Posts by Kenneth Barnes4

Good grief... there's nothing to this window...

Exactly. When you see him trying to climb out a window or over a balcony, you tell him it's dangerous. You say NO, and maybe give him a little smack on the butt.

The window doesn't smell like anything....

As far as I'm concerned, we can kljucati this thread. PLEASE. 😬

Scott Cox56 said:@Kenneth Barnes4 - It’s honestly pretty strange how you were always so eager to lecture us regardless of whether we agreed with you, yet somehow you just decided to walk away right when things started getting a little uncomfortable and the tough questions popped up. Hmm.

Life really is just full of these bizarre little coincidences, isn't it? 🕺

It's all about what a kid grows up around. Cleaning supplies don't smell like food. A kid isn't going to shove crap in their mouth. Why? Because it doesn't smell right.

My brother tried jumping from the garage to a tree when he was little, fell, and broke his arm. 😬

I answered questions while they actually made sense. I'm done repeating myself. Not worth the effort anymore.

George Davis6 said:I actually included the link in my previous post! But honestly, it seems like you—being the one who started this whole thread (let's call it what it is: a little bit of sadomasochism from someone who clearly enjoys inflicting pain)—only bother reading things that fit your own narrative.

No, I'm ignoring you because you're aggressive. You lost any right to a fair debate from your very first post.

I stopped replying because I reached a dead end.

It’s impossible to justify that kind of "discipline" because people can't tell when it's appropriate and when it isn't. Just like they can't tell the difference between parenting and straight-up abuse. There's no point in arguing anymore. 😬

darkcanyon10 said:People confuse parenting with control. They aren't the same thing, even if they're tangled up together. Most parents get it mixed up because they're scared—they can't tell what they actually have power over and what they can't. They try to micromanage everything just to keep things smooth and make sure their kids are happy. Oh, the joys of life!

Corporal punishment isn't about being a bully, venting rage, or just beating a kid for the hell of it...
It’s a last resort. It happens when you feel like there's no other way to make a kid realize you're acting out of pure fear for them. Like, you slap them because you're desperate for them to understand something vital for their future, even if they're too blind to see it right now. Physical discipline isn't supposed to be some outlet for parents who can't handle their own damn emotions.

Plus, once kids hit a certain age—say, around 13—parents lose most of their grip anyway. Peer pressure, celebrities, social media... that stuff becomes the ultimate authority. Forget parents; at that age, we're just the boring adults who don't know anything. 😁

👍

Bottom line: hitting a kid for spilling water isn't the same as hitting them for running into traffic.

Jose Martin71 said:It wasn't "faking" anything. It’s not just that they didn't lift a finger; it’s that they just walked away after a little chat.

Because we live in a total mess of a country—in the USA, specifically—where social workers basically turn a blind eye because they operate under the flawed logic that kids are better off with parents like that than in state care, especially since the foster system is already slammed and they save their resources for the absolute worst-case scenarios.

The kid doesn't mean much to me anymore; the mother was crying for the first time, rambling about how she "lost control" and "it won't happen again." It’s all a heavy situation, honestly. I try to protect them through whatever success I can manage, if I can manage anything at all.

probably raised that way 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jose Martin71 said:ROFL? Seriously? 😁

I didn't take that as a question; I took it as an implication that this kid is running around the classroom specifically because of that. I have no idea how you connected those dots. Physical punishment is physical punishment, whether we're talking about a light swat or something much more severe. And they started off by saying it was just "a little swat."

Don't you think that if a situation can be settled with "a little swat," then it could just as easily be resolved through a conversation, making that swat entirely unnecessary in the first place?

all five 😬

Scott Cox56 said:I guess this whole thread is honestly just kind of hilarious when you take into account the upbringing aspect mentioned in that very first post!
I guess I'm just wondering what the actual point is here? Is it supposed to be about letting a kid get hit just so they can learn a hard lesson about, I don't know, getting into a car with a stranger or whatever else might happen? Maybe it's meant to show how bad things turn out when you don't teach them early, but I suppose I'm just a bit confused about the whole logic behind it!
I guess if that’s really how everything ends up and that's the core parenting philosophy being used, then it seems just as misguided as trying to teach kids how to avoid doing evil based strictly on Christian doctrine, maybe?
I guess I feel like if the main lesson a kid walks away with is "don't talk to strangers just so you don't get hit," then we haven't really taught them much at all, you know? To me, the whole point is that you don't go off with a stranger because it’s fundamentally the wrong thing to do, not simply because you're afraid of getting hurt. It reminds me a bit of how people view faith sometimes; I mean, you shouldn't do something bad just because you're scared of facing eternal suffering in hell, though I suppose some might argue there's always that chance of slipping back onto the wrong path even after seeking forgiveness! 😁 I don't want to go too far down the rabbit hole of how illogical or even harmful certain religious teachings can be, because I really don't want to get carried away there, but I guess the real issue we should probably focus on is just how illogical and truly damaging it is to hit children.

I guess the absolute silliest argument that keeps popping up around here is this idea that if you aren't being physically aggressive with kids, then you're basically just being way too soft and letting them get away with everything! 😲 I honestly can't help but wonder where all this nonsense actually comes from! I mean, has anyone here ever truly witnessed an actual child existing, maybe even just watching a movie or something? It feels like we should probably just try to shake off these crazy, black-and-white delusions, you know? And I don't just mean when it comes to parenting, but more like for everything in life, really.
I honestly feel like neither being totally permissive nor resorting to physical "discipline" actually count as real parenting methods. To me, they both just seem like different ways of avoiding the actual work of raising a child! I guess it’s almost like a sign that someone doesn't truly want to engage with their kid; maybe they either let everything slide because they don't care enough to set boundaries, or perhaps they find that sitting down for a real, meaningful conversation takes way too much time and energy, so they just take the "quick fix" route by using their hands instead. It really feels like these behaviors are either just weaknesses where parenting becomes a bit of a chore, or they're just things people do when they aren't properly informed about how much we've progressed as a society and the heartbreaking statistics regarding modern discipline.

Raising kids really is probably the toughest job out there in the whole world, isn't it? I mean, let’s be honest, it can be such a constant struggle sometimes, and I guess you just find yourself running on empty without any real energy or time left for anything else. Even during those sweet moments when everything seems fine, there always seems to be some new little hurdle or issue popping up out of nowhere. It all adds up, but I truly feel like anyone who thinks they can just use physical discipline or constantly cave in to every demand to raise a child might not be quite mature enough to handle the complexities of such a massive responsibility. I honestly don't quite understand why people decide to have children if they aren't prepared to fully commit themselves to the journey, because I suppose using physical force isn't really an act of devotion—it feels more like someone is just trying to avoid actually dealing with the core of the problem.

I guess I could just pretend that I’m the only one who ever came up with this idea if I wanted to go around rambling about my own opinions, but honestly, that isn't really how things work at all! Goodness gracious, everything you could possibly need to know is already out there for everyone to see, so maybe people should just take a little more time to educate themselves and actually do some reading!

The whole point was for the kid to realize bad actions have bad consequences. How exactly do you explain the fallout of running off with a stranger to a child? If you teach them it's fine, they'll keep doing it. But looking at the video I posted, they're gonna run off regardless.

Jose Martin71 said:Where exactly did I say he was just slightly disciplined?
The kid had visible bruising on his neck; the mother actually admitted she used a belt because he wouldn't study. It ended up being a whole thing with the school board protocols, Child Protective Services did absolutely nothing, and the mother is still hitting him over bad grades—so now the kid still isn't learning anything.

Do you honestly think that instead of physical abuse, he just lightly got a slap on the wrist to make him—study?

🤣🤣🤣

I was asking if you think that's a normal reaction to being hit "a little," because obviously it isn't. I'm not talking about abuse here. Read the thread and what I'm actually saying, then comment once you realize what the point is.

rowdytiger13 said:My brother and I grew up in a house where hands were never laid on us. I don't recall a single instance of a parent hitting me; at most, things would get loud, and that was the absolute limit of how intense it got. We were raised strictly through a system of rewards and consequences... if I’m being blunt, it felt more like training. If you messed up, the punishment stayed in effect until it was served, and both of them were damnably relentless about that.
To be honest... there were plenty of times I actually wished they’d just lost it and given me a beating, just so I could take my medicine and move on—whether that meant being grounded from the PC, staying inside, or whatever else they decided. They always picked the "perfect" punishment.
Looking back, I’m actually grateful for it. I’m proud of them for being among those rare types of parents who managed to raise two sons without ever resorting to violence, though I have to give credit to my mother, who had the time and the patience to keep everything running smoothly at home.

That’s basically what I’m talking about. Getting rewarded just for being a pain in the ass is actually a punishment. You use a system of rewards and consequences to guide a kid, right? But you can't do that unless you actually know where you're going. You shouldn't be sending a kid down a path that's just gonna screw them over. A kid needs to be able to trust their parents. They need to see real-world examples that prove what the parent is doing actually makes sense—that the parent can actually predict an outcome better than the kid can.

Joseph Bailey41 said:If you're going to make a point, it's on you to tie it all together logically rather than expecting me to play mind reader to figure out what you meant. You can't teach children (or adults, for that matter) how to make independent decisions through physical punishment.

But let's try this instead—did your little "cloning" experiment have any actual negative consequences? And were you even aware of the rule against using two different accounts in the same thread?

Give me an answer to that, and then we can move forward. ☕

Look, I'm trying to make this clear, but I honestly don't get where he's getting it from. 🤷

Let's try this instead—did your cloning thing actually cause any trouble? And are you even aware that running two accounts on the same thread is against the rules?

Answer me that first, then we can move on. ☕

🤣 Who else do you think I am? Just curious. 🤣

Harold Anderson3 said:@ rowdytiger13, my stepmother—who used to beat me and my half-siblings until we were completely exhausted—was also beaten herself until she was bruised blue by her own mother, who would actually hold a knife to her throat.
It’s this heavy chain that just keeps passing down through the generations. But, honestly, I truly believe the chance to break that cycle always lies right here in the present moment, and if I ever have kids of my own, I promise I won't lay a hand on them.
Did your parents ever deal with physical abuse? Do you know anything about what their childhood was like?

Peter Murphy6 said:Look, I’m not a parent yet, so I don't claim to know everything—I just have a pretty clear vision of how I want things to go.
From a kid's perspective, the worst part about physical punishment wasn't even the actual hit or the pain... it was seeing that pure rage, almost hatred, in my parents' eyes. That's what really creeped me out—that raw aggression.

Honestly, it feels to me like when a parent raises their hand, it’s rarely some calm, rational single strike that sticks with you. It’s usually just an explosion of anger because they ran out of patience.

Just thinking out loud here, but I hope that when I eventually reach that stage where my kid is driving me absolutely insane and I feel the urge to lash out... I'll be able to just walk away, cool off, and then deal with it.
Right after, I'll take a second to actually figure out why I'm feeling the urge to hit someone—especially a child. Aggression kicks in whenever someone doesn't "flow" exactly the way we planned for them.

My point is, if "disciplinary" hits ever happen, they aren't coming from a place of wanting to teach the kid a lesson. They come from wanting to satisfy an impulse. And then it gets wrapped up in this whole "doing it for the child's own good" excuse.

Look, this thread isn't about aggressive parents losing their cool and beating their kids. Those people beat adults too, which is a completely different beast, right? Unless they’re only targeting the sick. Which is even worse. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

I'm talking about using punishment to guide a kid. If you're the parent, what's your move? Capable. Deciding what's actually best for your kid. Harder than it looks, right?

The truth is, most people just stay quiet because they can't actually raise a kid properly to begin with. You're all out here giving me examples like, "Oh, these parents were beating their kids." Please. Most folks don't even have the basics down. 😕 So, let's talk about aggressive people. Nowadays, everyone's obsessed with this "no aggression" mantra. You've got these parents who swear by every parenting book on the shelf, trying to raise kids perfectly by the manual. It’s all very polite, right? But honestly, I want to hear from the realists. Does anyone actually have an example of parents who were decent people but still used physical discipline? Is that even allowed to be said anymore?

So I have this friend, right? Total powerhouse. Smart, responsible, killing it in her career. She told me that back when she was fourteen, she ran away from home with some guy and left a note for her parents. When they finally tracked her down, they absolutely laid into her with a belt. She told me—and I’m quoting here—“I never once thought about doing something like that again.” She didn't end up with any long-term trauma or anything; she’s fine. And now that she has her own kid, the idea of messing around with her child like that never even crosses her mind. Why is that?

He’s way too close to his parents. He respects his old man too much. Seeing him react like that? It honestly just shamed her. How much did she have to hurt or scare him to trigger a reaction like that? She's never doing it again. That wasn't the goal.

Honestly, it feels like most of you aren't even listening to what I'm saying. You just don't get it. Look, I’m speaking theoretically here. I'm talking about guiding a kid this way, assuming the parent actually has their life together enough to handle everything else. You gotta nail the basics first—emotional stability. The kid needs to feel safe, protected, and actually led in the right direction. That's the priority. What’s the number one thing when it comes to raising kids? Honestly, what even matters most?

The examples you guys are throwing out about aggressive psychos are total nonsense. They have zero to do with what we're actually talking about. 🤔 Look, I’m not talking about child abuse here, and I’m definitely not even hinting at it. 🤣

rowdytiger13 said:My mom grew up in a rural farming town and worked incredibly hard, but she never mentions being hit, just being forced to stand in the corner. Whenever she was being naughty, that was her punishment, and she talks about it often... being stuck in that corner really traumatized her, I think she spent a lot of time there. 😁
My dad's mother tragically lost his father, so she became a total helicopter parent. She didn't lay a hand on them, but she was borderline obsessive.
What you're describing is straight-up abuse (just like it was with my former neighbor). I don't mean to offend anyone, but if you beat a child so hard they end up with injuries and bruises all over their body... that isn't "spanking," that's child abuse.

Exactly. It all comes down to the "why." If a kid breaks a glass and gets physically lashed out at for it? That’s straight-up twisted. People like that shouldn't even be allowed near kids. Punishment should only ever be about what's actually good for the child. Period.

Joseph Bailey41 said:How can you even tell if it was too much or too little? Either way, it was enough to trigger an "abnormal" response. And Unit One is still getting hit.

If it isn't important and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up in the discussion at all?

I’m having a hard time figuring out where the disconnect is—whether it’s in the thought process itself or just in the way you’re putting those thoughts into words—so it's tough for me to suggest how you might fix the issue. Do you honestly think you'd be able to think more clearly or write any better if someone gave you a spanking every now and then?
☕

Like I’ve said a million times already, kids need to be treated right before you even think about physical punishment. You can't just have some maid swatting you around the house because you got a C on a test.

Quentin:

If it’s irrelevant and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up at all? I can't tell where the breakdown is happening—is it in your head or just in how you type? Hard to say what you need to work on to fix this issue. You think you'd think clearer and write better if someone gave you a slap on the ass once in a while?☕

Explaining things in detail is pointless. People who get it, get it. People who don't, won't. Clearly you don't. I've been saying the same thing from the start. It's about understanding consequences, teaching kids to make their own choices, weighing the good against the bad, etc. You can't connect any of that into a coherent thought, so instead, you ask me—and look, let me quote you again:

Quentin:

If it’s irrelevant and has nothing to do with the topic, why bring it up at all?

I said it was irrelevant because my previous post went into way too much detail, so I just tossed out a "whatever" phrase.

Jose Martin71 said:Exactly.
Just about twenty days ago, I had a student run to the corner of the classroom, screaming and sobbing, because they were terrified to go home—scared that Mom would beat them again just because they once again received a failing grade.

Yeah, because it's a totally normal reaction for a kid to bolt to a corner and scream his head off after getting a spanking.

Richard Carter23 said:Physical discipline can be a last resort when talking simply doesn't work—when explanations fall on deaf ears and you realize you actually need to make it clear to a child that their behavior is unacceptable.
Since kids are still small, they don't always grasp the long-term consequences of their actions, no matter how much you explain things to them. Even in the animal kingdom, there’s a certain level of physical correction used in training. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched a mother cat swat a kitten on the head or give it a firm shake by the scruff of its neck just to get it to settle down. It’s about making them understand.
Now, obviously, actual violence is absolutely reprehensible, but a quick swat on the backside can be quite an effective teaching tool for a particularly unruly child.

👍

Joseph Bailey41 said:I have to admit, I'm one of those people who finds your thought process completely baffling, and honestly, a little unsettling. Would you mind trying to explain it from the beginning?

I really don't have the energy for that... 🤣

So look, I think learning how to make decisions and understanding that your actions have consequences is a vital part of life. I was saying that physical punishment teaches kids that what they do matters. Google "decision making" and try to wrap your head around it 🙂 but whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm just putting my thoughts into words whenever I have some downtime.😬

George Davis6 said:You're dodging my previous questions.

I don't see why I WOULD need to hit my kid if they’re actually listening to me. 🤔🤔

Look, through consistent effort, I've reached a point where I might have to repeat myself a few times—maybe raise my voice just a little bit—but that's really it. My kid knows exactly where the boundaries are and understands what's allowed and what isn't. No yelling, no hitting, no trauma. And honestly? It's totally doable, you know? 😉

It's because you have zero logic and you ignore half of what I say. You're just passive-aggressive and biased, unable to explain where your views even come from—you just parrot whatever you were taught like a sheep. You don't get that I'm looking at the big picture and doing what's best for the kid's future, yet you accuse me of being abusive.

And last but not least, it's because you're raising your kid based on "whatever's easiest for me."

I don't see why I HAVE to hit my child if they listen to me. 🤔🤔

Basically, through consistent effort, I've reached a point where I might have to repeat myself a few times or raise my voice slightly, but that's it. My kid knows exactly where the lines are drawn. No screaming, no hitting, no trauma. It's actually possible, you know? 😉

Right. So your kid will grow up "perfect," and God help them having a mother like you.

George Davis6 said:Seriously, tell me—when you mess up or do something totally stupid, when your partner or whoever just gives you a good old-fashioned smack to teach you a lesson, does that actually work for you?

Or look at criminal sentencing. What kind of prison system are we talking about? If we just had public lashings, man, people would learn pretty fast not to steal... damn....

I mean, I don't get why people were such idiots and banned corporal punishment in the first place if it’s clearly—you know—so effective!

Someone else made a great point earlier—once you have kids of your own, you'll see if you can really bring yourself to hit them. To cause that much pain. To basically crush a child's spirit like that.

And there it is. That’s the whole damn issue right there. "Will it be easy to hit them?" Of course it isn't easy. Raising a kid isn't easy; if it were, everyone would be doing it perfectly. The point isn't whether it feels hard for you or easy. It's about what needs to be done. You aren't looking at what's necessary to get a kid on the right track; you're just focused on "is this hard for me" or "can I handle this." I don't know about you, but that's where I see the problem.

Daniel Alvarez7 said:I haven't read every single comment yet, so I might have missed some context—do you actually have kids of your own?
Once you have them, everything I'm saying will suddenly make perfect sense to you.😁

Nothing.

Daniel Kelly57 said:Look, let’s be real—as soon as you start posting, people are gonna come for you. Maybe it was your folks giving you a hard time or just growing up with parents who knew how to raise you right through tone and volume. Personally, my mom laid it down for me twice when I was a kid, and I haven't missed a beat since. 🍿

Nobody's ever laid a finger on me, and I don't recall ever catching a charge for anything.

Alright, moving on... let me write a bit about why it’s vital for a kid to understand that their actions have consequences.

When parents overprotect a kid from everything—especially negative outcomes (like if the kid messes up and the parent rushes in to fix it)—that kid never learns that actions have CONSEQUENCES. When we teach kids that what they do matters, we're actually teaching them how to make their own choices and how to avoid bad outcomes (I’m talking a smack on the butt here, not, you know, assault or something.

In cases where kids are shielded from seeing the fallout of their behavior, they grow up unable to correctly link results to their own actions. Decision-making in adulthood isn't just the simple stuff: like having three candy bars to choose from, where it's easy to pick one (or you're too indecisive to pick any at all).

It goes deeper than that. It's a process where a person realizes that if they combine A and B, they get result C. If a kid never sees the consequences, they'll head from A to B without ever considering the end result. Basically, a person enjoys the process for whatever subjective reasons, but they either don't want the final outcome or can't predict it.

Okay, I'm overcomplicating this... fine, here's a totally unrealistic, hypothetical example.
Someone is hiking through the woods toward a bungee jumping site. They're stoked, singing: "YAY BUNGEE IS COOL, LALALA bungee mungee lala lungee." 🤣🤣 Then an indecisive person comes along, hears them singing, and joins in. Since singing "bungee mungee lala" is fun, they walk through the woods together, having a blast. But then they reach the actual bungee jumping spot—the goal. Person A, who was singing about it, is thrilled because the whole trip was leading to this. Person B (the indecisive one) finally sees what's actually happening—they're expected to jump—and they aren't interested. So they just turn around and leave. Because Person B enjoyed the walk and the singing, but didn't account for the destination, once they hit the goal, they're out. Get what I'm saying?

Or take a guy hitting on a woman with sexual undertones. She plays along because she thinks it's fun, like a game or something. Then the guy expects sex, but the woman doesn't realize that's where this is heading and just wanders off to do something else she finds fun. The guy feels provoked or like there was some ulterior motive, when really, there wasn't.

It's the same thing with reading between the lines. You say something to someone to imply a point, but they don't grasp your direction or your target; they only hear the literal words. It's the same A+B=C formula for everything.

People like that cause total chaos in life. Why? Because the other person—who usually has a clear goal in mind (which is most people, let's be real)—assumes they're on the same page because they're acting like it. Then suddenly, they pivot, and you realize they weren't. It's similar to the chaos caused by people who struggle with emotional attachment but then suddenly want something intensely. They push hard to get something, the other side builds an emotional connection, and then these people just vanish because they don't build those connections. So, who's to blame? We could throw ASPD or BPD diagnoses at everyone at this point 😬

Look, I get that most people won't see how this all connects, but it does. This is how I reached the conclusion that physical discipline should be used as a consequence for bad behavior. Kids won't always understand exactly where they're headed in the moment. But if a parent gives you *that* look—you know what that means, you're screwed—you move. Simple.

Richard Nelson84 said:Parenting is about so much more than whether a child faced physical or psychological abuse. Just because you see a link between hitting a kid and their behavior—or following a strict manual and seeing bad results—doesn't mean one caused the other. There are way too many moving parts in raising a human being to claim that any single method is the sole factor in how a child behaves now or grows up to be later.

What we can talk about are general trends based on different parenting styles. For example, statistics show a trend where bullies often come from homes that lean heavily on physical discipline. Meanwhile, victims are frequently kids who were either overprotected by their moms or, conversely, those who felt neglected. But again, that’s just one tiny slice of a much bigger pie.

🙏🙏🙏

the voice of reason.

Look, I'm talking about physical punishment used within liberal families that follow an authoritative style—families actually interested in raising healthy, functional adults.

Like I said before, a parent has to cover the kid's emotional and material needs first. When a parent warns a kid about danger and they ignore it, they learn two things: a) the consequence of their actions, and b) that the parent was right about the risk.

That builds respect for the parent as an authority figure working in the kid's best interest. That's where physical discipline comes in. In the kind of household I'm describing, the kid understands the parent reacted that way for their own good because the situation was genuinely dangerous.

You guys are debating... I don't even know what you're talking about. 🤷

Some guy claims he's a thief today because his ass hurt after being spanked, but look at the other side—some kid gets hit once and grows up to be the President.🤣

Steven Murphy2 said:I went through all that hell, and honestly? The result is just as depressing as what you see with kids who have parents that fold at the first sign of trouble. I basically saw enemies everywhere inside my own house—it was like being under siege—so I figured if the streets were gonna be my real classroom since my folks couldn't put food on the table, then fine, let's go. And you know what? I actually turned out better than those spoiled brats with soft parents who could just slide their way into easy money through shady means. But man, that feeling of getting physically punished as a kid... it’s like being stuck in a cell with nothing but a guard staring you down, just counting the seconds until you can finally break free.

Aha, so your mom smacked your ass once and that's why the streets raised you.

George Davis6 said:Seriously, why did you even start this thread? It feels like nothing anyone says actually sinks in with you. Honestly, maybe you had a rough childhood or something—it’s hard to tell with that narcissistic streak you've got going on.

Besides, corporal punishment is strictly illegal here in the States. There isn't even a point in debating it.

So, let me get this straight—you work with kids, you threaten them, you hit them, and then you have the nerve to openly admit it on a forum? Are you for real? Should I just report you now?

Have some shame. Just... yikes.

... wow.

I have my own views and I wanted to have a discussion. You guys don't actually listen to anything I say; you just parrot the same stuff back at me.

I don't threaten kids and I don't hit them. I don't have the authority to hit anyone's kids, nor do I aim to threaten them. It's one thing to think kids should experience a LITTLE bit of negative emotion because life isn't all sunshine and rainbows—it's necessary to face consequences sometimes—but that's different.

If a kid has zero experience with the real world, they can't grasp what bad consequences look like. That's just facts.

Like I said above, if a child is otherwise treated correctly—meaning their emotional and material needs are met—then giving them a quick swat on the butt isn't going to cause permanent psychological damage. The real issue is the other parenting mistakes people make.

I'm not replying to posts like this anymore. Get a grip.

Justin Fisher said:Beyond just instilling this deep-seated fear of parents right down to the bone, there's another issue at play here that’s honestly way worse, because you can't just hit some magic reset button on it later in life. If you're "explaining" things to kids through physical punishment, they aren't actually developing any healthy, rational understanding of why certain things shouldn't be done; instead, they're just making choices based entirely on being terrified of getting caught or punished.
I feel like the whole goal of being a solid parent is to raise a kid who actually gets the reasoning behind their actions, you know? Because that's really the only way they'll develop actual self-awareness and understand the "why" behind how they carry themselves. Sure, you won't catch them doing the right thing the first time—maybe not even the tenth time—but you just have to keep showing up and, more importantly, being that living example of the behavior you want to see. Eventually, it all starts to sink in.

So you're saying kids will decide not to do bad stuff simply because they realize it'll screw them over personally?

Spot on. 😬

👏

Just watch the video. Parents act like they’re 100% sure their kids actually listened to them. They gave warnings about not talking to strangers. But you see it clearly in the clip—as soon as a stranger approaches with something they want (in this case, a cute dog), they don't even hesitate. They just see a dog, they want it, and they go for it without a second thought.

Parents are left totally stunned because they think they're raising perfect kids who would never do something like that. Here's the reality: if you raise a kid on empty promises and hollow lectures, they’re going to act exactly like this. It means a kid's safety depends entirely on whether the person approaching them happens to have bad intentions or not.

I remember watching another video involving a 13-year-old boy. His mom told him, "Watch out for that blue car that kidnaps kids, stay away from it." It was basically an experiment. He met some woman online and was planning to meet up with her (turns out she was an adult running the test). This person shows up to pick him up in the exact same blue car his mother described. The guy gives some stupid excuse for why he's picking him up. As soon as the adult says, "It's fine, I'm just here to pick you up for [reason]," the kid hops right in. Even though he'd been warned, and even though this was someone from the internet he barely knew. Why does that happen to an older kid?

a) Because in his head, he's thinking: "This girl from the internet is awesome, I'm stoked to finally meet her."
b) An adult tells him it's okay. That person takes control and assumes responsibility for the situation, not him.

We're talking about an older kid here, not some five-year-old.

Later in the video, you see the mom absolutely losing it on him, screaming, "I TOLD YOU NOT TO GET IN A CAR LIKE THAT! WHY DID YOU GO?" The kid just stays quiet. He's got nothing to say because, well, his mom is pissed and he knows he's screwed. Not because HE messed up, but because he didn't even realize he had.

I can't remember the exact video—it was a few years back. I might try to find it, but I gotta run so I don't have much time right now.

You guys are too focused on the "violence" aspect instead of what I'm actually saying. It's like you think my goal is to advocate for child abuse or whatever. It isn't.

Andrew Doyle said:God help us...🤦

Maybe try debating the actual points I'm making? I'm talking about child psychology and how kids actually function. Focus on that instead of these useless comments. I'd appreciate it. 😬

George Davis6 said:There is no scenario where a child MUST be physically disciplined. There isn't a single situation where an adult MUST be physically punished either. Do you see the analogy there?

You can explain to a child that something is dangerous without resorting to physical punishment. Kids aren't idiots! Physical discipline leads to nothing but fear of parents, a loss of self-esteem, and all sorts of other nasty long-term consequences... And as for that idea that a child will "conclude" one thing or another—they won't. A child doesn't understand why Mom or Dad suddenly seems to hate them in the moment they're being hit or why they're causing them physical pain. A parent needs to be a safe harbor—a refuge from pain, insults, and humiliation...

Yeah, sure. Except most parents, whether they’re using a belt or just their words, are exactly the opposite.

Robert Reyes4 said:Punishing a kid is only justifiable if they know exactly what they're doing is wrong and they do it anyway. Your car example doesn't fit that.
If a kid does something dangerous, you explain it to them—and if it's truly life-threatening, you make it clear with some drama.

Then how was that guy in the video supposed to handle it?

Robert Reyes4 said:The goal is to watch them until you're sure they actually get why certain things are off-limits.
What's the alternative? Just let them wander off with a complete stranger and then beat them for it later?

No. You spank them. Then next time they find themselves in that spot, they won't think "oh no, I might die," they'll think "oh crap, my ass is gonna hurt." That's what they actually get.

Kids are my specialty. I've had enough time and material to study this stuff.

Dealing with kids is exactly like dealing with dogs. Fact.

They crowd the door, so you move them away. You tell them ten times, "get back, the door's gonna slam," and nothing happens. Zero results. But if you clench your fist and use an excited tone like, "WHAT DO I HAVE HERE? WHAT IS THIS?" they're all over you in a second. Why?

Because they aren't thinking about whether a door is gonna hit them or not; they're following their own impulses. As soon as you clench that fist and act excited, they react to the vibe. They think you're about to show them something cool. They're acting on selfish instincts. To them, it looks exciting, so they come over to see what the deal is.

Same goes for dogs. You yell at a dog not to run into the street? He doesn't give a damn. But the second you grab a treat bag and shout, "WHAT DO I HAVE HERE?" he's sitting right at your feet thinking he's getting a biscuit. That's the only language they understand, and that's how they act.

With adults who actually have the brainpower to analyze behavior, you use that to steer them—whether it's a kid or a dog—toward what's best for them. You play into how they function to get the result you want.

You guys are obsessed with what I said about violence because it's trendy nowadays to go after parents for giving a kid a dirty look, while ignoring actual neglect or other ways people screw over kids. It's easy to jump on "hitting is bad" because it's a simple headline.😠 🤣

Go ahead, tear me apart.

Doesn't mean I'm wrong.