Posts by Kevin Wells81

George Cook said:Getting a work visa in the States is a gauntlet. Where did you even see the listing? Be careful—American job boards are crawling with scams.

Have you reached out to a therapist?

I didn't see any ad... some director at a German firm I used to work with set up an interview for me... a buddy of mine is tight with the owner over in the States..

I know how the visa thing works because I spent some time working with pro soccer players who couldn't get cleared to play over there..

No therapist. I've just been super antisocial lately.. just trying to nudge some influential people here and there to remind them I'm still around... everything else is a wash.

George Cook said:Move abroad. You won't be labeled an old bachelor, and you might actually land a Brazilian girl. 🎉

I don't feel old per se, but I honestly feel like I’ve only got about 6 or 7 years left of being in my prime and actually enjoying life, and I already feel completely burnt out...

Got a job interview on January 10th for a sales rep position in New York... I have no clue what kind of salary I'd need to actually survive on my own over there... probably like $5,000 a month? I doubt I'll even get close to that, and I haven't even looked into how work visas work...🤦....

I'm struggling with addiction and my health is trashed, and I don't know how to fix it without letting everything else fall apart...

Brazilian 👍 😁

boldnomad45 said:Regarding debts, there isn't much you can do. Personally, I wasted half my life and all my energy trying to talk one parent into being sensible about real estate that did nothing but pile up debt and prevent us from living like normal people. I tried to get them to start looking out for themselves, but I just burned through my youth doing it. I finally threw in the towel when someone told me straight up that they couldn't do anything because it was their property, and if they wanted to ruin themselves along with everything else, they had every right to. So, I left. I moved into a rental, got a job, and eventually took out a loan for my own place. Once I accepted that the situation wasn't in my hands—since I didn't create the mess in the first place—I could finally offer advice to anyone asking. Now, the property sits empty and won't sell, while I pay my own mortgage. My parent is in a nursing home because they never looked after themselves. Naturally, I have to help fund the facility financially. But I regret not realizing sooner that you can't force logic onto parents who simply don't possess it. You have to start building your own life; I did it just like thousands of others. Don't waste another second of your life or energy trying to convince them. As for the mediocrity, the failure to reach your potential, and the lack of drive... I'm dealing with that in therapy. Anxiety. For you, though, there's still time. Twenty-nine is incredibly young. You can do anything, you just don't realize it yet.

I get the whole real estate mess... Usually, it's the people closest to you who screw you over the most. They already have, and the misery just keeps dragging on...
If I wasn't hooked on pills, I'd be out there, but right now? I've got no clue. I'm wondering if I should take maybe six months to "rehab" and get back in shape. It eats at me that I'm just average now when I used to be a total athlete... but that's probably just my ego talking...
Yeah, I don't know if 29 is old or not. I know I've been through it all, but I wasted half my life on stupid stuff... I've always had massive potential but never actually pulled the trigger on anything...
It even bugs me thinking about what I could've been with some really great girls I dated, but I always thought I could do better... I know I don't need a girlfriend until I get my act together, but everyone needs some kind of human connection, not just friends...
I have no idea. I'll try to make some sort of plan for the holidays, but I've never felt this aimless. I'm somewhere between full-blown depression and just not giving a damn about anything...

PS Thanks for the post 🙂

Joseph Bailey41 said:From what I understand, you can legally renounce an entire inheritance, which means you wouldn't be on the hook for the debts either.

The assets are worth way more... It's just just as hard to offload them.

I gotta admit, I’ve been running on maybe an hour or two of sleep lately... and anyone who knows me would tell you I don't scare easy...

But I am so TERRIFIED that I'll never be anything more than mediocre that it's actually making me suicidal.

And I can't get off these pills.... Total disaster.

rustymarlin16 said:You’ve already taken that first big step—just by opening this thread and being honest about what’s weighing on you.
Most people let their whole lives slip by without ever pausing to look back or ask themselves those tough questions... but you actually did it. Right now—at 29.
I truly believe you have more than enough time to get everything lined up. Just don't try to fix it all overnight—seriously, don't force it—or you'll just end up spiraling and adding more stress to the pile. Take it slow—one day at a time, little by little.
The key is leaving the junk behind—the bad habits, the vices, and those people who just waste everyone's time—while working just as hard on your physical health as you do on your life in general. It isn't easy, obviously—I think most of us are constantly fighting these same battles—so you definitely aren't alone here. You've identified the problem, so now just start moving toward the solution, slowly and steadily. 👍

It's been almost 3 months since this thread started.. Still flying, honey.

Melissa Sanchez8 said:Family—when parents pass away, who's stuck with their massive debt? Is it Saint Peter, the government, or you? If it’s the third option, you definitely have a say in how the money and assets get handled.

Health—you've really run yourself into the ground. If you actually want a better life, take care of yourself. Forget the gym and the muscles for a second. Your health is the only thing you truly own, and you're throwing it away.

Career—everything you've done up to this point hasn't taught you much besides some languages. Try putting those skills to use, and prepare to start from scratch with everything else. Are you ready for that? Honestly, maybe a total change of scenery wouldn't be bad either... even moving abroad.

Relationships—once you get yourself sorted, that part will follow. But you need to realize that not all women are the same and stop making the same old mistakes. And if you actually want a wife and kids, you've got to ditch the vices and the pills.

Just find some peace. Let go of those old ambitions and the need to impress people who don't matter. Why carry that weight? It serves no purpose. Your life belongs to you. You aren't living for others, you're living for yourself... and hopefully, you want something better for yourself than what you've had so far. If not, you really should.

Thanks a million....

1) I'm the one inheriting the debt... Do you think I actually have any legal way to handle it?
2) I know I do... I haven't touched a drink in a year, and I haven't taken anything except my prescribed benzos, which I can't function without right now, unfortunately... I don't know what other steps to take; if I just keep seeing doctors, I'll just end up with even more pills.
3) I'm ready to start from zero... I just hope someone gives me a shot... I'm not afraid to prove myself, I know I've got what it takes...
4) I'm also hoping I'll find someone.

I'm trying to let go of the useless ambitions... I built up some of them myself because of past disappointments... I only recently started dropping them. Every time I manage to, it feels like a huge relief... Hopefully, things will settle down eventually, because right now I feel fine during the day, but once I sleep, I wake up feeling like I've been totally reset.🤦

analogviper9 said:So, it sounds like your parents definitely need some help. Are they working at all? And how big is this debt we're talking about? Could they apply for a loan from a bank, or perhaps sell something off? They really need to take action here, because sweeping everything under the rug is never going to solve anything.

As for your career situation—I don't know exactly what you studied—but put together a solid resume and start putting yourself out there.
If you say you're good at communicating with people, then surely presenting yourself well or pitching your skills to potential employers won't be an issue for you.

Regarding faith—of course you need it. You need faith in yourself and in a higher power (Bob). Without that, you can't lead a truly healthy life.

I get that nothing happens without faith... Every successful person I know has it first and foremost... I don't, damn... It's a huge issue...

Pitching myself won't be the hard part... Honestly, my only move is to clean myself up as much as possible and start knocking on doors... while I still have a few people left who'll actually give me advice...

I get where my parents are at... But I can't even help myself, let alone them when they refuse to listen... A few years back, I had a plan for the finances, but they wouldn't let me manage the assets... Even now, after all my mistakes and "good advice," they still won't trust me... The debt is astronomical...

analogviper9 said:Why are your parents so stuck in their ways? And what "institution" are we even talking about here?

If you don't trust women, how on earth are you going to build a family?

As for the job situation—you've clearly done work before; you just need to figure out how to pitch those skills better.

If you show a genuine hunger to learn (and you should tell a potential employer that; they can spot it immediately), I really don't think you'll have trouble finding work.
You might have to start with something entry-level or lower paying, but the most important thing is just getting your foot in the door.

It sounds like you've fallen into a deep depression, but if you have the will to fight, you can absolutely climb your way out of it.

Because they don't talk to anyone, let alone each other... I don't know what kind of support they'd even want... Honestly, they were more like a burden since I had to handle everything around the house... Total dead weight... They also racked up massive debt, though that's not my problem right now... Both of them deal with heavy depression too.

That’s both true. I want to learn, and obviously, I need a decent paycheck to cover basic living costs... As long as I feel useful and actually give a damn about what I'm doing, I'm good.

I can try to pull myself out... I've got the will, but I've lost my faith... damn... and maybe faith is the most important part... I don't mean in Bob, but in actually succeeding.

Sarah Nguyen96 said:Man, you’re totally cracking under the pressure.

I know... so what? What am I supposed to do, end it all? Or go look for some "professional" help? 🙄

@Leteća

Thanks for the advice, but I doubt sitting around and thinking is gonna fix anything... it never works out well... turns from sitting to lying down pretty fast 🤣🤣
You really think I'm gonna find an answer on the internet?

I get that time flies... most of my looks are already gone... at least my athletic build is still there... though that doesn't do much for my confidence...

Someone said I'm scared... I'm not afraid of anything, but yeah, I'm under massive stress and have zero clue where to start...

I can hold my own in English, Spanish, and Italian
I'm a solid driver, too
My communication skills are on point

That's pretty much the gist of it :/

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Joseph Bailey41 said:Come on, I get it—you're pining for an ex who didn't give you kids, which is apparently the only thing that matters to you, and now every other woman is just a distraction who doesn't measure up. 😬

But I don't get how you can claim you don't know how to work when you supposedly had such a "promising career." What did you actually do at your last job? Dealing in white powder? 🤔

When I said no one compares to her... that's not what I meant... I wouldn't ever get back with her...

I wasn't doing anything illegal... I was in management for two companies owned by a guy who liked my way with people. I gave him solid advice on investing in real estate after finding out through some connections that properties were being sold under market value before they even hit the listings. So basically, he’d just hand me cash and I’d be off on "meetings"... or running errands and stuff. A lot of times I was just the driver too, whenever we had to head out on long trips... You think "promising" means something smart... nah, it just meant I always had way more money than everyone else because if I actually cared about learning something... it wasn't happening... not at work and definitely not in college.

Joseph Bailey41 said:none

I pulled out the parts of the post I thought were most important. So, basically, you feel like at 29, your life is somehow over—like you can't top the successes you've already had, so there's no point in trying anymore. But then again, someone else still expects things from you, and if your own expectations don't line up with everyone else's—especially if you aren't on Instagram projecting some perfect version of your life—then it feels like you've just broken down.

I'm not saying you've actually "broken," like it's a clinical diagnosis. It's just how it feels to you in this moment. You're confused, and that's it. Your brain is probably a little fried from everything you've put it through—legal or otherwise—so it needs some time to reset. Go take a walk in a park, touch some grass, or something. Get a dog. Or a cat. Maybe a parrot. Just don't try to get all of them at once.🤣

Never even had FB... Not even when I was "successful"... I just don't like it... I'm HOPING you were being sarcastic about that part....

I love dogs... I used to have a Lab and a Cane Corso.. you get what I mean... I can't just get a dog to pull me out of this mess, because then what? You gotta look after that animal for the next 10 years.. and I don't even know where I'll be tomorrow... It wouldn't be fair.. not to the animal...

I mentioned my ex because she was the one who could pull me out of the shit... one of the few good things about that relationship... and she'd kickstart me whenever I stalled.. this isn't the first time... but it's the worst yet...

Morally speaking, that apartment is mine... legally, it belongs to my old man... I can't start fixing it up until I get the green light from my parents, who basically live on another planet... I love them, but they're both honestly institutions.

I don't want a new relationship, nor am I ready for one... But through everything I've been through, I've completely lost trust in women.. seen too much of it.. experienced it myself too.. and I think the only success in life that would actually fulfill me is having a family...

So, probably the first steps would be buying some new clothes and finding a job... But the thing is... I don't know how to do anything.. seriously.. I mean, I learn fast and I'm decent at business stuff, but if someone asked me point-blank what I can do, I wouldn't know what to say.. maybe that's just a naive problem among many.. who knows..

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Michael Davis13 said:Looks fade, but true character lasts forever. 😁

Give me a break..

Basically, I just feel useless and burnt out without having actually achieved anything in life...

I've got the potential to "buy" some peace of mind... but even that's starting to make me wonder if I can..

Not sure why I'm even bringing this up... I just have this weird feeling my ex-fiancée would fit right into all of this. It's just a thought in my head, though. Honestly, I doubt it would work in reality. That relationship was nothing but mutual abuse and exploitation...

It’s getting hard to even look in the mirror. I’ve spent my whole life being athletic, staying around 175 lbs with about 10-12% body fat. Now I’m down to 145. My digestive system is a total mess. My doctor says it's definitely some kind of chronic bowel disease, plus I've been dealing with gastritis and an eroded esophagus for a while now. So then I start obsessing over some stupid nonsense and I just snap.

I'm also dealing with seizures... my EEG results weren't great either. I ended up using benzos because they helped me mask the alcohol withdrawal syndrome quickly, but then I started having seizures even when I wasn't drinking...

Anyway, I have no clue what kind of lifestyle I should be aiming for. It's never too late to fix the body. But I'm trying to rely on my memory a bit... Last time I tried to get back into it, I jumped straight into max 1RM training during the first month. I was pushing 135 on bench and stuff, and I ended up tearing a bicep tendon dead in its tracks.

So now I just can't bring myself to train. Actually, even typing this is a struggle... What kills me most is figuring out what to actually do for a living. I don't have any real skills and I'm not getting any younger. I'd much rather be a tradesman or something. I have a degree, but it has absolutely nothing to do with anything useful.

That apartment is basically ours... just gotta sort out some paperwork and fix up the interior (I’ve still got plenty of cash set aside for that)... My folks are breathing down my neck, though; they see selling the place as the only way to clear their debts.

The crowd I'm running with is starting to suffocate me... It's just booze and hookups, 24/7. In my personal life and at work. I can't deal with it anymore... I don't feel "on" anymore... Not that I don't get why they do it, though.

Quitting my job was my call. No biggie. Just signed up for unemployment today for the first time ever... didn't even realize I'd be getting 70% of my take-home pay for three months.

Honestly, I don't even know what I was trying to say... It's just hard to get moving and find any motivation.

Haha, my bad.😵

I'm 29 years old....

I've been through the ringer... had a killer athletic career as a kid, a promising business career later on, a solid long-term relationship... then came the heavy stuff: chronic pain (yeah, I deal with that), brutal injuries, losing key people close to me (within the last year), and getting dumped by my fiancée... plus gambling, booze, and drugs... now all that's left is a benzo habit I picked up to manage withdrawal just so I could keep drinking...

Everyone around me knows I'm "off." My recent flings have all been taken women—honestly, I did it like a bet because I was just desperate for some affection... People don't realize I actually cared about how they'd react to me. After all this time, I still love my ex, but I'm mostly over it...

I’ve always been "talented" at something... and everyone expects me to keep chasing that high. But I'm stuck in limbo, bouncing between cities for work and basically living in my parents' house, which is a total pigsty and I can never find anything. I'm completely lost, sick, and miserable... though I'm not like this when I'm out. The "cool kids" still want to hang with me, but nowadays, if you aren't part of the management crowd or partying and sleeping around with them, you're nothing... and I just can't do that anymore...

I realized I could move back to my hometown and grab the apartment I used to share with my ex (mostly for the location and the spot, not for the trauma). I quit my job a few weeks ago thinking I'd "get my act together," but I'm still struggling... Basically, I tell people I'm going to sell my sports car for a basic commuter just so I can find a low-stress, lower-paying job near home. I spent half my life stuck in traffic driving all over the country... I just want to be alone. I've stopped looking at the girls everyone else obsesses over; I'm done competing for them. I'm mostly just living in sweats now, and honestly, it works for me...

I don't know if this makes sense, but I just want to tear down my own standards and find some peace. I want to be my own man, something I've never been. Dating feels impossible; I don't think I'll ever love someone deeply or trust anyone again, but I'm okay with that. I'm bursting at the seams from all these ambitions that feel totally pointless now... Even moving back and finding a job feels like climbing Everest. My phone's been off for seven days straight... I'm off social media... I don't know... I think I've finally snapped. 🤦

Adam Richardson said:My wife caught some kind of STI, but we haven't even touched each other in like 2 or 3 months.

How do you catch an STI if you aren't having sex? She’s claiming it’s because of her period. Can you get an infection from your period? Maybe I'm just being dense, someone please set me straight.

She’s got tons of free time since she isn't working (I pull all the weight here), so she’s always out and about—grabbing coffee with friends or hanging at her parents' place...

If it's Candida, that stuff lives in your body naturally. If your immune system takes a hit, it starts overgrowing and turns into an infection...
You gotta figure out if it's an opportunistic infection or an actual STI.