find peace in that—that is the essence of it. Happiness isn't found in selfishness or in a narrow focus on one's own ego... especially when that self-absorption reaches such an extreme level that everyone else starts avoiding you entirely!!

It truly pains me to witness all this petty gossip spreading around... and frankly, it's even more disheartening when I see men being the ones driving it!

Honesty is a true virtue—an incredibly expensive gift that one simply doesn't waste on cheap people!🙂

Those shallow individuals actually mistake an honest person for being naive! To them, lying is considered a skill! On the other hand, I can say with absolute certainty that I could never, ever bring myself to associate with people who would look me straight in the eye and lie without blinking!