How to build self-confidence and get my life together in my late 20s
in Psychology & Therapy ·
Let me offer one very straightforward solution for a single issue—do not endure a lack of water; simply pull out your wallet and buy a water tank. You have the funds, as you mentioned—so you can shower in peace, and frankly, it will be a relief to everyone else too.
Furthermore, I believe it is entirely reasonable to first establish whether you are actually friends with someone before attempting to build any sexual components upon that foundation.
Now, personally, I tend to involve sex quite rapidly because that is what works for me—however, the reality remains that I still do not truly know the person. For a genuine connection to develop, one requires time—not just for time to pass, but specifically for quality time spent together and, more importantly, the depth of the topics discussed. Movies and music certainly do not provide a way to test how well you actually mesh with someone.
So, please, consider what is being said here. If the conversation is hollow, it is hardly surprising that you aren't feeling anything intellectually.
If they haven't made a move on you immediately—if they haven't approached you—then you are operating on a different wavelength, and that is perfectly acceptable.
There is something perhaps worth reminding ourselves of: when you tell someone you "like" them, what you are actually saying is, "I like what I have encountered so far." The same applies to saying "I love you." People love to interpret those phrases as an acceptance of a "complete being" in their entirety, but it is truly impossible to "know a person" in just a few months; at most, you can only "know a person as they exist in this specific moment."
Just as a reminder—even if you spend years in wonderful companionship with someone, you still do not know them completely—though I sincerely hope that after such time, you know them quite well. What I mean is, you have not seen that person in every possible situation, nor have you seen yourself in every possible situation, nor observed how you both react together under all circumstances.
Some people never truly connect even after thirty years; others bond within a matter of weeks.
And if you stop placing the burden on yourself of "I must first fully know someone," and instead simply see if you need an introduction rather than needing to know a "whole person"—or perhaps more precisely, that someone needs to pass certain internal tests of yours, which requires time. However, if you truly hit it off, you can move through those tests very quickly; you don't necessarily need years.
Proceed at whatever pace suits you, and if you wish to try something different, then by all means, try it.
Intimacy does indeed occur through sex. However, it is also true that for many, the experience of that person will diminish significantly after sex—especially once you realize they are selfish, monotonous, or uninterested in you.
For instance, that has become my own reason for being perfectly fine with sleeping with someone attractive quite early—it is so that I do not harbor delusions about who they are, but rather use the bedroom as a testing ground. There is as much bad sex out there as there is mud. But, there is also good sex; and when you encounter someone for whom you are a goddess, and to whom you give equal devotion, in that moment, everything else in ordinary life seems to fall into place, and you find yourself wanting to spend more time with them. It becomes entirely natural to want to be together, so if you do not feel that pull, do not force it; you will recognize it when it happens.😉
And one more thing: try not to present yourself in a "better light." There is absolutely no need for acting; just be who you are, with all your joys and your fears. The person you truly click with will celebrate with you and offer you a shoulder to lean on, and you will do the same for them.
Furthermore, I believe it is entirely reasonable to first establish whether you are actually friends with someone before attempting to build any sexual components upon that foundation.
Now, personally, I tend to involve sex quite rapidly because that is what works for me—however, the reality remains that I still do not truly know the person. For a genuine connection to develop, one requires time—not just for time to pass, but specifically for quality time spent together and, more importantly, the depth of the topics discussed. Movies and music certainly do not provide a way to test how well you actually mesh with someone.
So, please, consider what is being said here. If the conversation is hollow, it is hardly surprising that you aren't feeling anything intellectually.
If they haven't made a move on you immediately—if they haven't approached you—then you are operating on a different wavelength, and that is perfectly acceptable.
There is something perhaps worth reminding ourselves of: when you tell someone you "like" them, what you are actually saying is, "I like what I have encountered so far." The same applies to saying "I love you." People love to interpret those phrases as an acceptance of a "complete being" in their entirety, but it is truly impossible to "know a person" in just a few months; at most, you can only "know a person as they exist in this specific moment."
Just as a reminder—even if you spend years in wonderful companionship with someone, you still do not know them completely—though I sincerely hope that after such time, you know them quite well. What I mean is, you have not seen that person in every possible situation, nor have you seen yourself in every possible situation, nor observed how you both react together under all circumstances.
Some people never truly connect even after thirty years; others bond within a matter of weeks.
And if you stop placing the burden on yourself of "I must first fully know someone," and instead simply see if you need an introduction rather than needing to know a "whole person"—or perhaps more precisely, that someone needs to pass certain internal tests of yours, which requires time. However, if you truly hit it off, you can move through those tests very quickly; you don't necessarily need years.
Proceed at whatever pace suits you, and if you wish to try something different, then by all means, try it.
Intimacy does indeed occur through sex. However, it is also true that for many, the experience of that person will diminish significantly after sex—especially once you realize they are selfish, monotonous, or uninterested in you.
For instance, that has become my own reason for being perfectly fine with sleeping with someone attractive quite early—it is so that I do not harbor delusions about who they are, but rather use the bedroom as a testing ground. There is as much bad sex out there as there is mud. But, there is also good sex; and when you encounter someone for whom you are a goddess, and to whom you give equal devotion, in that moment, everything else in ordinary life seems to fall into place, and you find yourself wanting to spend more time with them. It becomes entirely natural to want to be together, so if you do not feel that pull, do not force it; you will recognize it when it happens.😉
And one more thing: try not to present yourself in a "better light." There is absolutely no need for acting; just be who you are, with all your joys and your fears. The person you truly click with will celebrate with you and offer you a shoulder to lean on, and you will do the same for them.