As the title suggests, I’m at a point in my life where I desperately need some help to shed everything weighing me down so I can finally be happy with my life—and with myself. Let’s start from square one. I’m sixteen-something, and honestly, the last two years have been nothing short of catastrophic. I won't claim it was bad all the time; there were good moments, sure, but the low points have completely overshadowed anything positive. In school, I really dropped the ball. Even though my teachers always thought my intellect and way of processing things were way ahead of my peers, it didn't seem to matter back then. Now, looking back, I realize those were critical moments I just blew, essentially sabotaging a much easier, better future for myself. I’m currently a sophomore in high school, and in a year, I’ll be moving on to my third specialized track and a new school entirely. That transition period was one of the hardest times of my life. I walked into high school as this quiet, reserved, insecure guy with one very obvious trait that everyone noticed—and trust me, it was a massive burden: my height. Even though I’m only 16, I’m about 6'8" and weigh roughly 175 lbs. It’s a fact I’d give anything to change because I wish I were much shorter; everywhere I go, I’m an instant spectacle. I don't think I'm ugly—you have to have at least some level of self-respect to survive in this hypocritical, brutal world—but being a giant makes things complicated. During freshman year, I actually managed to be one of the top students in class, which I was proud of. My teachers respected me, but when it came to my classmates, I wasn't exactly "popular." 🙂Not that I'm saying I was bullied or anything, it’s just that I wasn't interesting or "cool." I spent most of my time alone, adopting this persona I still use today: acting overly mature and stoic, pretending I didn't care about the trivial nonsense my peers obsessed over. I thought I had to be serious all because of my height. Yeah, I know—it sounds like a ridiculous excuse to hide who I actually am, which is someone social and full of stories. At home, they see me as childish and incapable of making decisions, but at school, it’s the polar opposite: quiet, calm, and withdrawn. I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even had my first kiss. I don't even go out on the town with a group of friends because... well, I don't have one. I try to connect with people, but it feels like they see my insecurity and the monotony of my life and just decide they don't want to hang out with me. I genuinely don't get it. How is it possible? Why is this happening to me? While all my peers are hanging out, going out on dates, and driving around together, I’m stuck in this loop: wake up, eat, study a bit, play some games, hit the gym, go to school, endure boring hours, come home, and repeat. That is my current existence: depressing, monotonous, and trapped in a loop. I want to tear this whole life down and rebuild it. I want to change my personality, find a way to command respect, and become a person who is actually fun to be around. I want friends I can call at 3:00 AM to say, "Hey, let's go out, let's grab a drink," and actually do the things I've always dreamed of—driving around, riding motorcycles, feeling confident. I want enough self-assurance that I can even afford a little bit of arrogance, just so people know I’m living life to the fullest. I’m even thinking about hitting the gym hard to sculpt my body into what I consider "perfect," because I often feel like my thinness contributed to how I am now. I feel like a person without self-esteem, without confidence, without a single friend, drowning in depression and dissatisfaction. I truly believe that looking strong and healthy could lead to a better social life and general happiness. Also, I swear a lot more than I used to. Sophomore year ruined me; I was away from my hometown and my family, staying in a boarding school near the coast, and those are memories I’d rather just erase. That’s where I picked up the swearing, and even some drinking and smoking, though I mostly did that just to fit in. This past summer, I stayed cooped up at home or online, and only now do I realize how much time I wasted. I missed the window where I could have dealt with my issues and started fresh as a happy, healthy person. That was another huge mistake, and I regret it deeply. Now, I'm heading into my junior year, back home with my family, trying to pull myself out of this hole. I'm trying to swear less—I even went to church recently—and I'm trying to be more engaging, but I'm still deep in a crisis. I felt like I had to write this down to process these feelings. Does anyone have any advice on how to finally live a life that actually fits my age? I'm hoping there are people here willing to help with their advice and experiences.
Thanks to I and LP! 😁