Posts by Jeffrey Stewart6

I basically just projected my own issues onto him when I answered. Couldn't separate my obsession with what I'd read from reality.

For me, it all boils down to fear acting as a motivator. There’s this massive emotional ache—it’s unbearable. I just can't face the facts for what they are. I know the truth intellectually, sure, but I just shut my eyes and ignore it. If I actually faced it and pivoted, I know I'd break out of this loop. Honestly, I think our local guy 🙂 would be stuck in the same trap. But I don't do it because I'm terrified of what comes next. It's way easier to let someone else or some looming event take control of your fate. Or just blame a past mistake or a missed chance. Making a real move to escape these cycles that drag on for years? That's the hard part. And honestly, I think some people—myself included—are just wired for drama. We lean into the depression, the self-pity, the fatalism. It's hard to just accept reality and stop wallowing like some tragic hero in an old novel 🙂

That isn't love. For some reason—probably just your current headspace and where you are in life—you’ve fixated on a relationship that would be totally meaningless and forgettable if the timing were different or if something better had come along. You’re clinging to these tiny emotional scraps like they’re huge milestones, making this whole thing seem more significant than it actually is. It's not.

I get it, though. I’m stuck on a relationship myself, one that’s actually happening, so it's not quite the same as your situation. But even so? This thing is destroying me. It’s never going to end well. Honestly, I’m feeling maybe 10% happiness and 90% pure misery most of the time lately. I'm pouring all my energy into something that won't pay off, something that just keeps hurting me. I'm wasting my strength on an illusion!

In that sense, I have no idea how to give you advice when I won't even listen to my own. It’s stupid to wait for some perfect moment, some specific person, or some sign to finally move us to act and change what's killing us. We have to find the guts to make those changes ourselves and help our own damn selves. So, my advice? Don't waste another six years letting this connection grow even more significant while you live in a fantasy. Force yourself to make the emotional changes you're so terrified of.