Posts by Peter Harris80

Michelle Nelson4 said:Ever since the second week of first grade, when they were already being asked to write their height in centimeters on a number line—you know, a full three-digit number—while they haven't even touched the number 1 in math class yet, I've realized there's really no point in trying to make sense of the logic behind it all. 😁

Since they’re constantly being assigned homework from, say, page 128 and such, it would be much better if they stopped pretending that certain things aren't necessary during preschool. They should probably make mastering numbers up to 1,000 a mandatory skill for first graders. It doesn't necessarily mean they need to perform complex arithmetic, but they should definitely be able to read and write those numbers. At the very least, they ought to be able to find a specific page in their reading textbook.

I'm with you on that.
Life gets a lot simpler when kids actually understand digits and letters.
Kids who don't stay for after-school care need to be able to read a class schedule and pack their own bags every day. How can they manage that if they haven't mastered letters, numbers, or the days of the week? And apparently, they don't even touch the days of the week in preschool until the end of first grade.
Mine knew the days of the week back in daycare, but most kids aren't taught that.

As for delaying school entry, they almost pushed us off to next year because the school pediatrician decided she wasn't emotionally ready.
The excuse was that she's dealing with divorced parents, living between two houses, moved environments twice in two years, and her dad has a new family. My argument—that staying in daycare would just make her miserable seeing all her friends head to school while she stays behind—was dismissed with a "she'll just make new friends." When we went for the evaluation at the school, we were blunt: we aren't enrolling her there, but at a school downtown near my job. Suddenly, the delay wasn't necessary anymore.
The daycare staff insisted she was fully prepared and suggested the school was just trying to delay kids born right on the cutoff date because they have too many students. She wasn't even near the cutoff.

If I had known what this school year would actually look like, I might have opted for the delay.

Peter Harris80 said:I’m asking this again, even if it’s off-topic: which specific regulation actually requires consent from both parents?

I’m pasting the exact consent form the school sent out to parents this year. It makes it pretty clear they want signatures from both parents.

CONSENT FORM FOR ENROLLMENT IN THE CATHOLIC RELIGIOUS EDUCATION ELECTIVE

Under the provisions of Section 27, Subsection 5 of the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, students select their elective courses during enrollment in the first grade or no later than June 30th of the current year for the upcoming school year. Written parental consent is required to include a student in elective instruction.
According to Section 27, Subsection 6 of the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, a student may stop attending an elective course upon written request from the parent, which must be submitted to the School Board after the end of the school year, and no later than June 30th of the current year for the following school year.
(to be completed by parents/guardians):

I, ___________________________, residing at _________________________________ , ___________________and
(mother/guardian name) (address) (signature)
I, ____________________________, residing at _________________________________, ___________________
(father/guardian name) (address) (signature)
as the legal guardian of the minor child __________________________________,

hereby provide voluntary, informed, and unambiguous consent to _________________ Elementary School to enroll the aforementioned student in the Catholic Religious Education elective.
By signing this consent, I confirm that I have carefully read and understood all the information provided.

I’m asking this again, even if it’s off-topic: which specific regulation actually requires consent from both parents?

I started out just trying to figure out how schools handle parental consent when parents don't see eye to eye. Instead, I ended up spiraling into a debate over enrolling my kid in Catholic Religious Education and questioning my own stances.
As a believer, it’s frustrating to watch my child be singled out for no good reason. I’m not talking about being teased for their faith or views on hell—that’s going to happen regardless of whether they take the class or not. I’m talking about the practical side of things. I don't want my kid to feel like an inconvenience or a logistical burden. I know the school has to account for every student, but I certainly don't want a teacher having to scramble during the first period just because of us.

I’m willing to compromise and let them participate in first grade, but we still have the looming issue of other consents if the school insists on signatures from both parents.

frozenrider15 said:I don't follow. Is the school actually demanding signatures from both parents for the religious studies consent? If they are, then sit down with your husband. Explain why it matters to you and point out the practical side—how it creates a scheduling issue if she doesn't participate. (Though, honestly, the school should probably provide supervision for kids who aren't in that specific class but are already on campus for after-school programs, but you'd have to check their specific policy.)

Look, if you're divorced, I get that opinions clash. But if you can't even sit down and talk through the options, I just don't understand.
As for the Christmas pageant or day bread celebrations—at least at my local school—they don't demand signed permission for every single thing. No kid is forced to participate in religious activities just because they are enrolled in the class. They can just hang out in the library. And the Christmas show is usually an evening thing anyway; it's not like attendance is mandatory.

My ex insists that this particular school requires signatures from both parents for elective subjects. I have no idea where he's getting that from. It would be pointless to poll the parents at preschool, especially since everyone there is married and likely wouldn't have this issue anyway.

They say all classes are handled by one teacher, except for the first period, which is when the main teacher is free to skip. Apparently, for first graders, they don't schedule religion or foreign language during the first hour so everyone starts the day with the primary teacher. I don't know if that's a standing school rule or just a yearly thing. If it is a rule, we won't have a scheduling conflict in first grade, but we definitely will in the later years.
Kids can't perform in shows without consent, and I have zero interest in having my child sidelined from the group. I can't wrap my head around the idea of a kid sitting alone in the library while the rest of the class is performing. I don't see how anyone finds that acceptable.

We are discussing the possibilities, but we can't reach an agreement.

Tyler Ruiz502 said:Nothing in front of the school. Just settle it beforehand, for God's sake.
He’s flat-out against it, yet you’re saying you’d "love for it to happen." Maybe I'm misreading this—and I could be wrong, mind you—but the way you've phrased it makes me think you just don't want the absence to be highlighted, so you'd rather they just go along with it to avoid the fuss. It’s not even about the religious education for you, it's more about the optics...

Am I right?

Besides, why wouldn't you compromise? I mean, since the kid lives with you, you basically get a vote on almost everything—what they eat, what they wear, bedtimes, who their friends are. Why draw a line here?

And honestly, why not sit down with your ex one more time? Try to talk him into letting them attend just for this one year, and then re-evaluate next year if they actually want to go. To me, that sounds like a perfectly reasonable deal.

As for us—we aren't religious, but we actually enrolled our child in religious ed classes at the local elementary school just so they can hear about it and see what it's all about. You know, so they can learn terms like Jesus, Mary, God, the Holy Spirit, saints, apostles, Advent, Christmas carols, the crucifixion, sin... just so they have a foundation to start asking questions from.

Basically, you're right. I don't want her to stand out, and I don't want to cause a scene during enrollment. Not to mention the logistical headache of dropping her off when religion class is first thing in the morning, since there’s no organized childcare at that hour.
I’m not a devout practitioner, but faith is part of my life. My daughter knows the basic prayers, she’s been baptized, and I’d like her to receive the other sacraments. We’ve been to church a few times, but she’s too young to sit through a full Mass, so we don't go often. She’s heard of the concepts mentioned; we read Bible picture books together. She won't be deprived of the basics, but I truly would prefer she attends.
Her father is dead set against signing the consent form because, in his view, agreeing means he’s endorsing having religious instruction in public schools, which he thinks doesn't belong there. I get where he's coming from, though I don't think it's right to let his political stance dictate our child's experience. He isn't fundamentally against religious upbringing, but he opposes the way the Church interacts with the state and religious classes in schools. For him, putting his name on that form would be inconsistent with his principles. He insists that the school I chose requires both parents to sign if they are divorced, and he’s sticking to his guns.

I haven't asked the child anything yet. I thought it was smarter for us to reach a consensus first. Sometimes I think about just giving in to his stubbornness, but then there are still permissions needed for things like holiday programs or community events, and he won't sign those either because he refuses to support the chaplaincy. That's a bigger headache, because that's exactly when you end up standing out if the kid isn't participating.
I want to avoid going through family mediation.

Thanks for the input.

wanderinghawk30 said:I never said the paperwork was identical; I meant they carry equal weight. (Even for a field trip, my kid's school sends home a specific form for me to sign—there aren't any "group slips" at my kid's school.) Look, I’m just reporting what they asked me for and what I actually signed. My ex hasn't been contacted about anything once. (The only exception was at the police station while sorting out some legal docs for my kid, but never anything else.)

As for whether you agree or not on your kid attending religious classes—that's out of my lane. For everyone's sake, especially the kid's, it's in your best interest to be on the same page. Being able to settle things without drama or involving the courts... well, even a bird could tell you that.
Good luck.

It's a mixed bag. But clearly, it varies by school district; you see one mom mention they aren't divorced, so they both had to sign a single form. It seems like every school handles this differently. It would be helpful if someone dropped a link to the official district regulations. That might clear things up.

wanderinghawk30 said:The legal guardian signs off. That religious education waiver is basically just a permission slip saying the kid can go on the field trip. It’s the parent handling all the school logistics who provides the signatures.

It’s different. For a field trip, you sign one group consent form for the whole class. Religious ed requires an individual waiver for every single student. Plus, there's zero transparency when parents disagree. From what I've seen, kids with divorced parents usually don't end up in those classes anyway.

Mad Hatter said:they shouldn't have to ask for consent every single year.
It’s just this one year where they're asking for everything at once, because it wasn't handled this way before. Previously, kids were enrolled in religion via a parent's verbal statement during registration, and for things like German or computer science, it was a mix of a survey and buying the textbooks—you check the box on the form, show up in September with the books, and if you don't have them, you're out. Now, they're demanding parents explicitly provide a consent form for elective courses.
After that, enrollment is automatic every year until someone formally requests a withdrawal following standard legal procedure.
Any school deviating from this is breaking the law.

Do both parents need to sign the consent form? Does any regulation actually state that both parents must agree on an elective? Or is one signature enough if it's based on the child's best interests?

The father claims that for religious education, both parents must agree. Especially if they are divorced.
He is strictly against it, while I would prefer the child to attend. What am I supposed to do in front of the school? I'd rather not involve the local police unless absolutely necessary. And I definitely don't want the school forcing my hand.