Posts by Rachel Rogers

Hey everyone. I’m looking to meet some people around my age—I'm 24—for pretty much whatever, whether it's just grabbing coffee, going for walks, or hitting the town whenever the mood strikes 🙂. Honestly, introverts and extroverts are both totally fine by me. Mental health struggles? No judgment here either—as long as you're actually willing to be real and skip the superficial nonsense, we'll get along just fine.
If I had to describe myself, I'd say I'm someone who loves just sitting back, listening to people, and overthinking things—but I can also be super goofy and wild, or even a little bit salty when the situation calls for it 😁. Basically, I have zero interest in those performative relationships where everyone is just acting a part. You don't need to be perfect, but please, just be authentic and have a level of empathy that's actually higher than the usual baseline.

p.s. Don't take my posts too seriously, they aren't always a perfect reflection of who I am 😁 Oh, and I'm based in NYC.

I totally agree—moving out was such a great move on your part.
Maybe it’s a bit awkward to drop deep analysis like this on a forum, but since you're asking, here’s my take: it honestly feels like your mom didn't really protect you or your sisters at all. And man, that was her actual job. I can see you starting to realize that too. Accepting it isn't easy, and it definitely won't happen overnight, but it’s not impossible. Doing that is how you break down those built-in false perceptions. I bet growing up with her gave you this subconscious idea that men are somehow inferior, especially because you had to watch your dad be... well, exactly who he was.
Usually, there’s this rough psychological pattern where you resent your mom first, and then your dad. But you couldn't even get to the stage of separating from her and identifying with your father as your own gender, because she basically kept you "attached to her hip" and dependent on her—while your dad was, as you put it, practically non-existent. It makes building any kind of self-confidence nearly impossible. If you love your mom, and she seems right because she loves you unconditionally and means well, then it implies that you, as a man, aren't good enough either. Especially if you dare to leave her, just like your dad did. He wasn't exactly "what a father should be," which makes sense, since people usually end up with what they deserve. Your dad was unpredictable—he triggered fear, helplessness, and straight-up disgust—and instead of protecting you from that, your mom actually leaned into it, piling on the guilt and using you as an emotional shield to keep you a perpetual child. On top of that, she built herself up in your eyes, totally undeservedly, because she chose to play the martyr. It’s not surprising she vented to you about everything; it’s understandable that life with a guy like that was miserable, up to a certain point. But not to the point where you spend your entire life defending her. You probably feel a subconscious anger toward her, but you're fighting the urge to actually feel it. Just try not to fall for girls who mirror her exact emotional patterns—that's usually how it goes. Your parents just didn't give you a blueprint for what a healthy relationship looks like. Maybe that’s why intimacy scares you. Maybe you're holding back from girls because, first, being a man would mean you're "bad," second, it means you have an identity separate from your mother (which she never wanted, because that would mean you might actually hurt her), and third, it feels like a betrayal of her, since she's positioned herself as the sole source of love and moral superiority.
I'm just writing this based on my own vibes and experience—I'm no expert. Honestly, I think my own experience was a bit easier, and since I'm a woman, I might not fully grasp certain nuances because I haven't lived that mother-son dynamic. But what you're saying makes total sense. If I had to sum it up, I'd say this: living on your own is a massive step. The fact that you're even digging into the roots of your intimacy issues is huge. Everything will start clicking once you work through those emotions that used to crush you but you weren't allowed to feel.

Tapatalk

Look, a kid just doesn't have the capacity to set their own boundaries. It’s during those first few years where everything—their conscience, that sense of guilt, all of it—really starts to take shape.
And honestly? The idea that we should respect, understand, and support parents—assuming they aren't being abusive in some way—is just a good principle to live by on its own merit.

In my book, that’s such a heavy thing to carry—it’s not something you just shake off overnight, especially since it’s usually tangled up with a whole mess of other feelings regarding your parents. I still firmly believe that most of that guilt was pushed onto you by them, whether they meant to or not.
Like, that point you made about the snow...
Look, you have every right to live your own life. And for the record, it isn't your fault.

Let’s be real—parents definitely played a part in shifting that blame onto kids, rather than just blaming the modern era we're stuck in (if we're even living in one at all). It's a tough cycle to break, but honestly? Just remember that carrying that guilt doesn't actually get you anywhere.

I’ve always found myself wondering about that too 😁.

I think it's really about what's actually driving those actions.

Plus, if we're being honest—if we're big Feelers—maybe our emotions are pulling the strings way more than we care to admit? Like, maybe we just get really good at rationalizing things after the fact to make them look logical... 🤷

Paul Thompson3 said:I can’t just cruise through life without asking "why"—it’s impossible for me—and I guess we all hit that wall eventually.
Sure, you can have it all—an entire empire of smiles—but they’ll still let you down, and they’ll still hurt you.🙂
The truth is, nobody actually has a smart answer for this—mostly because one doesn't exist.
People only keep going because they’re terrified of being alone at the end.
Anyway, thanks for the input, everyone.

Look, people live because being alive is better than not being alive. Period. Not living isn't an alternative; it's just nothingness. We're all out here chasing some grand purpose, but don't expect it to just drop from the sky—you kind of have to build it yourself through reflection, keeping your eyes wide open as you go. Maybe that'll even change your direction. Just walking, watching, listening, experiencing... it’s actually not that bad. Imagine if you were born already knowing your whole life's purpose? It wouldn't be nearly as interesting, would it? 😬

I don't see the point in the typical work-home-work grind either, but that doesn't stop me from seeing all the possibilities that are still out there. It doesn't stop me from wanting to grab those moments, even if that ends up being the only real purpose.

I totally get that feeling where you need everything to feel meaningful, and I know how it is when that sense of purpose is what keeps you going. But I don't get why death seems like a better option. Especially since so much of life is just perspective—maybe we can actually tweak that life sine wave a bit. Like, after you hit rock bottom, you can climb back up even higher than before, using what you learned to rebuild yourself. And once you've rebuilt, you're capable of feeling the highs even more deeply and appreciating them way more. You'll fall again, sure, but maybe it won't sting as much because you're stronger. Maybe it won't feel as miserable because you'll choose to spot those tiny, beautiful things buried in the mess. Maybe after all that, you'll actually be proud of yourself—and maybe that pride turns into this quiet satisfaction and peace, which you then pass on to others. Maybe someone else will be moved by seeing you like that, and suddenly, things feel meaningful. Maybe, step by step, it could actually get easier and prettier.
Just a thought.

It's 5 AM here, but please, don't take this as just some cheesy melodrama 😬, you never know.

At the end of the day, screw "meaning" if the lack of it is what's stopping you from actually living. 🤷