How to break free from love hypnosis

It’s been six years, and I still can't get my ex out of my head. I'm convinced it's a psychological issue. We met online back when we were both feeling nostalgic, hopeless, and completely buried under our college coursework. To be honest, she wasn't some bombshell, but that wasn't what I was looking for; I wanted a life partner. If we had just had sex enough times to conceive a child and nothing more, I wouldn't have minded. I loved her personality, her culture, and her intellect—actually, I loved everything about her. I wasn't jealous or controlling, and I never felt the need to be suspicious (even though if I had wanted to, I could have tracked everything she did while we were apart), which happened quite often. I simply believed our relationship could survive anything.

Then her dark side emerged. It turned out she secretly wanted to grow into one of those women who thinks she's all-powerful, treating her partner like an idiot whose only purpose is to provide DNA for reproduction. Even when she showed a hint of emotion, it radiated this need to control everything; otherwise, she’d claim the world was a bad place that didn't understand her and was unfairly labeling her as crazy. She comes from a wealthy family, typical of the upper class here in the States. I'm doing okay financially, but I'm certainly not wealthy.

She had a traumatic experience with a guy before me. I won't go into the details. He was just the type of guy who wanted to humiliate her.

She started playing games. Once, she told me, "I dreamed I walked into a room full of flowers where people were crying. I asked them what happened. They told me you died, and the flowers were for your funeral."

That was all she said about the dream. It was strange, but it triggered something deep inside me; I wasn't indifferent to that statement, and I admit, I found myself gravitating toward her even more. Although I'm not pursuing it now, I once considered a career in psychology and read extensively on psychology, religion, anthropology, mysticism, and so on. At the time, I realized that statement was a clever pairing of the fear of death with an attachment used for manipulation.

And there were plenty of other games like that. I kept hoping she would stop and that love would conquer it all. God, was I naive.

We spent countless hours where I would play the clown just to make her laugh when she was feeling down. I didn't mind; that's what I wanted. All I cared about was seeing her smile on a gloomy day.

After two and a half years, it became clear that after the breakup and her bruised ego, her only goal was to find a stepping stone—someone she could use to live exactly how she wanted and manipulate however she pleased. That's how she found her new boyfriend. From what I've gathered, he’s a guy with significantly diminished cognitive and emotional capacity, younger than both of us, and she jumped right into a relationship with him.

Since then, my professional life has been relatively successful, but emotionally, I am a wreck. I can't establish lasting, fulfilling relationships; I'm self-destructive, and so on.

At my age (I'm 30), I should have plenty of emotional energy to give to the people who are truly good to me, to return their kindness, and more than enough energy to sustain a healthy relationship. Instead, I'm alone, emotionally drained, nostalgic, and stuck constantly reliving the time I spent with her.

If I'm stuck in some kind of trance or hypnosis, does anyone know how to get out? It isn't fair to waste all these years thinking about her....

You’re being naive mostly because your whole outlook on love is just... off. Love isn't some magic dust that holds everything together—it's actually the byproduct of a healthy relationship. If the foundation is trash, love isn't even going to take root. You didn't actually love her; you were just obsessed with her unpredictable personality and those little outbursts—which were "interesting" only because you couldn't wrap your head around them, so you pushed yourself way too hard to figure her out. You convinced yourself it was this grand romance just so you wouldn't have to face reality. I mean, if there wasn't "love," why would anyone pull those kinds of stunts for two years for some random girl? We just lie to ourselves to give our actions some kind of deeper meaning... otherwise, we'd have to admit we were just being foolish, pathetic, and clueless... It's like watching a magician—you know damn well the coin is tucked up his sleeve, but you still desperately want to believe your eyes when it vanishes from his hand... She basically lured you out into the desert while you were parched, used you, and played you... and you actually believed the water was only in her glass, even though you've crossed entire rivers for it...

You should've moved on ages ago, and honestly, you probably would have if you'd let someone better into your life—but you wouldn't, because you're terrified of getting hurt again. Your ego is bruised and it's just not ready to take the hit. Until you realize you totally screwed up—and look, everyone messes up once—but if you don't learn something from it, you're never moving forward. I had one exactly like that myself, and I still think about her today... part of me wishes I'd spent less time believing her and more time just having fun... call it a life lesson, I guess...

Donna White50 said:You’re being naive mostly because your whole outlook on love is just... off. Love isn't some magic dust that holds everything together—it's actually the byproduct of a healthy relationship. If the foundation is trash, love isn't even going to take root. You didn't actually love her; you were just obsessed with her unpredictable personality and those little outbursts—which were "interesting" only because you couldn't wrap your head around them, so you pushed yourself way too hard to figure her out. You convinced yourself it was this grand romance just so you wouldn't have to face reality. I mean, if there wasn't "love," why would anyone pull those kinds of stunts for two years for some random girl? We just lie to ourselves to give our actions some kind of deeper meaning... otherwise, we'd have to admit we were just being foolish, pathetic, and clueless... It's like watching a magician—you know damn well the coin is tucked up his sleeve, but you still desperately want to believe your eyes when it vanishes from his hand... She basically lured you out into the desert while you were parched, used you, and played you... and you actually believed the water was only in her glass, even though you've crossed entire rivers for it...

You should've moved on ages ago, and honestly, you probably would have if you'd let someone better into your life—but you wouldn't, because you're terrified of getting hurt again. Your ego is bruised and it's just not ready to take the hit. Until you realize you totally screwed up—and look, everyone messes up once—but if you don't learn something from it, you're never moving forward. I had one exactly like that myself, and I still think about her today... part of me wishes I'd spent less time believing her and more time just having fun... call it a life lesson, I guess...

That's the issue. I know I messed up. I can chant that mantra all day long, but my entire being just won't believe it. It's like I'm stuck in a loop in time and can't break free... without getting into the details. Plenty of new patterns, paths, interests, and opportunities have come my way, but that one thing remains like a chronic wound. I'm just constantly playing a broken record. That's why the post is titled "how to break the hypnosis"...

I would characterize this as a classic case of "fixation." If you have actually been reading the literature, as you claim, then you surely understand the definition of the term.

Based on your description, here is my interpretation of the situation. In those moments, you experience a total "opening" through a complex combination of factors—psychological, hormonal, physical, and sociological. Let us assume for a moment that all four elements are perfectly synchronized; that is what allows one to descend into such depths. The reason you find yourself unable to replicate the experience is most likely due to that second factor I mentioned, or perhaps even the first. While one can exert some level of influence over the physical and sociological aspects,

how can one possibly recreate that specific hormonal intensity? That sense of hope, that dream... back then, you weren't even consciously "seeking" to reach that state, so how can you possibly "seek" to emerge from it now?

Have you had any girlfriends or sexual encounters in the interim? Often, the most practical solution is simply finding "any partner" and perhaps starting a family (though it remains unclear whether you already have a child)?

Just go find a woman who actually fits your vibe... someone where you can be the one in charge... or at least feel like it—since, let's face it, women usually have the upper hand psychologically. Based on how you described her, it sounds like you were just getting played here.

Olivia Garcia7 said:That's the issue. I know I messed up. I can chant that mantra all day long, but my entire being just won't believe it. It's like I'm stuck in a loop in time and can't break free... without getting into the details. Plenty of new patterns, paths, interests, and opportunities have come my way, but that one thing remains like a chronic wound. I'm just constantly playing a broken record. That's why the post is titled "how to break the hypnosis"...

Look, nobody's holding you hostage in the past except for you... it's just a matter of figuring out why. What's your usual vibe when it comes to women? Have you had the chance to meet anyone interesting since then? And if you have, why didn't it go anywhere?
If you held back, what was the excuse running through your mind? Was it fear of getting hurt, feeling like you weren't worthy of love, worrying about performance or how to approach them, or maybe just thinking you wouldn't fall for anyone ever again? Or maybe it's fear of messing up again, losing control in a relationship, or just being wary of women in general...
You mentioned you met back when things were pretty rough for both of you—do you deal with any mental health stuff, like depression, phobias, a pessimistic outlook, social anxiety, or maybe a fear of intimacy?
You really need to dig deep and figure out what actually happens inside when you think of her versus when you think of, say, some beautiful, attractive woman who catches your eye... Once you pinpoint those specific feelings, ask yourself *why* they hit you that way...
Everyone handles loss differently—some people lose a parent and feel like they've lost themselves along with them, or someone goes through a devastating heartbreak and just stays stuck there...

Olivia Garcia7 said:It’s been six years, and I still can't get my ex out of my head. I'm convinced it's a psychological issue. We met online back when we were both feeling nostalgic, hopeless, and completely buried under our college coursework. To be honest, she wasn't some bombshell, but that wasn't what I was looking for; I wanted a life partner. If we had just had sex enough times to conceive a child and nothing more, I wouldn't have minded. I loved her personality, her culture, and her intellect—actually, I loved everything about her. I wasn't jealous or controlling, and I never felt the need to be suspicious (even though if I had wanted to, I could have tracked everything she did while we were apart), which happened quite often. I simply believed our relationship could survive anything.

Then her dark side emerged. It turned out she secretly wanted to grow into one of those women who thinks she's all-powerful, treating her partner like an idiot whose only purpose is to provide DNA for reproduction. Even when she showed a hint of emotion, it radiated this need to control everything; otherwise, she’d claim the world was a bad place that didn't understand her and was unfairly labeling her as crazy. She comes from a wealthy family, typical of the upper class here in the States. I'm doing okay financially, but I'm certainly not wealthy.

She had a traumatic experience with a guy before me. I won't go into the details. He was just the type of guy who wanted to humiliate her.

She started playing games. Once, she told me, "I dreamed I walked into a room full of flowers where people were crying. I asked them what happened. They told me you died, and the flowers were for your funeral."

That was all she said about the dream. It was strange, but it triggered something deep inside me; I wasn't indifferent to that statement, and I admit, I found myself gravitating toward her even more. Although I'm not pursuing it now, I once considered a career in psychology and read extensively on psychology, religion, anthropology, mysticism, and so on. At the time, I realized that statement was a clever pairing of the fear of death with an attachment used for manipulation.

And there were plenty of other games like that. I kept hoping she would stop and that love would conquer it all. God, was I naive.

We spent countless hours where I would play the clown just to make her laugh when she was feeling down. I didn't mind; that's what I wanted. All I cared about was seeing her smile on a gloomy day.

After two and a half years, it became clear that after the breakup and her bruised ego, her only goal was to find a stepping stone—someone she could use to live exactly how she wanted and manipulate however she pleased. That's how she found her new boyfriend. From what I've gathered, he’s a guy with significantly diminished cognitive and emotional capacity, younger than both of us, and she jumped right into a relationship with him.

Since then, my professional life has been relatively successful, but emotionally, I am a wreck. I can't establish lasting, fulfilling relationships; I'm self-destructive, and so on.

At my age (I'm 30), I should have plenty of emotional energy to give to the people who are truly good to me, to return their kindness, and more than enough energy to sustain a healthy relationship. Instead, I'm alone, emotionally drained, nostalgic, and stuck constantly reliving the time I spent with her.

If I'm stuck in some kind of trance or hypnosis, does anyone know how to get out? It isn't fair to waste all these years thinking about her....

If some younger guy actually felt this way, he'd probably need to see a therapist, I guess.

John Palmer9 said:If some younger guy actually felt this way, he'd probably need to see a therapist, I guess.

Hey, let's not be too quick to judge—it caught my eye too, but maybe since he's Grey, he just views relationships through an emotional lens? Like, sex isn't his main focus. Or, yeah, maybe there's a deeper issue with how he handles intimacy and emotions... if he wants to dive into that, he's got plenty of anonymous people here to vent to...

Perhaps a bit of humor might help ease the tension here 😬

.. if not .. then I suppose you’ll just be waiting another six years.. though God knows we have all the time in the world.. but honestly.. no one is going to swoop in and solve this for you.. personally, I would much rather suggest a few sessions with a therapist than endure those years of.. well, pointless agitation🐔

Don't go falling apart on me now.. I'd say more, but I suppose the rules of this forum don't allow for that kind of talk😵

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Perhaps a bit of humor might help ease the tension here 😬

.. if not .. then I suppose you’ll just be waiting another six years.. though God knows we have all the time in the world.. but honestly.. no one is going to swoop in and solve this for you.. personally, I would much rather suggest a few sessions with a therapist than endure those years of.. well, pointless agitation🐔

Don't go falling apart on me now.. I'd say more, but I suppose the rules of this forum don't allow for that kind of talk😵

🙏🙏🙏

just look at those flowers on his jacket 😁🙏🙏🙏

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:🙏🙏🙏

just look at those flowers on his jacket 😁🙏🙏🙏

👍 I suppose you certainly have a keen eye for detail😍

Anyway, regarding the title... instead of using the term "romantic hypnosis", if you ask me, it probably should have been titled "How to break free from an egotrip?"

My friend, you seem to be stuck in what one might call a multi-year egotrip yourself... there isn't even a hint of actual love involved here. But then again, people convince themselves of far more dangerous illusions than this, so... just take it slow. Life is a long road, I guess. lol☕😵

Good luck👍

That isn't love. For some reason—probably just your current headspace and where you are in life—you’ve fixated on a relationship that would be totally meaningless and forgettable if the timing were different or if something better had come along. You’re clinging to these tiny emotional scraps like they’re huge milestones, making this whole thing seem more significant than it actually is. It's not.

I get it, though. I’m stuck on a relationship myself, one that’s actually happening, so it's not quite the same as your situation. But even so? This thing is destroying me. It’s never going to end well. Honestly, I’m feeling maybe 10% happiness and 90% pure misery most of the time lately. I'm pouring all my energy into something that won't pay off, something that just keeps hurting me. I'm wasting my strength on an illusion!

In that sense, I have no idea how to give you advice when I won't even listen to my own. It’s stupid to wait for some perfect moment, some specific person, or some sign to finally move us to act and change what's killing us. We have to find the guts to make those changes ourselves and help our own damn selves. So, my advice? Don't waste another six years letting this connection grow even more significant while you live in a fantasy. Force yourself to make the emotional changes you're so terrified of.

Jeffrey Stewart6 said:That isn't love. For some reason—probably just your current headspace and where you are in life—you’ve fixated on a relationship that would be totally meaningless and forgettable if the timing were different or if something better had come along. You’re clinging to these tiny emotional scraps like they’re huge milestones, making this whole thing seem more significant than it actually is. It's not.

I get it, though. I’m stuck on a relationship myself, one that’s actually happening, so it's not quite the same as your situation. But even so? This thing is destroying me. It’s never going to end well. Honestly, I’m feeling maybe 10% happiness and 90% pure misery most of the time lately. I'm pouring all my energy into something that won't pay off, something that just keeps hurting me. I'm wasting my strength on an illusion!

In that sense, I have no idea how to give you advice when I won't even listen to my own. It’s stupid to wait for some perfect moment, some specific person, or some sign to finally move us to act and change what's killing us. We have to find the guts to make those changes ourselves and help our own damn selves. So, my advice? Don't waste another six years letting this connection grow even more significant while you live in a fantasy. Force yourself to make the emotional changes you're so terrified of.

I suppose I would argue that we are dealing more with an unbearable level of emotional pain—specifically, facts that are simply too grim to accept—rather than mere fear. While fear is certainly present in a general sense, I don't think the specific "trigger" or motivator is truly the core issue here. But then again, that is just my perspective; it is impossible to make any definitive claims given such a brief window of time.☕

I basically just projected my own issues onto him when I answered. Couldn't separate my obsession with what I'd read from reality.

For me, it all boils down to fear acting as a motivator. There’s this massive emotional ache—it’s unbearable. I just can't face the facts for what they are. I know the truth intellectually, sure, but I just shut my eyes and ignore it. If I actually faced it and pivoted, I know I'd break out of this loop. Honestly, I think our local guy 🙂 would be stuck in the same trap. But I don't do it because I'm terrified of what comes next. It's way easier to let someone else or some looming event take control of your fate. Or just blame a past mistake or a missed chance. Making a real move to escape these cycles that drag on for years? That's the hard part. And honestly, I think some people—myself included—are just wired for drama. We lean into the depression, the self-pity, the fatalism. It's hard to just accept reality and stop wallowing like some tragic hero in an old novel 🙂

analogviper36 said:I would characterize this as a classic case of "fixation." If you have actually been reading the literature, as you claim, then you surely understand the definition of the term.

Based on your description, here is my interpretation of the situation. In those moments, you experience a total "opening" through a complex combination of factors—psychological, hormonal, physical, and sociological. Let us assume for a moment that all four elements are perfectly synchronized; that is what allows one to descend into such depths. The reason you find yourself unable to replicate the experience is most likely due to that second factor I mentioned, or perhaps even the first. While one can exert some level of influence over the physical and sociological aspects,

how can one possibly recreate that specific hormonal intensity? That sense of hope, that dream... back then, you weren't even consciously "seeking" to reach that state, so how can you possibly "seek" to emerge from it now?

Have you had any girlfriends or sexual encounters in the interim? Often, the most practical solution is simply finding "any partner" and perhaps starting a family (though it remains unclear whether you already have a child)?

I agree, it is a form of fixation. Beyond that, I dealt with a lot of mental strain—putting all that energy into a relationship only to have someone just toss it aside. That hit me hard.

I tried to make things work later on, but it just didn't click. Whether I was misreading people, looking too hard, or whatever, it always ended the same way: I’d decide to just stop reaching out and move on quickly.

Thomas Nelson25 said:Just go find a woman who actually fits your vibe... someone where you can be the one in charge... or at least feel like it—since, let's face it, women usually have the upper hand psychologically. Based on how you described her, it sounds like you were just getting played here.

Yeah, I was blind in that situation. Every time I made a decision for both of us or showed some maturity, she’d just snap at me.

Donna White50 said:Look, nobody's holding you hostage in the past except for you... it's just a matter of figuring out why. What's your usual vibe when it comes to women? Have you had the chance to meet anyone interesting since then? And if you have, why didn't it go anywhere?
If you held back, what was the excuse running through your mind? Was it fear of getting hurt, feeling like you weren't worthy of love, worrying about performance or how to approach them, or maybe just thinking you wouldn't fall for anyone ever again? Or maybe it's fear of messing up again, losing control in a relationship, or just being wary of women in general...
You mentioned you met back when things were pretty rough for both of you—do you deal with any mental health stuff, like depression, phobias, a pessimistic outlook, social anxiety, or maybe a fear of intimacy?
You really need to dig deep and figure out what actually happens inside when you think of her versus when you think of, say, some beautiful, attractive woman who catches your eye... Once you pinpoint those specific feelings, ask yourself *why* they hit you that way...
Everyone handles loss differently—some people lose a parent and feel like they've lost themselves along with them, or someone goes through a devastating heartbreak and just stays stuck there...

No.

Donna White50 said:Look, nobody's holding you hostage in the past except for you... it's just a matter of figuring out why. What's your usual vibe when it comes to women? Have you had the chance to meet anyone interesting since then? And if you have, why didn't it go anywhere?
If you held back, what was the excuse running through your mind? Was it fear of getting hurt, feeling like you weren't worthy of love, worrying about performance or how to approach them, or maybe just thinking you wouldn't fall for anyone ever again? Or maybe it's fear of messing up again, losing control in a relationship, or just being wary of women in general...
You mentioned you met back when things were pretty rough for both of you—do you deal with any mental health stuff, like depression, phobias, a pessimistic outlook, social anxiety, or maybe a fear of intimacy?
You really need to dig deep and figure out what actually happens inside when you think of her versus when you think of, say, some beautiful, attractive woman who catches your eye... Once you pinpoint those specific feelings, ask yourself *why* they hit you that way...
Everyone handles loss differently—some people lose a parent and feel like they've lost themselves along with them, or someone goes through a devastating heartbreak and just stays stuck there...

That has followed me my entire life. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the snide comments from peers back in the day, who would openly or subtly gloat whenever I was lonely... Looking back now—and I couldn't admit this to myself before—I grew up surrounded by people who were occasionally happy about my isolation. It was probably their way of getting even, seeing someone like me working so hard on self-improvement while they always took the path of least resistance.

Donna White50 said:Look, nobody's holding you hostage in the past except for you... it's just a matter of figuring out why. What's your usual vibe when it comes to women? Have you had the chance to meet anyone interesting since then? And if you have, why didn't it go anywhere?
If you held back, what was the excuse running through your mind? Was it fear of getting hurt, feeling like you weren't worthy of love, worrying about performance or how to approach them, or maybe just thinking you wouldn't fall for anyone ever again? Or maybe it's fear of messing up again, losing control in a relationship, or just being wary of women in general...
You mentioned you met back when things were pretty rough for both of you—do you deal with any mental health stuff, like depression, phobias, a pessimistic outlook, social anxiety, or maybe a fear of intimacy?
You really need to dig deep and figure out what actually happens inside when you think of her versus when you think of, say, some beautiful, attractive woman who catches your eye... Once you pinpoint those specific feelings, ask yourself *why* they hit you that way...
Everyone handles loss differently—some people lose a parent and feel like they've lost themselves along with them, or someone goes through a devastating heartbreak and just stays stuck there...

During that exact stretch of time, I lost a parent and my partner left my life. I basically lost my job, too (though I'm back at a solid career with a good salary now).

I didn't die from it all, but I'm not exactly bursting with joy either. I'm just apathetically getting through one day at a time.

John Palmer9 said:If some younger guy actually felt this way, he'd probably need to see a therapist, I guess.

I don't want to start an argument over this topic, but since you put it that way—tell me this: what about a bride who cheats on her husband with her maid of honor in the restroom during the wedding? That's clearly just people with normal hormones and a healthy libido. Are they candidates for a psychiatrist, the tabloids, or a role model for society?

Lawrence Bailey77 said:I suppose I would argue that we are dealing more with an unbearable level of emotional pain—specifically, facts that are simply too grim to accept—rather than mere fear. While fear is certainly present in a general sense, I don't think the specific "trigger" or motivator is truly the core issue here. But then again, that is just my perspective; it is impossible to make any definitive claims given such a brief window of time.☕

Yeah...

Olivia Garcia7 said:I agree, it is a form of fixation. Beyond that, I dealt with a lot of mental strain—putting all that energy into a relationship only to have someone just toss it aside. That hit me hard.

I tried to make things work later on, but it just didn't click. Whether I was misreading people, looking too hard, or whatever, it always ended the same way: I’d decide to just stop reaching out and move on quickly.

Yeah, I was blind in that situation. Every time I made a decision for both of us or showed some maturity, she’d just snap at me.

No.

That has followed me my entire life. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the snide comments from peers back in the day, who would openly or subtly gloat whenever I was lonely... Looking back now—and I couldn't admit this to myself before—I grew up surrounded by people who were occasionally happy about my isolation. It was probably their way of getting even, seeing someone like me working so hard on self-improvement while they always took the path of least resistance.

During that exact stretch of time, I lost a parent and my partner left my life. I basically lost my job, too (though I'm back at a solid career with a good salary now).

I didn't die from it all, but I'm not exactly bursting with joy either. I'm just apathetically getting through one day at a time.

I don't want to start an argument over this topic, but since you put it that way—tell me this: what about a bride who cheats on her husband with her maid of honor in the restroom during the wedding? That's clearly just people with normal hormones and a healthy libido. Are they candidates for a psychiatrist, the tabloids, or a role model for society?

Yeah...

So you dealt with some bullying growing up. What were your parents like? Did they encourage you to be yourself and build up your confidence, or were they super strict, leaving you constantly feeling like you had to prove yourself...
It sounds like you went through some massive trauma, and maybe you just haven't given yourself the chance to really process it, grieve, and move on. You're still carrying that loss around, and it makes sense that you're struggling to find purpose. Maybe those things your peers put you through eventually made you feel like giving up was easier than fighting...
Just sit with all that for a second. There’s no way you haven't met someone in the last six years who could have shaken things up for you a bit. If you won't let anyone impress you and you just lock yourself in that cage of depression, obsessing over what's gone, you aren't going to see any progress. You mentioned things aren't working out with other women—maybe it wasn't meant to be, sure, but what are you actually *doing* to find the right partner...?
Look, she might have brushed you off, but she wouldn't have done that if you weren't the type of guy she thought she could. You tried so hard to please her, and that drive usually stems from stuff happening in your childhood...

Also, you didn't mention if you're having issues with your sex life—how's your libido...? And what are you looking for in a woman? Is it just about sex, or is it more? If it isn't sex, then why isn't it working...?

Donna White50 said:So you dealt with some bullying growing up. What were your parents like? Did they encourage you to be yourself and build up your confidence, or were they super strict, leaving you constantly feeling like you had to prove yourself...
It sounds like you went through some massive trauma, and maybe you just haven't given yourself the chance to really process it, grieve, and move on. You're still carrying that loss around, and it makes sense that you're struggling to find purpose. Maybe those things your peers put you through eventually made you feel like giving up was easier than fighting...
Just sit with all that for a second. There’s no way you haven't met someone in the last six years who could have shaken things up for you a bit. If you won't let anyone impress you and you just lock yourself in that cage of depression, obsessing over what's gone, you aren't going to see any progress. You mentioned things aren't working out with other women—maybe it wasn't meant to be, sure, but what are you actually *doing* to find the right partner...?
Look, she might have brushed you off, but she wouldn't have done that if you weren't the type of guy she thought she could. You tried so hard to please her, and that drive usually stems from stuff happening in your childhood...

Also, you didn't mention if you're having issues with your sex life—how's your libido...? And what are you looking for in a woman? Is it just about sex, or is it more? If it isn't sex, then why isn't it working...?

One parent left me, and they’re gone now. The other one—well, let's just say there was nothing I could ever do to prove myself to them. When I was 21, things hit a breaking point; I spiraled into self-destruction and ended up seeing a psychiatrist for the first time. My mother actually had the nerve to tell me, "You'll be out of it in a year. You don't even have a girlfriend—how can you claim to be a man? I have to lie about your age and relationship status every time someone at the office asks." It was humiliating. On top of that, my academic records were a mess because of some incompetent faculty administration. God knows I gave it everything I had. This was all before the modern credit system was implemented, and trying to get through college under those conditions was brutal. In the end, though, I graduated at the top of my class.

A few thoughts on peers. When I met her at 22, she was my entire world. Honestly, I was just relieved to have someone so I wouldn't have to be alone or deal with my toxic environment again. My peers used to constantly pry into how we were spending our time, but it wasn't out of genuine interest—they were just insecure and lacked any actual direction or plans for their own relationships. If things had been different, they wouldn't have bothered asking. After we broke up and they saw her out in town with someone else, they suddenly decided to message me on Google Chat to ask if we had split up. This was hilarious because they had never once reached out to me first on there before. As soon as I said "yes," the conversation died instantly. It was clear they only cared to find out if I was back to being alone. Then there’s this one incredibly arrogant guy. I get the feeling he actually thinks he's destined to watch me fail. I suspect his parents probably drilled it into him that someone from my background and socioeconomic status is bound to hit rock bottom eventually, just so he can feel vindicated about his own path. We were sort of quasi-friends. There's an upcoming event where we're all going to be hanging out, and there will be plenty of alcohol involved. Part of me is thinking about provoking him just so I can deck him. But, I'll probably spend the time leading up to it fighting that impulse, trying to handle things constructively and without losing my cool.

Donna White50 said:So you dealt with some bullying growing up. What were your parents like? Did they encourage you to be yourself and build up your confidence, or were they super strict, leaving you constantly feeling like you had to prove yourself...
It sounds like you went through some massive trauma, and maybe you just haven't given yourself the chance to really process it, grieve, and move on. You're still carrying that loss around, and it makes sense that you're struggling to find purpose. Maybe those things your peers put you through eventually made you feel like giving up was easier than fighting...
Just sit with all that for a second. There’s no way you haven't met someone in the last six years who could have shaken things up for you a bit. If you won't let anyone impress you and you just lock yourself in that cage of depression, obsessing over what's gone, you aren't going to see any progress. You mentioned things aren't working out with other women—maybe it wasn't meant to be, sure, but what are you actually *doing* to find the right partner...?
Look, she might have brushed you off, but she wouldn't have done that if you weren't the type of guy she thought she could. You tried so hard to please her, and that drive usually stems from stuff happening in your childhood...

Also, you didn't mention if you're having issues with your sex life—how's your libido...? And what are you looking for in a woman? Is it just about sex, or is it more? If it isn't sex, then why isn't it working...?

It’s tough. Even when you think you’ve finally moved past it, something hits you out of nowhere—a specific memory, a night of drinking too much, or just letting your guard down—and suddenly, it all comes rushing back.

Donna White50 said:So you dealt with some bullying growing up. What were your parents like? Did they encourage you to be yourself and build up your confidence, or were they super strict, leaving you constantly feeling like you had to prove yourself...
It sounds like you went through some massive trauma, and maybe you just haven't given yourself the chance to really process it, grieve, and move on. You're still carrying that loss around, and it makes sense that you're struggling to find purpose. Maybe those things your peers put you through eventually made you feel like giving up was easier than fighting...
Just sit with all that for a second. There’s no way you haven't met someone in the last six years who could have shaken things up for you a bit. If you won't let anyone impress you and you just lock yourself in that cage of depression, obsessing over what's gone, you aren't going to see any progress. You mentioned things aren't working out with other women—maybe it wasn't meant to be, sure, but what are you actually *doing* to find the right partner...?
Look, she might have brushed you off, but she wouldn't have done that if you weren't the type of guy she thought she could. You tried so hard to please her, and that drive usually stems from stuff happening in your childhood...

Also, you didn't mention if you're having issues with your sex life—how's your libido...? And what are you looking for in a woman? Is it just about sex, or is it more? If it isn't sex, then why isn't it working...?

It’s possible. I can’t even begin to describe how many subtle jabs they threw my way, all designed to tear me down.

Donna White50 said:So you dealt with some bullying growing up. What were your parents like? Did they encourage you to be yourself and build up your confidence, or were they super strict, leaving you constantly feeling like you had to prove yourself...
It sounds like you went through some massive trauma, and maybe you just haven't given yourself the chance to really process it, grieve, and move on. You're still carrying that loss around, and it makes sense that you're struggling to find purpose. Maybe those things your peers put you through eventually made you feel like giving up was easier than fighting...
Just sit with all that for a second. There’s no way you haven't met someone in the last six years who could have shaken things up for you a bit. If you won't let anyone impress you and you just lock yourself in that cage of depression, obsessing over what's gone, you aren't going to see any progress. You mentioned things aren't working out with other women—maybe it wasn't meant to be, sure, but what are you actually *doing* to find the right partner...?
Look, she might have brushed you off, but she wouldn't have done that if you weren't the type of guy she thought she could. You tried so hard to please her, and that drive usually stems from stuff happening in your childhood...

Also, you didn't mention if you're having issues with your sex life—how's your libido...? And what are you looking for in a woman? Is it just about sex, or is it more? If it isn't sex, then why isn't it working...?

They are, married with kids. Since I am a believer, I wouldn't disrespect anyone else's marriage, and out of pure spite—or perhaps just bad character—given my own unhappy family history, I view other people's children extremely negatively. Even the divorced ones. They feel like a personal insult to me. They're there, they're interesting, they're charming, but when it came time to actually build a life, they chose idiots to marry. I get the impression that everything in my life is destined to be hand-me-downs. And if calling this arrogance, then fine—I’ll gladly die for that reason. I don't want this life, nor do I want an afterlife where I'm happy and humble enough to serve as a stepfather to anyone. I’d rather face a different kind of death on Judgment Day.

Donna White50 said:So you dealt with some bullying growing up. What were your parents like? Did they encourage you to be yourself and build up your confidence, or were they super strict, leaving you constantly feeling like you had to prove yourself...
It sounds like you went through some massive trauma, and maybe you just haven't given yourself the chance to really process it, grieve, and move on. You're still carrying that loss around, and it makes sense that you're struggling to find purpose. Maybe those things your peers put you through eventually made you feel like giving up was easier than fighting...
Just sit with all that for a second. There’s no way you haven't met someone in the last six years who could have shaken things up for you a bit. If you won't let anyone impress you and you just lock yourself in that cage of depression, obsessing over what's gone, you aren't going to see any progress. You mentioned things aren't working out with other women—maybe it wasn't meant to be, sure, but what are you actually *doing* to find the right partner...?
Look, she might have brushed you off, but she wouldn't have done that if you weren't the type of guy she thought she could. You tried so hard to please her, and that drive usually stems from stuff happening in your childhood...

Also, you didn't mention if you're having issues with your sex life—how's your libido...? And what are you looking for in a woman? Is it just about sex, or is it more? If it isn't sex, then why isn't it working...?

You're 100% right. If I hadn't played the clown and the entertainer, I wouldn't have existed at all. That’s why I was such easy prey.

Donna White50 said:So you dealt with some bullying growing up. What were your parents like? Did they encourage you to be yourself and build up your confidence, or were they super strict, leaving you constantly feeling like you had to prove yourself...
It sounds like you went through some massive trauma, and maybe you just haven't given yourself the chance to really process it, grieve, and move on. You're still carrying that loss around, and it makes sense that you're struggling to find purpose. Maybe those things your peers put you through eventually made you feel like giving up was easier than fighting...
Just sit with all that for a second. There’s no way you haven't met someone in the last six years who could have shaken things up for you a bit. If you won't let anyone impress you and you just lock yourself in that cage of depression, obsessing over what's gone, you aren't going to see any progress. You mentioned things aren't working out with other women—maybe it wasn't meant to be, sure, but what are you actually *doing* to find the right partner...?
Look, she might have brushed you off, but she wouldn't have done that if you weren't the type of guy she thought she could. You tried so hard to please her, and that drive usually stems from stuff happening in your childhood...

Also, you didn't mention if you're having issues with your sex life—how's your libido...? And what are you looking for in a woman? Is it just about sex, or is it more? If it isn't sex, then why isn't it working...?

My libido is once a week, mostly just me alone in the bathroom. I would love an emotional connection, affection, and sex (even though I said earlier I could go long without the physical part). But if everything is on the table, I’d take it all.

Every now and then I watch, and it’s incredibly hard for me, how women trade their femininity to turn men into fools. Sometimes I overhear them gossiping about men, and it makes me sick. I don't tolerate that kind of thing; even when I find myself in female company where someone tries to drag me down by attacking my dignity, I just launch a verbal counterattack and end it right there. The lady realizes she can't win against my temperament and backs off. Usually followed by gossip about how something is "wrong" with me mentally.

I have a friend who puts up with all of it, hovering around women like that. He claims he disagrees with it, but in practice, he's tethered to his girlfriend and her equally toxic friends. He's like a beaten dog. In his head, he often escapes to happier places—a coping mechanism of the imagination.

Olivia Garcia7 said:One parent left me, and they’re gone now. The other one—well, let's just say there was nothing I could ever do to prove myself to them. When I was 21, things hit a breaking point; I spiraled into self-destruction and ended up seeing a psychiatrist for the first time. My mother actually had the nerve to tell me, "You'll be out of it in a year. You don't even have a girlfriend—how can you claim to be a man? I have to lie about your age and relationship status every time someone at the office asks." It was humiliating. On top of that, my academic records were a mess because of some incompetent faculty administration. God knows I gave it everything I had. This was all before the modern credit system was implemented, and trying to get through college under those conditions was brutal. In the end, though, I graduated at the top of my class.

A few thoughts on peers. When I met her at 22, she was my entire world. Honestly, I was just relieved to have someone so I wouldn't have to be alone or deal with my toxic environment again. My peers used to constantly pry into how we were spending our time, but it wasn't out of genuine interest—they were just insecure and lacked any actual direction or plans for their own relationships. If things had been different, they wouldn't have bothered asking. After we broke up and they saw her out in town with someone else, they suddenly decided to message me on Google Chat to ask if we had split up. This was hilarious because they had never once reached out to me first on there before. As soon as I said "yes," the conversation died instantly. It was clear they only cared to find out if I was back to being alone. Then there’s this one incredibly arrogant guy. I get the feeling he actually thinks he's destined to watch me fail. I suspect his parents probably drilled it into him that someone from my background and socioeconomic status is bound to hit rock bottom eventually, just so he can feel vindicated about his own path. We were sort of quasi-friends. There's an upcoming event where we're all going to be hanging out, and there will be plenty of alcohol involved. Part of me is thinking about provoking him just so I can deck him. But, I'll probably spend the time leading up to it fighting that impulse, trying to handle things constructively and without losing my cool.

It’s tough. Even when you think you’ve finally moved past it, something hits you out of nowhere—a specific memory, a night of drinking too much, or just letting your guard down—and suddenly, it all comes rushing back.

It’s possible. I can’t even begin to describe how many subtle jabs they threw my way, all designed to tear me down.

They are, married with kids. Since I am a believer, I wouldn't disrespect anyone else's marriage, and out of pure spite—or perhaps just bad character—given my own unhappy family history, I view other people's children extremely negatively. Even the divorced ones. They feel like a personal insult to me. They're there, they're interesting, they're charming, but when it came time to actually build a life, they chose idiots to marry. I get the impression that everything in my life is destined to be hand-me-downs. And if calling this arrogance, then fine—I’ll gladly die for that reason. I don't want this life, nor do I want an afterlife where I'm happy and humble enough to serve as a stepfather to anyone. I’d rather face a different kind of death on Judgment Day.

You're 100% right. If I hadn't played the clown and the entertainer, I wouldn't have existed at all. That’s why I was such easy prey.

My libido is once a week, mostly just me alone in the bathroom. I would love an emotional connection, affection, and sex (even though I said earlier I could go long without the physical part). But if everything is on the table, I’d take it all.

Every now and then I watch, and it’s incredibly hard for me, how women trade their femininity to turn men into fools. Sometimes I overhear them gossiping about men, and it makes me sick. I don't tolerate that kind of thing; even when I find myself in female company where someone tries to drag me down by attacking my dignity, I just launch a verbal counterattack and end it right there. The lady realizes she can't win against my temperament and backs off. Usually followed by gossip about how something is "wrong" with me mentally.

I have a friend who puts up with all of it, hovering around women like that. He claims he disagrees with it, but in practice, he's tethered to his girlfriend and her equally toxic friends. He's like a beaten dog. In his head, he often escapes to happier places—a coping mechanism of the imagination.

Man, there are just so many tragic stories out there in this world, God help us.
Dealing with losing a father and having a mother who's super strict, hyper-critical, and totally dismissive... it's a classic setup. You don't have a father figure to look up to or someone to teach you how to set boundaries, so your mom basically wrecks your sense of self. Because she treated you that way, you end up with this general resentment toward women, which completely trashes your emotional and romantic life. In an attempt to please everyone, instead of standing your ground, you ended up being a people-pleaser—and others just saw that as a weakness, including your girlfriend. Look, you aren't some clown meant to entertain her, and trying to play that role actually backfires with women. Women want someone who can be affectionate and make them happy, sure, but mostly they want someone who is their own person—someone who stands firm... Men shouldn't take every female whim or mood swing personally, and they definitely shouldn't obsess over some fairytale romance. They just need to be free, authentic, and confident. But you? You aren't there yet. You're crumbling under the weight of a life that, frankly, just sucks. Instead of stepping up and taking what belongs to you, you pull inward, thinking you're incapable or just plain weak. This whole "mourning" phase you're in is just a reflection of that weakness. You've protected yourself by hating women—viewing them as nothing but gold diggers or cheaters—and you've retreated into your own little shell. That’s basically signing your own surrender papers. Get this straight: life is tough, and YOU NEED TO CHANGE, ADAPT, AND DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER to be independent, so nobody can mess with you, and so you can finally grab what you need from life.
That's what growing up is—it's responsibility, it's life. It's hard for you because you've adopted this mindset based on your family situation.

Keep your chin up, man. Realize it's not that women are the problem—it's that you haven't learned how to choose properly and you're blinded by prejudice. It's not the girls' fault if they messed up in life and ended up with bad partners; that happens, and kids don't deserve the blame either. You're judging people who are actually out there fighting through this chaotic mess we call life, while you've just stopped living altogether. You act like life doesn't concern you, like you don't want to get your hands dirty. You can't live like that. If you aren't willing to roll up your sleeves, fight, and evolve, then you don't deserve anything more than sitting around for six years doing nothing.
I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or tear you down, I just want you to see where the glitch is. Life is what it is, and it's not your fault you were raised that way, but you're a grown man now. You need to stop, look in the mirror, analyze where you're tripping up, and try to fix it. It might take some time, but you have to do it if you actually want a better life.😉

If it helps to hear, I struggle with this kind of stuff too... I had a pretty rough childhood myself...😉

Honestly, all this whining and making excuses is just exhausting.
It never once occurred to me to view my own wins or losses through the lens of my parents' issues; their struggles were their own business, not mine. I never sat around meditating on things they might have said to me back in the day. I never took anything they threw my way personally, because at the end of the day, it was always about them, not about me. The most I could ever feel was a bit of sympathy for them, or maybe a pang of guilt if I didn't feel enough. For me, the only thing that truly mattered was what my Bog told me, and nobody else.

My friends could also be less than friendly toward me sometimes, which could hurt, but I never let them see it. If they insulted me, I’d just bravely applaud them until they were stunned—even if I was secretly feeling down about them. But I was never down about myself.

Because, really, it doesn't matter what happens to you in life—it doesn't matter what you go through—what matters is what you make of it and how you move forward from there.

Olivia Garcia7, you’re a much more stable person than you seem willing to admit. I actually admire your confidence and how you handled that response to John Palmer9, who I'm sure is having a hard time. And as for your buff friend talking about this topic, he's strong internally too; he just follows some questionable role models he thinks are lucky winners, so he mimics them—especially when he says those things about women being easy to please and only needing one thing.

What does Olivia Garcia7's libido have to do with anything? He basically sold himself out, and that's what happened; you just gave him a little grief for it.

Olivia Garcia7, you made a mistake by playing by her rules. You betrayed your own self and your own values. A woman who wouldn't appreciate your approach shouldn't be someone you're trying to earn, and if you had stayed true to yourself, you would have been safe from her influence instead of letting her spin you around like this. Of course, women know how to do that very well, even if they don't do it intentionally. That's why men are supposed to be the leaders, essentially setting the pace for the dance.

Olivia Garcia7, instead of just wallowing in self-pity, try to learn from the experience. You will eventually serve a woman who is a true soulmate and a real partner. A woman who cares more about sex than she does about you isn't your match, because it sounds like you aren't just looking for sex—you're looking for a Person. You want a responsible, honest, and committed relationship. Only then can you truly start to get to know each other and grow close.

Wishing everyone maturity, happiness in their private lives, and prosperity in their careers.
Lean on the guidance of your beloved heavenly parents.

Honestly, most of what we carry comes straight from home—our parents basically mold us into whatever shape they want. That’s how we head into our teens and out into the world... If you build a solid foundation, you can handle pretty much anything, but if that core is built on guilt, self-pity, or just having zero personal values, then everything starts falling apart. It's wild watching some people thrive while others just crumble under life's pressure. That baggage we carry? It feels like it drags you down every time things get stressful, sometimes making it feel impossible to even get back up...
So, it’s great that you believed in yourself, but unfortunately, we aren't all cut from the same cloth... When that happens, you really have to put in the work on yourself. You basically have to go back and learn the lessons you should've picked up at five or ten years old—back before life got heavy, before the pile of negative experiences and expectations started weighing you down and trapping you in those bad patterns. But hey, that's just life. I never actually thought I’d have to change myself either—I just thought I was living, thinking, and feeling my way through things just fine... you have no idea how much of a shock it was when I realized I was totally wrong about that...