Posts by Dennis Patel5

Thomas Roberts9,

Just realized you're female. Honestly, I think a man dealing with Hašimoto has a much easier time navigating life than a woman facing the same diagnosis. Mainly when it comes to reproductive health.

Thomas Roberts9 said:And what about you? How do you feel about her, and how would you describe your role in her life?
I wonder, what is it that would actually bother you?

My main concerns are these:
-potential complications regarding conception and pregnancy
-the risk that hormone levels won't stabilize during pregnancy, which can impact the kids (like lower IQ)
-a strong possibility she develops another autoimmune issue (like Type 1 diabetes)

Minor concerns:
-possible personality changes, -reduced ability to work

Thomas Roberts9 said:It seems like they're laying it all out for you... but honestly, what your girlfriend is experiencing might be nothing like what's described here.
Have you actually observed any of this happening with her? Is it truly impacting your life together? Or are you perhaps just worrying about "what might happen one day" down the road?

I am currently in a relationship with someone living with Hašimoto, and I can tell you quite sincerely, the idea of ending things because of a diagnosis hasn't even crossed my mind..

Right now, Hašimoto isn't showing any major symptoms—practically nothing. What about your girl? Have you two been together long?

Thomas Roberts9 said:I just came across this online and felt a sudden, quiet urge to share it here with all of you:

"If you don't care about her, don't waste your time; if she doesn't want you, find someone else; but if you love her and she loves you, fight for her with everything you've got."😍

🙂

Love isn't the issue, we love each other. But there are complications coming my way. One woman described hypothyroidism—specifically Hašimoto—like this:

Hi. My name is Hašimoto. I am an invisible autoimmune disease that attacks your thyroid and causes hypothyroidism.

I've latched onto your life like Velcro. If you have hypothyroidism, you probably have me too. I am the number one cause of hypothyroidism in many countries across the globe.

I am sneaky and devious—I don't always show up on your blood work.

Others can't see or hear me, but your body feels me.

I can attack you anywhere, any way I want. If I feel like it.

I can cause intense pain or, if I'm in a good mood, I can make everything hurt.

Remember when you and your energy used to run around together and have fun?

I took that energy from you and gave you exhaustion instead. Good luck trying to have fun now.

I can rob you of good sleep and replace it with forgetfulness and lack of focus.

I can make you want to sleep 24 hours a day, or I can trigger insomnia.

I can make you feel internal tremors or make you feel freezing cold or burning hot when everyone else feels fine.

I can also cause swelling in your hands, legs, face, and eyelids—basically, I can make literally anything swell up.

I can make you feel deeply depressed or give you panic attacks. I can also cause other mental health issues.

Those crazy mood swings? That's me.

Crying for no reason? Getting angry for no reason? That's probably me too.

I can make your hair fall out, turn it dry and brittle, or stop it from growing. I can cause acne, dry skin—the sky's the limit.

I can make you gain weight, and regardless of what you eat or how much you exercise, I can make sure you don't lose a single pound. Then again, I can make you lose weight. I'm not discriminatory.

My friends—other autoimmune diseases—often join in, giving you even more reasons to worry.

If you had plans or were looking forward to a special day, I can take that away from you. You didn't ask for me. I chose you for various reasons:

That virus or set of viruses you never fully recovered from, that car accident, or maybe years of abuse and trauma (I thrive and enjoy stress). Or maybe it's just in your genetics. Regardless of the cause, I am here and I don't plan on leaving.

I hear you're going to the doctor to try and get rid of me. You make me laugh. Just try. You'll have to cycle through many, many doctors before you find one who actually helps you.

They'll prescribe the wrong meds, painkillers, sleeping pills, energy boosters, tell you that you're suffering from depression or panic attacks, and then prescribe antidepressants and stuff like that.

There are countless other ways I can make you sick and miserable. The list is endless—high cholesterol, gallbladder issues and stones, blood pressure, blood sugar, or heart problems? That’s probably me.

Can't get pregnant, or dealing with a miscarriage? Again, that’s likely me.

Short of breath or feeling ravenous? Yeah, probably me.

Elevated liver enzymes? Most likely me.

Dental and gum issues? Rashes? Yep, that's me again.

I told you the list was infinite.

They’ll write you prescriptions for chronic pain, suggest massages, or tell you everything will be fine if you just sleep more and exercise regularly.

They’ll tell you to "think positive," push you, force you, and worst of all, they won't take you seriously when you try to explain the endless cycle of specialists you've seen, how exhausting this illness actually is, and how truly sick and helpless you feel. There's a high chance those "understanding" doctors will just hand you a referral to a psychiatrist.

Your family, friends, and coworkers will listen until they eventually get tired of hearing the same old story about how hard I am on you and how much I make you feel weak, drained, and ill.

Some will say things like, “Oh, you’re just having a bad day,” or “Remember, you can’t always do what you did ten years ago,” failing to realize you were talking about ten days ago!

They’ll also say stuff like, “If you just got up and moved around, went outside, and stayed busy, you’d feel better.” They don't get that I’ve stolen the "fuel" that gives your body and mind the strength to actually do those things.

Some will start talking behind your back, calling you a hypochondriac, while you slowly feel your dignity slipping away trying to find some empathy—especially when you're mid-sentence with a "normal" person and suddenly can't remember what you were about to say next.

They’ll tell you, “My grandma had that, and she’s doing great on her meds,” while you're desperately trying to explain that I don't affect everyone the same way, and just because she's doing well on a specific treatment doesn't mean it'll work for you.

They won't understand that having this disease affects your entire body from head to toe, and that every cell, every system, and every organ needs the exact right dose and type of thyroid hormone for YOU.

Not whatever works for someone else.

The only place you'll find actual support and understanding regarding my presence is with other people who have me. They are truly the only ones who can actually understand.

I am Hašimoto.

Raymond Anderson4 said:1. Look, you’re clearly one of those people who can't stand seeing someone else struggle, yet you have zero intention of actually helping. From what you're saying, it sounds like you're just worried about how her weight gain might affect your own image. If she gained 20 pounds, you'd be embarrassed to show up in public with her. You're looking out for yourself. Honestly, I get it, but
2. You aren't exactly perfect either. Just like her hypothyroidism bothers you, there are things about your own mental health struggles that probably bother her—but you don't seem to give those any thought.
3. The truth is, you don't love her. You claim you do, but you're getting hung up on a physical flaw. That's pretty awful. 😁

She’s the most compatible person I’ve ever met. She looks great, she’s brilliant, and she loves me... but I’m terrified of the complications this disease might cause. The weight gain wouldn't even be the main issue.

Thomas Roberts9 said:I was actually wondering just yesterday what you ended up deciding.😁

I suppose one could spend an entire lifetime paralyzed by the "what ifs" of making a mistake... I went through similar doubts during my last relationship. It was the same dread—the fear of choosing poorly or failing to find anyone better. Eventually, though, I realized that leaving was the right call because I simply wasn't happy. There isn't much sense in staying with someone just because it's become a habit.

As for what will happen to her... honestly, what would happen? She'll find a way to move forward with her life. Sure, there might be a period of grieving, but eventually, people heal and move on.

In the end, things will likely settle into a better place for both of you.

Though, if I am being perfectly candid, I can't help but wonder if the Hashimoto diagnosis is perhaps just a convenient reason to seek an exit from the relationship; I personally can't imagine ending a partnership solely because of a medical condition.

That's the only thing bothering me, truthfully.......

wearystag57 said:Hey, let me offer you a slightly different perspective here—and look, I’m honestly not judging you for how you feel. A few years back, I actually started a similar thread on a forum, so I can tell you exactly how a situation like yours ended up playing out.
So, my deal was that I’d been in a relationship for six years with this girl where... well, nothing was really going anywhere. Between finding a job, keeping up with the housework, and making dinner (I don't think women *have* to cook, but it’s kind of a drag when I have to handle everything after getting home from work), things felt off. And yeah, I genuinely thought she wasn't as smart as me—which, honestly, everyone tore me apart for. I mean, how could they know if she really wasn't bright? It's more likely I was just being arrogant. Anyway, everyone gave me the same advice they’re giving you now: we need to break up because she deserves better.

Basically, I was stressed out by her every single day. My logic was telling me this was definitely not a healthy relationship and that we were both unhappy. I tried bringing up our issues and the general misery of the relationship so many times, but she would just shut it down and deny everything. That situation weighed on me for years, but I never quite had the guts to pull the trigger. I couldn't risk making a massive mistake. I kept wondering, "What if I'm wrong? What if things get better once our lives settle down a bit?"

Then, the "blessing" happened: she started hanging out with one of my buddies and told me she liked him. I actually reacted with total understanding, and I remember thinking to myself, "Why doesn't this even bother me?" Not long after that, she was the one who brought up the relationship and said she wanted to end things. Again, I handled it fine, we broke up, and that's when it hit me—I didn't care at all. I don't regret it for a second; it didn't feel like a mistake in the slightest. In fact, right after it happened, I was an incredibly happy person. It was almost exciting, honestly—I loved telling all my friends. We'd been together six years, and everyone (except me, I guess) assumed we'd get married, so nobody believed me when I said I wasn't just okay, but actually enjoying life. That sense of freedom, knowing my biggest life problem had basically solved itself, was such a huge relief. It was great. Pretty soon after, the girl I'd been talking to for years also ended things with her boyfriend, and we ended up together. We've been together for three years now, and it's an amazing relationship. I don't have a single doubt about us.

The point is: it wasn't until the breakup actually happened that I realized I should have done it sooner. It was the right call because: If you're already thinking about breaking up, breaking up is always the right move.

You probably already know what you need to do. If it isn't fair to her, and you can't force yourself to stay with someone while having these doubts, then you know. The only thing holding you back is that fear of "what if this is a mistake?" But like I said, in situations like this, that feeling is usually a sign that leaving isn't a mistake. If you're thinking "what if I'm wrong?" instead of "this is best for both of us," then breaking up is the right choice. Now, whether you'll actually find the courage to do what you know is best for both of you... well, that's on you. I didn't have the nerve back then, but looking back, I see I should have. I got lucky, though—maybe you will too, and maybe your dilemma will just resolve itself in about four years :P Good luck to you both!

First off, thanks for reaching out.

Yeah, the fear of messing up and the fear for her (what happens to her if I leave).
And did you leave her in a position where she didn't decide to walk away herself? How old were you when all this happened?

I think I'm honestly just afraid of how she’s going to react, and how all those big-name people are going to react too...

Maybe this belongs in health, love, or faith, but I’m putting it here because the issue is entirely in my head.

I’m paralyzed by a massive life decision.

I’ve been seeing this woman for about two years. It’s good. We love each other. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I proposed; I think she’d say yes in a heartbeat.

But there’s one complication on her end. She deals with a chronic illness. It eats at me, even though she was upfront about it from day one. Our relationship has grown deep, but I’ve just been suppressing my discomfort. She has no idea I’m struggling with this. We’re both in our early 30s.

I keep questioning if choosing her for marriage is the right move. I know I could find someone without this baggage. To make matters worse, there’s another woman I’ve noticed who catches my eye, which just adds more pressure.

Do I love my girlfriend? Yes. There isn't another woman out there who balances intelligence, personality, looks, and kindness quite like she does. But that health issue is gnawing at me.

Does she love me? Yeah, deeply.

If I walk away, I won't be able to live with the fact that I hurt her so badly, and I’ll take an emotional hit too. Leaving someone you love is a gut-wrenching feeling. On the flip side, if I marry her, I’ll always wonder why I committed to someone starting out with a chronic condition when other women were practically lining up for me (yeah, sounds arrogant, I know).

She has Hashimoto’s. She deals with the symptoms regularly.

Whatever I do, I lose. It feels like choosing the lesser of two evils, but I can't figure out which evil is actually smaller. I’m stuck in limbo. She’s likely expecting a ring, while I’m sitting here contemplating a breakup. She’s completely unprepared for things to go south. I don't know if I have the guts to leave.

Some might say if you're thinking about leaving, you shouldn't be with them. Then again, I truly believe she’s my perfect match—except for this one thing.
The indecision is killing me. I'm worried the stress will actually make me sick.

Anyone got any actual advice?