Posts by Henry Stewart73

Drew Grant5 said:Who's actually gonna inherit anything? You never know if these people will even make it out of their graves—but hey, if they've got the cash, whatever.
🙂

Actually, we already know who inherits everything. It was all written down a long time ago...

Besides, they’ve got a solid pension, so there’s really no reason to worry... they're actually doing better than most retirees out there.

Drew Grant5 said:They spent their whole lives investing in you—paying for school, dinners, clothes, everything—and now you'd turn your nose up and refuse to help (if you even could) just because there's no payout? Clearly, love doesn't mean much anymore—everything is just about the money.

Well, I guess may God help whoever actually ends up inheriting it all, right? Seems pretty logical that way...

Susan Carter2 said:Here’s the massive frustration I’m stuck on: I didn't inherit a single cent, and it feels like I have to grind ten times harder than everyone else just to stay afloat compared to people in my circle.
My husband and I are currently paying off a mortgage on our condo. He actually signed over his inheritance to his siblings, and my parents basically lived by the "burn it all now" philosophy, so we got absolutely nothing. Zip. Nada.
Maybe it wouldn't sting so much if we weren't literally the only people among our coworkers, friends, and acquaintances who don't have a safety net—no financial cushion from parents, no head start, no foundation to build a life on.

Take my coworkers (people in their 40s), for example:
1) His parents bought him a condo, furnished the whole place, and left him a car and a vacation home in the mountains.
2) His husband's parents left them a whole floor of their house.
3) Grandma gave them an apartment and then moved into her beach house.

And my friends (people in their 30s):
1) Her parents bought her a place, and then grandma left her both her condo and a cabin.
2) Her parents are leaving her an apartment and moving into grandma's place.
3) Grandma left some land, which she sold to buy an apartment.
4) Dad built an extra level on the house and is helping him furnish it.
5) Grandma left a house.

I could go on forever, but the point is this: we don't know a single soul who is having to build everything from absolute zero. Not one person.
My husband doesn't let it get to him; he’s like, "Hey, we'll earn it all ourselves." As if people who inherited millions lie awake at night crying because they didn't sweat for it!
But it gets to me. It makes me feel less valuable, and I find myself wondering why some people deserve so much while I seemingly deserve nothing. People with inheritances have the luxury of deciding when to have kids, whereas our timeline for housing dictates everything for us. They have the freedom to take a lower-paying job that actually fulfills them, while for us, every single dollar counts. They can think about starting a business, while instead of investing in a dream, we're just trying to keep a roof over our heads. Their starting line is so far ahead of ours that I feel like I could work my entire life just to reach the position they were in during their 30s. It also bugs me because these same people love to lecture us on how to live—especially regarding family planning. And it hurts because these people take their status for granted, even telling their parents, "They aren't welcome in my house," after receiving so much. Great. That's why it stings.
I feel envy, but not the malicious kind where I want them to lose what they have. It's the kind of envy where I just ache because I don't have it too.

Some might say: Your parents don't owe you anything.
True. But since our parents didn't leave us anything, we're the ones providing them with financial support now because of their tiny Social Security checks. When the day comes that they need assisted living or serious medical care, who's paying for it? We are. Not because we're obligated, but because we want to help. Yet, they never felt that same urge to help us out.

I just want to mentally unhook from all of this. I don't want to be this person; I want to stop comparing myself to everyone around me. I want to hear stories about windfalls without feeling my heart sink. I want to stop boiling with rage when some heir tries to give me life advice when they haven't a clue what the struggle is like. I want to stop feeling inferior or like I'm the only "unlucky" one. I don't want to resent my parents for living how they chose—after all, some parents don't even bother educating their kids, but mine did. I want all of this, but I have no idea how to help myself.
How do I get rid of this frustration?

You aren't alone in this. My husband and I didn't inherit a single cent from either side of our families. We built our own house from the ground up and put two kids through college on our own. We've made so many sacrifices along the way, and honestly... I’ll admit I’ve felt that frustration quite often myself, even now.
At the very least, we don't have to worry about supporting aging parents. I really don't get why you're stepping up to help your parents when they're living on such a tiny Social Security check?? If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't do it. They could always rent out a room to a college student or something just to bring in some extra cash. Why should you be the one struggling just because their pension is low, especially when you know there isn't any inheritance waiting for you down the line? It's a different story if you're eventually going to inherit their home or an apartment... then helping them makes sense.
I know for a fact that no one is leaving us anything, so I have zero interest in playing financier. The only windfall I'm actually counting on is hitting the Powerball 😁

John Taylor10 said:He was caught red-handed—well, not physically, but she overheard him on the phone flirting heavily with another woman. She just sat there listening for a few minutes, hearing the way he was acting toward her, and that was it.

It’s been four months now, and honestly, it’s getting bad. She’s crying every single day, she’s dropped nearly 22 pounds because she can’t eat, and she barely gets three or four hours of sleep at night. No matter what he does—and I mean, he really is trying to make amends—every conversation turns into a blowout. She just snaps at him, looking for any excuse to start a fight, and the whole situation seems to be spiraling downward.

They’ve actually seen a therapist and even a psychiatrist a couple of times, but nothing seems to stick. It’s like there’s no way out; she’s sinking deeper into this depression, losing weight rapidly, and I am genuinely terrified that she’s going to get physically ill or... I don't know, do something drastic 😢 .

A divorce isn't really an option right now—she has nowhere to go, and more importantly, she doesn't want to leave because of our kids. Plus, given how much she’s struggling mentally, I suspect a divorce might actually make things worse; the grief would probably just finish her off. The entire image she had of the perfect man—the one she thought my father was—has been completely shattered.
I feel pretty helpless here. I even sent her away on a short trip to try and give her some space to breathe, but she came back even worse. Now, all she talks about is seeing happy couples out in the world and how she feels like she’ll never have that kind of life again, God help us
.
If anyone has any advice, I’d truly appreciate it.

No offense intended, but I think your mother is overreacting. Based on what you wrote, she sounds like someone who has lived her whole life in a fairy tale... thinking something like this could never happen to her. That her husband could be unfaithful. From your description, it wasn't even full-blown cheating, just a phone call.
I actually don't think taking her to doctors is necessary. She should be able to find happiness knowing she has a son like you. Is she even aware of what happens to women in marriages? Women with young kids who deal with infidelity? Women who have absolutely no support system to lean on when these things happen.
It feels like she’s blowing everything out of proportion, like she’s lived on another planet and has no idea how the real world works.
From your post, it’s clear your father is trying to fix this... but clearly, it doesn't mean anything to her because she's still stuck in that fantasy where everyone is perfectly happy.
I find it hard to believe there are women who think they are immune to this kind of thing. It sounds like she had everything handed to her, and now one phone call has sent her to rock bottom.
My advice? Just sit her down and tell her this isn't the end of the world... especially since your father is actively trying to make amends. He isn't being indifferent...
Women like that often expect the world to revolve around them, and they struggle to accept a reality where things are messy and complicated.
Kudos to you for stepping up, though I wonder if she even realizes how lucky she is to have a son like you. ☕