Posts by Angela Richardson91

Morgan Campbell4 said:I stumbled upon this entirely by accident while scrolling through the front page. It wasn't until later that I realized it was actually a meetup for the Lonely Heart subforum group. Still, it was quite a decent turnout; there were about 20 people there, and I think one woman looked to be in her 60s. 😁 I'm 24 myself, and there were plenty of us younger folks present, which made for a pretty fun time. I have no idea when the next one will happen, though if my math is right, they occur maybe once or twice a month.

If you're taking the train from Chicago, it'll take you about an hour, so if that isn't too much of a hassle, you should definitely swing by 😁 the downtown area or somewhere nearby. It really just depends on the weather. 🙂

Sounds good. I'll keep an eye on the front page for any upcoming meetup threads. If anyone knows the exact date and time, just shoot me a DM so I don't have to go hunting for it.😁

Morgan Campbell4 said:You should join us at the next meetup. I went last Friday for the first time, and it was actually quite interesting; I met several great people.
I definitely plan on returning when the next gathering happens.

Regarding your situation: out of my class of 25, I only see one person once or twice a week because they live ten minutes away, and another two or three times a year.
I haven't seen the rest since graduation, and it’s almost been five years now.

It is simply how it goes as we age and mature. People grow tired of certain things—some might find your seriousness off-putting, others might find your behavior too childish, and so on.
Some claim they "don't have" the time. The problem certainly isn't you; I used to have people in my life I was incredibly close with.
Then, there are those instances where plans fall through (on my end), but I am told that the person will contact me regarding the time and location.
Naturally, no response ever comes. When that happens repeatedly, and weeks turn into months or even years...

You realize that either people don't truly care, or they simply don't want to grab coffee with you. I don't buy the "no time" excuse.
Regardless of a schedule, anyone can carve out an hour for coffee. If they can't manage that now, I wonder how that
person expects to function later once they have a family and real responsibilities. So, I simply stopped reaching out to those people.
And looking at where things stand today, not one of them sends a message asking how I am, what I'm up to, or why I've gone quiet. Not even a coffee invite.
I realized that I was essentially the only one holding onto those thin threads of friendship.

I eventually reached the conclusion that I just don't have the energy for it anymore. Over time, this lifestyle has become more pleasant.
I have two people I stay active with—one male friend, one female friend—and that is quite simply life.
As the years climb, the number of friends inevitably drops. People's priorities and ideals begin to diverge.
Eventually, you stop fitting into their lives. I stopped "chasing" people because anything obtained through force isn't worth possessing.

There is no reason to let this depress you. Think about which people hold your cherished memories, and then consider those who were merely a habit—people you saw every day just because you lived nearby or went to the same high school.
Some people simply cannot handle hearing the same stories for the hundredth time, or visiting places where they wasted their time back when they were sixteen and had no worries.

Don't be discouraged. Come to the next forum meetup and we'll have a good time. (I was a bit skeptical about going myself, since I didn't know anyone, but I ended up meeting someone from the forum and we went together; it was great.)🙂
You cannot force people to stay if they don't want to be in your life—and that depends on your actions, your words, and your way of living.
And, of course, your obligations. My social circle dropped me during one specific life event, while others just stopped checking in.

As time passed, I grew indifferent to it all. Honestly, I am not someone who believes in fate, as I cannot stand the idea of something else controlling my destiny, but it seems life occasionally has different plans than our own. Depending on the circumstances,
we can either influence it or we cannot.

Personally, I am not generally fond of large gatherings or venues like Topgolf, but hanging out at a pub or outdoors is perfectly fine. You meet people randomly—through a mutual acquaintance, by striking up a conversation while waiting in line at a register, or talking to the bartender when the pub is empty. I could list endless scenarios, but I think you get the point.🙂

Wait, I didn't even know there was a meetup for this community? Tell me more about it. How often does it happen and where? 😁 Now you've actually got me curious. There's probably a ton of people my age, or at least in their early 20s. I really only joined this forum to share my thoughts, tell my story, and make some friends. So, I'm actually thinking about showing up to the next 🙂 👍

placidharbor8 said:First off, if you have any ambition left in you, get back to school! Pick something you actually care about, because that's where you'll run into people who share your interests. I really think that within that circle, you'll find a few solid colleagues you can actually build a deeper bond with.

If I'm being totally real with you, it's better to have zero friends than to be surrounded by phonies. Being lonely can be terrifying, but it's nothing compared to toxic relationships and friendships that drain you and stop you from growing or being your true self. Solitude isn't the enemy; it can actually give you space to focus on yourself, work on your own growth, and figure out who you really are as an individual.

Answering your questions:

1. Not really. Even though I have a handful of really great friends, I usually have a pretty high threshold for calling someone a "friend." I have plenty of acquaintances, and I'm cool with that. I just can't seem to vibe with 95% of people, and honestly, that's okay.

2. College. If you don't want to do that, then find a job (but my honest advice is still college—if you have the funds to move to a new city, live in a dorm, etc., go for it).

3. Look, nobody is demanding that you open up immediately. Anyone who tries to force that on you is overstepping, and you should probably set boundaries or distance yourself; everyone moves at their own pace. Don't be afraid to be the one to initiate things first, because honestly, most people are craving real connections too, they're just scared to make the first move. No one is going to judge you; in fact, most people will be happy when you reach out for coffee or a hangout.

4. You have to realize that depression can actually be useful as long as you don't let it stop your personal growth. There's such a thing as "positive depression"—it's a necessary part of growing because once you go through it, things aren't the same anymore; there's no going back to the old you. Your perspective on certain parts of the world changes, and it's crazy to try and force things back to exactly how they were before.

5. I honestly think the best way to keep friends close is just being real with them from day one, but I’ll say this again: the second you feel like a relationship is starting to suffocate you or hold you back from being yourself, you’ve gotta either dial things back or just call it quits.

Good luck with everything! And hey, if you ever need to vent or want some more advice, my inbox is always open, so feel free to shoot me a DM! 🙂

Thanks so much 🙏 , these are really solid tips. 😁's answers are basically exactly what I was hoping to hear. 😁

We’ve basically become slaves to our smartphones. Computers are one thing, but phones? They're glued to us, everywhere we go. Don't get me wrong, having everything in one pocket is great, but social media has woven itself so tightly into our lives that people can't even break free. A pretty perfect bit of satire, really 😵
.
Everything has its limits, sure, but look how far we've come. Business meetings happen over Zoom, school enrollments are digital, gaming is endless, and we buy just about everything online... at this rate, all we're missing is the lady from Walmart showing up at our door with a basket full of stuff we ordered on an app. 🤦

Carl Rivera43 said:Isn't it actually pretty logical to use excuses sometimes when the environment calls for it?

I mean, sure, outdated tech really messes with face-to-face conversations nowadays. It hits hard, especially with the younger crowd. But even among Gen Z, there's this growing sense that we shouldn't overdo it with the screens.

That's why you've got to hunt for those spots without Wi-Fi.

Oh, totally. My skin crawls whenever I hear someone walk into a coffee shop and immediately ask, "Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password?"

Maybe it's time to go back to an iPhone 13.😉

Olivia Roberts7 said:Sure, nobody actually enjoys gossip or people who obsess over everyone else's business, yet those types always seem to be surrounded by huge crowds🤣,I guess if you aren't constantly talking behind someone's back, life must just be incredibly dull for them...

Haha, totally. Conversation topics just dry up instantly when that happens 😁.
They run out of things to say, so they start digging through their phones—because God forbid there’s a moment of silence when you have nothing to contribute to the drama. They’ll literally set an alarm just to have an excuse to bail, like, "Oh, my mom is calling, I gotta go." 🥱

People like that? Honestly, someone needs to sweep them away with a broom. 😠

I've heard those excuses a million times before, and honestly? I used to use them myself...🕺

But you hit the nail on the head—if someone actually wants to see or hear from you, they'll make the time, no matter what. The best way to put it? "I don't have time." 🤦

I honestly wonder why those types always seem to have such massive social circles compared to people who aren't busy gossiping every single second of the day. 🤔
But hey, I guess there are other factors at play here... like *sucking up* to people? I suppose that works for most folks... gross. 🤦

I agree, work isn't exactly the best place to find lifelong friends... but it can happen. I’ve been in situations where office gossip was more important than the actual job. It gets old fast. I get that people love to talk and speculate, just not when you're the one being talked about. 😠

Staying positive is the main goal to keep moving forward, though how long I can actually hold onto that optimism? Only time will tell. 😛

I should have just laid all my cards on the table from the jump. At least then the real ones would’ve stuck around while the fence-sitters cleared out. :P But no, of course I have to take the long way around. It’ll pass eventually, though. Maybe I'll finally learn my lesson? (Would be nice, after all these years.)

Honestly, turning to dust sounds better. At least you can scatter yourself in a creek, a river, or the ocean. :P

I either handle business or I stay quiet—you can take it or leave it 🤣

Hopefully those spring flowers are blooming by now, if they haven't already. It’s just nicer that way :P Plus, I’d much rather look at some green grass than this muddy mess from all the rain 😠

silentmason10, thanks, I'll give it a read :P

Carl Rivera43, I’ve been scouring the web for info on this, but honestly? Nothing concrete turned up. Still, isn't it better to speak up publicly rather than having everyone struggling with the same issue just winging it alone? :/

As for spring, I'm hoping it gets here fast. Maybe I can beat this winter blues thing before it sinks in too deep... maybe go snap some photos out in nature once the sun actually shows up? That always helps my mood!

Shoot me a DM if you aren't feeling too bad. 😛

Thanks, you too! 😁

Carl Rivera43 said:So, look, if you notice things aren't quite clicking, just start tackling them one step at a time.

I’ve watched plenty of documentaries, and honestly, they really helped me out. You just have to start connecting the dots between different events, and suddenly, better ideas start flowing.

And there's definitely some truth to that whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" thing. So, just take it slow, right? Oh, and music! Even when I'm feeling completely down in the dumps, a good song can totally lift my spirits.
I mean, I don't exactly have the voice of an angel, but hey, my friends seem to enjoy my company anyway.

Oh, absolutely—music is everything! 🙂
As for those documentaries... I guess we'll have to see if Đelo Hadžiselimović knows his stuff. :P

rustydrifter14 said:I’ve been in this exact same boat myself—I decided not to head straight to college after high school either, and yeah, it definitely led to losing touch with some old friends along the way.

If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to focus on changing your scenery. Look into enrolling in a college or a local community college where you can actually get out there and meet a whole new crowd of people.
Building trust takes time, and honestly, friendships only really stick when both people are putting in the work. You just have to give it your all and see if the other person meets you halfway.

Try to look at this phase as just a temporary thing. Personally, I think everyone hits a rut like this at least once in their lives; for both you and me, it happened right after we finished high school.🕺

Keep busy, focus on your studies, and work on yourself. You'll feel so much more fulfilled that way, which helps keep those depressive moods at bay.👍

Self-improvement is definitely the key to avoiding depression. Changing my environment is an option, but let's face it—money is tight, so I'm crossing that off the list for now. Switching majors is on the table, though. I’m planning to head back to school this fall for a different program, so maybe some new friendships will happen there. 🤣 And if that doesn't pan out? Well, I guess I'll be job hunting... (unemployment offices, here I come. 😵)

Reading through these forums, I realized I'm definitely not alone in this, which helps a little. 🙂 But still, it's a pretty lousy feeling to be stuck in limbo like this.

Carl Rivera43 said:I didn't really have much of a social circle back in high school, but slowly, I started meeting people who actually treat others right.

A lot of my friends actually came from online communities. Honestly, staying positive is what keeps me moving forward. Maybe I’m just a naive optimist sometimes? Perhaps. But I can see that putting in the work on myself actually pays off, and I’m definitely happier than I used to be.

You can pull yourself out of a rut if you just keep pushing, stay brave, and keep a little luck on your side!

Thanks for the reply 👍

I really need to work on my mindset. Right now, I'm stuck in this negative loop because I feel like I've hit a total dead end. Nothing's moving. And honestly? Wandering around downtown trying to find someone to grab a coffee with sounds exhausting, not helpful. But the internet definitely helps bridge that gap.🙂

Here’s the situation:
I’m 20, give or take... I’ve put college on hold, I'm unemployed... basically, everything is hitting the fan right now. Ever since high school ended, I just can't seem to reconnect with my old crew. Everyone’s busy, which is fine, I guess. It's not that I'm shy or antisocial, but it feels like there's this invisible barrier, like I have some kind of repellent that keeps me from finding a real friend. I feel like nobody is actually interested in me. Like, why hasn't anyone reached out first? A simple "Hey, how's it going?" or even just a quick call? Every connection I've ever had eventually just vanishes. Or worse, they end up using me—taking advantage of me emotionally or otherwise. > my luck with people, I know. But how do you start trusting humanity again? And please, don't just tell me to join some social club to meet people; those types of gatherings aren't really my thing. ☕

Honestly, it makes me want to scream sometimes when I realize I have no one to grab a coffee with or just have a normal conversation. I'm not the type to go out clubbing or getting wasted like everyone else my age. Surely someone else feels this way? I love a quiet life, but not this boring version of it I'm stuck in right now. 🕺

Questions:
1. Has anything like this happened to you guys?
2. What's the move? How do I keep going?
3. How do you actually meet new people and let them in?
4. Is there a way out of this funk?
5. How do you make friendships stick?

Bottom line—just looking for some honest, friendly advice. 👍