Am I sick? (Long post)

I'm 29 years old....

I've been through the ringer... had a killer athletic career as a kid, a promising business career later on, a solid long-term relationship... then came the heavy stuff: chronic pain (yeah, I deal with that), brutal injuries, losing key people close to me (within the last year), and getting dumped by my fiancée... plus gambling, booze, and drugs... now all that's left is a benzo habit I picked up to manage withdrawal just so I could keep drinking...

Everyone around me knows I'm "off." My recent flings have all been taken women—honestly, I did it like a bet because I was just desperate for some affection... People don't realize I actually cared about how they'd react to me. After all this time, I still love my ex, but I'm mostly over it...

I’ve always been "talented" at something... and everyone expects me to keep chasing that high. But I'm stuck in limbo, bouncing between cities for work and basically living in my parents' house, which is a total pigsty and I can never find anything. I'm completely lost, sick, and miserable... though I'm not like this when I'm out. The "cool kids" still want to hang with me, but nowadays, if you aren't part of the management crowd or partying and sleeping around with them, you're nothing... and I just can't do that anymore...

I realized I could move back to my hometown and grab the apartment I used to share with my ex (mostly for the location and the spot, not for the trauma). I quit my job a few weeks ago thinking I'd "get my act together," but I'm still struggling... Basically, I tell people I'm going to sell my sports car for a basic commuter just so I can find a low-stress, lower-paying job near home. I spent half my life stuck in traffic driving all over the country... I just want to be alone. I've stopped looking at the girls everyone else obsesses over; I'm done competing for them. I'm mostly just living in sweats now, and honestly, it works for me...

I don't know if this makes sense, but I just want to tear down my own standards and find some peace. I want to be my own man, something I've never been. Dating feels impossible; I don't think I'll ever love someone deeply or trust anyone again, but I'm okay with that. I'm bursting at the seams from all these ambitions that feel totally pointless now... Even moving back and finding a job feels like climbing Everest. My phone's been off for seven days straight... I'm off social media... I don't know... I think I've finally snapped. 🤦

Look, let’s break this down one by one—tell me what’s actually weighing on you the most right now so we can dig into it together.
Losing a job, moving across the country, trying to buy a house... those are massive life shifts, man, and you're tossing them out there like they're nothing...
Are you just burnt out? Is it because things aren't clicking? Like, people, fake vibes, a breakup, feeling lonely, just straight-up stress...?
Give me some more detail, just take it one thing at a time...😉

That apartment is basically ours... just gotta sort out some paperwork and fix up the interior (I’ve still got plenty of cash set aside for that)... My folks are breathing down my neck, though; they see selling the place as the only way to clear their debts.

The crowd I'm running with is starting to suffocate me... It's just booze and hookups, 24/7. In my personal life and at work. I can't deal with it anymore... I don't feel "on" anymore... Not that I don't get why they do it, though.

Quitting my job was my call. No biggie. Just signed up for unemployment today for the first time ever... didn't even realize I'd be getting 70% of my take-home pay for three months.

Honestly, I don't even know what I was trying to say... It's just hard to get moving and find any motivation.

Haha, my bad.😵

Not sure why I'm even bringing this up... I just have this weird feeling my ex-fiancée would fit right into all of this. It's just a thought in my head, though. Honestly, I doubt it would work in reality. That relationship was nothing but mutual abuse and exploitation...

It’s getting hard to even look in the mirror. I’ve spent my whole life being athletic, staying around 175 lbs with about 10-12% body fat. Now I’m down to 145. My digestive system is a total mess. My doctor says it's definitely some kind of chronic bowel disease, plus I've been dealing with gastritis and an eroded esophagus for a while now. So then I start obsessing over some stupid nonsense and I just snap.

I'm also dealing with seizures... my EEG results weren't great either. I ended up using benzos because they helped me mask the alcohol withdrawal syndrome quickly, but then I started having seizures even when I wasn't drinking...

Anyway, I have no clue what kind of lifestyle I should be aiming for. It's never too late to fix the body. But I'm trying to rely on my memory a bit... Last time I tried to get back into it, I jumped straight into max 1RM training during the first month. I was pushing 135 on bench and stuff, and I ended up tearing a bicep tendon dead in its tracks.

So now I just can't bring myself to train. Actually, even typing this is a struggle... What kills me most is figuring out what to actually do for a living. I don't have any real skills and I'm not getting any younger. I'd much rather be a tradesman or something. I have a degree, but it has absolutely nothing to do with anything useful.

Kevin Wells81 said:I'm 29 years old....

I've been through the ringer... had a killer athletic career as a kid, a promising business career later on, a solid long-term relationship... then came the heavy stuff: chronic pain (yeah, I deal with that), brutal injuries, losing key people close to me (within the last year), and getting dumped by my fiancée... plus gambling, booze, and drugs... now all that's left is a benzo habit I picked up to manage withdrawal just so I could keep drinking...

Everyone around me knows I'm "off." My recent flings have all been taken women—honestly, I did it like a bet because I was just desperate for some affection... People don't realize I actually cared about how they'd react to me. After all this time, I still love my ex, but I'm mostly over it...

I’ve always been "talented" at something... and everyone expects me to keep chasing that high. But I'm stuck in limbo, bouncing between cities for work and basically living in my parents' house, which is a total pigsty and I can never find anything. I'm completely lost, sick, and miserable... though I'm not like this when I'm out. The "cool kids" still want to hang with me, but nowadays, if you aren't part of the management crowd or partying and sleeping around with them, you're nothing... and I just can't do that anymore...

I realized I could move back to my hometown and grab the apartment I used to share with my ex (mostly for the location and the spot, not for the trauma). I quit my job a few weeks ago thinking I'd "get my act together," but I'm still struggling... Basically, I tell people I'm going to sell my sports car for a basic commuter just so I can find a low-stress, lower-paying job near home. I spent half my life stuck in traffic driving all over the country... I just want to be alone. I've stopped looking at the girls everyone else obsesses over; I'm done competing for them. I'm mostly just living in sweats now, and honestly, it works for me...

I don't know if this makes sense, but I just want to tear down my own standards and find some peace. I want to be my own man, something I've never been. Dating feels impossible; I don't think I'll ever love someone deeply or trust anyone again, but I'm okay with that. I'm bursting at the seams from all these ambitions that feel totally pointless now... Even moving back and finding a job feels like climbing Everest. My phone's been off for seven days straight... I'm off social media... I don't know... I think I've finally snapped. 🤦

Looks fade, but true character lasts forever. 😁

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Michael Davis13 said:Looks fade, but true character lasts forever. 😁

Give me a break..

Basically, I just feel useless and burnt out without having actually achieved anything in life...

I've got the potential to "buy" some peace of mind... but even that's starting to make me wonder if I can..

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Kevin Wells81 said:I'm 29 years old....

I've been through the ringer... had a killer athletic career as a kid, a promising business career later on, a solid long-term relationship... then came the heavy stuff: chronic pain (yeah, I deal with that), brutal injuries, losing key people close to me (within the last year), and getting dumped by my fiancée... plus gambling, booze, and drugs... now all that's left is a benzo habit I picked up to manage withdrawal just so I could keep drinking...

Everyone around me knows I'm "off." My recent flings have all been taken women—honestly, I did it like a bet because I was just desperate for some affection... People don't realize I actually cared about how they'd react to me. After all this time, I still love my ex, but I'm mostly over it...

I’ve always been "talented" at something... and everyone expects me to keep chasing that high. But I'm stuck in limbo, bouncing between cities for work and basically living in my parents' house, which is a total pigsty and I can never find anything. I'm completely lost, sick, and miserable... though I'm not like this when I'm out. The "cool kids" still want to hang with me, but nowadays, if you aren't part of the management crowd or partying and sleeping around with them, you're nothing... and I just can't do that anymore...

I realized I could move back to my hometown and grab the apartment I used to share with my ex (mostly for the location and the spot, not for the trauma). I quit my job a few weeks ago thinking I'd "get my act together," but I'm still struggling... Basically, I tell people I'm going to sell my sports car for a basic commuter just so I can find a low-stress, lower-paying job near home. I spent half my life stuck in traffic driving all over the country... I just want to be alone. I've stopped looking at the girls everyone else obsesses over; I'm done competing for them. I'm mostly just living in sweats now, and honestly, it works for me...

I don't know if this makes sense, but I just want to tear down my own standards and find some peace. I want to be my own man, something I've never been. Dating feels impossible; I don't think I'll ever love someone deeply or trust anyone again, but I'm okay with that. I'm bursting at the seams from all these ambitions that feel totally pointless now... Even moving back and finding a job feels like climbing Everest. My phone's been off for seven days straight... I'm off social media... I don't know... I think I've finally snapped. 🤦

Ugh! You talk about your ex way too much; it sounds like a canned excuse to me. You can't keep blaming others forever for where you are right now.
It’s fine to be a mess sometimes, it’s fine to live in sweats, it’s fine to switch careers, but it’s also fine to climb out of that hole.

At first glance, it seems like you’re just exhausted by life and your own baggage. But on the other hand, I suspect you’re actually afraid of life—afraid of starting over, and afraid of the expectations other people have that you currently can't meet.
Fear is basically the stress that extinguishes the very last spark of life inside you.

If I were in your shoes, I’d give myself a short deadline to pull myself together.
Get a grip and get organized first. Start with your apartment and then move to yourself.
Clean yourself up, buy some new clothes—you wouldn't believe how much simply presenting yourself differently to the world can impact your internal state. Plus, people will start treating you differently. Clean your room. You can do it bit by bit, a little every day. Once you do that, things will start feeling clearer in your head.
First off, go out there and land a job—but don't just settle for any paycheck. You need to define a real, tangible goal in your mind, something to actually strive for. You need a reason to get up and fight every single day!
If your ultimate dream is a peaceful career paired with a tranquil lifestyle, then you better start taking decisive action right now to make that happen.

Now, let’s talk about the dating side of things. Once you really get your act together—once you actually take pride in your work and pursue those big ambitions—people notice. It’s almost magnetic, isn't it? When you have purpose, you carry yourself differently; you literally radiate a different energy. And trust me on this: once that happens, women will start to take notice of you.
That shift alone will be more than enough to shake you out of your emotional hibernation and finally wake up your love life.

Try to view your current struggles—all those setbacks and problems—not as heavy weights dragging you down, but as challenges waiting to be conquered.👍

Best of luck!

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Kevin Wells81 said:I'm 29 years old....

I've been through the ringer... had a killer athletic career as a kid, a promising business career later on, a solid long-term relationship... then came the heavy stuff: chronic pain (yeah, I deal with that), brutal injuries, losing key people close to me (within the last year), and getting dumped by my fiancée... plus gambling, booze, and drugs... now all that's left is a benzo habit I picked up to manage withdrawal just so I could keep drinking...

Everyone around me knows I'm "off." My recent flings have all been taken women—honestly, I did it like a bet because I was just desperate for some affection... People don't realize I actually cared about how they'd react to me. After all this time, I still love my ex, but I'm mostly over it...

I’ve always been "talented" at something... and everyone expects me to keep chasing that high. But I'm stuck in limbo, bouncing between cities for work and basically living in my parents' house, which is a total pigsty and I can never find anything. I'm completely lost, sick, and miserable... though I'm not like this when I'm out. The "cool kids" still want to hang with me, but nowadays, if you aren't part of the management crowd or partying and sleeping around with them, you're nothing... and I just can't do that anymore...

I realized I could move back to my hometown and grab the apartment I used to share with my ex (mostly for the location and the spot, not for the trauma). I quit my job a few weeks ago thinking I'd "get my act together," but I'm still struggling... Basically, I tell people I'm going to sell my sports car for a basic commuter just so I can find a low-stress, lower-paying job near home. I spent half my life stuck in traffic driving all over the country... I just want to be alone. I've stopped looking at the girls everyone else obsesses over; I'm done competing for them. I'm mostly just living in sweats now, and honestly, it works for me...

I don't know if this makes sense, but I just want to tear down my own standards and find some peace. I want to be my own man, something I've never been. Dating feels impossible; I don't think I'll ever love someone deeply or trust anyone again, but I'm okay with that. I'm bursting at the seams from all these ambitions that feel totally pointless now... Even moving back and finding a job feels like climbing Everest. My phone's been off for seven days straight... I'm off social media... I don't know... I think I've finally snapped. 🤦

I pulled out the parts of the post I thought were most important. So, basically, you feel like at 29, your life is somehow over—like you can't top the successes you've already had, so there's no point in trying anymore. But then again, someone else still expects things from you, and if your own expectations don't line up with everyone else's—especially if you aren't on Instagram projecting some perfect version of your life—then it feels like you've just broken down.

I'm not saying you've actually "broken," like it's a clinical diagnosis. It's just how it feels to you in this moment. You're confused, and that's it. Your brain is probably a little fried from everything you've put it through—legal or otherwise—so it needs some time to reset. Go take a walk in a park, touch some grass, or something. Get a dog. Or a cat. Maybe a parrot. Just don't try to get all of them at once.🤣

Joseph Bailey41 said:none

I pulled out the parts of the post I thought were most important. So, basically, you feel like at 29, your life is somehow over—like you can't top the successes you've already had, so there's no point in trying anymore. But then again, someone else still expects things from you, and if your own expectations don't line up with everyone else's—especially if you aren't on Instagram projecting some perfect version of your life—then it feels like you've just broken down.

I'm not saying you've actually "broken," like it's a clinical diagnosis. It's just how it feels to you in this moment. You're confused, and that's it. Your brain is probably a little fried from everything you've put it through—legal or otherwise—so it needs some time to reset. Go take a walk in a park, touch some grass, or something. Get a dog. Or a cat. Maybe a parrot. Just don't try to get all of them at once.🤣

Never even had FB... Not even when I was "successful"... I just don't like it... I'm HOPING you were being sarcastic about that part....

I love dogs... I used to have a Lab and a Cane Corso.. you get what I mean... I can't just get a dog to pull me out of this mess, because then what? You gotta look after that animal for the next 10 years.. and I don't even know where I'll be tomorrow... It wouldn't be fair.. not to the animal...

I mentioned my ex because she was the one who could pull me out of the shit... one of the few good things about that relationship... and she'd kickstart me whenever I stalled.. this isn't the first time... but it's the worst yet...

Morally speaking, that apartment is mine... legally, it belongs to my old man... I can't start fixing it up until I get the green light from my parents, who basically live on another planet... I love them, but they're both honestly institutions.

I don't want a new relationship, nor am I ready for one... But through everything I've been through, I've completely lost trust in women.. seen too much of it.. experienced it myself too.. and I think the only success in life that would actually fulfill me is having a family...

So, probably the first steps would be buying some new clothes and finding a job... But the thing is... I don't know how to do anything.. seriously.. I mean, I learn fast and I'm decent at business stuff, but if someone asked me point-blank what I can do, I wouldn't know what to say.. maybe that's just a naive problem among many.. who knows..

Kevin Wells81 said:Never even had FB... Not even when I was "successful"... I just don't like it... I'm HOPING you were being sarcastic about that part....

I love dogs... I used to have a Lab and a Cane Corso.. you get what I mean... I can't just get a dog to pull me out of this mess, because then what? You gotta look after that animal for the next 10 years.. and I don't even know where I'll be tomorrow... It wouldn't be fair.. not to the animal...

I mentioned my ex because she was the one who could pull me out of the shit... one of the few good things about that relationship... and she'd kickstart me whenever I stalled.. this isn't the first time... but it's the worst yet...

Morally speaking, that apartment is mine... legally, it belongs to my old man... I can't start fixing it up until I get the green light from my parents, who basically live on another planet... I love them, but they're both honestly institutions.

I don't want a new relationship, nor am I ready for one... But through everything I've been through, I've completely lost trust in women.. seen too much of it.. experienced it myself too.. and I think the only success in life that would actually fulfill me is having a family...

So, probably the first steps would be buying some new clothes and finding a job... But the thing is... I don't know how to do anything.. seriously.. I mean, I learn fast and I'm decent at business stuff, but if someone asked me point-blank what I can do, I wouldn't know what to say.. maybe that's just a naive problem among many.. who knows..

Come on, I get it—you're pining for an ex who didn't give you kids, which is apparently the only thing that matters to you, and now every other woman is just a distraction who doesn't measure up. 😬

But I don't get how you can claim you don't know how to work when you supposedly had such a "promising career." What did you actually do at your last job? Dealing in white powder? 🤔

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Joseph Bailey41 said:Come on, I get it—you're pining for an ex who didn't give you kids, which is apparently the only thing that matters to you, and now every other woman is just a distraction who doesn't measure up. 😬

But I don't get how you can claim you don't know how to work when you supposedly had such a "promising career." What did you actually do at your last job? Dealing in white powder? 🤔

When I said no one compares to her... that's not what I meant... I wouldn't ever get back with her...

I wasn't doing anything illegal... I was in management for two companies owned by a guy who liked my way with people. I gave him solid advice on investing in real estate after finding out through some connections that properties were being sold under market value before they even hit the listings. So basically, he’d just hand me cash and I’d be off on "meetings"... or running errands and stuff. A lot of times I was just the driver too, whenever we had to head out on long trips... You think "promising" means something smart... nah, it just meant I always had way more money than everyone else because if I actually cared about learning something... it wasn't happening... not at work and definitely not in college.

I can hold my own in English, Spanish, and Italian
I'm a solid driver, too
My communication skills are on point

That's pretty much the gist of it :/

Man, you’re totally cracking under the pressure.

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Kevin Wells81 said:I can hold my own in English, Spanish, and Italian
I'm a solid driver, too
My communication skills are on point

That's pretty much the gist of it :/

Look, you clearly have some skills. Now you just need to sit down, be honest with yourself, and figure out what kind of career you actually want—something more substantial than just selling smoke and mirrors like you have been. You aren't getting any younger, and looks won't carry you forever. The chances of someone hiring you just to have you sit around looking pretty are shrinking, and honestly, the odds of finding a partner who’s willing to bail you out of the messes you make for yourself are getting slimmer by the day.☕

Sarah Nguyen96 said:Man, you’re totally cracking under the pressure.

I know... so what? What am I supposed to do, end it all? Or go look for some "professional" help? 🙄

@Leteća

Thanks for the advice, but I doubt sitting around and thinking is gonna fix anything... it never works out well... turns from sitting to lying down pretty fast 🤣🤣
You really think I'm gonna find an answer on the internet?

I get that time flies... most of my looks are already gone... at least my athletic build is still there... though that doesn't do much for my confidence...

Someone said I'm scared... I'm not afraid of anything, but yeah, I'm under massive stress and have zero clue where to start...

Kevin Wells81 said:Never even had FB... Not even when I was "successful"... I just don't like it... I'm HOPING you were being sarcastic about that part....

I love dogs... I used to have a Lab and a Cane Corso.. you get what I mean... I can't just get a dog to pull me out of this mess, because then what? You gotta look after that animal for the next 10 years.. and I don't even know where I'll be tomorrow... It wouldn't be fair.. not to the animal...

I mentioned my ex because she was the one who could pull me out of the shit... one of the few good things about that relationship... and she'd kickstart me whenever I stalled.. this isn't the first time... but it's the worst yet...

Morally speaking, that apartment is mine... legally, it belongs to my old man... I can't start fixing it up until I get the green light from my parents, who basically live on another planet... I love them, but they're both honestly institutions.

I don't want a new relationship, nor am I ready for one... But through everything I've been through, I've completely lost trust in women.. seen too much of it.. experienced it myself too.. and I think the only success in life that would actually fulfill me is having a family...

So, probably the first steps would be buying some new clothes and finding a job... But the thing is... I don't know how to do anything.. seriously.. I mean, I learn fast and I'm decent at business stuff, but if someone asked me point-blank what I can do, I wouldn't know what to say.. maybe that's just a naive problem among many.. who knows..

Why are your parents so stuck in their ways? And what "institution" are we even talking about here?

If you don't trust women, how on earth are you going to build a family?

As for the job situation—you've clearly done work before; you just need to figure out how to pitch those skills better.

If you show a genuine hunger to learn (and you should tell a potential employer that; they can spot it immediately), I really don't think you'll have trouble finding work.
You might have to start with something entry-level or lower paying, but the most important thing is just getting your foot in the door.

It sounds like you've fallen into a deep depression, but if you have the will to fight, you can absolutely climb your way out of it.

analogviper9 said:Why are your parents so stuck in their ways? And what "institution" are we even talking about here?

If you don't trust women, how on earth are you going to build a family?

As for the job situation—you've clearly done work before; you just need to figure out how to pitch those skills better.

If you show a genuine hunger to learn (and you should tell a potential employer that; they can spot it immediately), I really don't think you'll have trouble finding work.
You might have to start with something entry-level or lower paying, but the most important thing is just getting your foot in the door.

It sounds like you've fallen into a deep depression, but if you have the will to fight, you can absolutely climb your way out of it.

Because they don't talk to anyone, let alone each other... I don't know what kind of support they'd even want... Honestly, they were more like a burden since I had to handle everything around the house... Total dead weight... They also racked up massive debt, though that's not my problem right now... Both of them deal with heavy depression too.

That’s both true. I want to learn, and obviously, I need a decent paycheck to cover basic living costs... As long as I feel useful and actually give a damn about what I'm doing, I'm good.

I can try to pull myself out... I've got the will, but I've lost my faith... damn... and maybe faith is the most important part... I don't mean in Bob, but in actually succeeding.

Kevin Wells81 said:Because they don't talk to anyone, let alone each other... I don't know what kind of support they'd even want... Honestly, they were more like a burden since I had to handle everything around the house... Total dead weight... They also racked up massive debt, though that's not my problem right now... Both of them deal with heavy depression too.

That’s both true. I want to learn, and obviously, I need a decent paycheck to cover basic living costs... As long as I feel useful and actually give a damn about what I'm doing, I'm good.

I can try to pull myself out... I've got the will, but I've lost my faith... damn... and maybe faith is the most important part... I don't mean in Bob, but in actually succeeding.

So, it sounds like your parents definitely need some help. Are they working at all? And how big is this debt we're talking about? Could they apply for a loan from a bank, or perhaps sell something off? They really need to take action here, because sweeping everything under the rug is never going to solve anything.

As for your career situation—I don't know exactly what you studied—but put together a solid resume and start putting yourself out there.
If you say you're good at communicating with people, then surely presenting yourself well or pitching your skills to potential employers won't be an issue for you.

Regarding faith—of course you need it. You need faith in yourself and in a higher power (Bob). Without that, you can't lead a truly healthy life.

analogviper9 said:So, it sounds like your parents definitely need some help. Are they working at all? And how big is this debt we're talking about? Could they apply for a loan from a bank, or perhaps sell something off? They really need to take action here, because sweeping everything under the rug is never going to solve anything.

As for your career situation—I don't know exactly what you studied—but put together a solid resume and start putting yourself out there.
If you say you're good at communicating with people, then surely presenting yourself well or pitching your skills to potential employers won't be an issue for you.

Regarding faith—of course you need it. You need faith in yourself and in a higher power (Bob). Without that, you can't lead a truly healthy life.

I get that nothing happens without faith... Every successful person I know has it first and foremost... I don't, damn... It's a huge issue...

Pitching myself won't be the hard part... Honestly, my only move is to clean myself up as much as possible and start knocking on doors... while I still have a few people left who'll actually give me advice...

I get where my parents are at... But I can't even help myself, let alone them when they refuse to listen... A few years back, I had a plan for the finances, but they wouldn't let me manage the assets... Even now, after all my mistakes and "good advice," they still won't trust me... The debt is astronomical...

Kevin Wells81 said:Not sure why I'm even bringing this up... I just have this weird feeling my ex-fiancée would fit right into all of this. It's just a thought in my head, though. Honestly, I doubt it would work in reality. That relationship was nothing but mutual abuse and exploitation...

It’s getting hard to even look in the mirror. I’ve spent my whole life being athletic, staying around 175 lbs with about 10-12% body fat. Now I’m down to 145. My digestive system is a total mess. My doctor says it's definitely some kind of chronic bowel disease, plus I've been dealing with gastritis and an eroded esophagus for a while now. So then I start obsessing over some stupid nonsense and I just snap.

I'm also dealing with seizures... my EEG results weren't great either. I ended up using benzos because they helped me mask the alcohol withdrawal syndrome quickly, but then I started having seizures even when I wasn't drinking...

Anyway, I have no clue what kind of lifestyle I should be aiming for. It's never too late to fix the body. But I'm trying to rely on my memory a bit... Last time I tried to get back into it, I jumped straight into max 1RM training during the first month. I was pushing 135 on bench and stuff, and I ended up tearing a bicep tendon dead in its tracks.

So now I just can't bring myself to train. Actually, even typing this is a struggle... What kills me most is figuring out what to actually do for a living. I don't have any real skills and I'm not getting any younger. I'd much rather be a tradesman or something. I have a degree, but it has absolutely nothing to do with anything useful.

Family—when parents pass away, who's stuck with their massive debt? Is it Saint Peter, the government, or you? If it’s the third option, you definitely have a say in how the money and assets get handled.

Health—you've really run yourself into the ground. If you actually want a better life, take care of yourself. Forget the gym and the muscles for a second. Your health is the only thing you truly own, and you're throwing it away.

Career—everything you've done up to this point hasn't taught you much besides some languages. Try putting those skills to use, and prepare to start from scratch with everything else. Are you ready for that? Honestly, maybe a total change of scenery wouldn't be bad either... even moving abroad.

Relationships—once you get yourself sorted, that part will follow. But you need to realize that not all women are the same and stop making the same old mistakes. And if you actually want a wife and kids, you've got to ditch the vices and the pills.

Just find some peace. Let go of those old ambitions and the need to impress people who don't matter. Why carry that weight? It serves no purpose. Your life belongs to you. You aren't living for others, you're living for yourself... and hopefully, you want something better for yourself than what you've had so far. If not, you really should.