11 posts shown.
Joshua Adams41 said:They say you should walk a mile in someone else's shoes before passing judgment, but let’s face it—that’s just not happening..
Whenever some person decides to sit on high horse and "judge" me, I honestly just want to look them dead in the eye and ask: did you actually do anything today that you weren't doing back when you were sixteen?
Did you do something today that was different from when you were twenty-one?
How about when you were twenty-six?
In this current year, have you even done one single thing differently than you did last year?
If the answer is no, then I don't see any reason to bother looking at your shoes, let alone judge your path..
And if I did take a look, I’d probably sum up your entire existence in two complex sentences—because if I tried it with just one, I'd just sound like a total show-off..
What's the issue with "walking in someone else's shoes"? It's actually a great philosophy. We could all use more of it, especially those who are quick to pull the trigger on judgment without thinking. They speak before they process.
If I could be you
And you could be me
For just one hour
If you could find a way
To get inside
Each other's mind
If you could see you
Trough my eyes
Instead of your ego
I believe you'd be
Surprised to see
That you've been blind
The point of Bohemian Rhapsody is hit perfectly here.😉
This is such a great topic with so much ground to cover! It’s true—most people find it way too easy to judge someone before actually getting to know them. It's just simpler to put people into little boxes. I’ve definitely been on the receiving end of that myself over some pretty trivial things. Back then, I was quite serious and didn't exactly "fit in" with the crowd. People assumed I was being standoffish or antisocial, but honestly, I just needed a moment to settle in before I felt comfortable opening up. I never felt the need to prove anything to them; I just chose to distance myself from that energy instead.😉
Dennis Cook78 said:This is my first time starting a thread on this subforum. I’m curious to hear what you all think when you run into people who constantly go out of their way to emphasize that they have a "sense of self," or when they start lecturing others on how they need to find their own "identity." Why bother stressing one's own existence when it should be a given? What's the point of such constant self-referencing? I’ve never quite been able to wrap my head around what someone is actually trying to achieve when they feel the urge to mention themselves in any context other than just being present. Does this kind of behavior grate on your nerves too?
If it isn't just a blatant pursuit of attention, then constantly highlighting oneself in contexts where it isn't necessary is definitely a red flag that there are some deep-seated issues regarding how that person perceives their own identity. In all my time, I have never met anyone who uses "I" in that specific way as a rational expression of genuine self-confidence.
These types of people also seem to have this compulsive need to weave themselves into every single story they tell, just to make sure we don't accidentally miss their "expert" take on whatever topic is being discussed. Usually, in one of these monologues, you'll hear "I" mentioned five times, "me" ten times, and then a dozen or more variations of "myself" or "my own" tossed in just for good measure.
To me, it feels like a sign of extreme insecurity. It's like they try to manufacture confidence by aggressively attaching their persona to every positive argument they make, hoping people will eventually associate them with those ideas. Honestly, they can be exhausting to deal with, which is why I usually just find an excuse to step away.☕
Having a "self" means having your own perspective—thinking for yourself instead of just following the crowd. That constant repetition of "me" is just pure egoism, but that's a conversation for another thread.☕
I feel the exact same way, especially after dealing with bullying back in school. For me, it usually manifested as people mimicking my actions or the things I said, but in a mocking sort of way—as if they were trying to say, "Look how much better this looks on me than it does on her." Ever since then, I’ve always had this nagging feeling that people are making fun of me whenever someone copies me. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm not. But yeah, people find it harder to genuinely like one another, which just creates this massive chain reaction. So, let me guess: when they're alone with you, suddenly they're all nice? Sure. And honestly, I can be a bit off-putting myself; I have this vibe where I seem like I hate the world because I rarely smile and always try to stay serious. But you know what? I don't care, and you shouldn't either. Why? Because your own needs matter more than living by everyone else's standards. It's vital to build up your self-belief and become aware of both your strengths and those flaws you might want to work on. Only by doing that inner work will you attract true friends who actually value you, rather than fake ones you feel pressured to impress with your look or behavior. Just be yourself instead of someone living by someone else's rules...☕
John Mendoza13 said:I was sitting there watching some talk show on CNN earlier today, and this guy starts preaching about how the absolute peak of human happiness is found in living purely in the moment. He goes on to claim that children are basically the only ones who actually pull it off, arguing that they’re the happiest beings on the planet because they don't have a single worry in the world under the sun...
Do you guys actually buy that? Personally, I find myself nodding along with his logic; there’s something to be said for the idea that kids are the most content because they aren't weighed down by the baggage of the past or paralyzed by whatever uncertainty the future might throw at them...
I'm with you on that. There’s no work stress, no sibling rivalry, no relationship drama, and zero anxiety about the future. It’s best experienced through my five-month-old niece... you just hold her in your arms while she reaches out into the air, totally oblivious to the world. She really doesn't have a care in the world.☕
hiddenbear62 said:I was always raised to be brutally honest, and honestly, that whole mindset has really come back to bite me. I guess I’ve pushed way too many people away just because I couldn't help but say exactly what was on my mind 😢
Look, honesty is great, but it isn't enough to just say, "Well, I'm right and you're wrong." 😂 It's really about your intention. There's a huge difference between being honest to help someone improve and being honest just to tear them down. I've had plenty of people distance themselves from me simply because my "honesty" felt more like me acting superior to everyone else. ☕
I’ve always been an open book. To me, honesty is essential, though I find it frustrating when people use "being honest" as an excuse to just tear someone down without offering any actual advice on how to improve.🙂
Exactly what I said above. When you’re single, you actually have time for yourself, whereas being in a relationship makes that feel rare—if not impossible. I hear neighbors constantly bickering about "my wife" or "my partner," just fighting non-stop... it's loud. Personally, I haven't had many serious relationships, and I honestly love being solo. There is still so much I want to accomplish on my own terms. If I ever do find a guy, he’ll need to be someone who respects my independence and lets me do my thing. It would be perfect.🤷
Jeffrey Edwards5 said:Alright experts, can someone give me a bit more depth on this beyond the basic "someone screams and everyone else joins in" explanation?
Man, these topics always get interesting. Trust me, I’m not one to follow the herd; I’m usually just looking for my exit strategy. Take a kid who starts picking on a classmate—suddenly you have twenty other kids backing him up just because they want to look cool and fit in. I actually saw a fascinating segment about this kind of social conformity over at Galilee recently. It showed two guys just staring up at the sky, and before long, a whole group had joined them. People are social creatures by nature, and we all have this drive to belong, which often means just echoing whatever the majority thinks. I know, I know—people always get annoyed when I suggest that the consensus might be totally wrong, but that's just how it is.🤷
Dennis Adams said:So, look, everyone loves to preach about how honesty is this ultimate virtue... until someone actually pulls you aside and tells you straight up that you messed up. It’s easy to talk the talk when things are smooth, right? But personally, I have massive respect for friends who can just tell me when I’ve screwed up. When someone gives it to me straight, my respect for them just shoots up instantly. To me, that’s the real sign of a close bond. Then you’ve got those other types, though—people who’d much rather sugarcoat everything and wrap their words in velvet just to keep things "pleasant." It makes me wonder... have we all just become total emotional snowflakes? Like, if someone is just being blunt with you—not even trying to trash you in front of a crowd, just being real—do you immediately lose respect for them? For example, I honestly find myself respecting Donald Trump’s style way more because he’ll tell you exactly what’s on his mind. Compare that to Barack Obama, who acts all delicate and polished, saying everything so perfectly while who knows what he's actually thinking behind that calm exterior. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Donald Trump is some saint or a perfect guy, but when it comes to raw honesty, I’ll take that unrefined, blunt approach over a polished, high-society act any day of the week. What's your take on this? Which camp do you fall into? (And seriously, be honest)
I’ll always tell the truth, but I try to do it without being needlessly hurtful. I wouldn't go full Kerum and yell, "Hey, idiot, you're doing this wrong," but I certainly won't act like Josipović. I aim for the middle ground. There's also a group of people who use "honesty" as an excuse to speak whenever and wherever, regardless of the setting. Those people really bother me. If I ask for an opinion, I appreciate the truth, provided they explain how they would handle the situation so I can actually learn from it. Even if they offer it unsolicited, it’s fine, as long as it's constructive. The worst kind of people are those who weaponize their "honesty" just to put others down or make themselves look better. That kind of behavior doesn't fly with me.🤷
wiredcrane11 said:There isn't really one definitive answer to this, but I think it's worth having a little discussion about it🙂
For instance, I remember watching a TV special a year or two ago—I can't recall the exact title—where they discussed oxytocin. It’s that hormone our brains release when we fall in love, providing us with the kind of energy that, given the right circumstances, drives us to build a family. People often refer to it as the loyalty hormone.🙂It also gets released during breastfeeding because there are direct neural pathways from the breast to the brain where oxytocin is produced. That explains why mothers feel such an intense bond with their babies and why they light up so much just seeing a baby smile.😁In that same program, they mentioned that the initial phase of being "in love" typically lasts about three years. After that point, other factors take over, and if a marriage survives, it means either that the infatuation successfully transitioned into deep love, or the couple found a different common ground, such as financial stability, raising children, or perhaps even complementary psychological dynamics like BDSM.😁
Well, that is one way to look at it. Another perspective comes from Jung's theories regarding the projection of the anima or animus onto a partner. Once those projections fade, that blissful intoxication tapers off because you finally start seeing the person for who they truly are. The outcome follows the same logic as the previous paragraph.🙂
If you have recently read anything by other psychologists or authors regarding the nature of falling in love, please share... or just tell me about your own experiences.🙂
As long as my partner respects my feelings, supports me unconditionally, and understands my perspectives well enough that we can talk forever...😉