How to be a good person without being a doormat
in Psychology ·
The author’s post reminded me of my old self from a few years back. I used to be the one helping everyone, but it never felt fulfilling—just exhausting. I ended up feeling used. Then I realized that when someone does something for me without being asked, I feel such an intense sense of obligation that I spend the rest of my life trying to pay them back.
It was a wake-up call. I wasn't actually being a "good person" out of the goodness of my heart; my self-esteem was just low enough that I thought being useful was the only way people would accept me. Spoilers: it doesn't work, and it isn't worth it.
It takes a lot of mental heavy lifting to shake that inferiority complex and accept that we don't owe the world our service. But you have to do the work, otherwise, the person playing the "benefactor" just ends up feeling miserable.
In this specific situation, it feels like the author just didn't want to deal with the hassle of moving furniture, so they're letting someone else handle the grunt work while they play the saint.
If I owned the place, I wouldn't want to deal with the headache of lugging someone else's gift around either, but I wouldn't have the heart to sell it.
It was a wake-up call. I wasn't actually being a "good person" out of the goodness of my heart; my self-esteem was just low enough that I thought being useful was the only way people would accept me. Spoilers: it doesn't work, and it isn't worth it.
It takes a lot of mental heavy lifting to shake that inferiority complex and accept that we don't owe the world our service. But you have to do the work, otherwise, the person playing the "benefactor" just ends up feeling miserable.
In this specific situation, it feels like the author just didn't want to deal with the hassle of moving furniture, so they're letting someone else handle the grunt work while they play the saint.
If I owned the place, I wouldn't want to deal with the headache of lugging someone else's gift around either, but I wouldn't have the heart to sell it.