Posts by driftingmaker

Edward Nguyen2 said:Why should a woman even care about "holding herself together"? I mean, what does that even mean anymore since social standards change every five minutes? 😕

I wouldn't say there are women men won't go for. There aren't as many unattractive or clueless women out there as there are desperate guys, whether they're single or taken. 😉

To me, taking care of yourself is about basic hygiene. Everything else is just a matter of personal taste.
Personally, I could be with a woman who's overweight if she's well-kept.
I can find a partner regardless of size, but someone who's hysterical, frustrated, or always gossiping? Nobody wants that.

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:Look, plenty of guys actually prefer girls in that state. 🙂 Sure, it’s great to put effort in and look polished, but there's also something to be said for just being able to chill and be 100% yourself.

It feels like there aren't many women who can truly relax without being totally unkempt or not caring about themselves at all.
So many people struggle to actually enjoy their relationships or intimacy because they're obsessing over tiny, trivial details. They get caught up in jealousy, constant checking, or petty arguments. When you're constantly insecure about your looks, you end up being difficult—first with yourself, then with everyone else. Then they blame men, not realizing that they're the ones creating the friction in the first place.

In the end, once they find themselves alone, they convince themselves they're "happier single" just to cope. Yeah, right. 🙄
This goes for men too.

At the end of the day, it usually boils down to selfishness, frustration, or just a fear of trying again.

Carol Thomas85 said:Hmm, well, isn't it also kind of cowardly to cling to someone just because you're scared of being alone? It's really just two sides of the same coin...

In my book, you have to distinguish between "being alone" and "feeling lonely." I’d much rather be by myself and feel totally fine than be stuck in bad company... so either way, I'm not lonely! Loneliness doesn't drive me, and it definitely doesn't hold me back...

There’s definitely some truth to the idea that relationships can get messy—they can stir up all kinds of internal chaos depending on who you are... but there's also this truth that being alone offers this crystal-clear picture of yourself and a real sense of emotional stability...

But man, that magic of sharing the beautiful moments with someone else? That is absolutely priceless...
Building something together, growing together, just enjoying life as a duo—that is pure magic! Nobody should ever give that up! Just, you know, don't lose yourself in the process when you're with someone else...

The key is just being okay with whatever you choose, whether it's solo time or partner time... just always pick what's best for YOU. If you want to be with someone, go all in! Give it 100%, let go, and enjoy the ride—don't live in fear. And if you want to be on your own, then love that and soak it up too...

Ugh, now I'm actually craving a little bit of that magic myself just to sweeten things up! 😁

I think it’s actually cowardly to stay with someone when being with them causes you constant unrest—like what the author described (in her case, jealousy and insecurity)—rather than choosing solitude out of pure comfort.
There's a huge difference there.
Staying in a relationship or marriage just to avoid loneliness is even worse.

there's a distinction between "being alone" and "feeling lonely" in my book... I'd much rather be by myself among good people than be with someone in bad company... so either way, I'm not lonely, nor is loneliness driving me or holding me back...

There is some truth to the idea that relationships can be messy and create internal turmoil, depending on the person... it's also true that being alone offers a certain clarity and emotional stability...

but that magic of sharing beautiful moments with someone else is priceless...
building and enjoying life as a pair is true magic, and no one should give that up! Just as you shouldn't lose yourself when you're in a relationship...

The key is being okay whether you choose to be alone or with someone... always choose what's best for you. If you want to be with someone, go all in, let go, and enjoy it without fear... if you want to be alone, love that and enjoy it too...

man, now I'm craving a little bit of that magic to sweeten my day 😁

Great post.

nimblewalker58 said:Look, I read perfectly fine; the issue is that you’re operating under the assumption that being single somehow equals being unhappy, just because the person who started this thread mentioned being afraid.

There are plenty of single people out there who aren't afraid—they either simply don't want a relationship, they might want one but aren't interested in what's currently being offered, or they don't even notice anyone is trying because they're far too preoccupied with other major life priorities.

And yet, you've gone ahead and branded all those people as insecure and miserable. 🙂

Once again,
my first post was strictly about the person who started this thread. 😉

nimblewalker58 said:You seem pretty set in your ways, but what happens if that "perfect gentleman" doesn't show up until you're middle-aged, or worse, what happens when he turns out to be anything but a gentleman?

Honestly, why weren't you feeling much better during those years when you were just on your own, before this supposed great man came along? 😕

Where did I ever say I wasn't doing well during that time? 🙂

If you can still be this caught up in it after all these years, then sure, maybe I am. 😍

But seriously, is reading comprehension really that hard?
I know you guys can do better than this.

granitefalcon26 said:People always ask me how my marriage is going. Honestly? It’s great. How is it so great? Well, it's pretty simple. My husband handles the cooking, keeps the house running, and looks after the kids. Meanwhile, I make sure to take all my work stress out on them the second I walk through the door. Sounds a little rough, I know, but hey—it works for us! 🙄

What was the author trying to say?

granitefalcon26 said:Honestly, I don't even know what makes a marriage "good," so maybe my standards are just skewed.☕
I'm done with all the dating drama—relationships, flings, nothing. Definitely no marriage for me.🙄🙂 For everything else, there's always an escort service. 👍

🤣 That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I've been through a rough marriage myself, but I know healthy relationships and marriages really do exist.
I spent a long time being single by choice, and I didn't feel like I was missing anything. But then I happened to meet someone who brings me such peace; I can be my true self at any moment and feel completely free. It’s everything I used to think only existed in movies. And I finally found it now, in my middle years.
So, I definitely know what I'm talking about.

granitefalcon26 said:Sure, those kinds of marriages exist on paper.🤣
I did read her post. She said she’s better off single, but I didn't see anything in there about her having majorly traumatic experiences in her relationship.😁

Good marriages don't exist if yours was a disaster. 🙄
Anyway, let's get back to the topic at hand.

Every time they aren't around, it hurts—seeing them smile at other women or hearing those harsh words.

Do you really think this looks like a healthy relationship?
If you're cool with using harsh language, then that's fine by me.

Keep enjoying that freedom; I'm really glad to hear you're having such a great time. 🙂

granitefalcon26 said:In other words, why should she be the only one having a good time? There’s really no reason to be jealous.🙂
Back when I was married, I felt like I couldn't do anything that actually made me happy. Now that I'm divorced, I feel like a whole new person. I finally have plenty of time to focus on myself, which means I can dive headfirst into all the adrenaline sports I love. I even spent New Year's diving with sharks over on Coconut Island!373 miles I'm planning a trip to the coasts of Costa Rica soon, and then in just a month, I'm heading off to Tanzania for a mix of safaris and diving.
I'm loving life right now. 👍

Envious? 😕
Did you even really catch what she was saying?
Go ahead and read it again.
It's obvious the girl went through some rough stuff, so being single is just better for her.

And you being stuck in a marriage with the wrong person without any freedom is the exact same thing. There are marriages where people can actually be themselves. 😉

rustybadger17 said:wow

talking down to people like that, acting like you've lived a thousand lives already.

What part of that was talking down? Please, give me an example.

And yeah, I've definitely seen my fair share of life, if that matters.

redcanyon93 said:I was catching up with a friend the other day, and they mentioned that quite a few people they know see me as someone who is much better off flying solo. To be perfectly honest, I find myself falling squarely into that same category as well.

What is your take on people like this? Is it simply a matter of finding comfort in one's own company, or does it stem from some sort of emotional incapacity? Are we all just becoming increasingly comfortable being alone... perhaps too much so?

Let me elaborate on why being alone is actually far less taxing for me than being in a relationship. When I am by myself, I don't feel the absence of anyone; I’m not waiting on anyone, nor am I constantly preoccupied with whether someone else is okay or if something has gone wrong in their life...

However, once I am with someone else, I become painfully aware of my own solitude, and that realization starts to weigh heavily on me—it's significantly harder to bear than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every moment that person is absent begins to ache; every smile they offer to another woman feels like a sting, and every harsh word cuts deep... yet, when I am solo, I don't even get the impression that anything is missing at all. I can't tell if this is entirely sane, but the truth is I am genuinely HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... and apparently, that isn't supposed to be "normal," is it?

It sounds like you might be struggling with self-esteem or negative thoughts, so you're choosing the path of least resistance.

Once you build yourself up enough to be steady and fulfilled—so that you're content even when a partner isn't around, provided they are positive enough that you don't spiral when they leave your side—then being in a relationship will feel great too.

It's like deciding not to buy ice cream because you're afraid one drip might ruin your shirt. You just watch everyone else enjoy it so you can stay perfectly clean.

At the end of the day, it's about what you choose to make of yourself and your life; it doesn't matter what everyone else considers "normal."

Personally, I think that mindset is a bit cowardly.

Bryan Edwards83 said:Why do people feel this need to be so mean to one another? Like, why the constant urge to belittle others or hide behind all that irony and sarcasm?

Is it just some kind of defense mechanism, I guess? Or do you think it’s just how people are wired, or maybe it's caused by something else entirely?

It’s definitely a defense mechanism. It comes down to insecurity, fear, and plain old cowardice.

People who feel weak constantly feel under attack, so they try to defend themselves by putting others down just to feel a little bit better about themselves.
You can spot them easily because they’ll fight to "win" an argument even when they know they're wrong. Usually, that kind of behavior is rooted in things that happened back in childhood.
I try to avoid those types both in real life and on these boards. I just let them walk away thinking they "won"—it’s nice to occasionally feed someone's ego if it keeps the peace.

Insecure dogs are always the most aggressive ones.

gentlebison2 said:Greetings. I recently picked up that Freud volume regarding psychopathology in everyday life, and I’ve stumbled upon some rather intriguing concepts. I find myself quite energized by the specific theories and rationales he develops within those pages—specifically, his inquiries into why we experience those lapses where we forget names, objects, or even parts of a sentence. I thought I might pose the question to the community to see what your thoughts are on the matter.

I am hoping there might be some specialists here who can offer a more nuanced breakdown of these phenomena. Regarding the mechanics of forgetting, one explanation provided in the text suggests a sort of displacement: in our attempt to suppress one specific thing or desire, we inadvertently lose track of an entirely different element. It’s as if the subconscious, in its eagerness to bury one memory, accidentally sweeps away something else that happens to be linked to it.

That said, even that explanation feels somewhat incomplete to me; it doesn't quite capture the full scope of the logic. Is this truly how it functions, or does modern research suggest a different path? What exactly is it that we are actually forgetting?

That would make sense to me if we were talking about subconsciously suppressing painful experiences rather than just random facts. From what I understand, once you suppress the experience itself, the names, people, and objects associated with it tend to fade away too.

I'd love to hear a professional opinion on this!

Chloe Martinez7 said:Where are you getting the idea that breeds were developed specifically to satisfy lonely individuals?

The reason there are so many stray dogs isn't because of animal lovers or controlled breeding; it's because of human greed for profit and the desire to buy something cheap, combined with unregulated, unsanctioned breeding at backyard kennels.

This whole Adopt, don't shop - argument doesn't solve anything
. Even if people stopped buying dogs right this second, you would likely see those dogs intended for sale end up, at best, on the street, or at worst, euthanized.

The issue isn't with breeders—responsible breeders who breed dogs that hold official licenses —the problem is everything else being bred. It's the type of person who thinks, "I have a Lab, my neighbor has a Lab, so we'll just sell puppies to gullible people who think a Lab is simply 'good for kids.'" 😲

Take a look at Craigslist and see how many animals are listed for breeding. 😢

Grouping everyone who owns an animal into one basket and claiming everyone is a "great animal lover" is also pretty pointless. 😲

As for hypocrisy—99.99% of people on this planet ARE hypocrites. ☕

Especially those who believe they aren't. 🙂
It's just a matter of everyone being in "their own" field.

I appreciate flowers and greenery
but I just don't have that specific urge to keep houseplants 🙂
and there wasn't much in the way of plants growing up in my parents' house—just the occasional low-maintenance thing here and there.
It's nice seeing people decorate their apartments with all sorts of lush plants and flowers, and I totally get why they want that, but it's just not a thing for me.
Neither of us is weird, I suppose; they aren't oddities, and neither am I.
To each their own.

And why were they bred that way? A Chihuahua was definitely bred to be a little house guard. 😁

This story. Adopt, don't shop. - It doesn't really fix the issue.

It definitely works, though it would be even better if they just banned cultivation altogether...

It’s not really about the breeders—I mean, the responsible ones—but rather those who just see dogs as a way to make a quick buck. They have all the necessary breeding permits. The issue is basically anything that turns a profit—like how I have a Lab and my neighbor has one too, so we can just sell puppies to people who think a Lab is "perfect for kids" and don't know anything else. 😲)

Are you a breeder? 😁

Grouping everyone who owns a pet into one big bucket and acting like we’re all equally obsessed is kind of pointless. 😲

I've personally fostered animals myself right up until they passed away. 😁

I haven't caught up on every single post yet, so someone might have already brought this up...

What’s everyone’s take on breeding, specifically for dogs? To cater to lonely people or self-proclaimed "animal lovers," so many breeds have been created that end up wandering hungry and neglected on streets all over the world. How much of this is actually about being an "animal lover"? If it weren't for all these "lovers," there wouldn't be nearly as many strays suffering from hunger, thirst, and disease...
I only mentioned dogs, but we all know how many different species suffer because of the "love" shown by people who find them fun until they can't figure out who to leave them with during a vacation, or when a kid loses interest in caring for them. How many animals live in unacceptable conditions just to satisfy a crowd of impulsive and selfish individuals?

Think about how many animals sit untrained in backyards, barking at everything that passes by and never even getting a walk. How many kids have been hurt because of situations like that?

And honestly, people should take a moment to reflect: just think about how much meat is slaughtered to feed these pets, yet those same people claim to be huge animal lovers—even vegetarians who skip meat because they "love animals." 🙄 Not to mention vegans who deprive their own children of basic necessities while keeping dogs and cats that eat meat. It's quite something. 😍

The hypocrisy is unreal!!! 🙄

If you truly love animals, please udomiti the poor souls that have been abandoned instead of feeding the bottomless pits of greedy breeders!

OT: I love animals! 🙂

Check out this link. Though, the more you overthink things, the less spontaneous you become—it's pretty easy to spot. 😉

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyhlUCxtNKY

Kyle Wright5 said:These guys are just aggressors looking for any tiny excuse to let it all out. The actual trigger? It’s usually something else entirely—maybe they're frustrated by bad sex, a messy breakup, constant nagging at home, a dead-end job, people laughing at them, or just their own sheer stupidity and incompetence...

Or quite simply, a lack of intelligence. 😉

I'm not quite following this either.