jadeowl2 said:Honestly, I’d take a quiet life out in the countryside with a bird in my hand over living in any version of a big city 🤷.
I live and work in a metropolis that half the world would kill to call home. Look, it's fine—I appreciate the opportunities—but every single time I head back to my hometown or wherever I used to hang out (if you can even call those places anything but tiny rural towns), I just sit there wondering why anyone would choose this concrete jungle over a gorgeous little slice of nowhere 😍. I am actively making moves to get back to the middle of nowhere ☕.
True, but the reality is we are unfortunately forced into a constant struggle for employment; we need capital for ourselves and our families, so we gravitate toward wherever the opportunities are greatest. A large city is wonderful for attending a concert or enjoying a diverse, reasonably priced array of offerings . However, the pollution, the sheer waste of life spent commuting, and the relentless, accelerated pace of everything... none of this is even remotely good for one's well-being . It isn't quite a direct comparison, but a few years ago I watched a documentary regarding the owners of various hedge funds—including actual billionaires—who, immediately following the work week, fly off to some remote rural area, perhaps somewhere in Connecticut, seeking tranquility and isolation . Given all the smog and pollution in New York City, the wealthy are fleeing the cities at all costs . It might be beside the point, but it appears that those few people living in the countryside may actually end up more privileged than the wealthy elite trapped in the big cities😛
I find myself wondering about your individual perspectives—your temperaments, your aspirations, and the practical realities you face.
In the title, I have referenced a classic proverb, though many such sayings exist: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
What I truly wish to ask is how you interpret these old adages that reflect the essence of life; I must admit, I often find that these truths, forged over generations, remain fundamentally accurate.
Would you prefer to:
-Remain in a smaller town or rural area where you could afford a spacious house with room for children to play, rather than settling for a cramped 600-square-foot apartment?
-Or would you choose a larger home in your own local city—perhaps somewhere within commuting distance of NYC—rather than moving to NYC itself, where you might end up with much less space for $333 less income, given that you can often achieve more with a modest salary in your hometown?
-Or perhaps purchase a larger residence in a less prestigious neighborhood of NYC, instead of a tiny unit in one of the "elite" districts?
-Would you rather be a small business owner in your community with enough to live comfortably, or chase higher earnings in a major metropolitan hub just to afford a $60,000 car, knowing that more money inevitably brings more stress?
I could provide endless examples, but I trust my general meaning is clear. While larger cities offer vastly more opportunities, the competition is far more cutthroat, and the pace of life becomes significantly more frantic.
Personally, I am a more tranquil individual; I would favor a house in the suburbs over an urban apartment. However, my primary consideration is what sacrifices should be made for the sake of one's children—specifically, how to prepare them for the intense competition found in larger environments.
Of course, all of this assumes one possesses at least a basic level of financial stability, which is unfortunately not the case for many, making it one of the primary drivers behind people relocating far from home in search of work.
neonhawk24 said:Look, if I were younger, I would’ve packed my bags and left the country in a heartbeat. Staying in America will only hold you back. As for those other struggles you mentioned? You'll deal with them abroad—or honestly, they might not even exist since you won't be surrounded by a bunch of uncultured locals.
I concur that the local mentality presents a significant challenge, yet I must remain honest and admit that it is not the sole issue; there are certainly shortcomings within myself as well...
Donna White50 said:In the States, the people who make it are the ones who work hard, stay educated, and take responsibility... there's massive competition out there, and trying to adapt to a whole new set of social rules can be brutal. Anyone who hits those marks can find success, but if you've got big dreams but aren't willing to actually roll up your sleeves, you're just going to end up disappointed or stuck in those low-paying jobs where you're barely scraping by, just like back home. Like anything else, truly successful people are pretty rare... and if you're carrying around baggage like low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, or struggling with stress and depression, man, it's going to be an uphill battle... But hey, that's just my two cents...
However, one does have more opportunity. To provide a banal example: I observe organic oranges at Walmart priced at $2.75/lb, only to see them marked down to $1.75 the following day because they began to spoil... one can certainly be highly capable, but regardless of competition, if there is no market, success becomes much harder to attain...
And finally, since this is how I approach things, have you actually lived abroad, or is this all just hearsay?
Donna White50 said:Who are you trying to run away from? Yourself? I mean, what do you really think you’ll find in a new city if you can't even find your footing where you are right now? Sure, moving might give you a shot at a fresh start, but let's be real—how much of a head start does someone actually get when they're struggling with massive self-esteem issues, dropped into a totally unknown environment, feeling the pressure to land a job, settle into a routine, blend into a new workplace, meet new people, and basically rebuild their entire life from scratch..? Running away sounds great in your head, but in the real world, you can't escape YOURSELF. If anything, the goal should be learning how to actually know and accept who you are..! It feels like you've spent your whole life dodging self-acceptance—trying to ignore that you're actually a valuable, brave, and capable person who just happens to have some flaws along with a lot of strengths. You need to realize you're someone who knows what works for them and what doesn't, and someone carrying the weight of a rough upbringing that needs to be worked through, step by step, through actual self-growth.. Escaping hasn't helped anyone. You just end up facing different problems somewhere else—it's like trying to pour water from one leaky bucket into another; they're both broken, but you're still hoping the bottom won't give out this time..?
Things need to get sorted out now—not tomorrow, not in another state, and not at some different job. Your issue isn't your surroundings; it's that you personally need to put in the work to level up your own quality of life. Personally, I only support "running away" if it's to build an emotional connection with a partner... because having that kind of support can be the anchor you need to adapt to a new place and actually make those internal changes. You can open up to a partner, which makes tackling problems and getting help so much easier... otherwise, you're just fighting against a world you perceive as negative, and that pressure could easily trigger old traumas and send you into a serious breakdown...
I agree with you, however,
that "escape" isn't just about personal struggles; it also touches upon the broader systemic issues that plague thousands of citizens across this country.
Of course, I would love to simply start over with a new life, given that my experiences thus far haven't been particularly positive. Naturally, I accept that life will always contain negative elements, difficult people, and mistakes, and that things won't be perfect elsewhere either—I will still have to deal with all sorts of people there.
Right now, I am stuck here—and again, I say, it won't be any better elsewhere—dealing with the difficulty of being a good person to others, trying to engage in general conversation, while simultaneously dealing with people who act in direct opposition to the values they claim to hold.
In the end, I simply feel suffocated by this area and this lifestyle; I feel as though I am trapped in a downward spiral...
I find myself facing a dilemma that is rapidly escalating in scale, and my only solace is the hope that within the next year or two, I might be able to move abroad. My intention is to undergo a total reset and begin an entirely new life—though, admittedly, I am plagued by doubts regarding whether such a feat is truly possible, given that I am still fundamentally the same person...
It is evident that the impetus for change must come from within, yet I feel a profound necessity to initiate this transformation within an entirely new environment...
To provide some context: I have recently turned 24 and am nearing the completion of my university degree. Throughout my upbringing, I was a remarkably withdrawn child, raised in a rural area where there were few peers my own age. Consequently, when I reached the ages of 15 or 16—a period meant for expanding one's horizons—I found myself retreating further into isolation, tethered to my studies and the confines of my room, effectively losing my sense of timing with the rest of the world...
The cumulative effect of this has been a significant deficit in self-confidence, which has subsequently hindered my academic progress and left me feeling quite far behind...
Furthermore, high school was a deeply traumatic period. Navigating a completely unfamiliar social landscape proved difficult, and making friends was nearly impossible due to what I can candidly describe as a form of bullying. This stemmed from my lack of athletic prowess, my physical coordination, and ultimately, the defensive posture I adopted due to my low self-esteem...
My greatest struggle, however, lies in the influence of a small-town atmosphere; there is a persistent fear, or perhaps a sense of shame, regarding everything from trivial matters to the dread of appearing ridiculous. This makes me extremely reluctant to seek employment through temp agencies or roles that involve public interaction, such as working in shopping malls, conducting interviews, or participating in promotional events...
Naturally, this has also manifested as insecurity regarding my physical appearance and a pervasive fear of rejection. It reaches a point where I hesitate to even send a friend request, let alone engage in meaningful correspondence...
I am now acutely aware that a substantial portion of these issues resides within myself, and that I am the one responsible for enacting change. However, I struggle with the notion that I can recover those lost years; at 24, I wonder if it is even feasible to reintegrate into an existing social circle here, or even to build a new one in my current surroundings.
MY STRATEGY involves relocating overseas to attempt to live with absolute freedom, unburdened by the fear that someone might "recognize" me or hold my past against me, thereby allowing me to start practically from zero.
Given my current economic circumstances and rather unstable financial status, I plan to leverage my language skills to move abroad within the next year or two and attempt to establish myself.
Yet, the obstacle remains the lack of self-belief and decisive willpower. Over the last few years, I have squandered considerable time on trivial pursuits that should have been dedicated to mastering languages or reading about subjects of interest to prepare myself for this NEW CHAPTER.
Please accept my apologies if this is somewhat disorganized; my primary goal was not to write with perfect structure, but rather to express exactly how I am feeling.
Is it truly possible to forge a new existence—to essentially "forget" these 24 years spent here and erase this history? I find myself wondering if attempting to overcome this shame and fear while remaining in my current environment is simply a more difficult path.
wanderingangler13 said:Yeah... still doesn't make any more sense than it did before.🤷 Maybe someone who actually understands what this thread is about will bother to answer...
😁 It is entirely possible🙂that we require so little to achieve happiness? Or perhaps, should we simply label such a concept as Materialism...
...just looked back at the original post. Honestly, I can't tell—do you actually have a hard time empathizing with characters in shows and getting invested (like you claimed in the title), or is your issue more about how civilization and technology are destroying us (those last questions)? And what exactly are these "similar problems" you're talking about? Is it just because we all happen to like Firat?..🤷....
I admitted at the very outset that I was uncertain if my reaction constitutes a genuine form of empathy...
Perhaps it is more akin to being wary of certain "silent killers"...
On one hand, I appreciate technology, and indeed I rely upon it now, yet one must ask: why do we labor so incessantly? Why do we permit ourselves to be exploited simply to acquire a slightly better car or a larger house?
Are you actually following the series itself, or do you truly understand how that character was intended to be perceived?
The reality is that he arrived here, having been deported from Germany, separated from his daughter, and he simply lives his life as it comes...
The crux of the matter is that he is content; perhaps people in that region of Turkey still live without much more than that today...
I concede that I occasionally find him difficult to understand, but the discussion ought to have focused more on the latter points: on the character of Firat himself, or perhaps the dynamics within the Šamverd family...
wanderingangler13 said:It’s definitely not entirely normal or healthy to get this obsessed with TV shows... or to empathize with these characters as if they were actual people...
I find myself in complete agreement.
Yet, one cannot help but wonder: how much of this is truly beneficial for our well-being? Much of what we are being presented with simply isn't healthy.😛
Lawrence Bailey77 said:🙂 I suppose you should focus more on what YOU actually need, rather than focusing on what "WE" supposedly need... just an idea, of course..
The lifestyle you’ve described for your family sounds like an absolute dream to me. Honestly, if anyone wants more, they should go right ahead—just not at the expense of everyone else. Unfortunately, that seems to be the inherent nature of American capitalism, so I suppose you should just be grateful to live in such an environment. I wish nothing but the best for your family, and plenty of health to them.👍
On another note, television is essentially just a tool for numbing both the mind and the body. If I were in your shoes, I might suggest picking up some kind of manual hobby. A bit of direct interaction between one's consciousness and the physical world can be quite beneficial for the soul. You see, our hands are perhaps the only true instruments we have for manifesting ideas and turning dreams into reality. So, I wonder, what are you waiting for? 🤔
And I suppose the internet doesn't numb the brain either...
😁 Read more carefully; I was not discussing my own family, but rather the characters in the series...
I am speaking about the majority, which is why I used the term "us"...
Perhaps the word itself carries too much weight; it isn't that one cannot break the habit, but rather...
I don't watch much television; I simply lack the time or the desire to squander my hours in front of a TV or a computer screen.
Usually, I have found myself settling in after dinner to watch Black Rose, perhaps staying on to catch a bit of some lighthearted sitcom—something like *Schitt's Creek*, which is quite a delightful series to laugh at.
In essence, there are moments when I truly immerse myself in a particular show, feeling a certain "affection" for the characters within it...
More so for the world itself... and the very life portrayed within it...
I am referring specifically to that first series, Black Rose.
Of course, I have no idea how many people actually watch it, but having followed it from the beginning with a few breaks, I have grown fond of this series for several reasons...
1) I find myself drawn to those quieter settings—places with less traffic, more open space, a sense of emptiness, yet still remaining within reach of civilization.
2) I admire the lifestyle of the family itself; they are well-to-do, yet they remain grateful to God, possessing a home and a full table every day without needing to travel to the far corners of the globe to feel fulfilled. They live a standard life, yet one that feels more secure.
3) I appreciate the character Firat; while he is certainly capable and healthy, the man has a roof over his head and doesn't rely on complex technology. He can build something, sell it, and have enough for his basic necessities.
My goal is to ask if you experience similar "dilemmas," or perhaps something else entirely...
And that is, more importantly, just how much do we actually need to be happy? How much does the drive to possess more push us? I am young, only 22, and I believe I will eventually start a family; I will want to provide for my children, which requires money, of course. I don't shy away from technology either, but still...
Do we truly require so much? Do we spend our lives working for money only to spend it on various technological gadgets, or better cars and houses?