Posts by briskrider17

Lawrence Bailey77 said:

briskrider17 As if I haven't heard this all before. It’s becoming a bit of a tired refrain, isn't it? One might almost say it's predictable, though I suppose predictability has its own certain, albeit dull, comfort. Anyway, they said:
Wait just a moment. I suppose I am only just now beginning to learn the art of being a hypocrite toward everyone else, while somehow remaining stubbornly sincere with myself. 😁

I have no intention of waiting around... life is far too fleeting for that. I’ve offered my perspective and my advice, but at the end of the day, you’re free to do exactly as you please. I suspect you might be making a mistake, though I suppose we’ve all been there at one point or another. From what I can see, you aren't exactly lacking in self-criticism, so I don't worry too much about your progress; I imagine you'll eventually reach your goals and find the answers you're looking for. 😉 I suppose there is absolutely nothing wrong with analysis—perhaps even a bit of deep, exhaustive study if one has the patience for it. I won't go so far as to say one should obsessively pore over everything, but there is a certain value in it. It seems to me that those who harbor a fundamental aversion to any sort of mental exertion—not to mention actual intellectual rigor—are either somewhat dim-witted or, perhaps more likely, they are simply terrified of the burden of choice and the weight of free thought. In my estimation, this tendency toward intellectual laziness is actually the most common pathology found within the American social fabric. It’s quite a strange way to look at it, I know, but it feels true. Those rare individuals who actually dare to think for themselves tend to be viewed as a nuisance by the masses of mindless zombies out there. A bit of a paradox, isn't it? Heh. 😵

It seems to me that those who refuse to play the game—those who aren't hypocrites just to satisfy their surroundings—usually end up getting screwed over. I suppose it’s a pattern, though perhaps I'm being a bit cynical. It feels like if you don't wear the mask everyone expects, life tends to push back quite hard. Maybe that's just how the world works, but it certainly doesn't feel particularly fair.

Does it feel like that to you? And there’s an ellipsis... plus a question mark. Hehe. Honestly, I suppose it doesn't matter much what one "feels" things to be. A person experiences so many different perceptions throughout their life that they tend to lose their edge. Still, I suppose these kinds of situations are useful, if only to force a bit of self-reflection—to pause and reconsider who you actually are, what you stand for, and how you truly feel about it all. From my own experience, I would venture to say that raw intuition rarely lies. It doesn't deceive. Of course, the human brain is quite capable of tricking itself into believing all sorts of nonsense, but that gut feeling remains primal. In those ambiguous moments where everything feels uncertain, I find it best to simply follow that instinct. When I'm faced with those "I think" scenarios, it becomes a physical thing for me; if my intuition tells me a situation is right, or conversely, if it feels fundamentally wrong, I feel it deep in my bones. 🙂

I suppose I’ve reached a certain point where I no longer have the energy or perhaps even the inclination to spend my life being constantly manipulated by people who thrive on psychological games. It isn't really my style anymore. Instead, I think I'd much rather focus on learning how to actually stand my ground against those kinds of mindfuckers... or, at the very least, figure out how to build a proper defense so they can't get close in the first place. Maybe that's just how it goes as you get older, I guess.

It feels somewhat futile, I suppose, like attempting to explain the concept of logic to someone who is fundamentally committed to being dense. It’s a bit of a paradox, really—one might argue that you aren't actually communicating at all, but rather just performing a ritual of wasted breath. 😬

Regarding this whole business of focusing on my inner self, I must admit it hasn't exactly yielded any positive results thus far. It seems that while I am busy preoccupied with myself—meticulously analyzing how I ought to behave or what I need to do just to feel a bit more centered internally—those critical moments where actual, concrete action is required simply slip through my fingers. For instance, there are those instances where I really should just say something simple like, "Hey, it’s okay, take it easy," but instead, I spend the entire duration overthinking the most optimal, psychologically sound way to phrase it. It’s almost absurd, I suppose. So, in the end, I just end up wasting time. Though, perhaps "wasted" isn't quite the right word; it feels more like I've merely succeeded in uncovering six hundred different mistakes that I can then spend days upon days ruminating over. And so it goes, day after day.
There are moments, I suppose, when I manage to step away from this incessant, overactive analysis and actually become productive—to simply get things done. But it isn't a sustained state of being. It’s fleeting. Before long, I find myself spiraling right back into that exhausting cycle of self-scrutiny. It feels rather selfish, if I’m being honest. I suspect it is.

I suppose my logic is this... if I am not actively causing harm to myself or anyone else, then I am doing nothing wrong. It seems quite straightforward, really. 😉

So, if I decide to spend an entire year just staring at a rock in front of me, what right does anyone have to tell me otherwise? If that's what I want, they can just go jump in a lake. Honestly, it’s mostly people who don't even know what they want for themselves, or lack the sheer courage to look in a mirror and actually face reality. Feel free to sit there and ponder whatever you like, but please, spare me the surrounding idiocy. 👍

In the most literal sense, I couldn't care less what the world thinks of me or how I live my life. Everyone seems obsessed with fulfilling their own little "goals," even if that goal is simply being the biggest troublemaker on the block. (Which might be a compliment, I suppose, and perhaps provides a certain thrill—something I haven't experienced personally...) Regardless, nobody owes me anything, and I certainly owe them nothing.

What I have said regarding my own conduct applies to everyone else as well. If you aren't out there hurting people, why should you care what others think? Don't let them push you around, but don't go looking for trouble either. It is a very simple philosophy. Follow these basic rules, and you might find that life becomes significantly less exhausting. 😉

Thanks for the input and the advice; I’ll admit it gave me a bit of a boost. 🙂 Honestly, you might actually make a decent psychologist!👍
Now, two questions are starting to weigh on me. Since I tend toward this kind of deep thinking—sometimes way too intensely—I find myself wondering how I can truly feel that inner emptiness I’m constantly trying to fill through various distractions, whether it's grabbing coffee, idling around, or spending hours playing mindless games like Agar.io or whatever. Sure, it feels fine in the moment, but it isn't productive; just search "Agar.io" and you'll see what I mean.
It is a bit of a paradox, though. Why does my tendency toward intellectual work—studying everything under the sun—not result in anything concrete or beneficial for me? And not just for me, but for anyone else, either. After all, the supposed hallmark of an "intellectual" is to positively impact their surroundings, to aid in the development of the individual or the community through mental labor, creating solutions and offering ideas where the "zombies" can't even begin to grasp them.

It’s like trying to explain to a fool that he’s being stupid... a total paradox. 😬

Exactly. By the time you manage to teach a fool a lesson, you’ve already made a fool of yourself. And in the end, that fool usually ends up screwing you over—I know from personal experience, several times now. That's probably why I spend most of my time laughing... 🤔

You know what I mean... if I’m not doing anything wrong to myself or anyone else, then I’m not doing anything wrong at all 😉 — logically speaking 😁

Lawrence Bailey77 said:You know that old saying... if you find yourself surrounded by hypocrites, you might as well join them ☕

If I were to offer any counsel, I suppose I’d suggest casting aside all hypocrisy—starting, naturally, with your own. I suspect that if a person isn't honest with themselves, nothing else they achieve truly matters 🙂

Circumstances and social circles are one thing, I suppose... but rather than fretting over those, perhaps it would be wiser to focus on oneself and one's own inner state. How you present yourself, or how society perceives you, is ultimately "their" business 🧐 and shouldn't weigh too heavily on your mind, provided, of course, that you aren't being threatened in a literal sense 😬

But hold on a minute, I’m actually just now learning how to be hypocritical toward others without being so toward myself, 😁 because it seems like the people who refuse to play the game with their surroundings usually end up getting screwed over. It's not really my style to spend my life dealing with mindfucked people; I'd rather learn how to fight back against the mindfuckers with some dignity... or at least figure out how to protect myself properly.

As for focusing on my "inner self," that hasn't exactly yielded any positive results so far. While I'm busy worrying about myself and overanalyzing what I need to do to feel better internally, all those moments where I actually should be doing something concrete just slip away... (for example, times when I should just tell someone, "Alright, take it easy," I instead spend the time debating the absolute best way to phrase it, haha). So, all I get from it is wasted time. Actually, it's not even wasted; I just end up finding 600 different mistakes to obsess over for days on end. And it just keeps going like that, day after day.
Sometimes I do manage to stop the excessive analyzing and actually get things done, but it’s never consistent... I quickly spiral back into that self-analysis loop. And yeah, I realize that's pretty selfish.

In a literal sense, the rest of the world couldn't care less about me or who I am; everyone is just trying to hit their own little goals, even if that goal is just being the biggest jerk in the room. (Which might be a compliment, and maybe gives a good feeling? I'd love to experience that...) though, to be fair, nobody owes me anything.

Donna White50 said:If you ask me, your ego is mostly protecting itself using two pretty immature defenses:
Denial... where you deny the uncomfortable feelings caused by other people's actions and turn them into something else that's easier for you to handle... like a smile, which acts as an emotional release (you see patients with serious diagnoses laughing because they want to believe it's nothing serious)
regression.. probably as part of that denial, you're retreating into a more immature stage, acting childishly, which is likely why people look at you weirdly because you aren't projecting the "adult" vibe expected of your age..

Look, you really need to start facing your feelings like an adult and start setting boundaries with people. I know that's incredibly hard for you and you go to extreme lengths to avoid it. But you're hurting yourself deeply, and I wouldn't be surprised if things boil over and you end up in a psychiatric ward... we can all only take so much. Depression is basically just a state where you're so mentally overwhelmed that you can't fight the world anymore, so you just throw in the towel and retreat inward... it's a defense mechanism. You seriously need to change how you're living, like, yesterday!

Yeah, I've realized that I am emotionally immature. By nature, I've always been direct—literal, without hesitation, but also without being impulsive; my boundaries used to just exist naturally. For a long time, I didn't have many hypocrites around me to struggle against. The problem is that I've picked up negative behavioral patterns from my mother, who, much like me, resorts to smiling when faced with "threatening" circumstances instead of taking action. Since I was never taught otherwise, I don't know how to handle situations where I need to consciously set a boundary. Sometimes I feel like just screaming, but then I stop and wonder how that would look to someone else, or what the best way to handle it would be without being overly offensive to the other person. Ever since I became self-aware, I've been taught to respect everyone, and I actually regret that; I think I would rather have been rude.

I don't know, I just feel like I'm missing something, and I'm waiting to figure out what it is. Maybe it's audacity, or maybe it's striking first instead of waiting to defend myself....

Donna White50 said:If you ask me, your ego is mostly protecting itself using two pretty immature defenses:
Denial... where you deny the uncomfortable feelings caused by other people's actions and turn them into something else that's easier for you to handle... like a smile, which acts as an emotional release (you see patients with serious diagnoses laughing because they want to believe it's nothing serious)
regression.. probably as part of that denial, you're retreating into a more immature stage, acting childishly, which is likely why people look at you weirdly because you aren't projecting the "adult" vibe expected of your age..

Look, you really need to start facing your feelings like an adult and start setting boundaries with people. I know that's incredibly hard for you and you go to extreme lengths to avoid it. But you're hurting yourself deeply, and I wouldn't be surprised if things boil over and you end up in a psychiatric ward... we can all only take so much. Depression is basically just a state where you're so mentally overwhelmed that you can't fight the world anymore, so you just throw in the towel and retreat inward... it's a defense mechanism. You seriously need to change how you're living, like, yesterday!

Yeah, I’ve realized that I am emotionally immature. By nature, I’ve always been direct—literal and blunt, but without being impulsive, since my boundaries used to exist naturally. Up until a few years ago, I wasn't surrounded by hypocrites I had to fight against. The issue is that I’ve picked up negative behavioral patterns from my mother, who, much like me, tends to smile through "threatening" situations instead of actually doing anything about them. Since I was never taught otherwise, I don't know how to handle these moments when I need to consciously set a boundary. Sometimes I feel like just screaming, but then I stop and wonder how that would look to others, or what the best way to handle it would be without being overly offensive. Ever since I became self-aware, I've been taught to respect everyone else, and I feel terrible about it; I almost wish I had just been rude instead.

I don't know, I just feel like I'm missing something, something I'm still waiting to identify. Maybe it's audacity, or maybe it's just striking before having to defend myself....

Carl Rivera43 said:And what makes you think they’re looking at it that way?

I honestly don't know, but it feels like time and again my appearance just seems to act as a magnet for all the wrong people. I’ve got this fiery, curly hair that looks a bit "eccentric," but then I have these soft facial features and I’m always smiling, so I suppose people assume I won't react—that I'll just stay true to whatever mood or feeling I'm currently lost in. As for why I think they perceive me that way... well, there have been plenty of times where I just couldn't find my footing in those social moments. Some guy walks up, drawn in by a smile, expecting a certain kind of interaction, and then he realizes I'm actually going through it. But since most people are pretty strange, they just keep the conversation going, using me as the punchline or the reason for some joke, and I just sit there laughing along, totally failing to react to the actual reality of the situation. It’s no wonder they end up thinking I'm a complete lunatic, right?

When I actually let myself laugh, I come across as approachable and open, which just seems to invite people to target me—usually those self-important types who think they’re special.
It’s rare that anyone approaches me with any actual decency or normalcy; I suppose they see me smiling and just assume, "Look at her, she must be unhinged if she's just giggling away on her own." ............... meanwhile, I'm sitting here dealing with depression.

So, here’s the deal: I’ve been stuck in this depressive funk for months now, dealing with constant mood swings. What’s truly bizarre is that even when the depression is hitting me hard, I can’t seem to stop smiling. It looks like this: I’m out with friends, everyone is talking nonsense, cracking jokes, just filling the air with empty chatter, and even though none of it feels meaningful or particularly funny to me, I just sit there grinning, usually without saying a word. The worst part is that even when someone verbally attacks me or insults me—which I definitely take to heart, given why I’m depressed in the first place—I just smile. I don't snap back, and I don't get angry; it's not that I'm unbothered, quite the opposite, sometimes certain comments or jabs really sting, yet I still find myself laughing through it all. It isn't a forced grin, nor does it serve any real purpose; it’s just there, and I can't seem to control it. How would you all characterize this kind of behavior...?🍿

Normally, people use facial expressions to signal how they're actually feeling, so this contradiction is really throwing me off...🤔

I honestly reached my breaking point today; I just need to vent here. Some guy actually had the nerve to tell me to go find his specific experience within some damn 100-page thread, and then suggested I scroll through every third or fourth page to find it. As if I’d ever find a trace of
Thomas Sanchez30. I have a massive headache now.
I’ve never really used the post search function because I’m not interested in stalking anyone—I'm not that kind of person—and frankly, it sounds exhausting. But could we at least have the option to track our own comments? I should be able to open an active thread and see if someone has quoted me. Or at least be able to tell someone, "Hey, check out my experience on page 56," instead of being forced to scroll endlessly through every single post.

Is there any way to get a notification if someone, say, quotes me here on Reddit??? If there isn't, why on earth not? Sending my regards to everyone else who's dealing with this nonsense.