Failing a class: Dealing with the judgment from everyone around you
in Psychology & Therapy ·
swiftgull21 said:I recently moved away from my small hometown to attend college in a bigger city, and honestly, I’ve been struggling to find my footing. I started my studies a bit later than most, and because I grew up in a pretty easy school district where I never really had to push myself, I didn't realize how much discipline I actually lacked. I was disorganized, I overestimated my abilities, and now I'm paying the price. Coming home for breaks has been a nightmare. My family treats me like some sort of walking embarrassment. They act like I've single-handedly ruined their lives and wasted every cent they spent on my tuition just because I hit a rough patch. It’s like they feel they’ve suffered a massive public failure as parents, and they plan on throwing it in my face for the rest of my life. That’s just how they are—they have this incredible capacity for holding onto grudges. Even ten years from now, they’ll probably still be bringing up my mistakes, claiming I’m just playing them for fools or predicting that I’ll fail out again. Their "solution" is always the same: they want me to just give up on this path and enroll in a local community college back here. The worst part is the gaslighting. If I were actually lazy, I could at least agree with them, but I *have* been trying. I’ve put in the work, but since nobody else in my extended family ever went to college, they don't understand the grind. To them, I’m just some kid who isn't studying, and hearing my parents lecture me like I’m incompetent kills me because I know the effort I'm putting in. My plan now is to grind harder at this new university and prove to everyone that I’m not a lost cause. But if I do fail again? I genuinely fear they might actually kill me. My ultimate goal is to finish this degree and move somewhere far away—maybe even relocate abroad—just to get away from this small-town judgment and the constant scrutiny. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you deal with failing, surviving the judgment of everyone around you, and finding the strength to try again? And do your parents ever stop bringing up your past failures, or is it a lifelong sentence?
That's such an exaggeration. "Ruined their lives" just because you had to retake a year? Seriously, it makes it sound like you were out there doing drugs or something. 😁
I get it, though. I had to repeat my sophomore year, and now I'm heading into my third. So many students struggle and have to redo a year, but since parents are the ones footing the bill, they tend to blow things way out of proportion. It's like they're embarrassed, as if you're the only person in America who's ever struggled in college. My parents used to nag me constantly too—they even bring up my mental state and why studying is hard for me lately. It doesn't matter; it's always the same nagging, and just like what you're going through, they'll bring it up years later.
When you start again, just try to stay organized and prepared. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You're getting this degree for yourself, not for them. People will always find something to judge, especially in small towns. If someone confronts you directly, just stand your ground—especially if they didn't even go to college themselves and think they have a right to lecture you about your studies.