Posts by crimsonharbor2

Christian Miller11 said:First off, maybe go get your hormone levels checked? Seriously. If they aren't balanced, you won't have that drive we all have—that passion for things, the desire to meet new people, or even just that basic human drive.

You say you feel "unmotivated," but honestly? It sounds more like you're just numb. Unless this is a coping mechanism from some childhood trauma where you decided to stop getting attached to people and life, there’s definitely a chemical imbalance going on in your brain here.

If I thought everything was perfectly fine, I'd tell you to sit down and really ask yourself what actually drives you. People find motivation in anything—drawing comics, reading, sports, spirituality... there's a million things.

Maybe you need a bit of a reality check? Sometimes life needs to throw a curveball at you just so you can start appreciating the good stuff and finding one small win in every single day.

That "feeling alive" sensation? Trust me, you only truly realize how much you miss it when it's completely gone.
I'll say it again: if this emptiness is the issue, try volunteering or helping others out. I don't know, start a garden and bring fresh veggies to seniors in your neighborhood who need them. Right now, your time is just slipping away without you experiencing anything. Try giving a little bit of yourself to others; it might be the only way to find yourself again.

Well, I definitely miss physical intimacy, but it’s not like I’m going to fall in love with someone just to get it. I don't necessarily link sex with romance; those are just standard human needs.

As for motivation, nothing moves the needle for me. I can honestly say I’m quite talented in certain areas, but I just don't have the drive to develop them. I don't feel the urge. And I wish I did. I really wish I could feel excitement for things like sports, art, or anything else, just like everyone else seems to.
Regarding helping others... I mentioned in a previous post that I've been making a conscious effort for a long time to be kind and help wherever I can. It doesn't feel like a chore to me, and frankly, I don't gain anything personal from it. Being unkind wouldn't make me feel any better, it would just leave others worse off. If anything, I think I've made progress in that area over the years. 😁

It is possible it's a hormonal issue. To be honest, that hasn't even crossed my mind until now...

It’s true, this has completely turned into a chat room 🙄

dead-as-a-rock said:Maybe it wasn't exactly love in my case either, but it was the closest thing I've ever felt. That second one? That was just pure, irrational infatuation. Honestly, looking back at those two situations, I can't even tell which one turned out worse, so maybe that's where all this anger is coming from...
I think you're probably just scared of getting burned again based on what you've been through. For me, I'm terrified that if I fall in love, my life will turn into some high-stakes action thriller or a messy soap opera where I end up being the most wounded person in the room, even though I didn't do anything wrong...

Look, regardless of what kind of mess you're dealing with, everyone goes through that first "real love" phase at least once. It’s completely normal. We all need to get our hearts broken once to learn how to actually think before we leap next time. I've dealt with my fair share of drama—threats, soap operas, you name it. It all settles down eventually, so don't let it consume you.
Right now, I just want to be in a relationship—a serious one—with someone who isn't constantly preoccupied with everything else. Someone who is perfectly happy just sitting in silence and relaxing with me. 😁 I'm honestly exhausted by how everyone seems to be obsessed with something or other. In a weird way, I'm almost jealous because I want to find something meaningful to fill my life with, too.

dead-as-a-rock said:That third one was pretty much... well, at first, I didn't really care, but he cared deeply. Over time, I grew to love him just as much as he loved me, and things were great for a while. But then, he started pulling away, and even though he stopped loving me, my feelings for him just kept growing, stronger than they ever were at the start.
It hit me just as hard as it hit you..

When you actually take a step back and look at it objectively... that isn't really love.
I don't know. Maybe that's why it's been so incredibly hard for me to accept help or let anyone into my life. I just refuse to be emotionally dependent on someone the way I was with that guy. Honestly, I think that mindset probably made everything so much worse.

dead-as-a-rock said:Sure, I've been there. I was once with someone who truly loved me, but the feeling wasn't mutual. He was just too young for anything serious and had some personality flaws—alongside his good traits—that I simply couldn't stomach. So, I had to walk away...
The second time, I called it quits because he finally admitted he’d have to get married (just not to me 🤣 🤦), and it would be in some other country entirely. I had to break things off because I don't have the stomach to play second fiddle to anyone.
As for the third one? I didn't love him at first, but man, did I fall hard later on...

Come on, try to go a single post without hitting the edit button! 😁

That first scenario actually happened to me too, though back when I was 18, I wasn't even thinking about relationships that might lead to marriage.
I never went through the second one, but I ended up pining for someone who didn't really care about me for a long time. Ironically, at the start, I was the one who didn't care and showed zero interest. I think my struggle later on was just dealing with the realization that I wasn't needed in his life anymore, and that hit me hard LOL.

dead-as-a-rock said:Look, it’s not like we even agree on much, but man, you are being as contradictory as an internet troll just posting stuff because they're bored.

Well, if that's how you feel—fine. Everything I wrote still stands.
Seriously, think about it. Have you ever actually been in a relationship with someone who truly loved you, but you just couldn't love them back? You can't force it. I really tried, but the spark just wasn't there.

dead-as-a-rock said:Well, that’s it then. I thought about trying to find some common ground, but clearly, we just don't have enough in common.. ☕

As for relationships, I think my biggest hurdle to actually being in a serious one is the type of guy I go for. It's always someone problematic. It feels like I can't seem to settle down with someone who doesn't require constant worrying. 🙂

dead-as-a-rock said:Are you indifferent in the sense of
"I don't care, as long as I made it out alive," or more like, "Good for him, he'll be better off there than I am—it's not like death is a bad thing, the guy finally found peace," or maybe a little bit of both?!

So, why don't you have a serious boyfriend or a husband?

I explained that I'm only in my early twenties, so marriage feels way too early, and I don't have a boyfriend because I haven't actually been happy with anyone. I just couldn't be myself without feeling this constant pressure to perform or act a certain way. I've dated good guys, and I know they truly loved me, but I was always the one to end things because it just wasn't enough for me -.- I realize how many people struggle just to find someone to be with, but what does that matter if I can't genuinely enjoy anything? 🙄 In the end, it usually boiled down to me doing whatever I wanted in the relationship, manipulating things out of pure boredom, and then breaking up just to stop myself from causing even more unnecessary damage.

dead-as-a-rock said:Are you indifferent in the sense of
"I don't care, as long as I'm alive" or more like "Good for him, he'll be better off than me, as if death is such a bad thing," or maybe a little bit of both?!

Neither. I’m just level. I know we all die eventually. It's not like I feel singled out from the rest of the population when some tragedy happens, like an accident involving kids or something. It happens. There's nothing anyone can do about it.
The fatalities were just an example I used. What really gets to me is this feeling that I won't be happy for any reason. I honestly can't even imagine myself being happy. It isn't even about being dissatisfied; it's that I just don't care about anything. It’s not that life is bad, and it’s not that it’s good. It’s just... nothing. I don't feel anything, and frankly, that's what's so frustrating.

dead-as-a-rock said:And why should you care if it matters to anyone else, when those same people don't mean anything to you? 🤷 ..
If those people actually meant something to me from the start, I wouldn't be feeling this depressed in the first place.

Look, it's not about whether it matters to me. I'm just trying to fix my own headspace on my own terms. Nobody gains anything from me treating people poorly, and honestly, being miserable doesn't change the outcome any more than being decent would.

dead-as-a-rock said:Child of Hades 😁
Pushing things to the absolute edge isn't about feeling alive. It’s about tearing everything down until there's nothing left—until you just fade into a total void.
Losing your fear doesn't mean you can finally fight through life. It means you're fighting like an animal defending itself from a predator, but with one terrifying difference: you truly don't care whether you come out of the struggle alive or dead.
To be honest, I think most psychologists actually have very little understanding of Thanatos...
The life instinct and the death instinct are both core parts of the Id. Their only guiding principle is the pursuit of immediate pleasure or the avoidance of pain.

I was just expressing how I feel; maybe I didn't word it quite right. 🤷 I've put myself in some pretty terrifying situations just to chase that adrenaline rush, just to feel something. Honestly, I wake up thinking about when I can finally go back to sleep. You have no idea how much effort it takes for me to fake being concerned when someone passes away or gets sick. To me, it just feels like nothing. Everything is indifferent.

That’s exactly why I’m getting more and more worried about this. I always convinced myself it was just a phase, but since when does a phase last for eight years?! -.-
I honestly don't even know how it started; it just kind of took over on its own. Because of all that bitterness, I’ve ended up hurting so many people just so they could feel as miserable as I did—just so I wouldn't be alone in it. And the worst part? I never even felt bad about it at the time. 🙄
I realize now that acting out doesn't fix anything, so I'm trying my hardest to be kind to everyone. I really am being good—sometimes I'm almost too nice—but it feels like it still doesn't change anything for anyone.

Honestly, I’ve been dealing with this since I was a kid, and eventually, I just became numb to everything. For as long as I can remember, there's been this underlying sense of depression and dissatisfaction. Nothing was ever enough for me—I always wanted more. More from my parents, more from my relationships, more from my career. I never struggled in school; I was always an honors student, and I fit in easily with people. In social settings, I’m talkative, open, and make friends effortlessly. I don't come across as shy at all. But killing that part of myself is exhausting. I have zero energy left to maintain friendships or even to care about anything. It’s been going on for years. Throughout high school, I tried to fill this void with constant partying, drinking, and just being rebellious in general. There were times when this dissatisfaction got so heavy that I actually attempted suicide or turned to self-harm... but nothing worked. Over time, the emptiness just grew. Now, in my early twenties, I feel completely hollow. No matter what happens to me, I don't care. I don't get upset about anything. I’m just phlegmatic, and that detachment is becoming even more depressing 🤷 I've also lost my fear of things that are clearly dangerous because I'm just waiting for something bad to happen. I want to feel alive so badly that I just push myself toward extremes.
I'm torn on whether I should start therapy or not. I honestly don't know what anyone could even say to me, because looking back at what I wrote, it might not sound like much of a "problem," but believe me—it is. Maybe I should have gone into more detail, but I think the core of it is clear.
Also, I’m not the type of person who can handle help from others. I’d do absolutely anything for someone else, but I hate it when people try to do things for me. Having to rely on others makes me incredibly uncomfortable, like I'm some kind of burden 🤷
Does anyone else here feel this way? Like it’s just something that never actually goes away...