Major brain fog/mental block

Maybe this belongs in health, love, or faith, but I’m putting it here because the issue is entirely in my head.

I’m paralyzed by a massive life decision.

I’ve been seeing this woman for about two years. It’s good. We love each other. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I proposed; I think she’d say yes in a heartbeat.

But there’s one complication on her end. She deals with a chronic illness. It eats at me, even though she was upfront about it from day one. Our relationship has grown deep, but I’ve just been suppressing my discomfort. She has no idea I’m struggling with this. We’re both in our early 30s.

I keep questioning if choosing her for marriage is the right move. I know I could find someone without this baggage. To make matters worse, there’s another woman I’ve noticed who catches my eye, which just adds more pressure.

Do I love my girlfriend? Yes. There isn't another woman out there who balances intelligence, personality, looks, and kindness quite like she does. But that health issue is gnawing at me.

Does she love me? Yeah, deeply.

If I walk away, I won't be able to live with the fact that I hurt her so badly, and I’ll take an emotional hit too. Leaving someone you love is a gut-wrenching feeling. On the flip side, if I marry her, I’ll always wonder why I committed to someone starting out with a chronic condition when other women were practically lining up for me (yeah, sounds arrogant, I know).

She has Hashimoto’s. She deals with the symptoms regularly.

Whatever I do, I lose. It feels like choosing the lesser of two evils, but I can't figure out which evil is actually smaller. I’m stuck in limbo. She’s likely expecting a ring, while I’m sitting here contemplating a breakup. She’s completely unprepared for things to go south. I don't know if I have the guts to leave.

Some might say if you're thinking about leaving, you shouldn't be with them. Then again, I truly believe she’s my perfect match—except for this one thing.
The indecision is killing me. I'm worried the stress will actually make me sick.

Anyone got any actual advice?

It’s honestly tough to say anything remotely intelligent here. Look, I get it—you’re torn, and you’re stuck in this massive tug-of-war with yourself. But none of us can just hand you an answer key; nobody can tell you whether to stick by her despite the illness or just walk away. If you actually love her the way you claim you do, then she deserves better than being left in the dark. You owe it to her to have a real, honest conversation and lay out exactly how you're feeling. Leaving her hanging with nothing but question marks over her head? That just wouldn't be fair.

A total disaster.☕
Imagine if things were actually serious, like dealing with a major illness.

If you aren't feeling it, splitting up is honestly better for both of you in the long run.

So you call hypothyroidism a "chronic condition"? Please. We’re living in the 21st century; everything can be managed and kept under control with the right medication.

Honestly, for her sake, I hope you guys break it off. She deserves someone better.

Sorry.

You might be dealing with a chronic illness you haven't even realized yet, and honestly? It’s probably way more intense than Hashimoto.
☕

Honestly, you’ve gotta put your own happiness first—it’s not about worrying over the fallout or the hurt the other person might feel if you walk away.

If you stay, that resentment is just going to fester, and let's be real—you won't be able to make her happy if you're miserable anyway. Plus, you mentioned there's already someone else catching your eye... IMO, breaking it off seems like the only logical move here, though obviously, nobody on the internet can make your life decisions for you.

And yeah, get ready for a total bloodbath from the ladies on this forum and all those classic "you deserve better" comments. ☕

This is the third time I've started this exact same thread🤦

Anthony Fowler28 said:This is the third time I've started this exact same thread🤦

Man, his girlfriend is dealing with severe hypothyroidism on top of everything else, she’s actually a catch, too ☕.

But I get it—this stuff can really mess with your head. You probably end up feeling like you did something wrong, no matter what you do... just constant guilt, I guess. Honestly, maybe try reading up a bit on Hashimoto and how they manage it nowadays, might help clear your mind 😁.

I truly believe there is some room for a little lighthearted humor here ☕

I think I'm honestly just afraid of how she’s going to react, and how all those big-name people are going to react too...

Dennis Patel5 said:Maybe this belongs in health, love, or faith, but I’m putting it here because the issue is entirely in my head.

I’m paralyzed by a massive life decision.

I’ve been seeing this woman for about two years. It’s good. We love each other. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I proposed; I think she’d say yes in a heartbeat.

But there’s one complication on her end. She deals with a chronic illness. It eats at me, even though she was upfront about it from day one. Our relationship has grown deep, but I’ve just been suppressing my discomfort. She has no idea I’m struggling with this. We’re both in our early 30s.

I keep questioning if choosing her for marriage is the right move. I know I could find someone without this baggage. To make matters worse, there’s another woman I’ve noticed who catches my eye, which just adds more pressure.

Do I love my girlfriend? Yes. There isn't another woman out there who balances intelligence, personality, looks, and kindness quite like she does. But that health issue is gnawing at me.

Does she love me? Yeah, deeply.

If I walk away, I won't be able to live with the fact that I hurt her so badly, and I’ll take an emotional hit too. Leaving someone you love is a gut-wrenching feeling. On the flip side, if I marry her, I’ll always wonder why I committed to someone starting out with a chronic condition when other women were practically lining up for me (yeah, sounds arrogant, I know).

She has Hashimoto’s. She deals with the symptoms regularly.

Whatever I do, I lose. It feels like choosing the lesser of two evils, but I can't figure out which evil is actually smaller. I’m stuck in limbo. She’s likely expecting a ring, while I’m sitting here contemplating a breakup. She’s completely unprepared for things to go south. I don't know if I have the guts to leave.

Some might say if you're thinking about leaving, you shouldn't be with them. Then again, I truly believe she’s my perfect match—except for this one thing.
The indecision is killing me. I'm worried the stress will actually make me sick.

Anyone got any actual advice?

Look, you’ve got a pretty deep-seated issue here that you really need to work through on your own. Getting sick is just part of being human. When you get into a relationship, you have to realize that in a few years, you won't be young, or hot, or even as healthy as you are right now. Illness is a reality, and yeah, it’s tough on families to deal with, but Hey, that's just LIFE! What, if you get sick or put on ten pounds, should your girlfriend and family just toss you aside? People who look at others that way have some serious issues. You're clearly afraid of something that triggers that kind of mindset, and that's what you need to tackle. It's just not right for someone to say they love a person while simultaneously having such a divided opinion about their future together. Just a heads up—years ago, my wife was in a bad car accident. I was by her side day and night, tending to her wounds and seeing things that were... well, pretty brutal, both physically and mentally. It never once crossed my mind to walk away because of that or the aftermath. I totally get that some things are too much for people to handle—like severe disabilities or something that fundamentally breaks the connection—but bringing this up here feels like a sign of some internal instability... maybe a bit of immaturity when it comes to accepting responsibility and the reality of life. You should try to sort this out, because if you don't, you'll just run into the same pattern in your next relationship. Nobody is immune to getting old, getting sick, or—unfortunately—being foolish...

Honestly, I don't even think this guy has a mental health issue—more like he’s just shallow and superficial, though even then, I don't see why everyone is making such a massive drama out of it. Otherwise, we could call anyone who abandons a disabled person or someone dealing with any kind of illness a ________ .

Take my neighbor upstairs, for instance. He walked out on his wife and three kids a year after she recovered from a stroke. She can barely walk, let alone handle anything complicated, so the kids basically have to help her with grocery runs and stuff like that. It's tragic, but hey—some people just can't handle the daily grind of caring for someone who's sick. The guy just packed up and moved out.

It's good that the guy is at least having second thoughts, I guess, but there's really no point in staying out of pure pity—she'll definitely see right through that. Especially if he’s already started looking at other women.

The second one caught my eye. It feels like you're using this terrible illness as an excuse to walk away. Don't propose. Marriage means being there through thick and thin, and you seem ready only for the easy parts...

Hey, let me offer you a slightly different perspective here—and look, I’m honestly not judging you for how you feel. A few years back, I actually started a similar thread on a forum, so I can tell you exactly how a situation like yours ended up playing out.
So, my deal was that I’d been in a relationship for six years with this girl where... well, nothing was really going anywhere. Between finding a job, keeping up with the housework, and making dinner (I don't think women *have* to cook, but it’s kind of a drag when I have to handle everything after getting home from work), things felt off. And yeah, I genuinely thought she wasn't as smart as me—which, honestly, everyone tore me apart for. I mean, how could they know if she really wasn't bright? It's more likely I was just being arrogant. Anyway, everyone gave me the same advice they’re giving you now: we need to break up because she deserves better.

Basically, I was stressed out by her every single day. My logic was telling me this was definitely not a healthy relationship and that we were both unhappy. I tried bringing up our issues and the general misery of the relationship so many times, but she would just shut it down and deny everything. That situation weighed on me for years, but I never quite had the guts to pull the trigger. I couldn't risk making a massive mistake. I kept wondering, "What if I'm wrong? What if things get better once our lives settle down a bit?"

Then, the "blessing" happened: she started hanging out with one of my buddies and told me she liked him. I actually reacted with total understanding, and I remember thinking to myself, "Why doesn't this even bother me?" Not long after that, she was the one who brought up the relationship and said she wanted to end things. Again, I handled it fine, we broke up, and that's when it hit me—I didn't care at all. I don't regret it for a second; it didn't feel like a mistake in the slightest. In fact, right after it happened, I was an incredibly happy person. It was almost exciting, honestly—I loved telling all my friends. We'd been together six years, and everyone (except me, I guess) assumed we'd get married, so nobody believed me when I said I wasn't just okay, but actually enjoying life. That sense of freedom, knowing my biggest life problem had basically solved itself, was such a huge relief. It was great. Pretty soon after, the girl I'd been talking to for years also ended things with her boyfriend, and we ended up together. We've been together for three years now, and it's an amazing relationship. I don't have a single doubt about us.

The point is: it wasn't until the breakup actually happened that I realized I should have done it sooner. It was the right call because: If you're already thinking about breaking up, breaking up is always the right move.

You probably already know what you need to do. If it isn't fair to her, and you can't force yourself to stay with someone while having these doubts, then you know. The only thing holding you back is that fear of "what if this is a mistake?" But like I said, in situations like this, that feeling is usually a sign that leaving isn't a mistake. If you're thinking "what if I'm wrong?" instead of "this is best for both of us," then breaking up is the right choice. Now, whether you'll actually find the courage to do what you know is best for both of you... well, that's on you. I didn't have the nerve back then, but looking back, I see I should have. I got lucky, though—maybe you will too, and maybe your dilemma will just resolve itself in about four years :P Good luck to you both!

wearystag57 said:Hey, let me offer you a slightly different perspective here—and look, I’m honestly not judging you for how you feel. A few years back, I actually started a similar thread on a forum, so I can tell you exactly how a situation like yours ended up playing out.
So, my deal was that I’d been in a relationship for six years with this girl where... well, nothing was really going anywhere. Between finding a job, keeping up with the housework, and making dinner (I don't think women *have* to cook, but it’s kind of a drag when I have to handle everything after getting home from work), things felt off. And yeah, I genuinely thought she wasn't as smart as me—which, honestly, everyone tore me apart for. I mean, how could they know if she really wasn't bright? It's more likely I was just being arrogant. Anyway, everyone gave me the same advice they’re giving you now: we need to break up because she deserves better.

Basically, I was stressed out by her every single day. My logic was telling me this was definitely not a healthy relationship and that we were both unhappy. I tried bringing up our issues and the general misery of the relationship so many times, but she would just shut it down and deny everything. That situation weighed on me for years, but I never quite had the guts to pull the trigger. I couldn't risk making a massive mistake. I kept wondering, "What if I'm wrong? What if things get better once our lives settle down a bit?"

Then, the "blessing" happened: she started hanging out with one of my buddies and told me she liked him. I actually reacted with total understanding, and I remember thinking to myself, "Why doesn't this even bother me?" Not long after that, she was the one who brought up the relationship and said she wanted to end things. Again, I handled it fine, we broke up, and that's when it hit me—I didn't care at all. I don't regret it for a second; it didn't feel like a mistake in the slightest. In fact, right after it happened, I was an incredibly happy person. It was almost exciting, honestly—I loved telling all my friends. We'd been together six years, and everyone (except me, I guess) assumed we'd get married, so nobody believed me when I said I wasn't just okay, but actually enjoying life. That sense of freedom, knowing my biggest life problem had basically solved itself, was such a huge relief. It was great. Pretty soon after, the girl I'd been talking to for years also ended things with her boyfriend, and we ended up together. We've been together for three years now, and it's an amazing relationship. I don't have a single doubt about us.

The point is: it wasn't until the breakup actually happened that I realized I should have done it sooner. It was the right call because: If you're already thinking about breaking up, breaking up is always the right move.

You probably already know what you need to do. If it isn't fair to her, and you can't force yourself to stay with someone while having these doubts, then you know. The only thing holding you back is that fear of "what if this is a mistake?" But like I said, in situations like this, that feeling is usually a sign that leaving isn't a mistake. If you're thinking "what if I'm wrong?" instead of "this is best for both of us," then breaking up is the right choice. Now, whether you'll actually find the courage to do what you know is best for both of you... well, that's on you. I didn't have the nerve back then, but looking back, I see I should have. I got lucky, though—maybe you will too, and maybe your dilemma will just resolve itself in about four years :P Good luck to you both!

Signed, 👍

wearystag57 said:Hey, let me offer you a slightly different perspective here—and look, I’m honestly not judging you for how you feel. A few years back, I actually started a similar thread on a forum, so I can tell you exactly how a situation like yours ended up playing out.
So, my deal was that I’d been in a relationship for six years with this girl where... well, nothing was really going anywhere. Between finding a job, keeping up with the housework, and making dinner (I don't think women *have* to cook, but it’s kind of a drag when I have to handle everything after getting home from work), things felt off. And yeah, I genuinely thought she wasn't as smart as me—which, honestly, everyone tore me apart for. I mean, how could they know if she really wasn't bright? It's more likely I was just being arrogant. Anyway, everyone gave me the same advice they’re giving you now: we need to break up because she deserves better.

Basically, I was stressed out by her every single day. My logic was telling me this was definitely not a healthy relationship and that we were both unhappy. I tried bringing up our issues and the general misery of the relationship so many times, but she would just shut it down and deny everything. That situation weighed on me for years, but I never quite had the guts to pull the trigger. I couldn't risk making a massive mistake. I kept wondering, "What if I'm wrong? What if things get better once our lives settle down a bit?"

Then, the "blessing" happened: she started hanging out with one of my buddies and told me she liked him. I actually reacted with total understanding, and I remember thinking to myself, "Why doesn't this even bother me?" Not long after that, she was the one who brought up the relationship and said she wanted to end things. Again, I handled it fine, we broke up, and that's when it hit me—I didn't care at all. I don't regret it for a second; it didn't feel like a mistake in the slightest. In fact, right after it happened, I was an incredibly happy person. It was almost exciting, honestly—I loved telling all my friends. We'd been together six years, and everyone (except me, I guess) assumed we'd get married, so nobody believed me when I said I wasn't just okay, but actually enjoying life. That sense of freedom, knowing my biggest life problem had basically solved itself, was such a huge relief. It was great. Pretty soon after, the girl I'd been talking to for years also ended things with her boyfriend, and we ended up together. We've been together for three years now, and it's an amazing relationship. I don't have a single doubt about us.

The point is: it wasn't until the breakup actually happened that I realized I should have done it sooner. It was the right call because: If you're already thinking about breaking up, breaking up is always the right move.

You probably already know what you need to do. If it isn't fair to her, and you can't force yourself to stay with someone while having these doubts, then you know. The only thing holding you back is that fear of "what if this is a mistake?" But like I said, in situations like this, that feeling is usually a sign that leaving isn't a mistake. If you're thinking "what if I'm wrong?" instead of "this is best for both of us," then breaking up is the right choice. Now, whether you'll actually find the courage to do what you know is best for both of you... well, that's on you. I didn't have the nerve back then, but looking back, I see I should have. I got lucky, though—maybe you will too, and maybe your dilemma will just resolve itself in about four years :P Good luck to you both!

First off, thanks for reaching out.

Yeah, the fear of messing up and the fear for her (what happens to her if I leave).
And did you leave her in a position where she didn't decide to walk away herself? How old were you when all this happened?

Dennis Patel5 said:First off, thanks for reaching out.

Yeah, the fear of messing up and the fear for her (what happens to her if I leave).
And did you leave her in a position where she didn't decide to walk away herself? How old were you when all this happened?

I was actually wondering just yesterday what you ended up deciding.😁

I suppose one could spend an entire lifetime paralyzed by the "what ifs" of making a mistake... I went through similar doubts during my last relationship. It was the same dread—the fear of choosing poorly or failing to find anyone better. Eventually, though, I realized that leaving was the right call because I simply wasn't happy. There isn't much sense in staying with someone just because it's become a habit.

As for what will happen to her... honestly, what would happen? She'll find a way to move forward with her life. Sure, there might be a period of grieving, but eventually, people heal and move on.

In the end, things will likely settle into a better place for both of you.

Though, if I am being perfectly candid, I can't help but wonder if the Hashimoto diagnosis is perhaps just a convenient reason to seek an exit from the relationship; I personally can't imagine ending a partnership solely because of a medical condition.

I just came across this online and felt a sudden, quiet urge to share it here with all of you:

"If you don't care about her, don't waste your time; if she doesn't want you, find someone else; but if you love her and she loves you, fight for her with everything you've got."😍

🙂

1. Look, you’re clearly one of those people who can't stand seeing someone else struggle, yet you have zero intention of actually helping. From what you're saying, it sounds like you're just worried about how her weight gain might affect your own image. If she gained 20 pounds, you'd be embarrassed to show up in public with her. You're looking out for yourself. Honestly, I get it, but
2. You aren't exactly perfect either. Just like her hypothyroidism bothers you, there are things about your own mental health struggles that probably bother her—but you don't seem to give those any thought.
3. The truth is, you don't love her. You claim you do, but you're getting hung up on a physical flaw. That's pretty awful. 😁

Thomas Roberts9 said:I was actually wondering just yesterday what you ended up deciding.😁

I suppose one could spend an entire lifetime paralyzed by the "what ifs" of making a mistake... I went through similar doubts during my last relationship. It was the same dread—the fear of choosing poorly or failing to find anyone better. Eventually, though, I realized that leaving was the right call because I simply wasn't happy. There isn't much sense in staying with someone just because it's become a habit.

As for what will happen to her... honestly, what would happen? She'll find a way to move forward with her life. Sure, there might be a period of grieving, but eventually, people heal and move on.

In the end, things will likely settle into a better place for both of you.

Though, if I am being perfectly candid, I can't help but wonder if the Hashimoto diagnosis is perhaps just a convenient reason to seek an exit from the relationship; I personally can't imagine ending a partnership solely because of a medical condition.

That's the only thing bothering me, truthfully.......